Photo was touched up to remove the NHL executive handshake-passing the ref a 100-dollar bill. (Photo credit: Greg Fiume)

With their 5-0 loss to the New York Rangers in game seven, the Washington Capitals have been ungently booted from the postseason again. A period of healing and reconciliation now begins (also probably some suntans), but first we need to take a look at the sadness. The infinite, infinite sadness.

Let’s just take it all in, mope around for the next day or two like red-rocking Eeyores, and wallow in the wah wah wah (that’s what a sad trombone sounds like). It’s not fun; no, but we need to give the grieving process time to do its thing.

A rare moment in which Ribeiro stank both literally and figuratively? (Photo credit: Greg Fiume)

Clockwise, starting from Ovi: Stunned, annoyed, yawning, guffawing, free agent-y, and totally over this crap. (Photo credit: USA Today)

Oh great, next time you wanna be super-depressed, you don’t have to watch Requiem For a Dream. You can just pop open this GIF and save yourself two hours. (GIF by SBNation.com)

“Boredom is the root of all evil, the despairing refusal to be oneself”. – Kierkegaard (Photo credit: @dcsportsbog)

Sad dad. Sad dad. Sad dad. (Photo credit: @recordsANDradio)

Oh criminy, now we are zooming in on sad dad? Have you no decency, cameraman? (Photo credit: @dcsportsbog)

“I know it was you, Henrik. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!” (Photo credit: Patrick McDermott)

“Well son, since you haven’t learned to respect your elders, it’s time you learn to respect your betters.” (Photo credit: Alex Brandon)

This handshake nearly caused a goals-versus-threshold singularity that would have swallowed Marc-Andre Fleury whole. (Photo credit: Patrick McDermott)

The Building of America’s Hockey Capital is running a bit late and over-budget. (Photo credit: Alex Brandon)

ARE YOU KIDDING. DUDE, THIS IS THE SADDEST THING EVER. CANNOT EVEN CAPTION THIS. WOW. WOW. (Photo credit: Alex Brandon)

Someone in the press corps just told Oates that Sun-In Hair Lightener is no longer in fashion. And that punk is dead. (Photo credit: Nick Wass)

How this guy got no points in seven games is a puzzle for the ages. (Screengrab via Monumental Network)

Karl Alzner forced to stand by silently while his beard conducts a lengthy interview. (Screengrab via Monumental Network)

Green looks like a tougher and only slightly sadder version of the singer from Brand New. Who sucks by the way. (Screengrab via Monumental Network)

Mama Backstrom is disappointed in her son’s play, sure. But his facial hair is an outright disgrace to the family name. (Screengrab via Monumental Network)

No snarky caption. This guy is boss. Plus: hands-down best neckbeard on the team. (Screengrab via Monumental Network)

The sadness will pass soon. Try to put a smile on your face. And keep your head up. <3 RMNB.

Photo credit: Chris Gordon

The Washington Capitals’ 27th-ranked penalty kill was one reason the team could have missed the playoffs. Now it’s the reason they’re up 2-0 in the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals.

In a tight battle against the New York Rangers in game 2 on Saturday, the PK turned chances for crushing goals into momentum for themselves — especially while killing off Steve Oleksy’s delay of game early in overtime. Four minutes later, Mike Green literally shook Verizon Center.

During the game-saving work a man down, no player contributed more than Eric Fehr.

In his 34-second shift, Fehrsie nearly scored a goal on the rush, burning off valuable PK time in the process. Once the Rangers regained the puck, Fehr raced back, sticking to Brad Richards like glue. Once the puck was moved to Derick Brassard, Fehr sprawled on the ice to block the shot. With the puck under him, Brassard poked away at Fehr’s stomach, pushing him all the way to the boards. It probably should have been a penalty, and it probably hurt a lot. Fehr lay in pain along the wall for a few seconds, before making his way to the bench with a grimace. It was an awesome shift.

“It wasn’t so much the shot as the guy trying to get the puck out from underneath me,” Fehr said when asked about the pain he endured. “The block felt good.”

