In what may be the greatest hockey-related crime of all-time, a man dressed in full goalie gear robbed a beer store in Canada.
News about the larceny, which occurred on August 15, was published in a local Canadian newspaper, with a headline of “Hockey night at the Russell Beer Store.” It gets funnier.
During the first Coach’s Corner segment of the season (now half as long! Thank you, Sportsnet), outspoken analyst and big Maple Leafs fan Don Cherry discussed the Leafs’ approach to drafting under the new regime. As always, it was hilarious, maybe even intentionally so.
And, yes, the Caps were even mentioned.
Last week I solicited Sochi predictions from the non-Olympians on the Washington Capitals. It was apparent that the Caps locker room was united. Almost every player was Canadian.
“Canada all the way,” Brooks Laich told me then. “Canada’s going to lay a beat down.”
That’s why this morning, I was not surprised to see that some of John Carlson‘s teammates messed with his locker ahead of the Team USA/Canada game today. Above Carlson’s gear, there was a piece of tape that read “GO CANADA” with a maple leaf drawn to the side.
That’s great, but the story doesn’t end there.
Defenseman Connor Carrick, who recently represented the U.S. in the World Junior Championships, noticed what was going on, ripped the tape off, and threw it in the trash.
Khabibulin vs. unsatisfactory soup (Photo credit: Andy Devlin)
On their first long road trip of the season, the Washington Capitals encountered some trouble from the Edmonton Oilers. With a perfect record so far, there was a lot on the line in the Canadian wilderness.
Karl Alzner opened it up with a wicked wrister from beyond the circles. Then, on the second 4-on-3 of the first period, Taylor Hall snuck one in from the back door. Jordan Eberle took a powerplay rebound and turned it into a goal. That’s it. Oilers end the Capitals streak 2-1.
Some things: they’re easy to hate. Cancer. James Mitchner novels. The Fanny Pack Family and their adorable moppets blocking the wrong side of the Metro escalators. Other things, it’s tougher. Like puppies. Or Canadians.
The Low Down: Seriously, it’s kinda hard to lay the h8 against our drunken, fur-trapping in-laws to the north, no? Geez, they’re just so gosh-darned cute, what with their doughnuts and whale-blubber lamps and huge land mass and commitment to human rights and all? Ah-DOR-able. Eh? But then there’s the Edmonton Oilers (4-2-2, 2nd in Northwest Division). For them we’ll make an exception.
The Legacy: If you’re under the age of 25, go stand in the corner and Google “Oilers 80’s.” Of course, that was then; the era of Sather and Gretzky and the rest winning the cup five times are long gone. These days the Oilers don’t so much strike fear in the hearts of opponents as they do sadness. So far this season, Edmonton is alone at the bottom of goals per game (1.7) of all NHL teams. And, until Tuesday at least, it looked like they couldn’t win a game in their own division. Of course, not all is bitter tears for the Oilers.
Photo via Brett Leonhardt on Twitter.
Alex Ovechkin sponsors a lot of things: hockey equipment (duh), razors, fancy t-shirts, banks, shoes with wavy soles. He has even lent his likeness to ESPN for a SportsCenter spot and his vocal stylings for an Eastern Motors commercial. Now there is something else to add to the list — giant Canadian candy bars.
Friday, former Capitals’ Web producer and back-up to the back-up to the back-up goalie Brett Leonhardt tweeted a photo of the new Ovi-themed packaging for Mr. Big Deal, a spinoff of Mr. Big bar which gets its name due to the fact it is, well, pretty freakin’ big.
We’re going to keep this one short and sweet. The Russian Machine thinks Mike Green is Canada’s Best Defenseman. Team Canada and Steve Yzerman thinks Mike Green isn’t even worth being in their the Top 7. Japers Rink thinks Mike Green was snubbed.
Simply put: Mike Green Doesn’t Get Any Respect. No Norris, No Olympics. What???!??! We here at RMNB are fed up. So with all these hopeless emotions filling our respective souls, we had to take these negatives and turn it into a positive. Thus after 20 hours of non-stop illustrating, sketching, and photoshopping, here is our latest shirt entitled “Canada’s Best Defenseman: Snubbed.” See the Full Size Graphic Below.
We are also Holding a Contest with this t-shirt design Until The Olympic Break: If you purchase this t-shirt and send us a photo of you in it, you go up on the website. No questions asked. If you get the shirt signed by Mike Green with photographic evidence accompanying it, you will enter a drawing (with the others who do so) to win a free t-shirt. If someone does the ultimate and gets Mike Green in this t-shirt with photographic evidence, you get two upper level tickets to an upcoming Caps game and a free t-shirt. And the Grand Prize would go to whoever manages to do so first. So who’s game? Caps Fans, It’s time to protest in style.
And oh yeah, one last thing, screw you Canada. We were going to root for Russia anyways.
Russian Machine Never Breaks is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
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