Note: I’m writing this post heavily medicated and a day after right-leg surgery. Yes, I’m hockey-player tough.

While the Washington Capitals got outplayed in the first period of Saturday’s game against the Jets, they came out strong in the second , scoring some goals and getting a little cocky. I love it when my favorite team gets cocky. Particularly because it can lead to a line brawl, one started by five-foot, ten-inch (yeah right) French Canadian Mathieu Perreault.*

After absorbing a legal shoulder-check from tough guy defenseman Zach Bogosian, Perry decided to get a lil’ saucy and slash Bogosian in the legs. Bad idea.

Where is Ovi going? (Jets feed video from welshhockeyfan)

Bogosian puts Perreault in a headlock, and everyone gathers at the red line, fash-washin’ and brawlin’. Two important developments occur.

First: Hendy Face. It’s just a little bit tougher than Oates Face.

Hendy Face

GIFs by welshhockeyfan

Second, Karl Alzner: Tough Guy Edition makes his first appearance since January 13, 2012, when he threw down with Steve Downie.

Watch as Karl forcefully removes the plumpest guy in the league, Dustin Byfuglien, from the scrum with ease.

Enforcer Karl Alzner

GIFs by welshhockeyfan

I love Alzner.

Then, a few minutes later, Alex Ovechkin laughs at Mark Stuart, attempting to check the Russian machine with his hand around his throat.

Ovechkin is soooo very intimidated. Apparently Stuart doesn’t remember about the whole Russian machine not breaking thing.

* This is actually the second line brawl Mathieu Perreault has started. What’s the deal and why does he always play The Rag Doll role?

This pretty much sums up the night. (Photo credit: Greg Fiume)

So our dads Peter and Ian decided to give your humble PuckBuddys the keys to the RMNB-car for recaps over the next few games. Ha! We promised them not to drive at dangerously high speeds with the top down while stealing people’s mail and laughing wildly. We promise you we won’t keep that promise.

Speaking of a wild ride, Tuesday’s geshrey was whether Adam Oates would pull his Caps back together under his new system, or whether they would revert to old ways/panic. Would this be the first home opener loss since the turn of the century? Would we rally from the Bolts shellacking and figure out our PK? Would Ribiero perform? Would Lady Mary really marry cousin Matthew? We have our answers.

10:02 in the 1st, Matt Hendricks gets the pass from Nicky for the first home score in almost a year, with a big crash o’ the net. That’s answered at 12:34 into the first, on a power play when the nasty Evander Kane sunk one on Holtby, unassisted. Andrew Ladd sinks a direct bullet at 16:26 – right through a non-existent Caps defense and a tired-looking Holtby (there, I said it.)

Second frame brought out a little toughness from both sides, with hopes on a Dustin Byfuglian penalty, yielding nothing. Kane knocks to Blake Wheeler, who then taps in at 14:32 to take the Jets up 3-1. PuckBuddys start crying. And then oh-noes: with less than a minute left, Slater tips in a dribbler for a boo-bird 4-1. Everyone grab your junk as Hendy puts Slater down after the horn; Verizon hall yawns.

In the third, an early Capitals power play nets Troy (handsome) Brouwer in the bin and washes out our chances. Remember when we were up in this game?  haha. Caps swarm to save Braden Holtby half-way in, which almost raises our spirits. Hendy tries to rally the team; nothing juicy follows. A spit more than 1 minute left, Troy-Boy (off Ribiero) swags it in but gives the Jets a PP.

JETS BEAT CAPS 4-2.

