This pretty much sums up the night. (Photo credit: Greg Fiume)

So our dads Peter and Ian decided to give your humble PuckBuddys the keys to the RMNB-car for recaps over the next few games. Ha! We promised them not to drive at dangerously high speeds with the top down while stealing people’s mail and laughing wildly. We promise you we won’t keep that promise.

Speaking of a wild ride, Tuesday’s geshrey was whether Adam Oates would pull his Caps back together under his new system, or whether they would revert to old ways/panic. Would this be the first home opener loss since the turn of the century? Would we rally from the Bolts shellacking and figure out our PK? Would Ribiero perform? Would Lady Mary really marry cousin Matthew? We have our answers.

10:02 in the 1st, Matt Hendricks gets the pass from Nicky for the first home score in almost a year, with a big crash o’ the net. That’s answered at 12:34 into the first, on a power play when the nasty Evander Kane sunk one on Holtby, unassisted. Andrew Ladd sinks a direct bullet at 16:26 – right through a non-existent Caps defense and a tired-looking Holtby (there, I said it.)

Second frame brought out a little toughness from both sides, with hopes on a Dustin Byfuglian penalty, yielding nothing. Kane knocks to Blake Wheeler, who then taps in at 14:32 to take the Jets up 3-1. PuckBuddys start crying. And then oh-noes: with less than a minute left, Slater tips in a dribbler for a boo-bird 4-1. Everyone grab your junk as Hendy puts Slater down after the horn; Verizon hall yawns.

In the third, an early Capitals power play nets Troy (handsome) Brouwer in the bin and washes out our chances. Remember when we were up in this game?  haha. Caps swarm to save Braden Holtby half-way in, which almost raises our spirits. Hendy tries to rally the team; nothing juicy follows. A spit more than 1 minute left, Troy-Boy (off Ribiero) swags it in but gives the Jets a PP.

JETS BEAT CAPS 4-2.

• On Your Toes: There’s really no question here; our Caps are just looking tired on their feet. The stars are asleep and the back-ups are napping. Mike Green ? John Carlson? Are you there?
• D-Men in Demand: Like last season, we’ve come to expect that the first line isn’t going to  save us. We instead look to Poti, Ward, and lately, to some degree, Crabb and Brouwer. What the hell is happening in front of the Caps net? We’ve seen Amsterdam professionals who were more open, if you follow. “Unappealing” is how Joe B. described it; we agree.
• Vortex of Awful: We’ve written before of the cold, dead hole of hopelessness that is Winnipeg. And sadly in their first season, they did much to confirm this. Evander Kane, tubby but dependable Dustin Byfuglian, badd-Ladd; they just had their way with us this evening. That’s as much a comment on them as it is us. No, wait: it reflects worse on us. See previous.
• Good Kabongs: We saw a couple good hits this game, as we have every meeting with the Manitoba Bruisers. That includes Nick Backstrom who just laid down the Scandinavian hammer on Mark Stuart; or as Joe B. described it, “issues with Stuart.” It wasn’t Sasha bongos, but it was a start. Memo to Matt Hendricks: we love you, but don’t pick a dumb fight after the bell. And we wish it wasn’t just you.
• Who’s Home?: Our DC Caps operatives code named “Michele” (heh) and “Dave” (secret, huh?) report that Verizon was less than full. “Inaugural hangover,” they said. “Naked” they said. “Why are we not shooting the puck?,”  we said.
• Don’t Panic: As in, it took exactly one game before “fans” started calling for #fireeveryone. It only gets uglier now.
• Welcome Home: We haven’t seen hockey in Verizon for 258 days. Since then, Verizon has hosted the Washington International Horse Show, Kellogg’s Tour of Gymnastics Champs (or as we call it, Spandex Ballet) JBeibs, Dylan and The Who (not on the same bill), WWE Raw and assorted hoops games. Don’t make us regret all these nobodies (yes Mr. Dylan we said that.)
• Unleash the Furies: A season or two back the Caps were famous for electric come-backs, as the home crowd unleashed the fury. Now we rely on this? If you have to unleash anything at three points behind, just check into the nearest Green Turtle and pretend the hot girl at the bar likes you. Heck, why not? Let’s just pretend everything. #worried.

Joe B suit of the night

What Did We Learn Tonight (WDWLT): Capitals – who is your spirit animal? Cheetah or slow loris? Are we rabid greyhounds or slobbering retrievers? If this were an inaugural, it would be poo-poohed with huge open spaces in front the net, poor action on the offense and incoherent strategy. And I thought Ian and Peter promised us a fun win.

What’s Next: So we camp out at home, practice one day and get our jocks in order for Thursday against le Canadiens. Le Flambeau and what what. Honestly, we like the way this sets up now, at least if we have a little more step in our offense and way WAY biggs action from our D-men. Otherwise: WE WERE RIGHT BRING BACK BOUDREAU. Just sayin’.

See you Thursday! Don’t blame us!

Doug Johnson, weaver of words, Puck Buddy. Connect with @PuckBuddys via a series of tubes.

The Puck Drop: Lesson – don’t waste all your good rival city bile in your first pregame post. You may get the hahas, but it doesn’t leave you much room for new jokes. Lesson: as we continue to repeat until GMGM hears us, there are two Caps teams. One team is Ninja Master, the other is Donkey Kong. There is no telling which will show up, and this must be fixed.

