The career of former Capital Dustin Penner seemingly ended in 2014. In 18 games for the Washington Capitals that spring, Penner scored just 1 goal and 2 assists. No teams came a-nibbling during free agency, so it seemed the end for Penner: 9 seasons, 2 Cups, retired at age 32.
Not so much. Penner has begun a second life as a DJ of electronic dance music, a.k.a. EDM, an initialism that definitely won’t be confusing to hockey fans. DJ Pendemic (as he’s known on Soundcloud) began posting mixes and tracks earlier this year. In that time, Penner’s online presence has transitioned from internalized misogyny and hockey chirps to iffy grammar and promotions for his DJ gigs.
As for the music itself, I really can’t say. I don’t know much about EDM. But I do know someone who does. My friend Mo Gadalla has excellent taste in music. I asked him to listen to Pendemic and tell me all about it.
Photo: Jared Wickerham
Dustin Penner was acquired at the trade deadline to improve the Caps’ flagging top six. Instead, he played garbage minutes on the bottom line. He was a huge disappointment, but was it his fault? (Not really, no.)
|12||Average time on ice per game|
|47.3%||Shot attempt percentage during 5v5|
|100%||Goal percentage during 5v5|
|4.9%||On-ice shooting percentage during 5v5|
|100%||On-ice saving percentage during 5v5|
Photo: Chris Gordon
On Monday, the Washington Capitals held Breakdown Day at Kettler Capitals Iceplex. For two hours, Caps players filed out of the locker room and conducted exit interviews with the media. Because of the whole no playoffs thing, there were a lot of long faces.
There’s about three hours of interview video to surf though on Monumental Network. Because I hate myself and care only about you, dear reader, I’ve transcribed all the key quotes. And because this is RMNB, I also pointed out the fashion choices. Sadly, there was no crazy hair this year.
This could not come at a better time. Once and future Caps forward Brooks Laich starred in a segment with Cabbie Richards of TSN called “Five Things Every Man Should Know.” Guest-starring Dustin Penner and Evgeny Kuznetsov– as girls, the video teaches you (not me) everything you (not me) need to know about how to be a manly man.
Brooks guides us (you mostly) through the vagaries of manly tasks we (you) so often get wrong. It’s indispensable viewing: instructive, entertaining, has nothing to do with the Caps’ season, and features D.P. and Kuzya as girls.
Photo: Bruce Bennett
Tuesday’s Caps game was ugly. The days that followed didn’t get much better. Adam Oates kinda sorta maybe called out Alex Ovechkin on Wednesday for being Alex Ovechkin. The national hockey media devoured it like it was some delicious Chipotle guac. Ovi wasn’t made available to reporters on Thursday to respond.
With six games left, everyone started to realize it would take divine intervention for the Capitals to make the playoffs. If they did make it, they didn’t deserve to be there — and the Capitals knew that.
The scoring got started tonight with an even-strength Alex Ovechkin tally, the first since we still cared about the Winter Olympics. Playing on a line with Mikhail Grabovski and Nicklas Backstrom, Ovi took a feed from Grabo in the near circle before flipping the puck past Cory Schneider.
During a second period in which the Devs dominated play, New Jersey tied the game up. Twelve minutes into the frame, Tuomo Ruutu tipped home a shot from D-man Eric Gelinas to make it one-one.
The Caps headed into the third with a man-advantage, needing their power play to once again save them from disaster. It didn’t happen.
Ryan Carter scored a late goal for New Jersey. Devils beat Caps 2-1.
Any excuse to post a photo of Perreault (Photo courtesy of the Caps)
This California road trip comprises the most important week of Washington Capitals’ season. Tonight at 10 PM, the Caps will face Bruce Boudreau, Mathieu Perreault, and the Anaheim Ducks. When that happens, Jay Beagle will be on the first line and Dustin Penner will be on the fourth.
Johansson – Beagle – Ovechkin
Kuznetsov – Backstrom – Brouwer
Chimera – Fehr – Ward
Penner – Wellman – Wilson
This is a bit odd, though maybe it’s not so dire.
In his seventh game as a Washington Capital, Dustin Penner finally earned his first point. Penner sent a dandy of a pass to Joel Ward to put the Caps up 3-0 in the first period.
During a first period power play, Penner occupied the low-man spot. Evgeny Kuznetsov hit him up from the right halfboard. Penner put those soft hands to use, sending a sneaky backhand pass to Joel Ward on the other side of the slot.
Ward got the lay up.
Coming into the 2014 NHL trade deadline, some fans feared Caps general manager George McPhee would make a drastic move in the hopes of securing a playoff spot. Instead, he made three reasonable ones. The Caps got better this year without harming themselves in the future.
The biggest deal was the final one, with the Caps sending Michal Neuvirth and the newly acquired Rostislav Klesla to the Buffalo Sabres for Caps killer Jaroslav Halak and a third-round pick.
“I think we start with Neuvirth, and he wasn’t happy being a number two,” McPhee told reporters at Kettler Capitals Iceplex. “We tried to accommodate him. We brought in an experienced guy. I think it’s an upgrade on the tandem which is what we wanted to accomplish.”
For moar goals just add water & crash the net.
We’re so happy to welcome Dustin Penner to the Capitals. At 6-foot-4 and 247 pounds, Penner is a big chunk of dude who is liable to crash the net. Plus, he’s a bit of character. Actually, he might be the most RMNB-y player the Caps have ever had.
For those of you wondering what to make of Dustin Penner, these next few weeks should be interesting. In addition to crashing the net, after finding out he was traded to Washington for a fourth round pick on Tuesday, the winger asked Barack Obama if he could crash on his couch.
We haven’t had any luck with Barry, but maybe Penner is the missing piece– for both a Stanley Cup and maybe an Obama appearance at a Caps game.
Russian Machine Never Breaks is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
All original content on russianmachineneverbreaks.com is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-NC-SA 3.0)– unless otherwise stated or superseded by another license. You are free to share, copy, and remix this content so long as it is attributed, done for noncommercial purposes, and done so under a license similar to this one.