• On Your Toes: There’s really no question here; our Caps are just looking tired on their feet. The stars are asleep and the back-ups are napping. Mike Green ? John Carlson? Are you there?
• D-Men in Demand: Like last season, we’ve come to expect that the first line isn’t going to  save us. We instead look to Poti, Ward, and lately, to some degree, Crabb and Brouwer. What the hell is happening in front of the Caps net? We’ve seen Amsterdam professionals who were more open, if you follow. “Unappealing” is how Joe B. described it; we agree.
• Vortex of Awful: We’ve written before of the cold, dead hole of hopelessness that is Winnipeg. And sadly in their first season, they did much to confirm this. Evander Kane, tubby but dependable Dustin Byfuglian, badd-Ladd; they just had their way with us this evening. That’s as much a comment on them as it is us. No, wait: it reflects worse on us. See previous.
• Good Kabongs: We saw a couple good hits this game, as we have every meeting with the Manitoba Bruisers. That includes Nick Backstrom who just laid down the Scandinavian hammer on Mark Stuart; or as Joe B. described it, “issues with Stuart.” It wasn’t Sasha bongos, but it was a start. Memo to Matt Hendricks: we love you, but don’t pick a dumb fight after the bell. And we wish it wasn’t just you.
• Who’s Home?: Our DC Caps operatives code named “Michele” (heh) and “Dave” (secret, huh?) report that Verizon was less than full. “Inaugural hangover,” they said. “Naked” they said. “Why are we not shooting the puck?,”  we said.
• Don’t Panic: As in, it took exactly one game before “fans” started calling for #fireeveryone. It only gets uglier now.
• Welcome Home: We haven’t seen hockey in Verizon for 258 days. Since then, Verizon has hosted the Washington International Horse Show, Kellogg’s Tour of Gymnastics Champs (or as we call it, Spandex Ballet) JBeibs, Dylan and The Who (not on the same bill), WWE Raw and assorted hoops games. Don’t make us regret all these nobodies (yes Mr. Dylan we said that.)
• Unleash the Furies: A season or two back the Caps were famous for electric come-backs, as the home crowd unleashed the fury. Now we rely on this? If you have to unleash anything at three points behind, just check into the nearest Green Turtle and pretend the hot girl at the bar likes you. Heck, why not? Let’s just pretend everything. #worried.

Joe B suit of the night

What Did We Learn Tonight (WDWLT): Capitals – who is your spirit animal? Cheetah or slow loris? Are we rabid greyhounds or slobbering retrievers? If this were an inaugural, it would be poo-poohed with huge open spaces in front the net, poor action on the offense and incoherent strategy. And I thought Ian and Peter promised us a fun win.

What’s Next: So we camp out at home, practice one day and get our jocks in order for Thursday against le Canadiens. Le Flambeau and what what. Honestly, we like the way this sets up now, at least if we have a little more step in our offense and way WAY biggs action from our D-men. Otherwise: WE WERE RIGHT BRING BACK BOUDREAU. Just sayin’.

See you Thursday! Don’t blame us!

Photo credit: Rob Carr

Last time the Washington Capitals and Winnipeg Jets met, Ovechkin got taunted and the Caps lost a slot in the standings. The Caps remembered and came out swinging this game. But then Dale Hunter enacted his formula for something, and everything went to hell.

Thanks to Jeff Halpern, Jason Chimera went cruising along in the O-zone, tucking the puck behind Pavelec with his backhand. Alex Ovechkin recorded two consecutive goals in the second– a subtle wristshot and a loud 6-on-5 one-timer. The Jets rallied back with goals from Maxwell and Little before the second intermission. The Caps had literally no offense (seriously, none) in third until Spencer Machacek tied it up.

Into overtime, where Stapleton won it. Jets beat Caps 4-3 (OT).

• Dustin Byfuglien has been effective against the Caps this season, but his …uhh… gravitational pull kept him well behind the play for Jason Chimera’s screaming breakaway goal.
• Alex Ovechkin has 8 goals in his last 6 games and is riding a four-game goal streak.  That hot streak began started right after the Washington Post ran that brimstone-scented condemnation on March 10. Ovechkin was good on both ends of the ice tonight, blocking shots in front of Neuvy and rubbing his belly in front of Ondrej.
• Ovi was a force of nature, but he and his team were promptly quelled. After that third goal, the Caps did what they have done all season– playing hockey like making friends on the first day of school: shy, meek, shuffling their feet. That de-escalation allowed the Jets to erase the buffer that Ovechkin created in the second period and swarm through most of the third.
• Seriously, the Caps didn’t have a shot on goal in the third until almost 17 minutes in. That final period saw shots go 17-2. Is this who our team is now? Is this an identity that the players and fans can rally around?
• Brooks Laich fought Jim Slater. No punches landed. We have exclusive video:

• Both Mike Knuble and Alex Semin had their advances on Pavelec’s net rebuffed by the scourge we know as teh Post. These two golden chances, both born of sandpaper and insight, would have been goals in a universe that does not hate us. We live not in such a universe.
• Kanooble served on the top line, had muy muy scoring chances, and an assist on the first Ovechkin tally. It’s finally Knuble weather in DC.