Lesson: do NOT write mouthy, taunting blog posts your team (or butt) cannot cash.

Lesson: if a team is going to win, it will win as a team. The Caps seem to have a hot-shot mentality of late; namely they play really well, until something unexpected happens. Not a first goal, as we seem to play better if we’re just one down, but a second, surprise goal. At that point you can almost see the shoulders schlump, the feet get leaden and the team lose heart, players scrambling to pump the sinking ship (almost like how and fans Verizon last night). Panic does not become a great team. Keep calm and carry on.

All of this is to say: we must be humble if we are to be great.

The Naughty and Nice List, Numero Tres

• Naughty: Ho Ho Hughgh. We’re not piling on. We hate to say this. We have huge respect for him. But Tomáš Vokoun (SV .906%) said it best when he said Tuesday, “…I didn’t help my team.” Paging Dr. Sherlock, ‘No Sh-t Telephone, Please.’ Ugh, some of those – and it’s not just last night – easy squeakers just sailed through Vokoun’s grasp, 5 and 7 holes. Got to fix dat. And while we <3 him at least as much, Michal Neuvirth (SV .875%) hasn’t been behaving much better of late. Hey, it’s not like the Varlmonster is doing much better with the Avs…but. But GMGM, have you checked in with Braden “Hotby” Holtby of late? Criminy, what does he have to do? Pose with cute puppies??

• Nice: We have had a man-crush on Jeff “Mayor of Awesome Town” Halpern (3G, 6A, +1) for, oh, I dunno….evah? He proved his worth once before with the Caps, and now is back, perhaps on his victory lap on his home turf. We suspect he’s got years of ice-time in his skates, but obviously we can’t know. We do know we wish we could be Halpy. He’s toasty on the ice, he’s camera-ready,seems like a great guy and he’s a Ginger. (Or, as the Spanish say, Cinnamon.) And he saved us from an ignominious (he went to Princeton, so he’ll know what that means) shut-out Tuesday. This cat is sugar and spice all wrapped up in a tasty rugelach. He gets extra gelt from us this Hanukkah.

Hot? Not? Discuss

This is our third flirtation with the Jets this season; once as they gobbled us up in the Black Hole of Winnipeg, and once when we jolted them here at home. We’re back in Winnipeg tonight.

Everything we’ve said before holds. There is, and I mean this literally, no place I’d rather spend the night than in Winnipeg. And I’ve spent nights in some of the world’s sh-t-holes. At 14-12 with 32 points, Winnipeg is beating us in the (soon to be extinct) Southeast division. That’s less a measure of their skill (sorry, Eric Fehr!) and more of our ineptitude.

There. We said it. Ineptitude.

Alex Burmistrov

We’re not posting hot or not tonight. At this point, our team is not deserving it, although perhaps the Jets are.

Winnipeg, at 10-4-0, does nearly as well as the Caps on home ice, and that for years has been a Caps strength. With players like Evander Kane, Kyle Wellwood, Dustin Byfugly and a passel of talented comers-on, and a recent 4-1 win record over some of the best teams in the NHL, they are a team that, frankly, deserves to win.

So Caps. Prove us wrong. Show your stuff and step up on your toes tonight. Or you will have to endure another taunting from a gay hockey blog riding shirttail on a site conceived in the idea of the invincibility of Our Russian Machine.

Meme of the Night:

Fittingly, the most awkward photo of Ovechkin available. (Photo credit: Marianne Helm)

The last time the Washington Capitals played hockey in Manitoba, Steve Konowalchuk scored a hat trick. Tonight’s game with the reformed Winnipeg Jets had a lot of fanfare preceding it, which makes what happened even sadder.

Off Brooks Laich’s pass, Alex Semin wristed the game’s first goal from a harsh angle. Evander Kane used two quick touches to beat a trio of Caps and tie it up. Joel Ward didn’t clear the defensive zone, turning over to Kane who potted his second of the night with a lightning fast shot. Brooks Laich missed on his shorthanded chance, leading to Blake Wheeler’s goal and a 3-1 lead for the ‘Peg. Hot-hand Kyle Wellwood tapped in the Jets’ 4th goal on the powerplay. Jets beat Caps 4-1.

• After this game, Evander Kane has 7 goals and 2 assists in last 5 games against the Caps. No one wants to leave the Southeast Division less than he.
• The Jets are playing in the same barn the Manitoba Moose occupied, MTS Centre (capacity: just a smidge over 15k). It’s a small place, but those damned Canadians filled it up with some noise. We heard a lot of “Go! Jets! Go!”, the compulsory Ovi boo, and even one “Boudreau” chant. Losing sucks even more when the other team knows how much it’s winning.
• Michal Neuvirth is having a statistics problem. Entering the game he was 3.14 GAA and .891 Sv%. Winnipeg’s three-goal second period made it even worse. 27 saves on 31 shots, including bailing out Jeff Schultz’s bad turnover late in the game.
• Watch John Erskine vs Chris Thorburn:

• The bleeding does not stop there. In addition to his goal, Alex Semin was issued an unsportmanlike conduct penalty for mouthing off to a ref about an uncalled interference penalty. Notch up the PIM counter to 26 and begin smelting a statue. #CthulhuSasha has minor penalties in six straight games, a personal best. Congrats, bro.
• Brooks Laich has been doing yeoman’s work of late. He had 7 shots last game and served on the blueline the game before. That said, his 2-on-none breakway with Jeff Halpern, resulting in a five-foot shot that missed the net, precipitated Winnipeg’s goal flood. Ian points out that had Laich put it the puck on net, the ensuing Jets breakaway could not have happened. Gotta sink that one, Brooksy.
• There’s probably a joke about Alex Semin serving Michal Neuvirth’s tripping penalty. I don’t know what the joke is, because all laughter has been sucked out of the world. It probably had something to do with doing the crossword or jigsaw puzzles. You fill in the blanks.

