Alex Ovechkin high fives fans on the way to the locker room after warmups. (Photos by Chris Gordon)

Caps fans, finally back at a game, watch warmups.

At 7:12 PM on January 22 six ounces of vulcanized rubber hit the ice at Verizon Center for the first time in 258 days. It was May 9, 2012 when the Washington Capitals held their last home game here, a 2-1 win over the New York Rangers in Game Six of the Eastern Conference Semifinals. Since then, there was a Game Seven in New York, a long summer, and an even longer fall. The almost four month long NHL lockout kept fans across the continent away from the game and for some separated them from their second home.

“I’m overjoyed to be back at Verizon Center because I feel like part of me was missing when they were gone,” said Caps fan Melissa Blum of Germantown, Maryland. “I grew up watching hockey and it’s my favorite thing so when it wasn’t there that was unfortunate. Now that they’re back so I’m happy.”

“It’s going to take a little bit of time to knock the fan rust off,” William Stilwell, better known as Goat, said. “This time of year I’ve usually gotten some yelling callouses build up but tonight it’s like boom, right into the thick of it. I’ve been doing a lot of screaming in traffic, things like that.”

The players were also back where they most like to spend their nights. They’ve been on the ice together for two weeks now and played one game in downtown Tampa, but this was their first time back in front 18,506 under the lights at Verizon Center.

“It’s always nice playing here,” defensemen Karl Alzner said after the game. “It feels good being in our room. ”

The Caps, though, didn’t let the good feelings stay for long. The game wasn’t pretty for the Washington faithful. Penalties — and the terrible job they did killing them — sloppy play and rocky goaltending finished the team off before it even got to the end of the second period.

“It was a really bad effort by us,” Alzner added. “It’s very disappointing we brought that game for our first game back.”

For some of the fans, though, it wasn’t surprising.

“I kind of expected it to be a little shaky at the beginning — a new coach, a new system, a lot of new faces, they haven’t played in months,” Goat said. “It’s a lot of factors and they aren’t necessarily excuses, which I don’t usually appreciate, it’s legitimate reasons they could be a little shaky right out of the gate.”

The real reason why the Caps lost.

Many aspects from years past are gone for the Caps. Alex Semin and Dennis Wideman — respectively the team’s second and forth leading scorers — have moved on. As have Mike Knuble and Tomas Vokoun. Dale Hunter, the team’s coach for most of last season, has gone back to London, Ontario. There are a lot of new things to used to. Not just on the ice either. Verizon Center, in one of the year’s most troubling decisions, has switched to Pepsi products, long known for their ability to destroy happiness. Chick-fil-a vendors now roam the halls, selling chicken sandwiches for a mere twice the normal rate. Goat, too, has something different to get accustomed to: new stands. The superfan is recognized for his loud yelling and stomping, leading the fan base in a chant of “Let’s go Caps!” when he’s shown on the big screen. Lately, though, there has been no stomping. Verizon Center replaced the removable end zone seats with ones that feature a much harder floor.

“They used to have those ones that were just on sheet metal,” Goat said. “Now they’re like concrete poured into a frame or something.”

“The first time I stomped on these I almost shattered my shin,” he added. “I was like, “Okay, I guess that’s gone from my repertoire. Unfortunately now it’s just clapping and yelling. I miss stomping — a lot. It was nice.”

As for the game, conditioning and difficulties adjusting to Adam Oates’s system are likely to blame for their poor play in Tuesday’s 4-2 loss to the Winnipeg Jets. After such a flat outing in front their own fans, players promised to right the ship as soon as possible.

“It’s two games,” forward Joel Ward said. “It’s a long way to go. We’re not too worried about it. We just definitely got to go back to the drawing board and clean up a few things and we’ll be good.”

The good news for the Caps is the next game is no longer seven months away. The boys will be back at Verizon Center in less than 48 hours. That’s something to look forward to.

