Stamkos signs autographs on the red carpet pregame. Also: WTF? (Photo credit: Scott Audette)

The Washington Capitals began the final week of their (regular) season with a road game with the Tampa Bay Lightning. That team who swept the Caps out of the playoffs last year, looked like that same team from last May.

Alex Semin missed an empty net, but scored on a lovely one-timer just seconds later. Teddy Purcell tied it up with a powerplay tally, and then Tom Pyatt deflected a Hedman shot in Neuvy’s net just half a minute later. Jason Chimera crashed the net and tied it up with three minutes left, but Steven Stamkos gave the Bolts the lead again with 63 seconds left. Then Stamkos got the empty netter and that was that. Bolts beat Caps 4-2.

• Again, the Capitals blow a lead. Again, the Capitals surrender goals in spurts. Again, the Capitals fail to close out a period strongly. File under: offseason priority.
• Brooks Laich‘s leg absorbed Vincent Lecavalier‘s shot in the second period and hobbled off the ice looking unhappy. Some thought the worst about the injury, but we already knew that Brooks is made of sterner stuff. He returned a few minutes later and was all, “yeah.. and!?”
• Alex Semin has committed penalties in consecutive games for the first time since mid-December. Last game’s “roughing” (scare quotes deliberate) was a farce, and Monday’s hook was an acceptable response to Stamkos’ net rush– even if his turnover led to that chance. His goal followed a tragic empty net miss that had us doing this:
  
• Last May, Mike Knuble said this about the Lightning: “They’re uncanny when they want to get a goal. It’s like they just snap their fingers.” Tonight, they did more of the same, and it’s like all those old feelings came rushing back. The fleeting leads squelched in an instant, the anxiety, the sweep. The only difference is that these Lightning aren’t even in the playoffs this year. (Also Knuble is getting like 10 minutes less ice per game.)
• Jason Chimera took offense to a hit from Ryan Malone in the first period. The two dropped gloves, but the bout was a decisive win for Malone, who downed Chimera with a quick shot and declined to hit him further. It was more a “scrap” than a fight, and the guy on our team left with his tail between his legs.
• But not for too long. With just three minutes left in the game, Chimera tied the game with his 20th goal of the campaign. The net: it was crashed. But let’s share some of that credit with Mike Green, who looked as confident as ever carrying the puck deep into enemy territory.
• Steven Stamkos scored his 57th and 58th of the year– the game winner and empty netter. The former was made possible by planting himself right in front of the goal, where Alex Ovechkin should be every second of every day.
• Dwayne Roloson is just so…. he’s such a …. he– ughh. OUEBGOWEUG
  
  Happy retirement, you big jerk.

Joe B suit of the night

“Playoff hockey” doesn’t mean giving up two goals in 30 seconds. Firing under 30 shots when your team’s postseason life depends on it isn’t befitting a cup-contending team (not that this is one of those).

For too long the Capitals didn’t show a fraction of the hunger that this game– and this league– requires. Against a predictable trap team, they were sloppy in neutral ice. Against a wobbly goalie they were net-crashing-averse.  Against a daunting challenge, they were insufficient.

With this loss, the Caps can probably kiss the division title goodbye. Instead of Thursday’s home game against Florida being a chance to steal the crown and jump up in the seeding, it’s a chance to save face.

No more schlubs after tonight. It’s all playoff teams from here on out. Time to show some heart.

Saturday’s win over the Canadiens was way too close, but two points were gained and that is all that matters. Now, in this final week of the regular season, six points remain available. The Caps kinda need all of those if they want home-ice advantage in the playoffs.

That means getting two tonight in Tampa.

What the heck happened to Tampa anyway? They were the breakout team in the east last year, going pretty darn far with a bright youngling (Stamkos), a wizened old man  (Roloson), and a magical halfling (St. Louis). They swept our Capitals out in the second round almost took a series away from the eventual champions, the Boston Bruins.

A normal sized human

This year, the team kinda blows. The big difference is Dwayne Roloson, who dropped from a .914 Sv% to an .884 Sv%. Steven Stamkos, meanwhile, is the best offensive player in the league with 56 goals. Keeping that tally stalled will be a big part of getting the win.

