Way back in 2006 and before he became hockey’s version of Neil Degrasse Tyson on HBO 24/7, Russian goaltender Ilya Bryzgalov — then playing with the Anaheim Ducks — gave an interview to The Score in which he was asked a simple question: “What are your thoughts on Chris Pronger returning to Edmonton?”

A few months earlier, Pronger helped lead the Edmonton Oilers to their first Stanley Cup Final since the Gretzky era. After the Oilers lost in 7 games to the Carolina Hurricanes, Pronger requested a trade for personal reasons. Local media reported that his wife Lauren hated the city. So GM Kevin Lowe shipped Pronger off to the Ducks a month later for Joffrey Lupul and a whole bunch of spare parts.

So here we find Bryzgalov trying to defend his teammate and diffuse the situation ahead of his first game back at Rexall Place. In broken english, Bryzgalov takes the mic and spectacularly fails.

The interview further enraged already-angry Oilers fans, and Bryzgalov’s sassy rhetorical,”Why you heff to be mad?” became a crucial meme.

YouTube user AndersonCooper (no relation to CNN’s silver fox?) put Bryzgalov’s quotes on a sample of Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg’s “Nuthin’ But a G Thang” right after the incident happened. It was tremendous.

And six years later, Bryzgalov’s comments have been given the Dubstep treatment by YouTube user tjeaton2405.

You’re welcome.

Thanks to obsessedwithgreenday23 for reposting the video on Tumblr where I first saw this.

Photo credit: allhockey.ru

Over the last week, CSKA general manager and former Capital Sergei Fedorov has been a busy man, signing Ilya Bryzgalov, Pavel Datsyuk, and Mikhail Grabovski to lockout contracts. CSKA’s roster, which also includes former KHL MVP Alex Radulov, is much like the New York Yankees: they are rich, and they sign the best players.

Coming into Thursday’s game with Evgeny Kuznetsov‘s Traktor Cheylabinsk, it was obvious who the favorites were. But thanks to a stunning goal by Andrey Popov in the final minutes and a meltdown by Radulov, Traktor prevailed 4-3.

Highlights below.

We start with the game tied 3-3. Anton Glinkin skates behind the net, blindly passing to Popov in the crease. Popov turns his body and sends the puck home off his backhand. How in the world?

A few minutes later as CSKA tried to tie before the end of regulation, Traktor enforcer Andrey Vasilchenko shoved Radulov after a stoppage in play. You do not touch the Rads. Disdainful Radulov threw punches and shouted obscenities at the Traktor defenseman.

While both players seemed to deserve matching minors for roughing, the officials sure didn’t see it that way, only whistling Radulov for slashing. And that’s when Rads lost it.

For shoving the official, Radulov was immediately kicked out of the game and given two misconduct penalties. He finished with 34 PIMs.

Before you judge Radulov, it’s not like he has a history of this kind of behavior.

Oh, right.

Photo credit: Bruce Bennett

With eight games left in the regular season and the Capitals struggling to hold onto the eighth and final playoff spot in the Eastern Conference, every standings point matters. So when the Caps were unable to break a 1-1 tie with the Flyers after 60 minutes of regulation and a five-minute overtime, the shootout carried high stakes.

Enter Matt Hendricks.

Dale Hunter selected Hendy as the Capitals first shooter. The Blaine, Minnesota native did not disappoint. Hendricks used his patented move, this time baiting Ilya Bryzgalov to pokecheck. Bryz missed, allowing yet another highlight-reel shootout goal for the team’s leader in penalty minutes. Video is below the jump.

Mobile-friendly video

The shootout tally was so great that it prompted Craig Laughlin to exclaim,”[Hendricks] should copyright those moves right there.” Joe Beninati, equally as impressed, observed that Hendricks “paralyzed” Bryzgalov.

Hendricks now is 6 for 10 in the shootout during his three-year career in the NHL. If I were Dale Hunter, I’m putting him in the shootout line-up from now until the end of time.

GIF

Via welshhockeyfan.tumblr.com

After long negotiations, the Russian National Broadcasting Company (VGTRK) has secured the rights to broadcast the NHL on their sports channels (free SD Russia 2 and cable HD Sport 1).

Back when RMNB was in its infancy, I described what it was like to be a fan of the Washington Capitals in Moscow. Staying up until 6am and searching the internet for feeds of Caps games (where there’s no guarantee I will hear Joe B. and Locker), is neither convenient or healthy.

