don-cherry

During the first Coach’s Corner segment of the season (now half as long! Thank you, Sportsnet), outspoken analyst and big Maple Leafs fan Don Cherry discussed the Leafs’ approach to drafting under the new regime. As always, it was hilarious, maybe even intentionally so.

And, yes, the Caps were even mentioned.

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Don Cherry warms-up the piano-desk. (Photo credit: @jessespector)

Around the same time I posted my article about Karl Alzner wigging out on the Caps bench after John Erskine‘s knockout punch of Colton Orr, Hockey Night in Canada aired another episode of Coach’s Corner.  Don Cherry also took note of Karl’s enthusiasm.

In the segment, Grapes saluted good ol’ Canadian boy Tom Wilson before giving a special shout-out to Alzner.

You’ll notice this during the video: Don really likes fights. Like really, really. And he’s on a warpath to keep fighting in hockey.

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Photo credit: Bruce Bennett

Washington Capitals defenseman Steve Oleksy has been scratched for the last seven games. From the press box he watched dudes like Tyson Strachan and rookie Patrick Wey get jerseys instead of him. On Sunday, Oates gave Oleksy another chance as the Caps readied to play their second game in as many days.

Oleksy responded in a humangous big way.

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Canadian icon/rambling old guy Don Cherry is in the news again and he hasn’t had the best week. Rogers bought the NHL’s Canadian television rights and journalists are speculating that Cherry’s role on TV could be limited in the future.

But the show must go on. Saturday night, Cherry taped another Coach’s Corner segment with Ron MacLean. Cherry addressed the Rogers situation while also spending 48 seconds oohing and ahhing about how Alex Ovechkin tapes up sticks. Yes, seriously. He wants Canadian kids to tape up their sticks just like Russian-born, three-time MVP. Did we mention Russian-born? Someone please check if Don is okay.

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In the new age of sports media, if you’re a superstar who has not won a championship or somewhat improved your stats from the year before, you get branded an overpaid heel and get flogged furiously by big-name network TV analysts for not trying hard enough or being too dim to adjust your game. It’s hard to recall now, but there was once a time when Ilya Bryzgalov’s fascination with space was just a personality quirk from an elite goaltender.

But if you’re Alex Ovechkin, a man whose every breath is compared to Canada’s favorite son, Sidney Crosby, a successful position change, an attitude adjustment, and some new hardware still may not guarantee positive reviews from the media.

Let’s take everybody’s favorite oddly dressed, bigoted uncle, Don Cherry, who gave an interview to Sovetsky Sport’s Leonid Varshavsky before game five of the Stanley Cup Finals. While predicting Ovechkin will be even better next season, Cherry still managed to get a couple digs in on Ovi for “taking all the criticism from the press too close to his heart.” How dare he. Also, Cherry has no idea who Maria Kirilenko is.

Igor Kleyner has your translation.

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An Unauthorized Transmission from Capsonymous

 

The PuckBuddys have been memorably called the Russian mafia inside the Russian Machine. For the well-being of the operation, we’ve deliberately kept our pasts hidden. It’s been suggested that we’re former-Blackwater mercenaries, Watergate burglars or even Romney moles inside the Gingrich campaign (mission accomplished!) None of those are true, but we do admit to having relationships with some of the more subversive and extreme hockey organizations.

One such group is Capsonymous, a shadowy hive of anarchist Caps fans that operate off the grid, under the radar and over the top. Misunderstood by the mainstream hockey world, media and law enforcement, it’s been said that their methods are unsound. We judge them only by their record of mischievous achievements: the Crosby – vampire rumors, the Sabres’ implosion, Dustin Penner and Pancakegate, and getting Ryan Kesler to pose naked (again, mission accomplished.) Unofficially, on behalf of the home team, Capsonymous is responsible for DC winning the 2014 Winter Classic, convincing Ovi to skip the All Star Game, and getting Ted to blog and tweet about us.

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Two seasons ago after Alex Ovechkin scored his 50th goal of the year against the Tampa Bay Lightning, the Russian Machine celebrated by doing the “Hot Stick.” This led to a week’s worth of controversy, a Coach’s Corner by Don Cherry telling the GR8 to “get some class” & Ovechkin responding to the criticism by calling Cherry an “old guy” and proceeding to mock him by doing the robot in an ESPN interview with Rachel Nichols.

Well, if Ovechkin doing the robot wasn’t funny enough, YouTube user ElevateYourLevel did us the favor of creating the greatest Music Video of all time from the footage. He brilliantly combined Ovechkin’s greatest goals with an autotuned Rachel Nichols and an electronica beat made out of the Ovechkin phrase “don’t celebration when you score goal.” Which leads me to believe, bad grammar + house beat = win everytime. ElevateYourLevel, consider my level elevated. Everyone else, please enjoy.

Stick tap to Lindsay Novak for pointing out the video to me.

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