The Bolts no longer have Steve Downie, whom they dealt to the Avalanche, immediately halving their DOUCHEBAG/60 stat. That alone will make tonight’s game much more pleasant.

I don’t think I need to impress on you how important this game is, but I’m gonna do it anyway:

The Capitals are in 8th place, 2 points ahead of Buffalo. They probably ain’t catching Ottawa, but winning the division title is still possible. Here are all the games we care about:

Capitals @ Lightning       Monday 
Panthers vs Jets           Tuesday 
Sabres vs Maple Leafs      Tuesday 
Capitals vs Panthers       Thursday 
Sabres @ Flyers            Thursday 
Sabres @ Boston            Saturday 
Panthers vs Canes          Saturday
Capitals @ NYR             Saturday

As we’ve written about before, the Capitals suck on the road. If the Caps make the playoffs, which is likely, having the benefit of home ice could be the difference between playing golf soon and playing golf REALLY soon. We’ll know for sure on Saturday. Speaking of which: you coming to our party???

Puck drops at 7. It’ll be on NBC Sports, but I think Joe B is calling it.

Here’s a tune from last year’s playoffs:

Doug Johnson of the Puck Buddys is back from break. Follow PB on Twitter.

The Pregame: Tampa. Sh*t, I’m still only in Tampa.

Or them, technically. Meaning us. As in, them, Tuesday night, isn’t us. And us don’t like them.

As dance partners go, Tampa Bay is the nattering, grabby-hands B.O. champion* of NHL cities. The one you get stuck with while your date runs off for a giggle as you try to shake him/her/it loose, but you can’t, because no-one else will even look at them, as they are now adhered to you like dog stain on rug, like flab on hips, like a vote-starved politician (redundant!) to your wallet.

Try as you might, they just won’t go away, and the longer they stay attached to you your social capital sucks dry as you furiously look for some escape but come to realize that, no, you and this thing are now welded together in a grotesque, condemned to dancing together for all eternity, or at least until realignment. Face it, Tampa: you smell.

The Puck Drop

Wideman! (Photo credit: Christian Petersen)

So whoopee, here we go again, like another “presidential” debate, another roundhouse with the smelly Bolts, all of us fresh from the pointless All-Star Game shenanigans. And by all of us we mean, duh, Wides, who gave good help to Team Ook Chiara while the rest of the Capitals bench went to go see The Artist or pickled tomatoes or whatever it is they do during break ::coughXBoxcough::

Twice before, once at home and once down in stink-town, we shimmied out a victory against Tampa, but only in the last post-last moments. Honestly, they were both strange games. Given that a measly nine points separate us in SE division, and given the up-and-downs we’ve both experienced this year, and what with them being what they’uns is, it’s hard to know what to expect. Meaning:

What Makes Them Hot, and Not

Dwayne Roloson

1: Damn You Stam(ko).  Remember when we used to laugh and laugh at the old man antics of Dwayne “When Is Matlock On?” Roloson? Hoho,with a save percent of .882 and GAA of 3.65, we figure he’s mostly sucking down his Metamucil while in net. Sadly, we can’t so glibly dismiss Tampa’s real talents… and at the top of the list is Steve Stamkos.

Only one man can claim top honors where it counts, and Stamkos (32G/20A, plus-1) has it. Far behind, but not far enough, are Martin “Short Man” St. Louis and Vincent “Le Biz Nasty” Lecavalier. Largely nonthreatening so far has been Steve “Dryer Sheet” Downie  (minus-18?!), but of course you can’t build a team on just one or two stars, because lulz who would do that? We’ve got our eye on Matt Gilroy (off an injury and angry) and Tom Pyatt this game.

Vincent Lecavalier

2: Road Non-Warriors: So OK, the Bolts are 4 for their last 5, although only one of those (Boston) really counts by our metric.While we’re rockin’ the home games (18-6-1) but sorta sucky on the road (8-13-2), they’re also kinda getting their freak-on down at the Times Forum (13-7-1.) We’re saddled with injuries we don’t need, and the Bolts are, weirdly, largely band-aid free.