Upside-down Joe B suit of the night

The Capitals did it again: they came out tough, and then they retreated. Call it sitting back, playing tight, being conservative. You can argue the vocabulary or the philosophy; all we see are the results. By generating little offense late in the second and none in the third, the Caps let a dominating 3-goal lead evaporate.

It’s not a working strategy. It’s a formula for losers, and it is contrary to the instincts of this team.

This loss isn’t a failure of leadership, of lacking effort, or holey goaltending. This was a deliberate release of the game’s direction by Coach Dale Hunter.

But thanks to Erik Cole’s tour du chapeau naturel, the Habs destroyed the Senators, so our boys gained a little ground. But Vezina lock Henrik Lundqvist gave up 4 to the Sabres, so the Caps are now beating Buffalo for 8th place by a mere tiebreaker.

Here’s our 2nd period intermission video, featuring Coolio!

This is a legal hit in Canada.

Heading into tonight’s game, there was no doubt that the Jets’ season was on the line. With a loss, they would fall six points behind the Capitals for the eighth and final playoff spot — all but essentially eliminating them from the playoff race. “These are games that define your team,” Evander Kane told The Washington Times’ Stephen Whyno. “And we’re going to see what we’re made of.” Sure are.

Predictably, the Jets came out fired-up and scored first. Andrew Ladd tallied his 24th goal of the season on literally a magical backhander. 22 seconds later, the Capitals responded, as Marcus Johansson perfectly placed a slap-pass onto Brooks Laich’s blade and watched him tip it in past a helpless Ondrej Pavelec.

Late in the second period, the Jets regained the lead as Nik Antropov out-worked Ovechkin to the front of the net to flip one past Vokoun. Mathieu “I’m teeny tiny like a leprechaun” Perrault managed to tie the game again on a third period power play. Unfortunately, Dustin Byfuglien and his big rear were too much to handle. Jets beat Caps, 3-2.

• First, let’s get this out of the way now. The officiating was terrible. And by terrible, I mean Guns N’ Roses “Chinese Democracy” bad. In the first period, Marcus Johansson was checked directly in the head by Mark Stuart. You would think that the official ten-feet away from the play would call something, right? Nope. Then in the second period, as Jason Chimera back-checked, a Winnipeg player dramatically threw his own stick in the air to try and draw a whistle. No dice. Well, that is until the crowd started booing and having a hissy fit. Up goes the arm. Finally, in the waning minutes of the third period, Keith Aucoin took a high-stick to the face, which mangled his lip and drew blood. It seemed like the text-book definition of a double-minor. But not tonight. I hate ever using officiating as an excuse or a crutch, but it was bad. And lately, it seems like the Capitals have been consistently getting the short-end of the stick. Gary, please take notice and correct this immediately.
• The stat sheet says Alex Ovechkin had five shots and five hits. Yet, tomorrow, all I’m going to remember is his lackadaisical defense on Nik Antropov’s second period goal, the multiple big hits he absorbed, and the Winnipeg crowd chanting “Crosby’s better.”
• Presenting the first Alex Semin hip-check video in existence…
• Tomas Vokoun was sensational, and so was his goal post, as it turned away four potential Jets goals. Without it, the score would have been much uglier.
• Despite not registering a single point, Jay Beagle was named the Caps player of the game. And indeed, he played one of his best career games. His penalty killing during the Jets nearly 2-minute 5-on-3 power play during the second period was heroic stuff. At one point, he blocked a 90 MPH slapper from Dustin Byfuglien, found the strength to get up, and then broke up a scoring chance from his belly. Beagle also almost managed to score in the first period by going hard to the net and trying to stuff the puck past Pavlec. He also went a tremendous 14 for 20 in the face-off dot, which is huge in the absence of Nicklas Backstrom. It has been such a treat for me personally to see this guy turn into a NHL player. Hard work really does pay off.
• If I cross my fingers and pray before bed that Marcus Johansson didn’t suffer a concussion tonight, I’ll wake up and he’ll be fine tomorrow right?
• Brooks Laich‘s goal tonight was his fourth in six games. He’s heating up.
• Want some kind of silver lining? The Caps are 6-3-1 in their last ten games and still own sole possession of the eight and final playoff spot.