Understanding this shortfall, the NHL started offering a Russian version of their website this season, and they allowed Europeans to watch games on NHL GameCenter Live. The VGTRK deal — which was completed in November — is another step towards globalizing the NHL.

HD Sport 1′s first game was the Detroit Red Wings at Boston Bruins on November 25. The free SD Russia 2 broadcasted the New York Rangers at Washington Capitals game that very same day.

For the first time in 15 years, the NHL is widely available on Russian TV.

VGTRK aired a commercial promoting their new relationship with the NHL. It features the Capitals’ Alex Ovechkin, Alex Semin, and Dmitry Orlov as well as other big-name players like Ilya Kovalchuk, Evgeni Malkin, Pavel Datsyuk, and renaissance man Ilya Bryzgalov. Below, you can check it out for yourself.

At the end of the commercial, there’s some Russian spoken. The narrator says “The NHL on Russia 2. Nothing cooler than that.” He’s right. Now maybe I can finally get some sleep!

Photo credit: Greg Fiume

One morning during high school, I dressed up like the Devil for Halloween and then got roughed up by a tough guy. I remember cowering on the floor of the hallway, dressed up like an idiot. With our site all decked out in Jaromir Jagr flamebait, I feel the same way.

The Philadelphia Flyers taught the Washington Capitals humility and shame in a 5-1 mauling. All that bravado and confidence from two wins in a row? Evaporated. Flyers beat Caps 5-1.

Goals by Hartnell, Bourdon, Simmonds, Talbot, and Voracek. Jeff Halpern got the Caps on board with a rebound in the third. A few smart tip-ins, a couple unforgivable softies.

• Tomas Vokoun had a pathetic even-strength save percentage: .809. He wasn’t pulled before the third period; the appropriate term is relieved. Michal Neuvirth was a sturdy pro in the scant 20 minutes he played.
• The Flyers looked well tuned despite missing several vital players due to injury. Stick-to-stick passes and lots of leg speed from the white sweaters.
• The Caps did not convert on 3 power plays, which they compounded by allowing several shorthanded chances.
• Ilya Bryzgalov refused whatever scant offense the Caps could summon.
• Joel Ward had puck control issues. Alex Semin was minus-3.  Dennis Wideman fired 5 shots.
• Thank goodness for Jeff Halpern. He’s a rock.
• 14:02 ice time for for de facto 4th liner, Mike Knuble. The guy rarely dipped under 15 minutes before this season.
• This team is a mess.

That’s it for the recap. I’m taking my option. It’s not like you’re enjoying this anyway.

We’re gonna leave this obnoxious site theme up until Wednesday morning. It’ll teach us a lesson about cockiness. Also bandwidth.

Jets on Thursday. Then a date with Varly and the Avs, who are even worse than the Caps somehow.

What the hell are you smiling about, Craig?

Boudreau and Gordon look on from the bench. (Photo credit: Debora Robinson)

Photo credit: Mark J. Terrill

You couldn’t write a better script. After 24 games under head coach Randy Carlyle, Andrew Gordon had not scored a goal and the Ducks were among the worst teams in the NHL. Enter Bruce Boudreau. In the second period of Gabby’s coaching debut with the Ducks, Gordo netted his second career NHL goal — his first since December 21, 2010, which he celebrated by kissing Marcus Johansson – knocking in a rebound off of a Ben Maxwell shot past Ilya Bryzgalov. As NHL.com’s Dave Lozo observed, Gordon is probably the first player in NHL history to get his first career goals on two different teams with the same coach.

If you follow me past the jump, you can check out video of his goal.

The Ducks went on to lose to the Flyers 4-3 in overtime.

Photo credit: Bruce Bennett

The Washington Capitals game with the Philadelphia Flyers should’ve been the clash of the titans: Alex Ovechkin and Jaromir Jagr. Only one of ‘em showed up.

Claude Giroux deked wide to score on a breakaway made possible by Alex Semin’s giveaway. Mathieu Perreault required the rest of the fourth line to screen in his tying marker. Late in the first, someone told Alex Ovechkin that he was tied in goals with ex-Cap Dave Steckel, so Ovi promptly scored on a rebound.