And in news you already know, the Caps have called up Cody “Squeak” Eakin and Joel “You Lookin At Me” Rechlicz from Hershey. At 1G/27A, Mr. ReSchlitz isn’t exactly a power player, except for his fists. Perhaps this is another bit of Coach Hunter’s perspective, but look for a little more aggressive play by the Caps. Which we think factors them as hotter than notter.

The Line

Puck drop at 7:30 (isn’t that like Albanian time?) on that NBC sports-mess. Expect every one of their on-air talent to be swimming madly in the pool for Tampa and whining about Ovi’s no-show at the meaningless All-Star yecch. Because I bet over my head, not with it, we’ve got Caps by 2. Yes, by two. Suck on that, Smell-ville.

Meme of the Night

*Postscript: haha we tried working in “halitosis” here but were checked by our realization that there really is no such thing except in the feverish dreams of avarice of ad-men, and that we already had one smelly reference in the joke, which is exactly enough for Tampa.

Sorry, Puck Buddys fans. The dudes skipped town last night and didn’t even leave a phone number. They could be in Marrakesh raising an army horde of bonsai kittens or playing Stratego with Sherpas in Tibet. We. Just. Do. Not. Know.

So yeah, the Capitals won that bout with the Penguins, but was that not one of the weirdest meetings between the two you’ve ever seen? Neither team seemed too interested in the whole “shooting” mechanic of hockey, and Matt Cooke didn’t even curl his evil mustache or malevolently pet his shaved cat once. With that humble 1-0 win, the first half of the Capitals’ season ended. It was a mess of a type we have not seen since Glen Hanlon’s reign.

But there are 41 pristine games ahead of us, starting with… [checks schedule] aw dammit! Tampa Bay Lightning woeugfbwieugwe

Tampa Bay Lightning Fun Facts

• We expected the Bolts to give the Caps a little chase for the SE lead. Instead, the Bolts are in 4th place– 8 points behind the also-struggling-but-not-nearly-so-bad Capitals. They’re atrocious on the road with a 6-15-3 record.
• Victor Hedman is the Dave Steckel of the Tampa Bay Lightning. His boarding hit on Sidney Crosby on January somethingth of 2011 ended Crosby’s season and beyond. Hedman is now nursing a concussion that he caused by boarding himself. It’s like raaaaaain on your wedding day.
• Tampa’s best player by a mile is still Steven Stamkos, who is rocking a league-best 29 goals. He’s head and shoulders above the rest of his team.
• Martin St. Louis is my giant of Lannister. 10 goals and 23 assists for a guy we make fun of a lot, but who is actually a terrific hockey player that we wish were wearing Caps red.
• But he’s not, so he’s short and weird.
• We don’t even have grudging respect for Steve Downie, whose continued employment in the NHL is embarrassing.
• Friday night will be just the Capitals’ second meeting with this Southeast Division rival. The first match was in early October, a shootout win. Alan May called the Caps “thick and proud” that night. What an odd fellow he is.
• Starting on Friday, the Caps and Bolts will meet 4 more times this season, 3 times in Tampa Bay. Have you ever been to Tampa? It’s like taking a shower in reverse. You come in clean, and then within 5 minutes you smell like you’ve been playing handball in a sauna.

Here’s the best part: You remember Dwayne “The Stain” Roloson? He was the old guy in the cage who stopped 123 of 133 shots (a modest .925 save percentage) to end the Caps’ post-season campaign. At the age of 42, Rolo appears to have hit the wall. In 21 games, he’s rocking an .880 Sv% and a GAA of 3.76. He is killing this team. Please please please let him be in net on Friday.

Evil coach Guy Boucher is not happy with his team’s work ethic of late. Check out what he told the Tampa Bay Times:

It’s like Alcoholics Anonymous. Until you say that you’re an alcoholic you can’t make the steps. Players maybe felt a sense of entitlement, so it’s good it’s internalized. Before they were being told but it wasn’t internalized. Now they realize where they are.

Weird. Contrast/compare with this infamous Bruce Boudreau’s quote, spoken about a similarly sucky squad:

If I have to teach them how to be tough … well then I don’t know how to do that.

Man, now I’m all sad again.

Okay, all better.