Photo credit: Chris Gordon

Thank you to everyone who attended RMNB Party 4: Judgment Day at Front Page Arlington. Thank you to Front Page for being such terrific hosts and putting up with our crowd. Thank you to Wes Johnson for rocking the microphone. Thank you to Mathieu Perreault for scoring the game-winner.

The turnout was terrific, the game was great, and it scarcely could have gone better. Our own paparazzo, Chris Gordon, was snapping pics all night long; here’s a sampling behind the jump. If you’ve got more pics to share, please link ‘em up in the comments or share ‘em on Twitter on the #RMNBParty4 hashtag. If you’ve got a story to tell about the party (love connections, anyone?), let us know that as well. Thanks again!

Sam the Horn Guy pumping up the crowd.

Adam from King of Leonsis was the only person not wearing red.

Arian, who is a Bruins fan, is an exceptional photobomber.

Chris was dedicated to getting awkward photos of me last night. Mission accomplished.

Ian wears Chris’ Yankees hat. The Orioles won 8-2 last night, in case you were wondering.

Wes Johnson makes everything funnier.

Our only fatality of the night. It was nice knowing you, Suzanne.

Ted Starkey and Dave Nichols taking what I’m told is a candid photo, but I’m starting to doubt it.

Happy moment or angry moment? Not sure.

GOAT leads a “Let’s go Caps!” cheer.

Wes delivers his St. Crispin’s Day speech.

Giving away swag during a rousing game of So You’re An Expert!?

Alan May rookie card.

Perturbation on the face of Mr. Sam Wolk.

Perturbation gone from the face of Mr. Sam Wolk.

The cheesy RMNB magnet is not worth that smile.

Our ultimate prize, a signed Pierre McGuire card. At right, Ana cannot believe it.

Superfan fight.

Craig and Doug with Chris.

Craig and Doug with Adam.

The traditional RMNB shooter, shared by Dave, Suzanne, and Ian.

Mike Knuble’s head will never be scratched from an RMNB party. Thanks, Knuble’s Knights!

Caps Basketball is hilarious.

We’re apparently not on the same page about how to pose here.

Neil and Nicci are adorbs.

The end.

(Photo credit: @clydeorama. Go check out Clyde’s site.)

Rituals bind us to one another. In a fan community, rituals take many forms. In the clothing we wear, the cheers we shout, the fives we high– that’s where togetherness happens. It’s like a wholesome mob mentality, and everyone’s allowed in the mob so long as they can do a couple simple things.

Problem is: sometimes those rituals get us into trouble. Some rituals become bad habits, and those bad habits have got to go. You know what I’m talking about: It’s all your fault, Who Cares?, RED!, and a certain nickname for Sidney Crosby. It’s not cool anymore. Let’s discuss.

“It’s all your fault”

Imagine a Capitals player scoring a goal. I ask you to use your imagination because my recent memory is coming up blank. To make it slightly easier, pretend it’s the Caps best goal-scorer Jason Chimera doing the deed. Once P.A. Announcer Wes Johnson growls out the scorer’s name, the red army typically berates the defeated goalie with a taunt of “it’s all your fault!”

There are three ways to categorize a goal: due to scorer skill, due to goalie error, or due to some combination of the two. When the crowd at Verizon Center says, “It’s all your fault!”, they’re also relieving the scorer of any responsibility for that goal. Jason Chimera worked hard for that goal, but you’re saying he got it just because the other guy was incompetent.

Instead: Don’t.

RED!

After witnessing the siege of Fort McHenry in Baltimore, Frederick native Francis Scott Key wrote a poem that was later set to the tune of an old British drinking song.  ”The Star-Spangled Banner” became our national anthem a century later, and it’s been performed at sporting events since the 1950′s. The lyrics remind us that America’s very existence is owed to many valorous dead. In Chinatown, Caps fans memorialize America’s patriots by tunelessly shouting “Red!” during the “rocket’s red glare” line.

