New Jersey Devils: Where Dat Rally Balloon?

The PreGame: Close your eyes for a moment. Now fling your head out the window.

Wait. Stop that. Open window, fling head, close eyes.

Better. Breathe deep…deeplier deep. Now, what do you smell out there? Summer? Winter? Victory? Streak?

Us? We get mulch, daffodils and notes of flattened street rat. But we much prefer these others. Summer – remember buoyancy and cautious cockiness? Winter; well, early winter means Christmas, and Christmas last was a Capsmas miracle against the Devils, so thank you Baby Jesus!

Victory? Contrary to Maj. Kilgore, victory doesn’t smell like napalm in the morning.  Rather it’s a man-handling of the Habs, a swift start and sustained margin against the Leafs, and a ‘You-Ain’t-Gonna-Win” sass against the dreadful Islanders, all in a row. Yum.

And Streak? Actually, we haven’t really smelled that this year for a long, long time. But still, I think I might recall…

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New Jersey Devils Pregame: Happy Non-denominational Tidings

Craig is a Puck Buddy. This is his story. @PuckBuddys

Ohai Caps fans! Coinciding with Coach Hunter’s latest round of mind-boggling line changes, we’re changing up things today on the pregamer, too.  No, Doug hasn’t been sent down to Hershey with the other famous Caps redhead, Cody “Swoon” Eakin, but he’s taking a short break from cranking out his inimitable prose, obscure cultural references (he’s still working on Cy Twombly), and his proselytizing on behalf of the radical gay agenda.

Actually, he’s wrapping up the last of his community service obligations that resulted from his conviction in that 2011 World Juniors point-shaving scandal. And truth be told, he was also the one who bought all that liquor for those Russian kids. But luckily for all involved, including international aviation authorities, the team behaved responsibly on that flight home after their big win. In fact, we just heard from a few of our old pals on last year’s Russian team - and even they were appalled by Alec Baldwin’s airline antics last week.

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Pretty Much Summarizes The Entire Night For the Trashers (Photos via AP)

Pretty Much Summarizes The Entire Night For the Trashers (Photos via AP)

As we prepared for tonight’s Caps/Thrashers game, we were alerted to three crucial things: 1.) The Caps had plane troubles again and had to depart for Atlanta very early this morning (per Capitals Insider) 2.) Japers Rink told us via Twitter that the Caps have never won in Atlanta on a Saturday night (0-3-1) and 3.) Capitals 9th string Goalie Brett Leonhardt made this awesome observation on Twitter: “There is legit spots on the ice in ATL where you can see the cement… guess the teams’ not the only ones mailing it in.”

Wow, huge #verbfail there, Brett.

But with these convenient excuses on hand, we here at the Russian Machine felt like it was a perfect night for our hometown team to have another mindless, letdown game and be done in by the dreaded “Reverse Lock.” Or – at the least – witness Sasha take 6 offensive-zone penalties and see just how hard Bruce could angrily stare at him without his eyes bugging out of his head.

But alas, we were treated to a blowout victory, as the Capitals took the Thrashers to the freakin’ woodshed and won by a Touchdown. … Sorry, it’s Saturday… I’m a little drunk… I’ve gotta do it:

VIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCTTTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOORRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
(Ed note: fast foward to 1:47 mark)

On to the bullet points:

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