Russian Machine Never Breaks » Don Cherry http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com A cheerfully demented Washington Capitals site with a healthy fixation on Alex Ovechkin and his Russian bros. CRASH THE NET! Tue, 21 May 2013 17:51:03 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.5.1 An Unauthorized Transmission from Capsonymous http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/2012/02/01/an-unauthorized-transmission-from-capsonymous/ http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/2012/02/01/an-unauthorized-transmission-from-capsonymous/#comments Wed, 01 Feb 2012 15:45:02 +0000 Doug Johnson http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/?p=28423

 

The PuckBuddys have been memorably called the Russian mafia inside the Russian Machine. For the well-being of the operation, we’ve deliberately kept our pasts hidden. It’s been suggested that we’re former-Blackwater mercenaries, Watergate burglars or even Romney moles inside the Gingrich campaign (mission accomplished!) None of those are true, but we do admit to having relationships with some of the more subversive and extreme hockey organizations.

One such group is Capsonymous, a shadowy hive of anarchist Caps fans that operate off the grid, under the radar and over the top. Misunderstood by the mainstream hockey world, media and law enforcement, it’s been said that their methods are unsound. We judge them only by their record of mischievous achievements: the Crosby – vampire rumors, the Sabres’ implosion, Dustin Penner and Pancakegate, and getting Ryan Kesler to pose naked (again, mission accomplished.) Unofficially, on behalf of the home team, Capsonymous is responsible for DC winning the 2014 Winter Classic, convincing Ovi to skip the All Star Game, and getting Ted to blog and tweet about us.

Call them hacktivists or hocktivists; we call them allies in the greater struggle. The struggle for the Cup. Earlierthis week, they seized the PuckBuddys video channel to release a communiqué with a long list of grievances aimed at hockey’s 1%.  Advocating for the 99%, Caps fans who have been wronged by the hockey establishment, their message is clear:

“We are Capsonymous. We are Legion. We Rock the Red. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us – to crash the net.”

]]> http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/2012/02/01/an-unauthorized-transmission-from-capsonymous/feed/ 5 My New Favorite Video: Alex Ovechkin Does The Robot http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/2010/05/08/my-new-favorite-video-alex-ovechkin-does-the-robot/ http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/2010/05/08/my-new-favorite-video-alex-ovechkin-does-the-robot/#comments Sat, 08 May 2010 05:13:18 +0000 Ian Oland http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/?p=4117 Two seasons ago after Alex Ovechkin scored his 50th goal of the year against the Tampa Bay Lightning, the Russian Machine celebrated by doing the “Hot Stick.” This led to a week’s worth of controversy, a Coach’s Corner by Don Cherry telling the GR8 to “get some class” & Ovechkin responding to the criticism by calling Cherry an “old guy” and proceeding to mock him by doing the robot in an ESPN interview with Rachel Nichols.

Well, if Ovechkin doing the robot wasn’t funny enough, YouTube user ElevateYourLevel did us the favor of creating the greatest Music Video of all time from the footage. He brilliantly combined Ovechkin’s greatest goals with an autotuned Rachel Nichols and an electronica beat made out of the Ovechkin phrase “don’t celebration when you score goal.” Which leads me to believe, bad grammar + house beat = win everytime. ElevateYourLevel, consider my level elevated. Everyone else, please enjoy.

Stick tap to Lindsay Novak for pointing out the video to me.

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