There is no part of the Caps game that is clicking right now. Not defense, breakouts, zone entry, cycling, man advantage, or two-man advantage. I wouldn’t be surprised if there are systemic issues in the organization’s skate-sharpening or water bottle protocols. But above all else, there’s this: the Caps haven’t been owning the puck. Some guy named Neil Greenberg harped about this a few games ago, and now we see it in practice.

Joe B suit of the night

The Caps have lost 4 of their last 5 games. They share the division lead with the Florida Panthers, which is less a team than a compost pile that also plays hockey. The NHL power rankings have the Caps plummeting harder than [every politician]‘s approval ratings. As good as this team was out of the gate, they are now equally bad.

This does not mean the Capitals need to make a dramatic change, or that the Trade X / Fire Y  trolls should feel any fraction of vindication. It just means that the team needs to try harder. Their game needs to be simplified, refined, and enacted with discipline. And above all else, they must crash the net.

Know @GreenLife52, know win. No @GreenLife52, no win.

See you guys Saturday night. Don Cherry is going to rip us a new one.

Puck Buddy Doug Johnson writes for RMNB. Follow @PuckBuddys unless you’re Sean Avery.

The Pre Game: I’m going to let you in on a secret. We people of the prairie have known it for decades, but as a group we tend to be Scandinavian, and so tight-lipped. We only pass it down– whispered– when there’s no other choice; as on those nights the wind shakes the windows and hope seems to extinguish in the pit of a cold, dead emptiness. And here it is: there is no darker, stranger place on this Earth than Winnipeg. It’s Canada’s sooty heart of darkness… and now, thanks to the NHL, we have to spend a night there.

You can spend a lifetime overnight in Winnipeg.

The Puck Drop

Oh, I know what you’re thinking. “But it’s Canada! How scary can that be?” Here’s how creepy: David Lynch won’t even go there. That’s how creepy Winnipeg is. Built at the base of a floodplain that sinks in summer and concentrates the winds into an arctic vortex each winter, Winnipeg is a place that sensible cultures would just abandon. Admit their mistake, move on, and leave it to future anthropologists to try and make sense of the debris: curling, BTO, and Guy Maddin.

Sure, some have escaped. Cody Eakin and Eric the Fehr among the more adorables. But let me ask you this: do you know anyone who’s been to Winnipeg? Didn’t they come back…changed?

Drama aside, perhaps our Caps could use a little change. Maybe get a little creeped out. Fight a little harder to survive. Get freaking pucks to the net. You know, that sort of thing.

What Makes Them Hot

Evander Kane

#1: Fly-in. So the Jets have just landed this season from Atlanta, a place that shares nothing with Winnipeg except, perhaps, its smell. Look, save for some call-ups, the Jets are basically the Thrashers, but with less Coke and more coney dogs. OK, I kid…but neither team dazzled – the Thrashers the last several seasons, or the Jets so far this one. Ordinarily this would be a ‘Not’ more than ‘Hot’; but here’s the rub: hockey was as welcome in Atlanta as an anthrax attack on Olympic Park. Residents never took to the team, nor the team to the ice. It’s different now – and while fan support is clearly an intangible, any team worth their paychecks will play harder before an audience that really, really wants to see them. That’s new for the Thra-Jets, and game by game they just might start to respond. Remember, also, that the Jets are doing better at home so far than then Caps are on the road. Call me crazy, but this team might bite.

Jim Slater and Mark Flood

#2: Individuals. Nik Antropov (3-9-12), Kyle Wellwood (5-6-11), and Dustin Byfuglien (3-8-11); all these guys are performing at least as well as a dozen or more Caps (Sasha?) Sharp-shooters Jim Slater (5-1-6) and Evander Kane (6-5-11) both have five goals in about twice as many games. But I’m seeing less smart team play and more individual action. It’s like a bad stew: there hasn’t been enough time or attention for the flavors (players) to come together and play getting-to-know-you. But hot-shot players (SASHA?) still count for something: if the coaching squad can get it together, they might have a fine meal on hand.

#3: Trap Crap. Several of the teams the Jets have played lately, like the Bolts, are trap teams. The Caps are not. The Jets, with the exception of that last game, don’t do well with quick, fast play that unsprings the trap. Believe it or not, they might just have the right style in meeting the Caps.

What Makes Them Not

Ondrej Pavelec mysteriously collapsed during a game with the Caps last year. He’s fine now!