Beyond being rude to singer Caleb Green (who is too much of a pro to ever let it shake him), the shouting is dumb. And I say this as a purveyor of dumb things. It’s no more clever than guffawing whenever the number 69 appears. (Heh.) There are many ways to enjoy the national anthem, and all of them are valid so long as this is a nominally free country. But we can do better than this.

Instead: Sing it loud! Or stand silently. Or sit in quiet protest. In America it’s your call, but you don’t have to be a dick about it. (We’ll tackle the “O” thing another time.)

Who cares!

When the opposing team scores at Verizon Center, Wes has the solemn duty to read the scorer, assist, and time of goal. As soon as he finishes, the crowd shouts, “Who cares!”

For context, as of game 23 the Capitals are third-to-last in the league in goals against per game– averaging 3.22. We all care deeply that goals are being scored against our team. If not, we should.

Perhaps when the Caps are leading by 6 goals and Mathieu Perreault is taking his shifts in the cage just for a giggle, it’d be cool. But that’s not right now. Right now our team is fighting for every precious goal it can get, and every puck in our net is a minor tragedy. “Who cares” is false bravado at the wrong time. So….

Instead: Don’t.

Cindy Crysby

When fans discuss star players from other teams, character assassination is hard to avoid. That’s why we get Alex Semin is a diver, P.K Subban is a jerk, and I wouldn’t pee on Danny Briere if he were caked in napalm and I’ve been pounding Gatorades all day. But that stuff is kind of quaint. So too is calling Sidney Crosby a whiner. After all, thanks to 24/7, we’ve got incontrovertible video documentation of Sidney Crosby being a whiner.

Some fans call him Cindy Crysby. Crysby is a little obvious and punny, but I guess it’s fine. Cindy, on the other hand… Here’s why that’s a dick move. You see your sister, mother, girlfriend, wife, daughter sitting next to you? She heard that. And now she’s internalizing what you said– that being a girl is a bad thing. That women have no place in sports, regardless of what mindblowing stuff my 15-year-old cousin is doing on that blueline in Vermont. When you call him Cindy as an insult, you’re perpetuating that boys club nonsense, and it is keeping a pretty cool sport on the fringes.

Sidney Crosby is back,  but he’s still worth mocking. Not because he’s a little bitch and not because we wish serious injury upon him, but because he’s our opponent. We can find new and better ways to talk trash. For now, we’ll toe a fine line.

Instead: Create a poster like this:

But I’m not trying to be a downer; there’s a ton of good habits among Caps fans too. The 100% participation rate for “Unleash the Fury” is still inspiring, and we’ll always have The Horn Guy and Goat to get the crowd going. Maybe we could deal with a few “Crash! The! Net!” cheers and maybe a “ka-NOOOOOOO-ble” chant, but that stuff will come in time.

Verizon Center always explodes in applause for military folks. That’s fantastic. Since there ain’t no way I’m fighting, I’m happy to thank those who will and have. I suppose you guys feel the same. Right on.

Then there’s the rally balloon, an emerging and possibly fleeting trend of spurring a comeback by floating a creepy red balloon out over the ice. That one’s a bit mischievous, isn’t it? It’ll pass for now.

And then there’s my favorite: the D.C Hat Trick. We haven’t seen this one recently, and you may not know it at all, so I’ll explain. When a player scores two goals in regulation and then scores during the shootout, fans at Verizon Center lose their dang minds! It’s great! Even though that goal doesn’t really count at all, Caps fans throw hats on the ice and hoot and holler like history has just been made. This is awesome and should never stop.

Don’t ever change, D.C. We love you just the way you are. Except for, ya know, all the stuff I listed at the top. Change that right away.

Illustration by Ian Oland

I feel like I’ve seen this person before… (Photo credit: Mitchell Layton)

Fans enter Verizon Center before the season-opener. (Photo credit: Chris Gordon)

One hundred fifty-seven days. That’s a long summer for Caps fans. And Saturday night at 7:09 P.M. Eastern Time when six ounces of vulcanized rubber tumbled toward the ice sheet it was finally over.

