[Ed. note: Jason Rogers, Sperm Whale captain and hockey Hemingway, is back for your amuse bouche. But be warned: do not take his insights as mere foam on the web: so far, he's been more spot on than Vinnie "Legs" Baggodonnouts. You are warned. Follow him now here. Thus endeth the editor's finger-wagging.]

Sasha needs an image consultant.

This will be the fourth of five meetings this season between our Caps and the Tropical Depressions, and it is time for this Washington team to decide whether it wants to spend May playing hockey or golf. Watch and learn.

The Mourning Skate: What is the length of one point? Is it the width of one puck crossing or not crossing the goal line? Is it the size of one of John “Towelie” Carlson’s skate edges slipping and giving the other team a breakaway? Is it the distance between wherever the first round of the playoffs is held and Jeff “Sgt.” Schultz’s favorite local golf course?

Rhetorical queries aside, three points now separate the Capitals from the final playoff spot. Now, if we know the Caps, there’s plenty of room for them to implode in on themselves with the unfathomable mass of a thousand suns and persist only as a hockey singularity, a black hole of puck the likes of which are rarely seen outside of Scottsdale, AZ. (Really dorks? We looked it up and it happens. Or, at least, so says Stephen Hawking. And you gonna argue with Stephen Flipping Hawking? Thought not!)

But that is also enough for the Washington Capitals to make the postseason and win, to follow the model of the Habs and Kings of seasons’ past and make an unlikely eighth-seeded run…and to tell Mike Milbury to trade it where the sun don’t shine. (heh)

In its final season of existence, the Southeast Division is going out less with a bang and more with a “meh.” But right in the thick of this maze of malaise are the Carolina Hurricanes, one-time Stanley Cup champions and current financiers of Alex Semin.

Is it surprising the Canes are in the playoff hunt? Sure. Is it mind-boggling why there is a professional hockey team in North Carolina? A louder, stronger “yes, y’all!” But with the Caps and Canes tied in points and Carolina having played two fewer games, the Capitals not only need to win, but they need teams like Carolina to lose.

They can do both on Tuesday night and kill two mocking birds with one stone, two surfers with one shark, or two Staals with one team, whichever is easiest for Carolina to understand. (We imagine it’s something to do with “bacon.”)

With that, it’s time to turn to the segment that launched a thousand Facebook statuses:

LIABLE TO LIBEL – A Baker’s Dozen Lies About Today’s Opponent

• When asked how he felt about receiving a huge new contract, Alex Semin took a slow drag from a cigarette and wistfully replied, “Complex.”
• Tuomo Ruutu’s name has the most U’s per capita of any developed nation.
• The Hurricanes’ mascot is a humanoid pig. This makes marginally more sense than their previous mascot, a still-life oil painting of Cam Ward eating a basket of Toblerones. 
• Eric and Jordan Staal now have a secret handshake that Marc isn’t allowed to do. It is called the “HurriShake.”
• Forward Chad LaRose was named after the protagonist of his mother’s favorite romance novel, narrowly beating out “Skylar LeSex” and “Rodrigo Musclegaze.” [ed: we loved those books!]
• In its proposal to purchase the Hurricanes, the State of North Carolina spelled the sport “hawkkey,” being utterly unfamiliar with it and assuming it involved birds and locks.
• In an ill-fated PR attempt, the Hurricanes tried to replace their ice with frozen sea water. The water would not freeze, and this actually made it easier for Alex Semin to dive. GET IT?!
• Eric Staal’s brow is premiering this weekend in Dreamworks’ film “Meet the Croods.”
• Sasha’s new contract with the Hurricanes is for five years– or 1,314,000 two-minute hooking minors.
• Hurricanes owner Peter Karmanos is lobbying the National Weather Service to name the first storm of the next season “Corvo.” It will affect very little and quietly move up the coast to Boston before all but disappearing.
• Fans have nicknamed Carolina’s roster the “Storm Troopers,” for their tendency to be anonymous, and miss a lot of shots.
  
• The Hurricanes’ trifecta of Joni, Jiri and Jussi has garnered an official grievance from the “J-Pronouncers Union of America”. Or should have. 
• Hurricanes practice was cancelled on Friday because the NC State men’s basketball team refused to vacate RBC Arena, holding the puck over Cam Ward’s head and telling him if he wanted it so badly he could simply “jump and get it.”