“That was a pretty aggressive spear,” he told me. “I thought it was borderline, could have been called. I guess the ref didn’t want to do that in overtime. I didn’t even know the puck was under me, and I got guys poking me.”

Either way, the Caps successfully stifled the third Rangers power play of the night.

Taken over a whole season, the Caps PK has been bad. But towards the end of the season, it ceased to be a total disaster. Fehr credited the pick-up to confidence in Braden Holtby. Knowing that he was able to make saves to bail the team out allowed the Caps to take more risks.

“Holts is obviously our number-one penalty killer,” Fehr said. “He’s making big stops for us. When we felt confident in him, we can really pressure the power play and really be aggressive on it.”

“We expect a lot of big things from our PK,” he added. “We don’t think we’re 27th in the league.”

Holtby, as always, refused to take credit for the success.

“I think that’s a big key to any PK, any game,” he said. “You have to trust everyone on your team. That’s probably a big thing both ways. The start of the year we didn’t really know where we were going to be, weren’t real sure. Now I know when there’s shots from the point the guys are going to be in the right position. We have a lot of trust in each other.”

“It wasn’t that they were doing a bad job to start with, it was just we were learning,” Holtby added. “Guys kept having faith in each other and that’s why we’re at where we’re at now.”

Photo credit: Patrick McDermott

Woohoo! Final game of the season. A month and a half ago, I thought this would be the last one I’d cover before the summer, but then Ovechkin happened. Now, the Boston Bruins at Washington Capitals game was just a meaningless little preamble to the real dance, which starts next week.

Let’s do a loose recap. Looch got a lucky one off Alzner’s skates, then he screened Holtby on Ference’s goal. Then, Mike Green 2009 warged into Mike Green 2013 and scored back-to-back power play goals. The Caps killed some late-game penalties and forced overtime, where Eric Fehr finished off the regular season with a little goal so greasy you could lubricate your engine with it if that’s a thing you knew how to do.

Caps beat Bruins 3-2 (Overtime).

Mike Green leads defensemen in goals. The current date is April 27, 2013. If that’s not proof that Adam Oates’ power play is magic, I don’t know what is. I don’t know if we’ve ever seen a healthy Mike Green in the playoffs. Heads up.

Out of town: Montreal looks like they’ll beat the Leafs tonight. So if Ottawa wins tonight (Philly) and tomorrow (Boston), the Caps will play the Leafs. That’d be a) awesome given all the media attention, and b) ideal for maximum scoar moar goals. Saturday’s Sens-Flyers game might be the last of Mike Knuble’s career– 1077 games long. It has been a privilege to watch his big ass play hockey.

Joe B suit of the night

If Ottawa loses tonight (they’re currently trailing), it’ll be Caps-Rangers for the millionth time in a million years. That’s okay as the Rangers are way weaker than some of the other teams the Caps coulda pulled (namely the Sens or the Isles), but still. Jeez. Sick of those guys. Remember: it was Caps at NYR when Mike whatshisface went on that tirade on Ovi. Get ready for 4-7 more games of that mess.

UPDATE: Yup. It’s the Rangers.

Alex Ovechkin got two apples, but no guavas. No matter– as Stamkos didn’t score before press time, soooo… congrats to Alex Ovechkin for winning the Rocket Richard. Just three months after everyone called him washed up. I went through all my old game recaps and changed them to make it seem like I knew this would happen all along. All joking aside, I have been deflecting criticism off Ovechkin all season while also mourning what looked like a mostly predictable decline in performance– until Jack Adams-deserving Adam Oates fed Ovi some acorn paste with red streaks in it and turned him into an all-seeing, goal-scoring, skinchanging ubermensch. Kneel before Ovi.

The Caps are apparently trying to get all the late-game penalties out of their system now. Cool.

OKAY. THAT’S IT. RAZOR’S DOWN. Here’s the part of the year where we all go insane. I can’t wait.