There are a couple good Lightning peeps on the Twitters that we got to know during the playoffs. If you’re looking for their side of the story, follow these guys:

• Raw Charge, an SB Nation blog
• Damian Cristodero, long-time coverage for the Tampa Bay Times newspaper
• Erik Elrendsson, beat reporter for the Tampa Tribune newspaper

The puck drops at 7 PM on CSN+. Yeah: Plus. Apparently the four remaining Wizards fans who miraculously survived the mass suicide called dibs on CSN proper.

The work week is over. Kick off your shoes, crack open a tallboy, and then rove through the city like a pack of wild dogs scavenging for a TV that actually gets CSN+.

Crash the net.

Vokoun shuts the door in the shootout. (Photo credit: Mitchell Layton)

Ballgame. (Photo credit: Greg Fiume)

This certainly wasn’t what Tomas Vokoun had in mind for his first game as a Washington Capital. Five goals. Bronx cheers. And, surprisingly, a win.

“It just shows how strong this team is,” Vokoun told reporters after Monday’s 6-5 shootout victory. “They literally won today without goaltending. So what can I say? … It was just ugly, ugly, ugly game for me.”

“It’s the first game, obviously you want to leave a good impression for the fans and everything,” he continued. “Couldn’t tell you the last time I remember having as bad a game as I did tonight. But we won the game, certainly not thanks to me. The team play great. I think it shows a lot of character, guys battle, came back four times. I’m going to make a promise I’m going to get them back sometime when they’re going to need me.”

To say the least, it’s been an interesting last few days for the veteran Czech netminder. Supposedly the starter coming out of training camp, he was snubbed in favor of Michal Neuvirth in the season opener. Vokoun’s agent Allan Walsh wasn’t too pleased with Head Coach Bruce Boudreau’s decision and happily ripped it publicly. Not the best situation, especially for a player trying to fit into a new team. Normally a “crap” (in Vokoun’s words) showing would merely exacerbate the problem. But thanks to the shootout moves of Matt Hendricks and Alexander Semin, it actually turned into a good thing in Boudreau’s mind.

“If you asked Tomas, he’ll be the first one to tell you that’s probably not the way he wrote the script,” the coach said. “I guess if you’re trying to look at the big picture, it takes a guy with a lot of mental toughness to play like that. … You touch the puck and the crowd’s booing you and it’s your first game in there and you want to make an impression, your agent has spouted off in the paper about it being a slap in the face and everything, and he comes up and he makes those big saves and he makes the save in the shootout. It told me a lot about his character. It ends up as a positive thing, even if he didn’t have a positive game for the most part.”

And though he may not like some of Boudreau’s choices, Vokoun echoed his comments. “I’m old enough to know you’re going to go through bad games and bad breaks, you just don’t want to have too many of them, then it’s not an accident,” the 35-year-old said. “It’s obviously what you make of it. Certainly not happy, but glad I got the win for the team because they deserve it so much and it would have been a really tough one with the effort we put out if we didn’t get two points.”

“I’m just glad it’s over,” he added.

Vokoun isn’t used to much goal support. Spending the last four years with the bottom-feeding Florida Panthers, one or two-nil loses sometimes felt common place. Not so with the Capitals. Though the team shifted to a move defensive game last season, this year, so far at least, the Caps have been an offensive powerhouse, netting nine goals in two games so far. Simply put, Vokoun got lucky Monday night.

“I would probably lose 99 out of 100 games and I won it,” he said. “It’s a game and sometimes it’s hard to understand.”

It was certainly a strange night. Endless goals, weird bounces, and an amount of stick penalties that would make the likes of Alex Semin blush. Even 42-year-old Dwayne Roloson, a veteran of 13 NHL seasons, had trouble wrapping his mind around it.

“The craziest in all my years of playing,” the Bolts’ goalie said. “Unfortunately tonight, they scored more than us.”

Photo credit: Greg Fiume

You could liken Tomas Vokoun’s debut for the Washignton Capitals to being fed to wolves. A team that relies heavily on their netminders, the Capitals chose their date with the fluke-friendly Tampa Bay Lightning to introduce the goalie. This is the same team that knocked the Caps just a few months ago and whose coach has mastered the art of saying passive-aggressive dick-y things. No pressure. GAME ON.

