This summer, Alex Ovechkin signed an expensive, one-year endorsement deal with Bank Otkrytie. Four new soccer-focused commercials starring Ovechkin were released on Friday during the UEFA Euro 2016 tournament.
Three more commercials dropped yesterday and, good lord, THE TUBA ONE. DROP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND WATCH THIS NOW.
You know how when kids are young and cute their parents tell them to “make your mean face” and they scrunch up their little noses and furrow their little brows and everyone goes “aww, how adorable”? Yeah, the Caps made a commercial out of that concept. If you’ve watched them play on CSN Washington this season, you’ve probably seen it.
The commercial begins quietly, with the likes of Andre Burakovsky, John Carlson, and TJ Oshie trying to look serious and intimidating (but mostly appearing as though they’re trying to stifle a laugh). All’s quiet until, as if from the depths of Khazad-dûm, the steady doom-doom of war drums begins. Then the players make their mean faces. In total silence.
Until now. RMNB put its crack investigative team on the case and uncovered the original and totally unaltered cut of the commercial with the full audio intact. Enjoy.
During the first half of the Super Bowl, my favorite commercial was the Avocados From Mexico First Draft Ever ad. It was almost as funny as Chapelle Show’s Racial Draft. Taking place 4 billion years ago (give or take), Jerry Rice, Doug Flutie, and a caveman comment while delegations from across the planet make their animal selections.
Australia was up first and selected the kangaroo.
While Karl Alzner’s sunglasses were a thing, Alex Ovechkin‘s new earphones demanded our attention during warm-ups before the Winter Classic.
The Russian machine wore Beats by Dre’s new Powerbeats2 wireless earbuds, becoming what I think is the first hockey player to wear headphones on the ice. Look at Ovi breaking down walls.
We’re officially 29 days away from the Winter Classic. It’s time to chug vitamin water and start running 6-minute miles on the treadmill because that’s the only way you’re going to be able to physically handle the crush of Winter Classic promotional material coming your way. On this boring Wednesday night, NBC released a new commercial, the Caps wore their Winter Classic pants, and season-ticket holders got their awesomely designed tickets for the event.
It’s okay to be super excited– in fact, the way things are going this season, this might be the only thing worth being excited for all year.
When I started submitting rough ideas for our segments on CRL this summer, there was one subject I was determined to address: those great Washington Capitals commercials from the late 90’s. The story goes like this: in 1999, a little after Ted Leonsis first bought the team from Abe Polin, he commissioned Doug Liman, the dude who made that awesome Tiger Woods trick shot commercial for Nike and the director of The Bourne Identity, to do commercials for the Caps.
They were amaaaazing. Andrei Nikolishin and Steve Konowalchuk face-offed for salad. Chris Simon checked an old lady at a grocery store to defend Peter Bondra’s honor. And then there was Olie Kolzig.
Kolzig, who was one of my childhood heroes growing up, goes out on a romantic dinner with an actress playing his wife. Then Kolzig pours the wine, and that’s when the magic happens.
The gang. (Photo credit: @zoharfilm)
Editor’s note: The Washington Capitals fan base is a tight bunch. We have both super fans and normal people, but everybody comes together to watch the team blow a late lead. It’s a nice community like that. Recently, a few of those superfans shot a commercial for a local wine shop. We’ll let Nathan from the Brouwer Rangers take it away.
On a chilly, drizzly night in December, unbeknownst to all but a few fortunate souls, magic was happening behind the locked doors of an Arlington storefront. On Tuesday, that magic was revealed to the world in the form of this commercial for Arrowine, a local fine food and adult-beverage store. Give it a look. We’ll wait.
With the Sochi Olympics less than two months away, Nike is upping their promotion game. A few weeks ago, they debuted their English “Play Russian” ad. Wednesday, Alex Ovechkin tweeted out a special Russian language version of the commercial, and this one features a lot more screen time for The Great Eight.
While I was watching The Daily Show last night, a new national commercial for Verizon Wireless popped up on the screen. I pretty much ignored it until I heard the word “Ovi.” uuuuuuuuAH? You know I re-wound that ish on my DVR.
Washington Capitals forwards Alex Ovechkin and Brooks Laich star in a new commercial for Verizon where they show up out of nowhere at a local hospital. No, they’re not there for the dude in pain laying on the gurney. They’re there for his son suffering from an acute case of #FOMOH: The Fear Of Missing Out on Hockey.
And Brooksie and Ovi are about to operate.
Russian Machine Never Breaks is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
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