Playoffs, baby! Who’s excited?

Illustration by Rachel Cohen, y’all.

Photo credit: Bruce Bennett

Eric Fehr has been the Washington Capitals’ big comeback story. Fehr left Washington for Winnipeg in 2011 after a few injury-riddled seasons, but returned to DC this offseason and has since become one of the team’s most reliable forwards. Fehr drives play more decisively than any other forward and has put up 8 goals and 8 assists in a shortened season against tough competition.

Fehr’s new contract will keep him in Caps red through 2015 and will earn him an average of $1.5 million a year.

From the Capitals:

The Washington Capitals have re-signed right wing Eric Fehr to a two-year contract, vice president and general manager George McPhee announced today. Fehr will earn $1.4 million in 2013-14 and $1.6 million in 2014-15.

Fehr, 27, has recorded 16 points (eight goals, eight assists) and 10 penalty minutes in 39 games with Washington this season. Fehr leads the team in plus/minus (+14) and ranks tied for fifth on the Capitals in goals. His 69 shots on goal rank seventh on Washington.

The 6’4”, 206-pound forward has collected 112 points (56 goals, 56 assists) and is a plus-41 in 304 career NHL games with Washington and Winnipeg. Fehr tallied 93 of those points (46 goals, 47 assists) in 230 career games with the Capitals from 2005-2011, including a career high 39 points (21 goals, 18 assists) in 69 games with Washington during the 2009-10 campaign. In 26 career playoff games, all with Washington, Fehr has recorded five goals and one assist.

The Winkler, Manitoba, native was the Capitals’ first-round choice, 18th overall, in the 2003 Entry Draft. He was an integral member of the Hershey Bears club that won the 2006 Calder Cup. In 19 playoff games that year, he had eight goals, three assists and scored the overtime game-winning goal in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals to lift the Bears to the Calder Cup Final.

Photo credit: Patrick McDermott

Thursday night against the Hurricanes, the Washington Capitals continued their march up the Eastern Conference standings with some Ovi scoring and Brouwer yelling (what else is new) as they defeated the Carolina Hurricanes. Tonight, they looked to extend their six-game winning streak against another flailing Southeast Division team from more humid parts, the Tampa Bay Lightning. They did. It was fun ’cause the Caps scored a lot of goals, until Tampa did that too.

It started with a Brouwitzer, then a Hillen blast (just kidding), and then some Russian dude with a missing tooth. In the second it was JASON FREAKING CHIMERA, Panik for Tampa, Panik puns for people on Twitter, and a Fehr tap in. The third, as usual, was where the Caps screwed things up, with two St. Louis goals, another for Panik, and one for Purcell. However…

OVERTIME = GAME OVER GREEN.

In the end, there were wings for the people in the stands and two points for the people on the ice. Caps edge Bolts 6-5 (OT).