Teddy Purcell deflected off Mike Green’s legs for an early goal that probably pissed Vokoun off righteously. Marcus Johansson converted a wraparound after Dwayne Roloson left the net (more on this below). Bruno “Ricky” Gervais wristed it from beneath the goal line, catching Vokoun off the post to put the Bolts back up. Dennis Wideman unleashed a monster from the blue line that hit iron and webbing (Neil put this shot percentage at around 2%). Dominic Moore had all the time in the world to put his puck in short-side from the slot. Then Schultz ripped one off of Troy Brouwer, whose shot was screened by Joel Ward.

Lemme catch my breath… There’s more.

Jason Chimera crashed the net to clean up Brooks Laich’s rebound and put the Caps up 4-3 in the third. Nick Thompson exploited a completely screened Tomas Vokoun to even it back up. Vokoun had no excuse on the next one, a deep-from-behind ricochet by Brett Clark. Jason Chimera tied it up with a rocket from the circles, earning all in attendance free wings from Glory Days. Into overtime and onto the shootout. New paragraph needed.

Hendricks dekes a deke that hath not yet been deked to give the Caps one. Vokoun sends back soup. Ovechkin rebuffed. Vokoun sends back soup. Sasha scoars! Caps beat Bolts 6-5 (SO)!

• Tomas Vokoun had as tumultuous a premiere as one could have. Three sketchy pucks on sketchier bounces, the seeming calling card of Tampa’s Lightning, flummoxed the veteran. Vokoun looked angry, and his defense was not doing him many favors. Three bad goals against would slay most goalies, but Tomas recovered to play a stellar overtime and an even better shootout. Every goalie has bad games like this, but Vokoun followed through to play like a champ. Welcome to the team.
• Despite the shot disparity (43-28 Caps), this game’s scoring chances were dead even at 22. A good bout and a great rivalry.
• Jason Chimera has three goals in two games. Jason Chimera has three goals in two games. The third line is on fire. The third line is on fire. That was Chimera’s 100th. And 101st. That was Chimera’s 100th goal. And 101st.
• How do you know that line is on fire? Bruce Boudreau gave Brooks Laich 11 offensive-zone starts compared to Nick Backstrom’s 6. That tells you who coach trusts right now.
• Sasha cares very much… with the man advantage. Alex Semin had 4 of the Caps’ 7 PP scoring chances.
• 

  Thick. Proud. Matt Hendricks (Photo credit: Greg Fiume)

  So that first goal against Dwayne Roloson… let’s do some old jokes! Roloson wandered out of the net as if he was off meds and looking for Werther’s Originals. A Silver Alert was posted on all the highways, but Rolo was lying low somewhere out of the crease, probably watching reruns of NCIS and counting his social security checks.  Happy 42nd birthday on Wednesday, Dwayne. For an old guy who looks like Jackie Earle Haley, playing goalie for the other team, you’re still awesome.

• So it’s NOT okay to throw your hockey stick at another player? Hunh. News to me. I guess it’s still verboten to take your skate off and try to stab someone with it, right?
• Marcus Johansson looked like a god among insects out there tonight. He leveled two hits on his first shift, scored a picturesque wraparound, drew a scary trip in overtime. Even on scoring chances for and against, but still a good night for the younger Swede.
• On the other hand, there’s Alex Ovechkin. AO’s minus-2 rating and mild offensive contributions made him little more than a neutral player. He didn’t have his first scoring chance until 55 seconds into the 3rd period.
• Neutral is what Nick Backstrom should aim for. Minus-2 with two penalties and two shots thoroughly shanked. Not Nicky’s night.
• Troy Brouwer recorded his first goal as a Washington Capital by deflecting Jeff Schultz’s rocket. Fellow newbie Joel Ward also gets props for screening the goalie on that one.
• Whose fault was the too-many-men-on-the-ice penalty? Coaching? A zealous player? Semin in the box? Let’s find out soon, because this is one penalty we see far too much of.

Okay, let’s give Alan May the mic for a second:

Not entirely sure what “thick & proud” means, but you should really be following @MayHockeyCSN.

Joe B. suit of the night

This game was thoroughly insane. There’s too much for one recap. Some might open fire on Tomas Vokoun for letting by some softies, but his performance in the closing minutes should water it down a bit. For now, let it be Jason Chimera’s night.