Nothing happened in the second period, but get ready for this. Roman Hamrlik ripped one from way out that deflected in, then Alex Ovechkin found an open spot on open ice and chipped it in, then Joel Ward got a flukey deflection to make it 5-1. All that happened in 150 seconds. Late goal by someone and who cares. Caps beat Flyers 5-2.

• Advice to Ilya Bryzgalov: don’t tweet about who hasn’t scored on you. U mutant.
• Both of Alex Ovechkin‘s goals are worth analyzing. Ovechkin wasn’t the primary puck-carrier on either play. He positioned himself up front and ready for the puck. Getting past our typical “crash the net” trip, I think we’re seeing the future of Ovechkin goal scoring. He’s a terrifying threat in traffic, opening up opportunities for others and stealing a few for himself. When he was carrying the puck from neutral, he was just the guy trying to recreate The Goal and looking pathetic. This version of Ovechkin is scary good.
• For seeming so adamant about justice, the refs sure kicked a few calls big time. There’s the missed whistle on Hartnell’s late hit on lil Matty Perreault, the dubious whistle for Ovechkin’s interference hit on Max Talbot (I’m marginally okay with that one– Ovi didn’t play the puck), and only a double minor for when Briere drew blood when high-sticking Laich. What did 5-on-5 hockey ever do to the mothers of the officiating staff to create such animus?

• Brooks Laich‘s is a rugged kind of handsomeness. He’s taken hits to the face before, and he’ll surely take them again. The two sticks he absorbed with his face are nothing new, and this is not Rick “the Model” Martel we’re talking about here. So we’re done infantilizing ourselves and you with “Oh no, Brooksy’s face” jokes. (But it is a nice face.)
• Surviving the second period was crucial to the Capitals’ victory. Philadelphia brought the onslaught, and the Caps defense looked just barely on the good side of inept. No goals came and we owe that to Tomas Vokoun, whose reliability in net is astonishing and new. 40 saves for the Caps #1 goalie.
• Those first five minutes of the third period. Man. We would’ve sacrificed a dozen goats for that kind of puck luck last December. Roman Hamrlik and Joel Ward both owe their goals to deflections. Ovechkin owes his to hard freaking work in the thick of Flyer defense.
• Jaromir Jagr: 5 shots, even rating. Boring. Total letdown considering we made a video for him and everything.

Joe B suit of the night

In another world the Capitals might not have secured this win. Philadelphia looked good for 40 minutes, but they ran into a team with a great goalie and a hardworking superstar. And some good luck of course, which goes a long way. Regardless, Philly wasn’t bad until they totally gave up in the final 15 minutes, so we should honor the defeated as much as we mock the fans who raided our pregame comments thread earlier. Haha, you guys.

6-0-0. Unprecedented.

There are only two undefeated teams in the NHL: Detroit* and Washington. They meet on Saturday.

* Detroit will play Columbus on Friday. (Spoiler alert: Detroit will win.)

(Photo credit: Andre Ringuette)

True story. Guy walks into a bar. He immediately pulls down his pants, starts cursing a blue streak, and vomits on the floor before stumbling out the door. Bartender says: “Hey, I didn’t know there was a Flyers game today!”

The Low Down: There’s no question Philadelphia is cursed with the worst sports fans in the history of everdom, and that includes the Flyers. Their arena smells, their colors look like butt, and those are the nice things we have to say.

Unfortunately, they’re also a consistently solid squad, bringing a hard game to every outing. The Broad Street Bullies may be long gone, but the Flyers remain a serious team – this year included. Unlike the Caps, they don’t need to “get up” for any particular game; they’re ready to play from the first puck drop. Just like Mike Knuble… except for the fact that we adore Kanoobs and hate them. So what’s the secret to their success?

Their Secret Weapon

The Power of Pugly? No, much credit of late must go to coach Peter Laviolette, who in his nine years as NHL coach has lead three teams to the playoffs six times, capturing Lord Stanley’s Cup with the Hurricanes in 2006. You don’t get those results through luck alone.

This is Laviolette’s third season with the Flyers (Hawks’ fans no doubt remember him well) and so far his overhaul of last year’s roster appears to have built on the core Flyers strengths, much as Boudreau and GMGM (to a lesser degree) have attempted for the Caps.

And we suspect this is due in large measure to a truly secret weapon: Flyer scout Patrick Burke. Just one of 15 on the scouting team, Burke is said to have one of the sharpest eyes for talent around. He should… it’s in his genes.