• Tonight was a matchup between the league’s top two scorers: Alex Ovechkin and Steven Stamkos. If the Lightning were any good, it might even be a matchup of two MVP candidates. Ovi wasted no time taking over the lead with the final scoar of Washington’s three goal first period. Forehand, backhand, one-legged flying celebration, glass smash.
• The amazing turnaround for Ovechkin continues. The hockey world had given up on Ovi two months ago; now he’s on pace to win his third Rocket Richard Trophy.
• Nine shots on goal for Ovechkin, seven for Mike Green. I hear these guys are doing well lately. Greenie won it in overtime.
• Seventeen goals in 15 games for the Great Eight. EVERYBODY TO RIGHT WING.
• Troy Brouwer is also hot hot hot. Unleashing another Brouwitzer on the power play, Troy registered his third goal in two games. Sadly, though, he didn’t swear maniacally at Alex Semin after this one.
• Also, also doing well lately: Jack Hillen. This guy’s month just keeps getting better. Contract, baby, goal, goal. Don’t look know, but JH38 is becoming a fan favorite. Seriously.
• Jason Chimera scored his first goal since NBC was worth watching — March 17 — tonight, converting a sublime tick-tack-toe with Mathieu Perrault. And Peter missed it. Again. Because he was in New Jersey. I know.
• The third line was super awesome tonight. In addition to Chimera’s goal, Eric Fehr had a tap-in tally and Matty P. had two succulent assists.
• Nate Thompson‘s unplanned meeting with a Green slap shot shows once again shows that visors are good for you. Yes, Thompson ended up bleeding all over the ice, but he could have easily lost an eye — that’s what was behind the shield.
• The Caps keep collapsing late in the game and it continues to be super annoying. This game was 5-1 at one point. Please stop, guys.
• Richard Panik put some fancy moves on while all alone in front and Marty St. Louis (that short dude) fired a delicious snipe over his catching glove to start the Tampa comeback. In the third, it was those two guys again.
• And then… disaster.
• With two and a half minutes left, Teddy Purcell fired a backhander past Holtby. Verizon Center could not believe it. The fans should know better by now.
• The Capitals gave up 40 or more shots for the second straight game.
• There’s a reason Tampa’s hockey team is called the Lightning: thunderstorms are forecasted in the area for the next three days. This information is useless to you.
• This tweet made CSN. Ian is very proud.
• Marcus Johansson deserves all the credit in the world tonight. His beautiful move to the net drew the game’s decisive power play.

Joe B. Suit of the Night

I was one of the team’s biggest doubters in the winter, but after seeing Adam Oates’s handiwork — with the system, the power play, and Alex Ovechkin — it’s hard not to think this team might be able to make a run in the playoffs. This team, believe it or not, may actually be good — as long as you play a two period game. This game was a tale of two different teams. The first one was unstoppable, as fun as those amazing (regular season) Caps teams from a few years ago; the second was pathetic. At least they still won, their seventh victory in a row.

Pete H. will back in the saddle for Leafs v. Caps on Tuesday. Enjoy your Sunday. Boo Orioles.

Request for #Caps fans: Please start chanting MVP after Ovechkin goals.

— Ian Oland (@ianoland) April 13, 2013

Photo credit: Francois Lacasse

The Washington Capitals have had it too good for too long. After filling their greedy maws at the trough of the Southeast for so long, they traipsed up to French Canadia to lay a beating upon the beast of the Northeast, the Montreal Canadiens. The Habs, sporting one of the best power plays and possession numbers in the league, were a worthy foe, but the Caps had Ovi. And that’s all you really need these days. Just a big plate of Ovi and wash it down with some Backstrom. Put some greasy Fehr in there if you want, but Ovi is the main dish.

Caps beat Habs 3-2.