#1: It’s a Net Thing. Ooof. Neither Ondrej Pavelec (.895%) nor Chris Mason (.893%) are doing much in the net for Winnipeg this year. They’re sort of a mix, all over the place. That means pucks are landing all over the place, too. Caps have the upper hand here – unlike with Pekka Rinne. Which sounds like something I put on my pasta. And Ondrej Pavelec? Didn’t I order that for dessert in Paris? *lesigh*

#2: Faster Penalty Kill! Kill!: The Jets are simply sucking at PKs at 79%. Granted, the Caps aren’t much better at 83%, and unfortunately as we’ve seen a better motivated team can bend those stats and capitalize where data says they shouldn’t. The Jets aren’t quite stinking on PP (16%) so much as they’re middle of the road. Caps, again, may drive the car here (at 20%), but these numbers are not far apart enough to give me comfort.

#3: Enough: I’ve prattled on long enough without pointing to the obvious: the Jets are a middling team. On paper they should not defeat the Caps. Then again, if it were all just paper, we’d never race horses.

The OT

In closing I’m going to be uncharacteristically nice… in part because my contract with RMNB specifies I have to do so. But this one I mean: has anyone noticed the players on the Jets? I mean really, it’s a more diverse line-up of guys than I’ve seen in…well, just about ever. Even more so than may pans of the Caps fans benches. It may not change their play, but it’s one of the few nice things I can say about Winnipeg these days. Like the look of your lineups, Jets!

Your Sudden-Death Shoot Out

Ladies and gentlemen: I give you Winnipeg.

Anze Kopitar celebrates a goal last year against the Blackhawks. (Photo credit: Harry How)

Editor’s note: You can win a 1-year subscription to ESPN Insider and a $25 gift certificate to Front Page VA by guessing Neil’s first two draft picks tonight. Check out the details on our Facebook page.

As part of ESPN.com’s NHL family, I was invited to participate in their fantasy hockey draft this past Tuesday. Just me and guys like Craig Custance, John Buccigross, and Scott Cullen.

No pressure.

Victoria Matiash has already given a bird’s eye view of the draft, but I thought I would run through my thought process on various picks and give you some ideas for your fantasy draft. Plus, you can see how I do for the season because we are making the results public.

Here were the ground rules for the draft:

Participants included, in original order, Craig Custance, Tristan Cockcroft, Tim Kavanagh, John Buccigross, Pierre Becquey, Michael Hume, Victoria Matiash, Neil Greenberg, Sean Allen and Scott Cullen. Categories include goals, assists, power-play points, plus/minus, penalty minutes, shots on goal and average time on ice for skaters and wins, save percentage and goals-against average for goaltenders. Slots to fill include nine forwards, five defensemen, one “utility” skater, two goaltenders and a five-man bench.

My philosophy was simple: grab young, healthy, talented players with upside. Let others worry if Patrick Kane would be healthy or if Sergei Kostitsyn can once again score 20 goals on less than 100 shots.

I had the eight pick. With my editor Mike Hume drafting before me (he knows which players I fancy) and Cullen having back-to-back picks behind me I knew I had to make strategic decisions.

Not surprisingly, Alex Ovechkin, Steven Stamkos, and Daniel Sedin went in the first three picks. Hume knows I think Corey Perry was no fluke, so the chances of him dropping to me were nil. That left me with Anze Kopitar (who I think will contend for the Art Ross) or Henrik Lundqvist as my first pick. Luckily for me, I got both of them.

My third choice was also an easy one: Duncan Keith. His boxcar stats may have fallen, but he is as fundamentally sound as he has ever been, and he remains my preseason favorite for another Norris-caliber performance.

My next pick caused some raised eyebrows:

Also noteworthy was Greenberg’s choice of Jeff Skinner ahead of Eric Staal. Ranked higher in ESPN.com’s projections, the captain of the Carolina Hurricanes is expected to put up superior numbers across the board. But obviously, Greenberg preferred to put his fantasy faith in the reigning Calder Trophy winner.

Fantasy hockey is about looking forward. While there is no doubt Eric Staal is a 70-point player, Jeff Skinner is (conservatively) a 60-point player who could put up over 70 points next year. So I got a player who may put up five points less or 10-15 points more than Eric Staal. In a rotisserie league with hockey geniuses it was worth the gamble, in my opinion.

I struggled with my fifth pick a little. I had Phil Kessel, John Tavares, and Loui Eriksson queued up but pulled the trigger on Kessel, thinking that one or both of the others would be there for me on my next picks.

I was right about Loui Eriksson, who I took with my sixth pick, but not Tavares, who went three picks before me in round seven.

With Tavares and Matt Duchene off the board, both of whom I think can post 30 goals in 2011-12, I decided to shore up my goaltending and took Jimmy Howard.

A quick note on goaltenders: I only considered drafting Henrik Lundqvist, Pekka Rinne, Cam Ward, Jimmy Howard, or Corey Crawford. Why? Too long to explain here, but I did some analysis on when goaltenders have their breakout season based on age and experience and these five fit the bill. I did the same thing last year and had only two goaltenders on my list: Pekka Rinne and Cam Ward.

In round eight I took Joe Pavelski, which was a solid pick there and then my first miscalculation of the draft came at the hands of Scott Cullen.

I feel Jamie Benn is this year’s sleeper. I think he has 30-goal potential and could end up surprising many people. With my ninth pick I took Evander Kane, thinking Benn would slip past another four picks. Nope.