“The atmosphere was great,” Alex Ovechkin told reporters after the game. “The fans push us forward all the time. It’s nice to play at home, especially the first game. I know everybody was missing hockey here so it’s nice to come back.”

The trademarks of Caps hockey were all there last night: Sam Wolk pursed his lips to his horn and let lout three loud blasts at the drop of the puck; Wes Johnson bellowed out the name of Alexander Semin (heavy on the “r”) after Washington lit the lamp for the first time this season on Sasha’s tally; William Stilwell, better known as the Goat, let out a thunderous roar of “Let’s Go Caps!” as he stomped the metal beneath his feet when shown on the big screen in the second period.

There have been pre-season games (eight of them to be exact) and practices — a convention too. But nothing lives up to games that actually matter — or maybe do not matter depending on how you look at it. And Caps fans were ready. 18,506 of them packed Verizon Center, good for a sellout crowd at 100.6 percent of capacity, a number that makes sense if you don’t think about it.

“I’m super excited that they’re back,” Caps fan Jenn McAdoo said. “I felt last year they were trying to stay angry. Let’s just hope this year they stay in the playoffs.”

The off-season, which like all recent ones has begun much too early for the Caps’ liking, was one of change. Former playoff stud and ceiling enthusiast Semyon Varlamov was shipped to Denver, though he probably should do some stretching before hitting the slopes in Colorado. Eric Fehr, too, now plays for another team. Same goes for Matt Bradley, Boyd Gordon, Jason Arnott, Scott Hannan, and Marco Sturm (who was in D.C. for about half has much time as it will take you to read this post). But the team now boasts a new starting netminder — actually, that part might be complicated — in Tomas Vokoun. The D-corps have also received a veteran boost thanks to the acquisition of Roman Hamrlik. The forwards now feature the Hebrew Hammer Jeff Halpern along with former Moose Jaw Warrior Troy Brouwer and former Owen Sound Plater Joel Ward (I love junior hockey). And for fans before 2009 (those exist?), fan favorite Olie Kolzig is also back as a coach.

But enough about the summer. Now it’s finally time for hockey. Glorious hockey.

“I’m really excited for the season to be back because the off-season sucks,” said Caps fan Amanda Hill.

“I have to admit, at the beginning of last year I was a little blasé,” the Goat said. “It was really kind of the status quo team and there was no real reason to think anything had changed. … Starting on July 1st I just felt, ‘This is it; this is a regular season to be excited about because we could actually see a different team out there.’”

“There’re a lot of guys on the Caps that have something to prove and I’m looking forward to seeing them prove it,” he continued.

Washington plans do just that. And though they may be professionals, the team can still get a case of the butterflies.

Said Head Coach Bruce Boudreau: “The crowd’s into it, there are a lot of new guys. Nerves were there. It’s like the first day on the job and going into the office — you’re nervous. Whether you’re a 20-year veteran on the job or just brand new.”

RMNB mention in D2 of The Washington Post’s Sports Section.

The Machinist is where RMNB takes a look back at the week that was.

First off, big ups to Dan Steinberg for coining our new tagline: The world’s foremost authority on Holtbyisms.

Most Popular Articles of the Week

1. Capitals Superfan Goat Gets Hitched
   The loudest unamplified voice at Verizon Center leaves bachelorhood behind in style.
2. Varly Rehabs in Hershey, Gives First English TV Interview
   Varly is so proud of his hard-earned language skills; he’ll send this tape back to his family in Russia.
3. RMNB Presents a Sneak Peak of Alex Ovechkin: The GR8
   Alex Ovechkin’s new DVD features 200x more shirtlessness, and the faintest whiff of man musk.