The Puck Drop: Do You Binky Swear? I’ve said before that the only thing more lethal than Steven “Binky” Oleksy’s fists is his Soviet-era good looks. I’m just Putin that out there. And like the tips of the Christmas-bulbed spires of the Kremlin, Binky looks sharp at the point. Whether pulling the string and back-skating two steps to give himself a shooting lane, or cycling the puck like a well-maintained Maytag, the Pride of Chesterfield, Michigan gives us a fresh dynamism that is consistent with an Adam Oates system.

We’ve gotten used to watching Mike Green botch the zone and quarterback the point with the stability and steadfastness of a ligament in RG3’s knee. Now we can watch Oleksy operate there, and while this kid is younger and rougher around the edges than a prepubescent porcupine, we have reason to believe the future will be bright. Or at very least, less Green.

No Kvetchin’ ‘Bout Ovechkin – Look, we need to have at talk about Alexander Ovechkin. If his contract were up today, maybe I wouldn’t give him $130 million. Maybe I wouldn’t sign him for thirteen years. But there may not be a more dynamic player lacing them up anywhere in the world. He is pure kinetic energy, raw power, and emotion set in movement with a quick hop-step.

Alex Ovechkin is a tidal wave that smiles and says, “Sorry, Penguin” before crashing on the beach on destroying a village. He is the word POW! wearing ice skates. I don’t care about his even-strength goal production. You know why? Because when he scored 65 goals in a season, people said, “Yeah, but is he a team player?” So Ovechkin started passing more, and people said, “Well what about evolving his game? He’s getting older.”

So Ovechkin stopped trying to do everything and found his sweet spot low in the circle on the power play. And guess what? He has become the exact weapon we need him to be. He is not just a big gun. He is the big gun. He is a cannon packed with dynamite, cocked and loaded and waiting for artilleriet Sergeant Nicklas Backstrom to trip the hammer. This guy is a leader, he is a captain, and his numbers are proving it.

“Why am I still playing?”

The Safe Word is “Mojo”: The Rise of Role Players – Detractors will tell you the Capitals’ roster is about as deep as Bruce Boudreau’s salad bowl, and this season the numbers have supported that. Once you move beyond the usual suspects of Ovechkin, Brouwer, Ribeiro, and Backstrom, few players have really distinguished themselves with offensive production.

But in today’s NHL, you can win by committee. If tonight it’s Marcus Johansson making great entries into the zone, tomorrow it might be Joel Ward winning possession scrums in the corner. Hockey is an experiment in the inescapability of cause and effect. Goals are built like pyramids, not ladders. Every goal is the result of a hundred little battles that were absolutely necessary to win. It is not a game of pacing yourself. It is not a game of futures. Hockey is a game a million consequent nows, won or lost by tenths of seconds and widths of skate blades.

It’s life, agony, and ecstasy unable to be parceled out or separated but a few times each game. But that, itself, is the point. If you spend all your time looking for the punctuation marks, you’ll miss the sonnet. The Capitals have players who can do the unglamorous things than win teams games. The question is whether they want it badly enough to bleed and fight for it.

The Late Line: And so I, like you, will be anxiously awaiting the drop of the puck at 7 pm in Raleigh. Good luck, God speed, and Go Caps.

Early Morning Skate: So, the last time we were here, we were there. Filthy Philadelphia, needing a solid road win, and feeling optimistic to start. In fact, we were all, like, yay here we gowhattheflipwasthat?! and c’mon Holtbeast get it together and then yay Groooouuubsie and boooo Max Talbot grrr grrrr and ow that traffic-cone orange makes my soul weep and that was pretty much the best summary of that ugly mess of a game I can imagine.

Mmmm…tastes like Cheez Whiz

What exactly was it that happened that terrible, cold February night at the F-U Center? Where, exactly, were manimal Troy Brouwer and Captain 8 (despite being probably the best in Red on the ice that night) and John “Towelie” Carlson and the Millionaire and his wife and the nameless rest? Certainly not there to play hard, or at least battle back through a tough start. And why was it, exactly, the Lord Supreme in His wisdom didst create that dung-heap of a burg to begin with?

Now this is our idea of a hot Fly team. Really.

You see, I’d like to chalk up that bumbling bungle of a game simply to our visiting the giant spirit suck that is Philly and its moronic fans. Like to, but cannot. Yeah, there were a couple fluky puck bounces and what-not, but those things give as much as they take. No, what we saw was a failure to launch by the Capitals after a dis-spiriting start. It was not, in any possible permutation of the concept, ‘good.’