Cullen: “I’ve been touting Jamie Benn going back to the second half of last year, when his ice time went up dramatically; he’s been my preferred pick as a breakthrough/sleeper forward since. So, by the ninth round, when I had already addressed all my positions to some degree, it felt right to take a young player that has a chance at 70 points. “

If you have a chance to pick up Benn in your league, do it.

Right now. I’ll wait.

It will be him and Eriksson that pick up the slack left by Brad Richard’s departure, not Michael Ryder. In the draft room Hume asked how many of Benn’s goals the last two years came via a Brad Richards primary assist. One. And Richards had only one secondary assist the year before that. Benn is the real deal.

I took Alex Pietrangelo after I misjudged the “sleepiness” of Benn. The D corps looked to be thinning after Dion Phaneuf and James Wisniewski were taken off the board, so I grabbed Pietrangelo. “Good for 45 points, I think he’s a solid fantasy pick.”

Next picks were unremarkable, but ones I believe have some big upside: Erik Karlsson, Tyler Ennis, Patric Hornqvist, Tyler Kennedy, Mikael Backlund, Patrik Berglund, Jakub Voracek and Nathan Gerbe.

I did have two moments of weakness where I got homesick and drafted Dennis Wideman (15th round) and Brooks Laich (20th round).

So there you have it. Be sure to check out how I am doing from time to time. Also, if you would have drafted differently or just want to comment on the draft in general, let us know in the comments.

Update: Nick Kypreos of Rogers Sportsnet reports that Matt Cooke has been suspended by the NHL for the rest of regular season and the first round of the Stanley Cup playoffs.

During Sunday’s Penguins vs. Rangers game, Matt Cooke was up to his old tricks. The 32 year-old former Capital delivered an elbow to the head of a defenseless Ryan McDonagh. The Ranger player went down like a sack of potatoes but fortunately was uninjured. Cooke received a five minute major for elbowing on the play and a game misconduct. As Daniel Tolensky points out, Cooke has played in 881 NHL games yet has only been suspended a total of ten matches in his career. The League obviously deserves some of the blame for allowing Cooke’s dirty play to continue without significant consequences for his actions.

A month ago, Pens owner Mario Lemieux criticized the NHL for being too soft on the Islanders’ players that participated in the mega-brawl between New York and Pittsburgh. Just a week ago, Sidney Crosby said the NHL needed to fight deliberate head-shots. But now their own player, Matt Cooke, is once again under Colin Campbell’s review. Below, we’ve chronicled Cookie’s dirty deeds throughout the years.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: Four-game suspension
Penalties called on the ice: Five minute major for charging, five minute major for fighting

Two days after getting national attention for his dirty knee-on-knee collision with Alex Ovechkin, Cooke boarded Fedor Tyutin head-first. Cooke received a five minute major for charging and a five minute major for fighting after being engaged by Derick Brassard.

From the Columbus Dispatch after the game:

“It was the worst hit I’ve ever had from behind,” said Tyutin, who had an ice pack on his shoulder. “I wasn’t surprised, not when you see (Cooke) in the highlights all the time for dirty hits.”

Penguins coach Dan Bylsma said that Tyutin looked Cooke “right in the eyes” and knew the hit was coming.

Sure, Dan.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: Two-minute minor for tripping

With 3:45 left in the third period of a 2-0 game, Matt Cooke hit Alex Ovechkin hard knee-on-knee. Cooke was accessed a minor penalty on the play and angrily confronted by Ovi. Luckily for the Capitals, the Russian Machine never breaks and he didn’t miss a game due to injury.

The Washington Post had reaction from both locker-rooms after the game:

Ovechkin played another shift before the contest expired and appeared fine afterward, but Coach Bruce Boudreau didn’t mince words when asked about the hit in his post-game press conference.

“It was Matt Cooke. Need we say more? It’s not like it’s his first rodeo,” Boudreau said. “He’s done it to everybody and then he goes to the ref and says: ‘What did I do?’ He knows damn well what he did. There’s no doubt in my mind that he’s good at it and he knows how to do it. He knows how to pick this stuff. We as a league, we still buy into this [idea] that, ‘Oh it was an accidental thing.’”

…

Both Cooke and Coach Dan Bylsma downplayed the contact.

“I just tracked the puck and he tried to cut back on me,” Cooke said. “We clipped skates.”

Said Bylsma: “I didn’t think much contact was made. Maybe their skates get wound up together. But, you know, Ovechkin was out on the ensuing power play.”

Someone seems like an enabler here.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: Two minutes for roughing, 10 minute misconduct

In this incident, Cooke does a few gutless things. First, he cross-checks Jordan Leopold from behind after Leopold takes down one of his teammates. Next, after Steve Montador engages him, Cooke lands an overhand right punch to an unsuspecting Montador after the linesmen separate the two.

Classy.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: None

As both players go for a puck along the boards, Cooke raises his elbow and strikes an unaware Kane in the jaw. No penalty would be called on the play, however later in the period, Cooke would be whistled for kneeing. Go figure.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: Two-minute minor for roughing

As both Phoenix defenseman Keith Yandle and Cooke go for a puck in the corner, Cooke delivers an elbow to the back of Yandle’s head. It certainly appears that the Phoenix defenseman was woozy afterwards. The announcer describes Cooke as “[getting] the arms up a little bit.” A little bit?