I hope that this victory over Tampa, the first in a very long time, gives you some relief. I hope you eat delicious wings from Glory Days. I hope you picked up Jason Chimera in your fantasy league.

We’ve got the Penguins on Thursday. Expect to see Vokoun in net.

We leave you with a tune from Veruca Salt dedicated to your Palm player of the game:

CHIMMER CHIMMER LIKE A GIRL SHOULD YEAH!

Additional reporting by Neil Greenberg, who totally called Chimera being hot tonight.

Guy Boucher plots to kill 007 (Photo credit: Scott Cunningham/Getty Image)

Craig Brownstein of PuckBuddys writes for Russian Machine. You shall follow them on Twitter.

Banging out preview for Monday night’s game against the Bolts required us to go through some repressed playoff memories. Bear with us for some much needed catharsis; we’re still fragile.

Late last April, we embarked on a grand tour of European capitals just as Game 5 with the filthy Rangers was wrapping up. We were glued to the Blackberry as our readied for take off. Just before wheels up, word came through that the Caps bested the Rags, 3-1. We began our adventure by causing quite the raucous in the first class cabin with fanboy squeals, high-fives, and RED streaks of Russian curses– guaranteeing a date with aviation authorities upon landing across the Atlantic.

We did a blazingly fast tour of Amsterdam and then four days in Paris. We entrusted the care of PuckBuddys with two close friends, Big Dave and Michele, who managed the zoo and posted on the first game of the Tampa series. That loss didn’t much dampen our enthusiasm since we were riding high in Paris, taking in the sights: The Arc, Le Tour Eiffel, Pere Lachaise, and a metric ton of cassoulet. April in Paris, indeed (Hi Ella!).

We got back to DC and back to business– playoff business. The next three games went no better for our Caps. We were so traumatized by the Bolts’ dominating play that even the Bin Laden take-down didn’t cheer us up. The Caps best hope to beat Tampa Bay would’ve required Seal Team 6 on the two top lines. The season ended and like many Caps fans, we were numb.

(Photo credit: no one takes credit for this photo)

But eventually we shook it off. Like the off-season, Saturday’s game with the Canes found us at Nellie’s full of hope.  We may have gotten carried away with the hope-y thing when one of our revelers hoisted a bucket of beer over his head as if it were Lord Stanley’s chalice. “We want the Cup!” he roared.  We left the bar with a bounce in our step and the taste of blood in our mouths: First, we want Tampa.

Steven Stamkos

The Bolts arrive at the Booth after a dominating win over the Canes in their season opener, but they followed that up by getting thrashed by the champion Boston Bruins 4-1. When we look at the Lightning roster we can’t help but feel repulsed by two familiar faces: noted miscreant Steve Downie and repeat offender Victor “The Headhunter” Hedman. Perhaps the only Bolt we like is 21 year-old blond beauty, forward Steven Stamkos. Why do we like Stamkos, you ask? We like him because he likes to pose shirtless a lot. [Note: Pretty soon you’ll stop asking]. We’ll hold our fire on Tampa’s Tom Pyatt, because when we talk Pyatt brothers, we’re all about Taylor Pyatt of the Coyotes. We’ll gush plenty about that doll baby ahead of the Phoenix game on November 21 (if we still have a job here by then).

Twin peaks villain

But it’s a duo of Bolts players we’ve have the most fun with: the diminutive Assistant Captain, Martin St. Louis, and his towering Quebecois teammate, Captain Vincent Lecavalier. We do our best over-the-top, French-Canadian accents (which sound neither French nor Canadian), and shout, “San-lou-EEE” and Le-Cavalee-YAY.”  And we follow that up with a round of throaty and all-too-stereotypical braying, “HAW, HAW, HAW!!!”

It’s all in good fun; we really like the Canadians. Their names sound like Twin Peaks villains. We also have fun with the Bolts bench boss, the very handsome and very scary, Guy “Scarface” Boucher. When we introduced the Bolts coach to our hocke- noob PuckBuddys audience, we issued this reminder on pronunciation: “Bou-CHE rhymes with Dou-CHE.”