Joe B suit of the night

The Capitals will now turn their attention to two difficult sets of back-to-back games. First, they will travel out to Chicago on Sunday to take on the Blackhawks and then on Monday night they’ll face the Red Wings at Joe Louis Arena. Three nights later, they’ll make the drive up I-95 to take on the red-hot Flyers before returning home on Friday to take on these same Winnipeg Jets.

Guys, this is gonna be tense. It’s nail-biting time. These are four crucial games that may very well decide if the Caps are golfing in April or are division champs.

You see why we named RMNB Party 4: Judgement Day?

Well, I have faith. Do you?

PS – Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Vokoun reacts after letting a Dustin Byfuglien shot from the red line go in. (Photo credit: Greg Fiume)

After Monday’s loss to the San Jose Sharks, the Capitals are 2-4-1 in February and find themselves in ninth place in the Eastern Conference playoff race. The Caps have clearly struggled without superstars Mike Green and Nicklas Backstrom, but the most bizarre aspect of the Capitals recent play has been their propensity for giving up goals from center ice.

The first goal of the Caps’ 5-3 loss to the Sharks was marked as having been scored from 69 feet since the puck deflected off Joe Pavelski, but the fluke bounce that got behind Braden Holtby came from another 80-foot shot that turned into a goal against. The terrible part is that we can say “another” — Pavelski’s goal Monday was the third puck shot from at least 80 feet that’s resulted in a goal this month. All three Caps starters in net this month, Michal Neuvirth, Tomas Vokoun, and Braden Holtby have allowed one each.

Let’s review this bizarre phenomenon.

2/1/12 – Mikael Samuelsson Scores on Michal Neuvirth From 88 Feet

The first goal of this kind came against Florida on 2/1 with Michal Neuvirth in net. Mikael Samuelsson took a pretty routine shot from his own end, but Neuvirth misjudged the angle, started to leave his net, and wasn’t square when the puck hit the twine. The Caps lost the game, 4-2.

2/9/12 – Dustin Byfuglien Scores on Tomas Vokoun From 87 Feet

Perhaps the worst possible moment for a fluke goal would be when the opposing team has just scored 12 seconds ago to pull within one, but that was exactly what happened when Dustin Byfuglien shot the puck from the red line, only to have it deflect oddly off Karl Alzner and carome right behind Tomas Vokoun. This goal tied the game, which the Caps would go on to lose in the shootout, 3-2. Sigh.

2/13/12 – Joe Pavelski Scores on Braden Holtby From 69 Feet

In the Caps’ home loss to the Sharks, perhaps the worst moment of a rough night came when Dan Boyle wound up at center ice and took a shot that deflected off teammate Joe Pavelski. Braden Holtby seemed to get a glove on it for a moment, but then it trickled over the brim of his glove into the net. The Caps lost the game, 5-3.

So here are our questions for you guys. Is this a pattern of lazy play or just miserable bad luck? Does Dale Hunter need to get the Caps to start practicing defending shots from the red line? Let us know what you think in the comments below, because lord knows, we have no idea what’s going on here.

Additional reporting by Ian Oland.

Doug Johnson, weaver of words, Puck Buddy. Connect with @PuckBuddys via a series of tubes.

The Puck Drop: Lesson – don’t waste all your good rival city bile in your first pregame post. You may get the hahas, but it doesn’t leave you much room for new jokes. Lesson: as we continue to repeat until GMGM hears us, there are two Caps teams. One team is Ninja Master, the other is Donkey Kong. There is no telling which will show up, and this must be fixed.

Lesson: do NOT write mouthy, taunting blog posts your team (or butt) cannot cash.

Lesson: if a team is going to win, it will win as a team. The Caps seem to have a hot-shot mentality of late; namely they play really well, until something unexpected happens. Not a first goal, as we seem to play better if we’re just one down, but a second, surprise goal. At that point you can almost see the shoulders schlump, the feet get leaden and the team lose heart, players scrambling to pump the sinking ship (almost like how and fans Verizon last night). Panic does not become a great team. Keep calm and carry on.

All of this is to say: we must be humble if we are to be great.