NESN had reaction in Phoenix’s locker-room after the game:

“It’s just a dirty hit,” Yandle said after the 6-1 Penguins win, according to the McKeesport Daily News. “Dirty player. He’s got no respect. … His only intent was to hurt me with his hands high like that, and I hope [league officials] review it.”

What had the Coyotes fired up — aside from getting demolished on the scoreboard — was that Cooke wouldn’t answer the bell after laying the questionable hit.

“The fact that Matt Cooke comes at Keith Yandle in a 5-0 game and elbows him in the head, obviously we took it as a personal challenge,” captain Shane Doan told the newspaper.

“They’re up 5-0, and he cowers away from all our guys,” Yandle said. “I mean, every guy on our team tried to fight him.”

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette quoted Bylsma as saying:

“We encourage our players not to finish checks on the penalty-kill, so from that standpoint we didn’t like putting ourselves in that situation,” Bylsma said Tuesday after the Penguins practiced at Consol Energy Center.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: Two-minute minor for boarding

After Max Talbot cleanly checks Erik Karlsson into the boards, Cooke follows-up a half second later with a hit of his own. Cooke drives Karlsson’s head into the boards and knocks him out. Cooke would recieve a two-minute minor penalty for boarding.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: Cooke was given three separate minor penalties for goalie interference.

I won’t offer a description on the series of events above because there are no words satisfactory enough for how idiotic Cooke is being.

These hits however, would spark bad blood between the two teams and ignite two separate brawls a year later. The first brawl was on February 2, 2011 and it started after DePietro clotheslined Cooke. Brent Johnson would come to his teammate’s aid and knock DePietro out, injuring him for six weeks. The Islanders then sought immediate retribution during the teams’ rematch nine days later. In the end, 346 penalty minutes were doled out, and several players were later suspended by the league including Eric Godard (ten games), Trevor Gillies (nine games), and Matt Martin (four games). In addition to the suspensions, NHL disciplinarians fined the Islanders $100,000 for “their failure to control their players.”

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: None

This is the play that would change the NHL rulebooks forever. As Marc Savard entered the offensive zone, he took a shot on net and then was greeted by a blindside elbow from Cooke. Savard was left motionless and unconscious on the ice. The Bruins best offensive weapon then missed the rest of the season with a concussion, and has not been the same player since.

Bruins blog captured Claude Julien’s reaction after the game:

“A guy like that has to be suspended,” the Bruins coach said. “That’s the way I see it, because it’s an elbow to the head from the blind side. That’s exactly the examples they show of what we’ve got to get out of this game. We have a guy who’s got a concussion. Our best player. He’s going to be out for a while. He was [unconscious] on the ice for a bit. That’s unacceptable.”

Not suspending Cooke was, in my opinion, a disgrace to the league and the biggest mistake of Colin Campbell’s career. Those e-mails about Savard made the whole thing even harder to swallow, too.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: None

As Andrei Markov looks to cycle the puck behind the net, Cooke delivers a cross-check to Markov’s left side, leaving him writhing in pain on the ice. There was no penalty called on the play.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: Two-game suspension
Penalties called on the ice: Two-minute minor for interference.

This hit, which seems like a carbon-copy of the one he laid Marc Savard out on, resulted in Cooke being suspended for two games.

Larry Brooks of the New York Post wrote this about the hit:

Cooke was somehow accessed only a two-minute minor for interference on the play by the officiating tandem of David Banfield and Stephen Walkom, the latter of whom served as the NHL VP of Officiating the past several seasons before returning to the ice this season.

Donald Brashear sought retribution upon Cooke’s release from the penalty box, but was prevented from doing so by an over-eager linesman. As a result, Brashear was issued a double minor for roughing while Cooke escaped unscathed. The Penguins then scored on both ends of the power play.

Of course they did.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: None

Just a hockey play, right?

Pensburgh had this to say about the incident:

One of the questions Coach Babcock was asked in yesterday’s presser was whether or not he saw Matt Cooke “kick” Chris Osgood. He admitted he wasn’t sure, but also made a face as if to say, “Oh. Matt Cooke. Right, that guy.” With Cooke you never really can tell.

Well, if that’s not blatant homerism, I don’t know what is.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: None

In Game One of the 2009 Eastern Conference Finals, the Hurricanes lost Erik Cole midway through the third period. Why? Well, Matt Cooke caught him knee-on-knee in front of the Pittsburgh net. Cole managed to play only one shift after the hit.

Canes Now had the reaction from both locker-rooms:

Asked if he thought it was a knee-on-knee hit, with the implication that it was an illegal one, a curt [Carolina coach Paul] Maurice said, “Yes, I did. I felt that was, yeah.”

Cole officially has a “lower body” injury, but he clearly hurt his left knee in the collision. Cooke said the contact was accidental.

“He was cutting across the middle,” Cooke said. “I turned sideways to hit him, and he turned the other way. I almost fell over, too.”

Totally.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: Two-minute minor for tripping

After absorbing this knee-on-knee hit from Matt Cooke, Zach Bogosian left the game in the 2nd period and did not return. A Pens fan says in the comments on YouTube that this was a clean hit. His assessment is incorrect.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: Two-minute minor for roughing

In the above video, Cooke drives Zach Parise into the Devils bench several seconds after Parise dumps the puck into the offensive zone. Yes, he chose to still hit him even though the bench door was open. Hey, at least the Penguins announcers dubbed it the “Subway Sandwich of the Game.”