Articles You Might Have Missed

1. A Caps Fan in Buffalo Territory
   Stephanie Carosa finagled her way into a closed practice last week. Here are the pictures.
2. Why Caps Fans Need Tålamod With Marcus Johansson
   Not exactly flush with options for a second-line center, Neil suggests patience in developing MJ90.
3. Breaking Down The Capitals Line Combinations
   Neil Greenberg revels in the triumph of Alex Semin and bargains for more Boyd Gordon.
4. Reader Reports: Alex Ovechkin Signs DVDs at Sterling Best Buy
   The article that has inspired literally tens of people to buy Avoid Responsibility t-shirts.
5. Prospect Watch: Cody Eakin Scores OTGWG on His Own Bobblehead Night
   Would be worth it even if it was just the Cody Eakin bobblehead photo.

Game Recaps

1. Sabres 3, Capitals 2 (OT) – “All penalties are four minutes. It’s a new rule. Did you not get the memo?”
2. Capitals 6, Thrashers 4 – “an out-of-control garbage truck full of terminally ill kittens”
3. Caps 4, Sabres 2 – “Matt Bradley soars on the wings of griffins and plucks dragon teeth for sport.”

You can also read all about how the can of 12.5% ABV caffeinated whoop arse the Hershey Bears opened up on the Senators and the Crunch, but you have probably already bookmarked Sweetest Hockey on Earth, right?

Goat and Jill rock the wed. (Photo credit: Wes Johnson)

The madman of 105 (Photo: ESPN)

You might not know him by name, but William Stilwell is a legend to Caps fans. At any moment, the man known as GOAT can fill Verizon Center to the rafters with his boomy “Let’s! Go! Caps!” holler. Goat has become a Capitals institution, a good-natured leader of cheers, as reliable as he is boisterous. He is– in short– beloved.

This past Saturday, Goat married his sweetheart Jill. The ceremony, held at the L’Enfant Plaza Hotel in downtown D.C., was attended by friends, family, and a smattering of Caps notables. Sam “The Horn Guy” Wolk and our own Ian Oland attended. The wedding itself was officiated by the voice of the Capitals (and perhaps the only guy louder than Goat), Wes Johnson.

The couple met by chance in Chicago, seeing the Black Crowes in concert back in 2005. She, a diehard Red Wings fan, and he, already a season-ticket holder for five years, found shared interest in music, hockey, and one another. Sometime later, Jill and her hero Sergei Fedorov both moved to D.C., where she was converted. “Brainwashed is the wrong word,” Goat assures me over the phone, but sure enough, she was soon among the Caps faithful.

In recent years, Goat and Jill have attended games, arriving together but sitting apart (he in 105, she in the 400′s). Afterwards they would celebrate or commiserate. “It’s a perfect arrangment,” Goat observes.

Capitals announcer Wes Johnson served as officiator. Johnson sought an online ordination (his official title: Universal Prophet of Absolute Reality) and summitted a mountain of D.C. paperwork to fulfill his duties. Johnson shares Stilwell’s same breed of enthusiasm and gregariousness, so Goat thought he’d be the perfect choice to lead the event. “No one else could do it with his verve,” Goat says of his friend Wes.

The Horn Guy and emcee Wes Johnson.

As the ceremony began, Johnson summoned his bellow and asked the crowd, “Are you ready… to rock the wed?” Answered by enthusiastic cheers, the D.J. cued up Europe’s “The Final Countdown”. At its conclusion, Johnson introduced the real star of the show in his signature half-growl: “Ladies and gentlemen… here comes the bride!”

Led by a flower girl in pink, Jill joined William up front, and Wes began his invocation. Perhaps unable to help himself, he began with a classic: “Mawwiage”. Placing the humor aside, the officiator delivered a reflection on Goat and Jill’s relationship. They are, as Wes reiterated it to me by phone, “two best friends, individuals on a journey through life that is better shared. But they do not have to sacrifice their individuality to be together.”