The Naughty and Nice List, Numero Tres

• Naughty: Ho Ho Hughgh. We’re not piling on. We hate to say this. We have huge respect for him. But Tomáš Vokoun (SV .906%) said it best when he said Tuesday, “…I didn’t help my team.” Paging Dr. Sherlock, ‘No Sh-t Telephone, Please.’ Ugh, some of those – and it’s not just last night – easy squeakers just sailed through Vokoun’s grasp, 5 and 7 holes. Got to fix dat. And while we <3 him at least as much, Michal Neuvirth (SV .875%) hasn’t been behaving much better of late. Hey, it’s not like the Varlmonster is doing much better with the Avs…but. But GMGM, have you checked in with Braden “Hotby” Holtby of late? Criminy, what does he have to do? Pose with cute puppies??

• Nice: We have had a man-crush on Jeff “Mayor of Awesome Town” Halpern (3G, 6A, +1) for, oh, I dunno….evah? He proved his worth once before with the Caps, and now is back, perhaps on his victory lap on his home turf. We suspect he’s got years of ice-time in his skates, but obviously we can’t know. We do know we wish we could be Halpy. He’s toasty on the ice, he’s camera-ready,seems like a great guy and he’s a Ginger. (Or, as the Spanish say, Cinnamon.) And he saved us from an ignominious (he went to Princeton, so he’ll know what that means) shut-out Tuesday. This cat is sugar and spice all wrapped up in a tasty rugelach. He gets extra gelt from us this Hanukkah.

Hot? Not? Discuss

This is our third flirtation with the Jets this season; once as they gobbled us up in the Black Hole of Winnipeg, and once when we jolted them here at home. We’re back in Winnipeg tonight.

Everything we’ve said before holds. There is, and I mean this literally, no place I’d rather spend the night than in Winnipeg. And I’ve spent nights in some of the world’s sh-t-holes. At 14-12 with 32 points, Winnipeg is beating us in the (soon to be extinct) Southeast division. That’s less a measure of their skill (sorry, Eric Fehr!) and more of our ineptitude.

There. We said it. Ineptitude.

Alex Burmistrov

We’re not posting hot or not tonight. At this point, our team is not deserving it, although perhaps the Jets are.

Winnipeg, at 10-4-0, does nearly as well as the Caps on home ice, and that for years has been a Caps strength. With players like Evander Kane, Kyle Wellwood, Dustin Byfugly and a passel of talented comers-on, and a recent 4-1 win record over some of the best teams in the NHL, they are a team that, frankly, deserves to win.

So Caps. Prove us wrong. Show your stuff and step up on your toes tonight. Or you will have to endure another taunting from a gay hockey blog riding shirttail on a site conceived in the idea of the invincibility of Our Russian Machine.

Meme of the Night:

Eric Fehr, Mark Stuart, Nik Antropov, and Andrew Ladd (Photo credit: John Woods)

Puck Buddys. @PuckBuddys.

The Pre Game: OK, who among us is not looking forward to smearing turkey gravy over fresh rolls with sage stuffing and a slab of dark meat on top with tart cranberry sauce dripping from the side? Maybe everyone who also has to travel home for the annual ‘Parental Maintenance’ festival. Or those who just aren’t in a position to lay a feast on their table.

Don’t ever dare quote us as saying this, but this is a great time of year to be nice to people. Even those you don’t know. Not just Thanksgiving Day, but the coming months of cold, and dark, and at times hunger. Be nice, people.

We don’t handle “being nice” well, at least publicly, so this Thanksgiving preview we’ve handed over to two honest, sweet-natured souls from the Upper Midwest. (*whisper God’sCountry whisper*) “Puck Buddy Bunny” and “Dave E” write for PuckBuddys, and occasionally hoist a drink to the great hockey teams of the midwest, such as the Fightin’ Souix, the Duluth Bulldogs, or (when they must) the Wings.

Either of them have more hockey knowledge at a hat drop than both PuckBuddys on a sober night, and they’ve offered their thoughts on our second tangle with the Winnipeg Jets. We advise you sit up straight, pay attention, then go back to fiddling with your bird.

The Puck Drop

The Winnipeg Jets are cleared for landing in DC Wednesday for their first visit from their new city in their new sweaters, which harken back to those worn by the original WHA franchise, which entered the NHL in 1979.

Bobby Hull

The WHA’s Jets put the outlaw league on the map in 1972 with the signing of Blackhawks superstar Bobby Hull, lured away during a contract dispute in Chicago with one of those comically over-sized checks, this one for $1 million. The Jets and the league’s slapstick scramble to come up with enough money so the check wouldn’t bounce is recounted in hilarious detail in Vancouver sportswriter Ed Willes entertaining WHA history The Rebel League.