• Despite a dominant opening five minutes by the Caps, the Canadiens grabbed an early lead. From behind the net, Prust sent a sneaky pass to late-man Lars Eller, who– and stop me if you’ve heard this one before– was eminently open in the Caps’ slot. Neuvirth didn’t have a chance– unless you expected him to abandon the net and mark a man.
• Alex Ovechkin was shotless nearly halfway through the game, but he scored on his first shot– a weird knucklepuck that Jim Palmer might describe as a “spoonball” between extended stories about himself. Ovi’s move before the shot was the lateral version of every between-the-legs move you’ve ever seen him do. It was gorgeous. Alex Ovechkin is your NHL goal-scoring leader. Alex Ovechkin is the captain of your hockey team. Alex Ovechkin is f#@(&ing awesome. UPDATE: Stamkos scored. We’re back in a tie.
• If Ovechkin gets a trophy– any trophy– be it Hart or Richard or Lindsay, shouldn’t Adam Oates get the Jack Adams? It was Oates who put him at right wing, paired him with Nicky Backstrom (after a too-long failed experiment with Ribeiro), and implemented a 1-3-1 system for the power play. These are Ovi’s goals, but Oates has his smudgy fingerprints on ‘em too.
• Two much quieter plays by Ovechkin I want to highlight: his diving block in the third period (btw Caps were block-crazy tonight– it was like 2010 playoffs in reverse) and his eagerness to deal away the puck in the offensive zone. Ovi did it twice– once in the second period to Johansson and once in the third to Backstrom. Ovechkin seems to have internalized the lesson that he need not touch the puck all the time; he need only touch it last.
• Jack Hillen sent a puck into Carey Price’s blocker pads. The shot went skyward and when it fell, the Caps had the lead. Eric Fehr got credit for the goal, which I didn’t necessarily see, but Fehr certainly deserves it, seeing as he was tilting the ice in the Caps’ favor while the rest of the team was getting mired in their own zone.
• Jack Hillen lost credit for that Fehr goal, but he finally recorded his first Capitals goal in the third period– an outside slapper screened by Alex Ovechkin, who is also awesome. Hillen has 4 points in the last 2 games. He’s been shutting down the opposition (he was basically white on Tavares’ rice last week) and driving play since his return. Some RMNBers were giving me grief about my praise of Hillen earlier, but I think I’ll just pre-emptively take their groveling apologies to le banque.
• Here’s my impersonation of Habs fans: le boooo, le boooo, le pepe le pew was really messed up if you think about it, le boo. If Verizon Center can do that: a) it’d be really annoying, and b) maybe the Caps could get some more friendly whistles. Whattaya guys say? Should we all become cranky canucks?
• Michal Neuvirth put forth the performance that he needed– and we all knew he had in him. Neuvy was pressured heavily in the back half of the first period and most of the second, but he was stout in net. He made a couple insane-o saves, and certainly justified Oates’ decision to play him in back-to-backs. I’m so glad to see the struggling netminder come into his own. Well done, Neuvy.
• Some Canadian guy scored a deflected goal past Neuvy with 3 minutes to go. Whatever.

Joe B suit of the night

Bailamos? Bailamos.

The Caps continue winning– somewhat improbably– dicey road games. Once again, they do it on the strength of Alex Ovechkin. But this time they do it against a truly elite team, a playoff team, a poutine-eating, wine-swilling, French-kissing team. This time they did it with decent possession (although they had to block a truckload of shots in the effort) and secondary scoring.

I’ve been one of the Caps’ biggest doubters, but I… think… the Washington Capitals might be legit. I’m not plotting any parade routes or anything, but I am genuinely excited to see what they do next. That’s a great feeling for a fan, and it’s one I’m so grateful to feel again.

Crash the net.

Photo credit: Gregg Forwerck

The Washington Capitals got rocked by Carolina Hurricanes on Tuesday. Thursday looked like more of the same until Alex Ovechkin threw the team over his husky Russian shoulders and carried them kicking and screaming into the W.

This one could have gone very different. It’s good to know your Capitals can still surprise you.

Caps beat Canes 3-2.

• Alex Semin scored 74 seconds into the game– an easy one from the paint as Marcus Johansson lost his assignment while searching for his stick. It was kind of a classic Semin game: he whiffed on two great opportunities after that.
• Jeff Skinner ran into Tomas Kundratek‘s knee in the first period, sending the Hershey call-up to the locker room for the rest of the game. In his absence, Steve Oleksy ate up a lot of ice time and finished with a minus-11 Corsi. So… ouch.
• That second goal was a weird-ass, slow-rolling, knuckle-y deflection. I can’t in good conscience put Michal Neuvirth on the hook for that one or the point-blank bullet from Semin. Great work from Neuvy in net.
• Eric Fehr nearly had a repeat of that goal-of-the-year nominee. He didn’t get the goal, but he did draw a penalty in the effort. Why doesn’t he have a new contract yet?
• Settle a bet for me: does Raleigh’s horn guy sound like a drunk Louis Armstrong or Sam Wolk with sinusitis?
• Alex Ovechkin hit the 700-point mark with his 3rd period power play goal. As Neil Greenberg points out, Ovi’s 700 is just about 50/50 goals and assists. Kid’s got a bright future ahead of him– either as a goal-scorer or playmaker. Ovi led both teams in shots on goal with 6.
• Joey Crabb caught a penalty for a phantom boarding hit. In reality, Bobby Sanguinetti (spelled it right on my first try!) just fell and hit the corner nastily. No malice in it, which I guess the refs realized, as they gave the Caps a make-up cool soon after.
• Eric Fehr and Alex Semin got matching minors for roughing in the third. It felt weird to type that. We didn’t even get to see it happen. Dammit.
• Alex Ovechkin got behind the Carolina D and suckered Ellis out of net to secure the game-winner. I’m not sure if he knocked it in or if Ribeiro or Fehr was the agent. I don’t truly care. Alex Ovechkin won this game.