What Makes Them Hot

Chris Pronger

#1: Chris Pronger. A newly minted captain, Pronger is among the most effective defensemen anywhere on ice this season. 1 goal and 4 assists make him 20th in the league in points – not bad for a big rig who’s pushing the upper edges of 30’s. Harder to put your finger on, but we think there’s something about knowing you’re leading your team in the Winter Classic that makes a guy feel a little invincible. And with a name like “Pronger”…well, ‘nuff said.

#2: Jaromir Jagr. Defeating every anti-bacterial effort to make this 38-year-old scab dry up and go away, Jagr is back on the ice, already getting three assists this season, and now we’re facing him again. Given the Caps at-times chaotic performances in the zone (1st period against the Pens’ forecheck, anybody?), Jagr and linemate Claude Giroux could give Tomáš (or Neuvy) (or Holtby) (or Saborin) fits. We know it’s righteous to lay down the Jagr-hate in this town, and why not? He’s a stain. He’s the wanker always trying to “Friend” you. He’s basically the Brinks bank robber with a Munster mullet. 10 shots with no points against Ottawa? Let’s just make sure he doesn’t add any more points to his tally Thursday.

#3: Ilya Bryzgalov. OK, I grew up in Detroit where “z” is considered a vowel, but this guy’s name is still a puzzle. So are his tweets. Obvs a big fan of the Lion King, @bryzgoalie30 reads less like a professional athlete and more like a 10-year-old with Twitterrhea. “Childhood is when you are running from the bathroom in the middle of the night, happy you didn’t get eaten,” are among the updates that make more sense. I do NOT want to see what’s in his bathroom. If there is something about this cat, it’s why he’s been spending so much time in the crease. Boasting a .935% save rate so far this season, he’s not infallible but pretty damn close. Worse, Sergei “Bob” Bobrovsky showed a lot of promise in camp this year, giving Laviolette a choice between good and good.

What Makes Them Not

Brayden Schenn

#1: Zac Rinaldo. Sounding like the dumpy one in a Disney boy-band is Rinaldo, a 5’forgettable, 170-pound pest with exactly 0 goals or assists so far. But he almost gave Kings defenseman Drew Doughty a concussion recently, so there’s that. Sasha may or may not care, but this guy doesn’t even rate: a zero save for his willingness to get in the way of good players. We strongly encourage everyone to ignore this jerk at all costs. Maybe like the recession, he’ll just go away. Oh, wait; he just did, sent packing by Laviolette to the Phantoms. (Were you reading our draft, coach?) But we had so many more Rinaldo jokes! Ugh, called up in his place is Brayden Schenn, which isn’t the best news. Schenn’s a skilled center (8 goals 10 assists last year) who hasn’t seen much ice time lately. Whether he takes Rhino’s spot on the fourth line or bumps someone else will be interesting to see.

#2: Ouch. Still on injured reserve are Blair Betts and Ian LaPerriere, which is too bad for the Flyers because they could use these two. Betts isn’t a big scorer, but he’s consistent, as is right winger LaPerriere, who’s out with post-concussion syndrome. And while technically healthy, Matt Carle just has not been performing up to par.

#3: Phans. You know what’s funny? Booing a Cancer Awareness PSA. Fun-nee! Or laughing at injured players on the ice. Hi-LAR-ious! Or beating up rival fans in the stands. Oh, you scamps! Look, Philadelphia: get over it. Nobody wants to be you, nobody wants to live in you, nobody wants to play for you. You are a colossal super-collider of suck, and everyone knows it. Just save us all the bother, sit down, and shut it.

What To Watch For

On the Caps bench, we may, or may not, have put to rest our sluggish opening stanzas. While it’s hard to argue with 5-0, we’ll take a slug or two anyway (just call us Jay Beagle) – the Flyers are in just about everyone’s top 5 list at the moment, and if we give them an opening, it will be very hard to claw back. It wasn’t just a couple star players that participated in the Senators thrashing, it was most of the Flyers unit. We’re also watching for news on Neuvy’s bad paw.

Over on the jerky side, let’s see where Schenn and if Jody Shelley play – Shelley’s just off one of Shanahan’s five-game suspensions for boarding and just generally being an ass (although technically you can’t really be suspended for that – yet.)

The Only Thing We Share

The good sense to despise the Pens. And the Rangers. And the Devils.