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: None

Here Cooke drives a defenseless Mathieu Roy head-first into the boards after chasing the puck in the corner. The game featured 14 fighting majors, eight misconduct penalties and 193 penalty minutes. Oilers Coach Craig MacTavish had this to say afterwards:

“I didn’t see anything dirty in the game,” said Oilers coach Craig MacTavish, who only took exception to an uncalled hit from behind by Matt Cooke on defenseman Mathieu Roy. “There was no back stabbing, there were eyeball to eyeball altercations and fights, and that’s part of hockey.”

“There are times,” Cole says, “when I think he just doesn’t care if a guy is in a vulnerable position.”

“Matt Cooke has found his niche and [plays] his role very effectively,” says Mike Keane, who played 16 NHL seasons, including one as Cooke’s teammate on the Canucks in 2003-04. “He goes out and hits Ovechkin, hits guys from behind. If he hurts Ovechkin, who cares? The Washington Capitals won’t win the Stanley Cup. He did his job. For Matt Cooke, that’s perfect.”

And that’s the point of our post.

The NHL has to protect their assets on the ice. All they’ve done is constantly enable Cooke’s dangerous behavior over the years. They are the ones responsible for the monster he’s become. At some point you have to hand him a lengthy suspension, otherwise the message won’t get through. And — so far — the league is unwilling to do that.

Until then, let’s all get enraged by how few games Campbell suspends Cooke for his latest hit. And we’ll gladly eat our words if the NHL gets it right.

Additional reporting by Chris Gordon and Fedor Fedin.

A despondent Braden Holtby looks on after giving up the third goal of the night. (Photo credit: John Bazemore)

Ovi reacts after missing a shot in the second period. (Photo credit: John Bazemore)

When Joe B. and Locker finished their pre-game intros and CSN cameras zoomed in for the opening face-off, it was hard not to notice the rows and rows of empty seats in Phillips Arena. The Capitals, seemingly aware of their surroundings, lacked energy and focus and proceeded to play down to their opponents. After giving up three quick goals to Ben Eager, Nik Antropov, & Evander Kane respectively, Braden Holtby was quickly summoned to the Caps bench by an enraged Bruce Boudreau.

Michal Neuvirth was steady in relief, but unfortunately for the Capitals, they were never able to locate their game after the switch. The offense was blessed with quality scoring chance after quality scoring chance but all resulted either in a missed shot, a ping off the post, or a solid save by Thrashers goaltender Ondrej Pavelec.

Evil cheeseburger-eater Dustin Byfuglien then put the game officially out of reach, closing the second period with a nifty short-side wrist shot past Neuvy. And let’s not even talk about that Burmistrov goal. I’m still angry at Jeff Schultz, who stopped skating, got deked out of his jockstrap and resembled a giant, awkward pylon on the play. Whatever. Thrashers win 5-0.

Your Friday night bullets:

• How bad was Braden Holtby‘s night? He gave up three goals on five shots, and left the ice with a humbling .400 save percentage. The second goal he wandered way too far out of his crease, and paid the price. Nik Antropov took advantage of the broken play, and slipped a backhander past a kneeling Jeff Schultz, into a yawning net. Clearly frazzled, Holtby gave up another 15 seconds later. Caps-killer Evander Kane circled the net, saw the rookie goalie briefly glance to the opposite side of the ice, and proceeded to let go a no-angled shot from the corner. The puck somehow found a hole through Holtby’s pads and…
• Out came Lil’ Michal Neuvirth! Neuvy certainly did his best to try and get the Caps back into the game, stopping 29 of the 31 shots he faced. Really, if only the Caps could have scored a goal in that danged second period… I’m kidding.
• Tyler Sloan was um, terrible. He had 7 starts in the offensive zone (during 5v5), most of any skater, and still was on the ice for 4 goals against on 5 chances against. His turnover in the neutral zone also led directly to Byfuglien’s sixth tally of the year, the most amongst NHL defensemen.

• Another ugh for Schultz after I just relived video of that Burmistrov goal. What was that? It’s fine if you get walked. That happens. But don’t give up on the play! It’s embarrassing.
• Alex Semin‘s nine-game scoring streak is now kaput. Peace, yo.
• Mike Knuble just can’t buy a break. First, Alex Ovechkin hits him with a sweet pass, he’s wide open, and his shot clangs off the post. Next, the dude’s downlow creating havoc, being all Kanooblian, and Eric Fehr hits him square in the face with a shot. Knuble went to the bench clutching his bloody chin, then to the locker room for repairs, and did not return. Corey Masisak asked Bruce about the injury and it sounds like he may miss some games.
• Mike Green got The Palm tonight. For what you ask? He had two blocked shots and really “gave it his all.”
• Marcus Johansson sure skates fast. Still waiting for everything else.
• Seeing Flash and Byfuglien forechecking along the boards was probably the only comical part of the night. On one exchange during the third period, Dustin shoved Fleischmann from the corner boards to the faceoff circle. That’s Charmin soft.
• Alex Ovechkin was probably the third best Alex out on the ice tonight and has now had consecutive iffy games. That DVD sure is good, though!!

Joe B's suit of the night.

One of the things about the Caps that I love is that no opposing team’s lead is ever really safe. Last year, the Capitals offense came back from several three goal deficits and seemed capable of magical things. Tonight, however, they wilted. They looked defeated. At no point during the game did they ever have momentum. No one stepped up. They just took their beating and emotionlessly walked out of the Phillips Arena’s doors with their heads held low.