Joe B suit of the night

This game was as bad as it gets through 20 minutes. The second period showed some improvement, but it’s not in my nature to get interpret a Joey Crabb goal as a turning of the tide. No, it was Alex Ovechkin who gave this game some spirit in the third period with that power play goal. It was Alex Ovechkin who won this game by putting the puck behind Dan Ellis with just over two minutes left.

Leadership from your captain. In a week of harsh scrutiny, could you ask for anything more?

I don’t think the Caps have life in the postseason, but they played with heart and sometimes that’s enough. That’s enough tonight.

WHAT THE WHAT WHATY THE OWQUUOUQWF GOALLLL OVIIII OR FEHHHRRR WHO CARES GOAL

— RMNB (@russianmachine) March 15, 2013

Photo credit: Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

[Ed note: PuckBuddy, and hockey's own Hemingway, Jason Rogers, is back to praise where it's earned and taunt where it's needed. Tweeter him now.]

Morning Skate: Don’t look now, but the Caps have won five of their last six, and eight of eleven over the last month. The good guys from DC sit within spitting distance of – dare I say it? – the playoffs. The Capitals, like a port-a-potty with a wayward push, have begun rolling downhill.

This Saturday afternoon, like a matinee at the movies, the Caps’ opponent will be a poorly directed, over-budget flop starring nobody. Yes, the Gortons Fishermen roll back into their harbor fresh from Long Island (Excuse me: Stron-Gisland) to welcome the Caps, and if Uncle Ted has any sense he’ll scotch-guard the locker room.

The Puck Drop: So really, why should you get up for a Caps-Islanders game? Besides getting to know your soon-to-be division rival, you ought to check out the conference standings, duh. Scroll all the way to the bottom. Now scroll back up a little. BOOM! No longer at the bottom of the food chain, the Caps are now at least a secondary consumer! Kelp no more, we have progressed to krill. But in more terrestrial terms, the Caps are currently five points behind the Rangers for the eighth playoff spot, and six points behind Carolina in the division, with a game-in-hand on the latter. That’s iron-sight range, people. That’s swinging distance, like a short gap under a long vine. We’re two games south of the season halfway point, and the fact of the matter is that there’s time to make this thing a race. Every game, Oates’ system is fitting them snugger and snugger, like an opportune Isotoner. The Caps have more track in front of them than behind them, and they’re trending in the right direction. So there’s that.

My second reason to watch is really less of a point and more of a stud. And that stud’s name is Eric Fehr. Our fehrweather friend is becoming before our eyes the guy we drafted him to be with our first pick in 2003, over Ryan Getlzlaf, Ryan Kessler and Corey Perry. Now, he’s not up there yet…but he’s a-climbin’. I was at the SIM Card on Tuesday when Fehrris Bueller played the hero in overtime, and my text conversation with PuckBuddys’ wunderkind Craig went a little like this:

Craig: Eric Fehr!
Me: F***. Yes. Eric. Fehr.
Craig: Ho-Lee F***!

Our Morgan Fehrchild is a real big man with some dirt nasty hands, and I’m loving watching him play hockey right now. OK, fehr enough. That’s the State of the Red as it currently rocks. Now, let’s move on to everyone’s favorite segment:

Liable to Libel: A Baker’s Dozen Lies About Today’s Opponent

Cry, Mike Milbury. Cry.