Dwayne Roloson

We can’t preview the Bolts without a look at their number-one goalie. And when we say look, we mean a look at the historical record, the Pleistocene record. We aren’t sure exactly how old Dwayne “Actuarial-tables-say-I-won’t-survive-the-season” Roloson actually is. His true age will be determined when the carbon-dating analysis results get back from the lab, hopefully in time for our second match-up on January 13.

Until then, it’s work-work-work and a busy week ahead. We’ve got a Pens preview to draft, a trip with Slapshot to the manicurist for his annual talon sharpening, and a quick run to the jeweler for some emergency repair work. Don’t ask about that chore — suffice it to say that someone got their chain yanked Saturday night and we’ll leave it at that.

Crankypants. (Photo credit: Bruce Bennett)

On a warm Tuesday night, the Tampa Bay Lightning were kind enough to host the Washington Capitals for an hour of playoff hockey. It’s not going to end well.

Sean Bergenheim opened up with an easy one– a five-holer made possible by Mike Green’s absentee defense. Early in the second, Mike Knuble pierced Roloson thanks to Ovechkin’s set up. A bomb from John Carlson and screened by Eric Fehr gave the Caps a 2-1 lead, but Vincent Lecavalier returned fire from the goal mouth to tie it up. After a powerplay pile-up in the paint, Alex Ovechkin found the open puck and inserted it in the twine. A turnover gave Steven Stamkos a beautiful netter from the slot. 24 seconds later, Ryan Malone kicked in the game winner. Bolts beat Caps 4-3.

The Caps are in a three-game hole. Dire.

• 

  Precisely (Photo credit: Scott Audette)

  Alex Semin‘s first and only shot of the night came with 58:13 into the game. There are no adjectives for this Sasha.
• Nick Backstrom tragically missed this game due to a — oh? No way. He actually played? Well, he didn’t put a puck on net, so why did he bother suiting up?
• On the other end of the spectrum: Alex Ovechkin. He made no shortage of mistakes, but he also showed up when it was needed: assisting Knuble’s goal and heroing his own tally, the would-be game-winner. Greasy goals are the greatest goals, and Ovi is covered in grease.
• We expected so so so much more from the Semin-Arnott-Laich trio.
• Mike Knuble, team neckbeard leader, scored an early powerplay goal, but like a Virginia Tech party, there were too many men. The crucial goal was waved off. Yeah, that burns.
• It’s the small things. Hockey is a game of inches, angles, and fractions, but the Capitals keep playing it macro-style. Moving your legs on the man-advantage, tape-to-tape passes, controlled and patient breakouts, funneling the puck to the net: these things really do pay off. We know this because the Tampa Bay Lightning are doing it perfectly. The Bolts are playing the hockey that our boys should be playing.
• The 24-second span in which Stamkos and Malone scored amputated this team’s soul. That third period should have been the Caps’ finest hour. Instead we got a squad of sourpusses playing crankypants-brand hockey. Five meager shots on Dwayne’s net.
• No, but seriously. We’ve covered this before: hockey is fun. Even when your team is losing, you gotta enjoy it. A bummed-out team doesn’t just lose championships, they lose fans.
• Remainders: Marcus Johansson was the VIP of the PK, closing in on pointmen with the quickness and creating turnovers. Sturm-Gordon-Bradley were terriers laying siege to the Tampa Bay zone with every shift.  Mike Green missed most of the third period; his 13:24 TOI is like his defensive play: way below par. Ovechkin clipped Dwayne Roloson’s neck with the stick early in the third, but there was no injury.

And then there was Michal Neuvirth.  The best Capitals player by a mile, Neuvy stopped 26 pucks, a handful of which were omega-level saves. Those saves were ultimately not enough, but they were more than his teammates deserved. Neuvirth’s play is streets ahead of the rest of the Caps, and despite his young age Michal looks like only player with his head always in the game.

Joe B suit of the night

We’re pretty much at the end here. The sky is darkening over the Capitals’ season. Players’ wives are buying sunblock.

Wait, scratch that.

Maybe the Cup is beyond our reach. Maybe this series is too. But the Capitals have an opportunity on Wednesday night to show the world what kind of hockey team they are. We’re going to see gap-toothed smiles and detonating pucks. We’re gonna see Russian hugs on ice. We’re going to see the net behind Dwayne Roloson quiver like a rippling pond. We’re gonna see Caps hockey.