The Jets were the first North American team to agressively pursue European players, and their top line of Hull, and Swedes Anders Hedberg and Ulf Nilsson was one of the most fearsome scoring machines in pro hockey history. The Jets had other notable Scandinavian imports such as defenseman Lars-Erik Sjoberg, Willy Lindstrom, Kent Nilsson and Veli-Pekka Ketola.

Amid financial woes, Jets Mark I left Winnipeg in 1996 to become the Phoenix Coyotes. This same questionable NHL experiment in Sunbelt expansion ushered in the Atlanta Thrashers in 1999, whose decade in Georgia was marked by sparse crowds and indifferent play, a fairly common trait in one of America’s worst sports cities. With the Thrashers’ sale and move to Winnipeg, Atlanta earned the dubious distinction of being the only NHL city in the modern era to lose two hockey teams.

What Makes Them Hot, And Not

The return of the Jets to the Northern Plains is the sports story of the year in that neck of the woods (and Lake of the Woods, for that matter). Some observations as we look forward to the Thanksgiving Eve match up between the Caps and this most geographically misplaced  Southeast Division squad.

1: Chipman of the Board: Marc Chipman, the chairman of True North Sports, which heads the Jets ownership group, is Manitoba’s answer to Ted Leonsis. Although, Chipman made his fortune selling cars instead of internet access. The Winnipeg native has a bachelor’s degree and a law degree from the University of North Dakota (a national college hockey powerhouse). At UND, Chipman played football– not hockey, but his heart has always been on the rink.

His patient strategy to bring the NHL back to central Canada was impressive, especially considering it was originally drawn up on napkins with Winnipeg’s then-mayor in a coffee shop over a couple of bismarcks. Consider:

1. In 1996, they imported the Manitoba Moose, formerly the IHL’s Minnesota Moose, who were based in St. Paul.
2. In 2001, the Moose, joined the AHL.
3. In November 2004, Winnipeg opened the 15,000 seat MTS Center, conveniently large enough to potentially attract a stray NHL franchise. Throughout, Chipman worked with the city toward the goal of bringing the NHL back to Winnipeg.

The Jets have had no problem selling out the place, and the team memorably received a long standing ovation after their home opener loss to Montreal.

Dustin Byfuglien

2: Dine Local. Along with a committed owner, the Jets are also making it a point to sign “local” players, which isn’t just a good PR move, but in that part of North America, a good personnel move. The storied history of hockey in this region and the talent it’s produced cannot be overstated. When Winnipeg native and Chicago Blackhawk star Jonathan Toews brought the Stanley Cup back home a couple years ago, the celebration included a parade and naming a lake in Toews’ honor (or as they would say in Canada, honour).

Consider Dustin Byfuglien [Eds: ugh!] who grew up in Roseau, MN, just a short skip and a jump away from Winnipeg. And Winkler, Manitoba native and former Cap Eric Fehr. And Minnesota native Blake Wheeler. College hockey is also big in this market, so it’s nice to see the former Gopher playing for Winnipeg. Waiting in the wings is former North Dakota star Jason Gregoire, a Winnipeg native now at the Jets AHL affiliate in St. John’s.

The Shoot Out

Y’all get that? Whatever. Our PuckBuddys’ pals’ smarts are the marshmallow on our yams. So good, and we wish there more.

Us? We wish that everyone this Thursday finds a warm, happy house filled with food, cheer, and most importantly, dear friends. That you should have too many people at your table is our curse and dearest desire. Every morning we wake, and every night we fall asleep, we give thanks for all that we have received.

Now don’t ever ask us to be nice again. We’ll just have to deny it.

Editor’s note: Because of the holiday, our recap for Wednesday’s game will be very light. Have a great holiday, everyone.

Puck Buddy Doug Johnson writes for RMNB. Follow @PuckBuddys unless you’re Sean Avery.

The Pre Game: I’m going to let you in on a secret. We people of the prairie have known it for decades, but as a group we tend to be Scandinavian, and so tight-lipped. We only pass it down– whispered– when there’s no other choice; as on those nights the wind shakes the windows and hope seems to extinguish in the pit of a cold, dead emptiness. And here it is: there is no darker, stranger place on this Earth than Winnipeg. It’s Canada’s sooty heart of darkness… and now, thanks to the NHL, we have to spend a night there.