The Puck Drop: But it’s Spring, and Easter (for some) or Maru (for others) or Passover or Nowruz or we’re just going to stop this now. Traditionally, it’s a time for rebirth and renewal and rejuvenation and reloading and all that. For the Capitals’ flock, it’s once more the race to the playoffs.

For several years now, the Capitals have demonstrated fine mettle in April, much like the pale gossamer jonquils besotting the landscape, if those jonquils were angry, snarling, forechecking, glass-smashing monsters made of steel and laser beams.

In short, there’s two ways this ends. One: we leave Filthydelphia redolent of Whiz, covered in soot and chagrin; or two, you can eat me Peter Laviolette. No wait, that’s a given. Oh yes; or two, we bounce outta Barftown and kick it into grinder gear for the coming match-ups against the Canes and ugly Islanders (revenge want now) and be the team that showed up to rub Winnipeg’s nose in its own dark, dark shame. I know which one I’m hoping for.

So let’s git ‘er done.

Who’s Hot and Who’s Snot

• Let’s just get this out of the way: what is it with you and first names, Flyers? Maxime? Jody? Zac? Zac?! Fine if you’re a British boy band, but Zac? Ugh, sign two players named Herp and Derp and you’ve got a full house.
• There’s an old adage that goes ‘What comes up must come down’, which is patently untrue if you are helium or the Blackhawks or Lindsay Lohan’s legal bills. We prefer ‘What goes down stays down,’ which we just made up but will use to prove our point. The Flyers haven’t so much been stumbling of late as they have been losing, while the Capitals overall (let’s not quibble, shall we?) have been demonstrating real hockeytude across the squad. The Flyers must therefore lose, QED.
• The Flyers do have some genuine stand-outs – Jakub Voracek and Claude Giroux and a Schenn or something – who can be good deal sealers. But like we saw in their recent outings with cross-town rivals the Pittsburgh Flightless Stenchbirds, the energy and kick appears bottled up in just a few players, while the Pens (and oh how I hate myself for saying this) work well together across the squad, and that was before getting Iggy. We were suffering from this dread condition earlier in the season, too, but have at least mitigated it. Which is better: a few star talents and a bunch of mugs, or a more even distribution of skill? Capitalism or soshulizms? Hmmm?
• I have it on good authority that Jesus would particularly like a Capitals win today.
• To be “fair and balanced” – ha! – it is true that the Crapitals have some players who feel a little like large leaden weights tied around our ankles while we’re trying to swim. Marcus Johansson appears to be skating with one eye scanning for the door. Jeff Schultz (who is probably among the most decent people around, so, sorry) might as well be eating Doritos out on the ice, and Mike Green…oof, where to start. I’ve seen more spunk among members of the Whitehills Senior Center’s “Jeopardy!” fan club. (If you’re reading, Mr. Trebek, I love your show!) Is this a “Tale of Two Teams” moment? “It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times.”
• Conventional wisdom – which is never wrong I’ll have you know – has it that Adam Oates has at least one more good year here to show progress before GMGM hits the ejector button, while Coach Laviolette – which actually means “smelly cheese” in French, look it up – has but a few more games. Oooh, everyone’s getting a little snippy, aren’t they? I wonder what could be on people’s minds. I wonder…
• Rough trade. Is what’s on people’s minds, I mean. You know, like the trade deadlines? What…what did you think I meant? Ohhh…and on Easter Sunday, of all days. Hmmph. Oh, one last thing:
• JINX! Jinxjinxjinx. Doublejinx! There, you silly nannies, for those who believe in ‘jinxes’ we’ve just double-finger-crossed the jinx spirits and you can put your delicate little heads to rest now about the PuckBuddys curse, OK?

The Late Line:

While intubated in the emergency room following the Hinckley assassination attempt, President Reagan scrawled a note to one of his nurses. Cribbing from W.C. Fields, it read “All in all, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.” It was touch-and-go, but he survived.

On the whole, I’d rather we not have to be in Philadelphia. There should be a law against having to travel there on a High Holy Day, or a birthday, or any day with a “y”. But here we are. At least Jaromir Jagr isn’t around anymore (tee hee.)

Flyers lead early, Caps battle back, 4-3, but close, kids.

Photo credit: Patrick McDermott

As the Washington Capitals returned home to face the New York Islanders, they were likely pondering the 6 points out of a total 8 they earned on their recent road trip. That pondering may have led to some absent-minded play in the first period, but the Caps recovered in the second to put forward one of their strongest possession games of the season. But possession was exactly what Mike Green didn’t have when his goof-up allowed the GWG for John Tavares.