• Mike Milbury’s last words will be a whispered “DiPietro,” the name of his boyhood sled.
• Tim Thomas agreed to join the Islanders because Long Island was better zoned for his Unabomber-style shack.
• As per Long Island statute, Islanders players are paid in bulk-sized tubs of Ed Hardy t-shirts.
• Mike Milbury’s password on Instagram is “MikeyOvechkin8.”
• Like much of its trash, the city of New York is hoping to relocate the Islanders to a floating barge in the East River.
• Lubomir Visnovsky only decided to report to the Islanders after mistakenly believing Nassau Coliseum was in the Bahamas. He was sorely disappointed.
• The Islanders, much like the noble flounder, lurk around the bottom of the league standings each year to feed on the points missed by other more successful franchises. This is important to the NHL ecosystem.
• After every Islanders home victory, the Nassau Coliseum sprinkler system sprays a fine mist of bronzer down upon the home crowd.
• Much as the Montreal Canadiens require their coaches to speak French, the Islanders require their coaches to be named either Vinny, Mickey, or Legs.
  

  Long Island – Superfun(d)!

• The Islanders are one of the seven best pro hockey teams in the New York metropolitan area.
• Long Island’s official tourism slogan is “America’s Hangnail.”
• This replaced their previous official slogan: “We’re Just Awful.”
• In a recent promotion, the first one thousand fans to arrive at Nassau Coliseum got to go to a Rangers game instead.

Now let’s take a look at Saturday’s game. Like a bomb defuse code dropped under the fridge, here’s what you’re gonna wanna look for:

1. Self-Flagellation is So Passé: The Caps are whipping themselves by taking what I call “gotcha” penalties: hooks, trips, and holds that are the result of a forward just flat beating his check. Exhibit A: butch thespian John Carlson. When Johnny’s man gets past him, Johnny likes to little-bo-peep him back into reach with the toe of his stick, either around his waist or by his ankles. And then Johnny has to go to time out. But on Thursday night, a most remarkable thing happened: the Capitals played for nearly 50 minutes before taking a single penalty. And golly, would you look what happened? The Caps are still averaging nearly five penalties a game, which is five power play opportunities for their opponents. If they want to win for days, that has to stop.
   

   Handsome like Craig, lethal like Putin

2. Steven Oleksy is Vladimir Putin and Daniel Craig’s Love Child: Seriously, look at this kid. He’s a handsome son of a gun, and plays like a vodka-soaked Kalashnikov. He blew up one of Boston’s Thorntons behind the net on Tuesday and made a hipcheck on Thursday that would have made Shakira cry fraud. Some (*ahem*, Chris) wondered why Washington would call up a guy from Hershey who was, essentially, a bruiser. But no matter how he got it done, the kid held his own against Boston and shut down Florida. He needs a little more polish before he’s ready to be a full-time NHLer, but it’s nice to know he’s ready down there next time there’s a bit of the Groin Flu going around the Washington blue lines.
3. The Perks of Leaving the Gate Open – Somebody’s Got to Do It: Until Jack Skille scored a Ralph Nader for Florida late into the third period and already down by six, the Capitals had scored ten unanswered goals dating back to Tuesday. That would be a good run in basketball, let alone hockey. Adam Oates is in the Hall of Fame for being one of the greatest offensive set-up men of all time. The transition, then, from play maker to coach seems to me to be a natural one. Oates could see plays devloping while dodging 200-pound projectiles. Put him safely behind a bench and give him a clipboard, and he should make horse meat out of the likes of Kronwall, Hedman, and Öhlund. From “muffins,” to Ribsy to Oates, this balanced offensive diet sure looks sexy on the Caps.

And so, family, I leave you to wait for the drop of the puck at 1pm in New York. Go Caps.

Photo credit: Greg Fiume

The Washington Capitals just freaking obliterated the Florida Panthers. I don’t know how else to say it. Any flowery language would make the point less elegant: this was a thrashing. One of these teams is the bottom of the Eastern Conference, the other one is the Washington Capitals.