Individuality was in no short supply here. Goat wore his preferred sneaker, black Adidas Campus Two’s. Jill wore pink Chuck Taylors. The ceremony was as fun as it was short, but never short on smiles or personality.

The reception continued the heartful, but lighthearted atmosphere that Wes and the newlyweds set at the ceremony. Overflowing with sushi, pasta, barbeque, turkey and more, the celebrants were well fed. Jill’s preferred music, the devil-horns-not-hairspray stylings of Judas Priest and Ratt, filled the ballroom. The custom-made groom’s cake, decorated as an old-school Caps puck on top of sheet cake, was presented to much aplomb.

I caught up with William the next day, Sunday afternoon, a few hours before the Flyers game. I asked him if they were up for going to the game after the previous night’s celebration, “Yeah,” he replied, “We have to. We couldn’t let Philadelphia fans get the seats. Besides, it’s a nice way to bookend the weekend.”

Jill and Goat will take their honeymoon in December. Like the first time they met, they’ll be seeing the Black Crowes in concert.

Russian Machine Never Breaks congratulates Jill and Goat on their nuptials. An affable, passionate gentleman like Goat with such discriminating taste in sports teams deserves happiness. He is now off the market and has settled down. That’s great– so long as he never quiets down.

RMNB’s Wedding Album

Walking down the aisle, vows.

Wes pronounces Goat and Jill husband and wife.

The invisible handshake of matrimony.

A not-so-solemn invocation

The blushing bride, her pink Chuck Taylors obscured.

Exchange of rings. Muy adorable.

Goat could not contain his excitement anymore.

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing the married couple for the first time.

The family!

Universal Prophet of Absolute Reality, Wes Johnson, and the Caps steel shield.

Congratulation cards from friends and family.

@TheHornGuy and his loving illustration of a noisy brother-in-arms.

“Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.” – Oscar Wilde

Non-traditional centerpiece.

The first dance.

Aww.

Wes signs the wedding certificate. Jill Hunt supervises.

Caps-colored M&Ms for the happy couple.

Custom-made Capitals cake. Nom.

Congratulations, Goat and Jill.

Thank you to planner Jay Brooke for all his help. Thank you to Sam Wolk for shooting video for us. Thank you to Suzanne Kang for the primary assist. Thank you to Wes Johnson for assorted photos. And thank you to the the Stilwell couple for their graciousness and hospitality.

Readers, please share your congratulations in the comments below.

Additional reporting and photos by Ian Oland

[Ed. note- this article has been updated since publication]

Anna Kournikova... in 3D. Yummy.

If you needed further proof that the apocalypse is indeed near, then check out the newest Maxim! In their October issue, not only can you marvel at Anna Kournikova and her wondrous curves in 3D, you can also read up on Caps Superfan Goat!

For those who have no idea who he is (how did you find our blog?), here’s the jumbotron video the Caps produced of him a few years ago:

Below the jump, we’ve transcribed the article he’s been featured in and included a scan of the page. You know, for the people who would never buy this kinda smut in a million years (Dan Steinberg).

Bob Gertenrich hasn’t skipped a Blackhawks home game in 44 years. The Green Men in Vancouver wear full-body spandex suits to every game and taunt opposing players. And in D.C. there’s 35-year-old William Stillwell, a.k.a. Goat, a man so damn loud the Caps made him a Jumbotron fixture to amp up the crowd.

What happens to you at Caps games?
It’s like an alter ego. As soon as I take my seat, there’s a massive adrenaline boost. I got a little upset once and broke the railing next to my seat.

How loud are you?
Last year a reporter asked about me, and Brooks [Laich] said, “Oh, yeah, we can hear that guy on the bench.”

Have you always been loud?
I grew up watching Redskins games with my dad, and the joke in the neighborhood was that no one needed TV – they could just open their windows and tell how the game was going.

Special thanks to Stevie K. for doing the uhhhh, dirty work? and purchasing the magazine. He assures us that “[he] does not get maxim willingly and [he] do not read it.” Liar.