Photo credit: Norm Hall

We’re reaching a key point in the season, as Capitals veteran winger Mike Knuble said after the loss to the Kings, “This road-trip could be great or it could be an absolute embarrassment.”

It seems like all year we’ve been waiting for Washington to just snap out of it and return to last season’s form. But at the start of their matchup with Phoenix, the Caps were fewer points away from being out of playoff position then they were of taking the number one spot in the east.

“If they’re waiting for some switch to magically appear, it’s not going to happen,” head coach Bruce Boudreau said after Saturday’s flop.

It’s time to wake up. And the Capitals certainly didn’t do that Monday night.

The first period was rather uneventful. Aside from an early power play, the Caps had limited scoring opportunities, registering just one even strength shot in the frame. But then in the second, the Caps decided to #CRASHTHENET, as Marcus Johansson used the patented bank it off Martin Hanzal’s foot move, putting Washington on top. However, Hanzal quickly redeemed himself, scoring just 49 seconds later, going five-hole on Capitals goaltender Michal Neuvirth. With less than two and a half minutes left in the period, Ray Whitney gave the ‘Yotes a 2-1 lead when his wrist-shot hit the back of the net. In the third period, Vernon Fiddler would push the Coyotes advantage to two when converted on a 2-on-1. Matt Bradley, however, would answer right back, cutting the lead to one under a minute later, getting a shot past Phoenix ‘keeper Ilya Bryzgalov. But that would be it for Washington. Coyotes beat Caps, 3-2.

• Though the Capitals showed a somewhat renewed sense of urgency, Phoenix kept Washington to the perimeter, blocking 20 of their shots while completely shutting them down in the final minutes of the game. Despite the fact that the Caps out-chanced the ‘Yotes 20-10, they had zero chances in final seven minutes of play. Not something you want when you’re down by just one goal. Would the Capitals of 2009-10 have come back tonight? I don’t know. But this team – at this moment – seems incapable of that.
• If Alex Semin‘s turnovers were paintings, Jobing.com Arena would have been full of Rembrandts tonight. The newly de-mulleted Brian Engblom said of Sasha Minor during the third period, “I don’t think he’s going to need a lot of ice bags tonight.” When you’re one of two guys who skipped the morning skate after a horrible effort at home against the Kings, that’s not exactly what Caps fans want to hear.
• Dmitry Chesnokov of Puck Daddy suggested tonight that Alex Ovechkin should stop shaving. While aesthetically we couldn’t agree more with him, do the statistics concur? Before Ovechkin signed his endorsement deal with Gillette on December 8, the Russian Machine averaged over a point per game, tallying 12 goals and 23 assists in 29 games. Since then, he has nine goals, 12 assists in 28 games. The Capitals were 18-8-3 with a bearded Ovechkin but are significantly worse with the clean-shaven one at 11-10-7. Someone hide his razors!
• After scoring on the power play late in the second period, Ray Whitney was selected for Versus’ intermission interview. He had some interesting things to say about the Capitals new style of play: “After playing against them the last five years in Carolina, eight, six times a year. It’s a totally different team. They still have the same skill level but you can tell they’ve made a conscious effort to play smarter defensively. Not really what I was expecting out of them but they’re certainly doing a good job of it. This is kind of our style of play. We’re kind of comfortable with it. To see them doing that is surprising, but I think they’re on to something. I think that’s what’s going to, as a group, maybe take them up to that next level.”
• Is it time to give up on the Ovechkin-Nicklas Backstrom-Knuble line? The trio didn’t register their first even strength scoring chance until the third period. Eric Fehr, who practiced today without a non-contact jersey for the first time since injuring his shoulder, cannot return soon enough for Washington.
• Even though Mathieu Perreault did not register a point, the feisty Drummondville, Quebec native was on the ice for six chances-for, and only one against. He brought energy all night and was rewarded with three minutes of power play time.

This can’t be stressed enough, this 5-game road-trip is huge for the Capitals. After their loss to the Coyotes, the Caps find themselves in sixth place in the Eastern Conference, making them look at lot more like pretenders than a team with serious Stanley Cup aspirations. We all know the Caps have the skill. It’s time for them for them to look in the mirror decide if they are going to do something with it. The coaching staff isn’t immune either. The general can’t just blame the troops for their poor effort. He must take some responsibility for their actions. If the Capitals keep up the status-quo, they’ll be on the outside looking in.

Additional reporting by Ian Oland and Neil Greenberg.