You can spend a lifetime overnight in Winnipeg.

The Puck Drop

Oh, I know what you’re thinking. “But it’s Canada! How scary can that be?” Here’s how creepy: David Lynch won’t even go there. That’s how creepy Winnipeg is. Built at the base of a floodplain that sinks in summer and concentrates the winds into an arctic vortex each winter, Winnipeg is a place that sensible cultures would just abandon. Admit their mistake, move on, and leave it to future anthropologists to try and make sense of the debris: curling, BTO, and Guy Maddin.

Sure, some have escaped. Cody Eakin and Eric the Fehr among the more adorables. But let me ask you this: do you know anyone who’s been to Winnipeg? Didn’t they come back…changed?

Drama aside, perhaps our Caps could use a little change. Maybe get a little creeped out. Fight a little harder to survive. Get freaking pucks to the net. You know, that sort of thing.

What Makes Them Hot

Evander Kane

#1: Fly-in. So the Jets have just landed this season from Atlanta, a place that shares nothing with Winnipeg except, perhaps, its smell. Look, save for some call-ups, the Jets are basically the Thrashers, but with less Coke and more coney dogs. OK, I kid…but neither team dazzled – the Thrashers the last several seasons, or the Jets so far this one. Ordinarily this would be a ‘Not’ more than ‘Hot’; but here’s the rub: hockey was as welcome in Atlanta as an anthrax attack on Olympic Park. Residents never took to the team, nor the team to the ice. It’s different now – and while fan support is clearly an intangible, any team worth their paychecks will play harder before an audience that really, really wants to see them. That’s new for the Thra-Jets, and game by game they just might start to respond. Remember, also, that the Jets are doing better at home so far than then Caps are on the road. Call me crazy, but this team might bite.

Jim Slater and Mark Flood

#2: Individuals. Nik Antropov (3-9-12), Kyle Wellwood (5-6-11), and Dustin Byfuglien (3-8-11); all these guys are performing at least as well as a dozen or more Caps (Sasha?) Sharp-shooters Jim Slater (5-1-6) and Evander Kane (6-5-11) both have five goals in about twice as many games. But I’m seeing less smart team play and more individual action. It’s like a bad stew: there hasn’t been enough time or attention for the flavors (players) to come together and play getting-to-know-you. But hot-shot players (SASHA?) still count for something: if the coaching squad can get it together, they might have a fine meal on hand.

#3: Trap Crap. Several of the teams the Jets have played lately, like the Bolts, are trap teams. The Caps are not. The Jets, with the exception of that last game, don’t do well with quick, fast play that unsprings the trap. Believe it or not, they might just have the right style in meeting the Caps.

What Makes Them Not

Ondrej Pavelec mysteriously collapsed during a game with the Caps last year. He’s fine now!

#1: It’s a Net Thing. Ooof. Neither Ondrej Pavelec (.895%) nor Chris Mason (.893%) are doing much in the net for Winnipeg this year. They’re sort of a mix, all over the place. That means pucks are landing all over the place, too. Caps have the upper hand here – unlike with Pekka Rinne. Which sounds like something I put on my pasta. And Ondrej Pavelec? Didn’t I order that for dessert in Paris? *lesigh*

#2: Faster Penalty Kill! Kill!: The Jets are simply sucking at PKs at 79%. Granted, the Caps aren’t much better at 83%, and unfortunately as we’ve seen a better motivated team can bend those stats and capitalize where data says they shouldn’t. The Jets aren’t quite stinking on PP (16%) so much as they’re middle of the road. Caps, again, may drive the car here (at 20%), but these numbers are not far apart enough to give me comfort.

#3: Enough: I’ve prattled on long enough without pointing to the obvious: the Jets are a middling team. On paper they should not defeat the Caps. Then again, if it were all just paper, we’d never race horses.

The OT

In closing I’m going to be uncharacteristically nice… in part because my contract with RMNB specifies I have to do so. But this one I mean: has anyone noticed the players on the Jets? I mean really, it’s a more diverse line-up of guys than I’ve seen in…well, just about ever. Even more so than may pans of the Caps fans benches. It may not change their play, but it’s one of the few nice things I can say about Winnipeg these days. Like the look of your lineups, Jets!

Your Sudden-Death Shoot Out

Ladies and gentlemen: I give you Winnipeg.