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Photo: Chris Gordon

On Monday, the Washington Capitals held Breakdown Day at Kettler Capitals Iceplex. For two hours, Caps players filed out of the locker room and conducted exit interviews with the media. Because of the whole no playoffs thing, there were a lot of long faces.

There’s about three hours of interview video to surf though on Monumental Network. Because I hate myself and care only about you, dear reader, I’ve transcribed all the key quotes. And because this is RMNB, I also pointed out the fashion choices. Sadly, there was no crazy hair this year.

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Photo: Chris Gordon

For the first time in their respective careers, Washington Capitals Alex Ovechkin, Dmitry Orlov, and Evgeny Kuznetsov will all play together on Russia’s national team. As first reported by Yahoo Sports’ Dmitry Chesnokov, Ovechkin announced the news after the conclusion of the Caps’ season-ending shootout loss to the Lightning.

The World Championships, which will be held this year in Minsk, Belarus, begin on May 9th and end May 25th.

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In Narrative Land, the biggest story in the hockey world today was Adam Oates calling out Alex Ovechkin for quitting on the play that resulted in a third period goal for the Dallas Stars. But c’mon, it was already 3-0 at that point. How much would one more goal hurt? Other than, ya know, emotionally.

The hockey media went all out covering the living ish out of this quote. How would Ovechkin react to being literally thrown under a literal bus by his head coach? By driving his six-figure price-tag car to Georgetown and shopping at the Nike Store with his two Russian bros.

So I guess Ovi’s not exactly devastated by his coach’s heel turn.

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This illustration will make sense at the bottom. I promise.

By all accounts, Evgeny Kuznetsov’s move to North America has been a success, both on and off the ice. Eight games in, the young Russian has managed a three assist game, scored twice in the shootout, and on Tuesday night scored his first NHL goal.

Kuzya has surprised us with his command of English and his willingness to interact with the media despite of limited language skills. Also, let’s not forget Zhenya’s love of social media, especially Instagram. Imagine how boring our lives would be without his baby pictures and Ovi doing pushups. So what if the captions are in Russian.

Google Translate is on the case.

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Photo: @kuzya92

Approximately 49.31 percent of all RMNB traffic comes from players making funny faces: Chimera, Ovechkin, Oates. If a Capital player has made a dumb face, we’ve covered it. We’re the Walter Cronkite of talking about people looking stupid.

Tuesday night, after Evgeny Kuznetsov scored his first NHL goal, he whipped out his iPhone and posed with bro Dmitry Orlov. For those of you counting at home, that’s two (2) Russians making funny faces.

Pageview jackpot? Pageview jackpot.

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After defeating the Anaheim Ducks on Tuesday, head coach Adam Oates gave the team the day off on Wednesday. That means the Washington Capitals were let loose in Los Angeles, California. While some players hung out by the pool, others — like the Russian trio of Alex Ovechkin, Evgeny Kuznetsov, and Dmitry Orlov — went shopping.

It went about how you would expect.

First, they rode in a cab together, which is a photo opportunity, I guess. iPhones out!

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Photo: Evan Vucci

The Washington Capitals have announced that they have signed defenseman Dmitry Orlov to a two-year contract worth an average annual salary of two million dollars.

Orlov will earn $1.75M in 2014-15 and $2.25 in 2015-16.

Orlov has scored three goals and six assists with the Caps this season despite not playing until November 30th. Orlov spent the first two months of the season between Hershey and Washington, where he was kept a healthy scratch to avoid an escape clause in his contract. Since returning to the ice, Orlov has been the team’s strongest possession defenseman.

Following a hit on Brayden Schenn on March 2nd, Orlov was suspended two games– the first suspension of his career.

The Capitals have no restricted free agents left to re-sign this season. Unrestricted free agents Dustin Penner, Mikhail Grabovski, and Jaroslav Halak all have contracts that expire after this season.

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Photos: Chris Gordon

The Capitals held their annual Casino Night on Wednesday, where fans dropped serious cash on live and silent auctions. Caps players couldn’t participate in those auctions, but they were given a bunch of raffle tickets.

One of the items up for grabs: a chance to meet Alex Ovechkin. “It is my dream!” Dmitry Orlov joked as he looked over the raffle items.

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Gambling with Play Money: Caps Casino Night in Photos

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Yep. (Photos by Chris Gordon)

Wednesday night, the Washington Capitals held their fourth annual Casino Night at the Pentagon City Sheraton. Fans had the opportunity blow fake money gambling with their favorite players, as well as dishing out real money on a live auction featuring big-ticket experiences, a silent auction on equipment and memorabilia, and a raffle. The money made from Casino Night will benefit the Monumental Sports & Entertainment Foundation. The team has raised nearly $1 million on past Casino Nights, and the live auction this year took in over $40,000.

“We did a got of research on craps,” Karl Alzner, who was there with his wife Mandy as well as her mom and grandparents, told me. “The correct throw and the technique and all that.”

“Even though it’s play money it’s still a lot of fun,” Alzner added. “We get to dress up.”

When I talked to Tom Wilson about the night, he had one main takeaway.

“Ovi’s pretty risky,” Wilson said.

Below, take a look at some of my photos from the night.

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Photo: Rob Carr

We’ve assumed for so long that the problem with the Caps is lack of defensive depth. I’d wager 90% of everything written about the Caps and Wednesday’s trade deadline states that the team lacks a solid, number-four, right-shooting defenseman. It’s been pretty obvious that filling that one spot would help fill the ranks of Washington’s defense.

That makes a lot of sense. Since October, the Caps defense had essentially been Mike Green, Karl Alzner, John Carlson, and any other three guys.

But I’m not so sure anymore. Indeed, I’m starting to wonder if the Caps wouldn’t be able to succeed merely by upgrading their bottom pairing– namely John Erskine and Connor Carrick.

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