We learned that early, as John Erskine’s muffinly dump-in baffled Jacob Markstrom. We were reminded soon after– when Wojtek Wolski caught a Steve Oleksy pass and made it 2-0 on the Caps’ second shot. That was enough for Markstrom, who got the hook in favor of Scott Clemmensen, who promptly gave up two more goals on the Caps’ next four shots– one from Carlson, one from Ribeiro.

That was all in the game’s first 10 minutes. I could go on, but you get the idea. This was all Caps. Even when the shooting slowed, Braden Holtby was so on top of his game that this was never really a contest.

Caps beat Panthers 7-1.

• Braden Aloysius Goshdarn Holtby. A stinker in the season’s first ten games, he’s been truly elite since. I don’t know how long it’ll be until we find out if he lives up to the hype, but I– and the Capitals defense– are certainly enjoying the wait. Even without the shutout, Holtby had a gorgeous 29-save night.
• Serious stuff: Jason Chimera took a dirty hit from Tyson Strachan in the second period. It was a blindside elbow to the head, and it should earn Strachan a three or four game break from pro hockey. He should prefer that over my recommended punishment, which involves him dying in a fire. This was supposed to be Chimera’s night, dammit. Chimera returned to the ice after the hit, although did show signs of wooziness, which is actually a word according to my autocorrect.

• The flu is ravaging Kettler, but that’s nothing compared to the Florida Panthers, who had 8 dudes on their roster scuffed up in way or another.
• After a three-point night in which he was strong at both ends of the ice, Alex Ovechkin now has 699 career points. So this weekend should be fun.
• John  Erskine reported that his opening goal wasn’t even supposed to be a shot– he was just dumping the puck in for a line change. Proof positive of the old maxim: shoot early and often. Erskine is one goal off his career best.
• Three-point game for Wojtek Wolsi, whom a lot of you thought was a chump. Penitence now accepted in the comments section.
• Chalk up another one for Eric Fehr. He’s got 4 points in the last three games and deserves every bit of credit he’s been given for it. Fehr worked through what many considered a career-ending injury, and is now so much more than just a good “character guy” for the locker room. He’s been a point-per-game player since getting promoted from the checking lines.
• Time for the Mike Ribeiro faceoff check-in: 3 for 7.  That’s an improvement!
• Matt Hendricks was denied a third period goal– a greasy kick that would have given the Caps a full-on touchdown. Hendyface status: teh sads
• Matthieu Perreault’s 7-spot was a thing of beauty.

Joe B suit of the night

So pretty much everything is going right for the Caps right now, which makes sense after the way this season started. They’re firing more pucks, asserting themselves in the possession game, but most of all — the Holtbeast in net. The team needed this run so very badly, and now they’ve got it. The question is what happens now.

We’ve got two games coming up this weekend. Can the Caps keep it up? Will Alex join the 700 club? Will Michal Neuvirth get over the flu and take his net back?

I have no answers, but I’m genuinely excited to find out.

Go Caps.

@ngreenberg You shithead

— RMNB (@russianmachine) March 8, 2013

Photo credit: Rob Carr

Eric Fehr is a lot of things: a good dude, a hard-worker, and a Blue Jays fan (yech). But there is one thing he’s not: a dangler. Against the Bruins on Tuesday, Fehr changed that, busting out the video game moves on a breakaway sprung by Nicklas Backstrom. It’s a highlight reel goal and the capstone on Washington’s biggest win of the season so far.

We’ve got GIF and video of the overtime game-winner below.

As Fehr takes Backstrom’s pass, he goes forehand-backhand-forehand, then pushes the puck forward. He squeezes through two Bruins defensemen, and barely gets a piece of the puck as he’s falling down to the ice.

Speaking of Fehr, CSN’s Craig Laughlin says the “comeback player in the National Hockey League resides here in Washington.” He’s absolutely right.

GIF by welshhockeyfan