Tomorrow night, they will play at home against Conference foes the Philadelphia Flyers, where they’re 10-1-0. Will Bruce tinker with the line-up? Will our heros return with swagger. Does Mike Knuble still even have a chin?

I suppose we’ll find out tomorrow. Until then, enjoy your weekend!

Additional reporting by Neil Greenberg.

It might have taken a long 34 days, but Matt Cooke has finally paid an exacting price for his gutless hit on Marc Savard. For those who wanted real retribution, tonight you got it in the form of two right crosses from Atlanta’s Evander “Holyfield” Kane that knocked Cooke the fudge out. CLICK CLICK BOOM.

Even though lead NHL Disciplinarian Colin Campbell may not be adequately policing the sport, do know that the Hockey Gods are always willing and able to lend a hand when needed.

Semyon Varlamov is going to have to stop being injured, to actually contend for the Calder Trophy.

The Capitals’ Semyon Varlamov has been one of the better rookies in the NHL this season, and he’s certainly in the running to maybe take home the Calder Trophy. Several of the more highly touted rookies haven’t quite lived up to expectations, which leaves the field still wide open. By the nature of these kinds of awards, the winner tends to be the guy who played over his head the most and the longest. That means that the player who is on top now can easily regress and possibly even finish out of the top 10 at the en. Also, since it’s hard to compare players at different positions, the Goals Versus Threshold numbers that Behind The Net recently added are useful to put everyone on the same playing field. A little more than half-way through the season, here are some of the top contenders.

Jimmy Howard (G, Detroit Red Wings)

15-9 with a .927 save percentage and 1 shutout

Howard’s kind of come out of nowhere to take the starting job in Detroit. His GGVT has been +13.7, with another +0.7 on the shootout, for a total of 14.5 Goals Versus Threshold (rounding). The guy has a pretty good pedigree – he holds the NCAA records for GAA (1.19) and save percentage (.954) and he was named to the 2005–06 AHL All-Rookie team – but as a second-round pick from back in 2003, Howard certainly wasn’t someone people expected to be amongst the best rookies in the league this season. While it might be a little unlikely that Howard will be able to keep up this level of performance, if he is able to he might be rewarded with some hardware at the end of the year.

Tyler Myers (D, Buffalo Sabres)

6 goals, 20 assists, +8 plus/minus

The 2008 first-round pick and 2009 World Junior Gold Medal winner with team Canada has been equally good in both aspects of his game with a +3.4 Offensive GVT and a +3.4 Defensive GVT. With an additional +0.3 on the shootout, Myers’ +7.1 Goals Versus Threshold is top amongst all rookie skaters. If the goalies are dinged due to their position, then Myers is in excellent position to capitalize.

Semyon Varlamov (G, Washington Capitals)

12-1 with a .924 save percentage and 2 shutouts

Varly has missed some time, which has cut into his value. His Goalie Goals Versus Threshold is about +7.3 currently, and he’s been very good on the shootout at +2.7. His total GVT of 10 is a little lower than his ability might imply, but if he is able to stay on the ice for the majority of the second half he might be able to push that towards 25 for the season.

Niclas Bergfors (RW, New Jersey Devils)

13 goals, 14 assists, -3 plus/minus

Bergfors was drafted all the way back in 2005, but is getting his first real time in the NHL this year. He’s been good on offense with a +4.7 OGVT, but with a -4.8 relative plus/minus and a +0.8 DGVT his defense leaves a little to be desired. A +5.5 GVT is nothing to sneeze at though.

James van Riemsdyk (LW, Philadelphia Flyers)

10 goals, 16 assists, +5 plus/minus

Drafted second overall in 2007, JVR has done a good job scoring (+4.1 Offensive GVT) and defensively (+5.4 relative plus/minus, +1.3 DGVT), with a total Goals Versus Threshold of +5.4.

John Tavares (C, New York Islanders)

16 goals, 12 assists, -8 plus/minus

The first-overall pick from last year’s draft hasn’t been a dominant player yet. Despite the 28 points and the bad plus/minus, his Offensive GVT is just +2.8. His relative plus/minus is a much more mild -1.8, and his defensive GVT is in the positive territory at +1.0. Add in the -0.5 on shootouts, and Tavares’ 3.3 Goals Versus Threshold is only just OK – and probably a disappointment given the high expectations.

Also in play:

Michael Del Zotto (D, New York Rangers)
5 goals, 16 assists, -16 plus/minus, +2.1 OGVT, -9.7 relative plus/minus, +0.2 DGVT, +2.1 GVT

Evander Kane (LW, Atlanta Thrashers)
10 goals, 6 assists, +3 plus/minus, +1.4 OGVT, +4.6 relative plus/minus, +0.9 DGVT, +2.3 GVT

Jamie Benn (LW, Dallas Stars)
8 goals, 13 assists, -4 plus/minus, +2.3 OGVT, -1.7 relative plus/minus, +0.7 DGVT, +2.5 GVT

Matt Duchene (C, Colorado Avalanche)
11 goals, 16 assists, -12 plus/minus, +2.6 OGVT, -10.1 relative plus/minus, -0.2 DGVT, +1.5 GVT