To paraphrase my favorite writer: if nothing the Caps do tomorrow matters, then all that matters is what the Caps do tomorrow.

Crash the net.

Balls. (Photo credit: Greg Fiume)

It’s been awhile since you’ve added a tally to your wins list, eh?

The Washington Capitals hosted the Tampa Bay Lightning to another night of hockey in the old Verizon Center barn. And it pretty much went just like the first one.

During a late first-period powerplay, Vincent Lecavalier deflated the crowd with a high dart to the back of the net. Brooks Laich crashed the net to tie it up, but Martin St. Louis’s deflection off Mike Green’s skate gave Tampa a 2-1 lead. With Neuvirth pulled, the Capitals fought the Battle of Roloson’s Crease to victory– with Captain Alex Ovechkin pitching in the puck from zero distance. In the biggest overtime of the season, the Caps started strong. But Teddy Purcell fed Vinny Lecavalier a puck right in front of Michal Neuvirth. Game over. Bolts beat Caps 3-2 (OT), but here’s the real kick in the teeth:

Bolts lead the series 2-0.

• The Capitals have their backs against the wall. They have lost both games at home, squandering whatever advantage the regular season created. These back-to-back games in Florida could not come with higher stakes.
• Regulation scoring chances tell the story: tied at 4 in the first, 8-0 Caps in the second, 2-5 in the third.
• You can’t win a hockey game if you miss on six power play opportunities. You can’t win a Stanley Cup if you miss on eleven. But that’s the count through two games in this series. Ovechkin is still on the point, still fetching pucks. Is that really how you want to use the best offensive weapon in the NHL?
• Shots? 37-23. The Lightning have been outshot in every game of the playoffs, but they keep on winning. A testament to Dwayne Roloson?
• Humbly, I submit no. Just like they did with Jaroslav Halak, the Capitals are sending the pucks right to where the goalie is. Rolo is not that fast laterally and not that strong up high. If a handful of shots went a few inches higher or wider, these games would be blowouts. Instead, the 86-year old looks like Mecha-Roy.
• Brooks Laich was the player most able to counter the Lightning’s defense. He generated 4 scoring chances, including his own goal.
• Meanwhile, Alex Ovechkin had one measly chance until that almost-pivotal tying goal.
• Tampa’s dwarven thunder, Martin St. Louis, had a two-point night (goal and assist). He also took a nasty high sticking (no call) that loosened the same teeth first sundered in the Pittsburgh series. Also, I wrote a song about him during the second intermission.
• Jeff Schultz was on-ice for every Tampa goal. He’s outmatched, out of position, and gangly beyond reason. How’s Dennis Wideman feeling?
• The second-period Capitals are composed and forceful. They suffocated the Bolts’ offense. But when they went a goal down midway through the third, they played like decapitated chickens.
• Was the OTGWG offsides? Put on your tin foil hats, rules lawyers, and get ready to make your appeal to the dungeon master.

There’s a bunch of dire stats about how often teams with 2-0 leads win series. You’ve probably seen them; we’re not gonna repeat them. Here’s the truth: the Caps need to take both games in Tampa or else they’re just prolonging the inevitable.

It looks grim. The Lightning’s victories have been thanks to strategic superiority, or at least a superior effort in sticking to the coach’s strategy. The Capitals stars disappear for long stretches.

But they’ve still got heroes on the ice. Check out those wizardly shifts by Boyd Gordon, Matt Bradley, and Marco Sturm. No players rendered Roloson dyspeptic better than the “energy” line. If the rest of the squad can play with the same offensive fervor that this trio has, there is still hope.

So here’s the party line: just come back to us, boys. Steal one or two games on the road, and come back to Washington in style. No one said the road to the Cup was gonna be easy, and now they need to prove their mettle. In Florida. Which is America’s dong.

Still believe. Go Caps. Eff terrorists.

Additional reporting by Ian Oland and Neil Greenberg.

Get ready for 4+ games of Steve Downie, Steven Stamkos, and Dwayne Roloson – the man who shut us out twice during the regular season and is approximately 4,000 years old. How are you feeling, Caps fans? Can we take them? What’s your prediction?