Islanders beat Caps 3-2.

• The Islanders grabbed an early lead off goals by Michael Grabner and Josh Bailey. Both of those goals were due to some hard work by the Isles along the boards– plainly outworking the Caps. The Islanders took Verizon Center out of the game early, a palpable blow to a big homecoming game.
• In general, the Capitals aren’t a strong possession team when they’re behind on the scoreboard. Tonight was different. The second period Caps worked their way back, establishing a plus-11 even-strength shot attempt differential after 40 minutes. And, oh yeah, two goals.
• The first came from Mike Ribeiro, who doesn’t shoot until he sees the whites of the goalie’s eyes. Ribs caught a really smart pass from Troy Brouwer that created space and speed for the scorer. Ribeiro is scoring on more than a quarter of his shots on goal, which is laudable. No player has a bigger incentive to win games right now than he, so it makes sense.
• The second goal was a (possibly tipped) shot by John Carlson, who was moving laterally along the blue line like Oleksy is so wont to do. Yeah, Oleksy appears to be rubbing off on the tactics of others. Is that more awesome or weird? I can’t tell.
• Al Koken says “Literally!” more than Chris Traeger.
• Dmitry Orlov does not shoot enough. He’s been on the ice for over 75 minutes this season and has put just one puck on the net. Deliberately wide shots have their time and place, but Orly can make a real career for himself if he makes like Carlson and takes Oleksy’s lead: shoot early and often!
• The Capitals expertly killed Matt Hendricks‘ interference penalty in the third. As Hendy escaped the box, he drew a penalty from the Isles. A good turnaround of fortune, but the ensuring power play was shotless– despite some Ovechkin solo heroics.
• Late in the third, Mike Green lost track of the puck between his skates. Matt Moulson got that loose puck to John Tavares, who transmogrified it into the game-winner.
• Alex Ovechkin‘s point streak hits 6 games. His 32 on the season is more than Mike Milbury got in all but his two best years– when he played 70-80 games.

Joe B suit of the night

That was disappointing. Rough start, big comeback, and then one innocent goof costs the Caps the game. That was a very valuable pair of points the Caps let go. When the final standings show a margin of one or two points, remember how they bobbled off the blades of Mike Green back in late March. And then reach for an adult beverage.

But don’t get down on the Caps though– this was a well-played game lost by a slim margin. That’s hockey, the sport we usually love but tonight we hate.

P.S. Joe B and Locker in plaid over there sorta has an “early days of Monday Night Football” vibe to it, right? Only thing missing is, well, fedoras, scotch, and seething misogyny.

Ovi’s smiles are getting progressively weirder as the night goes on. (Photo credit: @ovi8)

With Alex Ovechkin scoring his 700th point and the Capitals escaping Raleigh with a win over division-leading Carolina, the players were in a festive mood. That might explain why half the team started tweeting after the game, shooting congratulations to Ovi (#respect), describing the victory with a three-letter word, and posting… well… other weird things.

Take a look for yourself.

Big win for us tonight!And was excited to wear the new Bauer skate APX2. #caps#bauer twitter.com/backstrom19/st…

— Nicklas Backstrom (@backstrom19) March 15, 2013

@mayhockeycsn @laughlin18 haha.. I think me and @laughlin18 will have good chemistry:)

— Nicklas Backstrom (@backstrom19) March 15, 2013

Lol “@backstrom19: Big win for us tonight!And was excited to wear the new Bauer skate APX2. #caps#bauer twitter.com/backstrom19/st…”

— John Carlson (@JohnCarlson74) March 15, 2013

Big win boy!big 2pts we back on track!!!!

— Alex Ovechkin (@ovi8) March 15, 2013

Great win for the @washcaps. Check out this picture yesterday, Matty P got some new furniture. twitter.com/JohnCarlson74/…

— John Carlson (@JohnCarlson74) March 15, 2013

Huge W for us tonight #caps

— Michal Neuvirth (@mneuvirth30) March 15, 2013

Great character win 4the @washcaps !!! & a follow from @johncarlson74. Does this mean we are putting our 2 touch battle to rest? #Frenemies

— Steven Oleksy (@StevenOleksy) March 15, 2013

Congrats to my mom and my brother team Dynamo wommen basketballl club to win a big tournoment!!! twitter.com/ovi8/status/31…

— Alex Ovechkin (@ovi8) March 15, 2013

Big win for the caps!!!!

— mike ribeiro (@ribz9) March 15, 2013

@greenlife52 @mjohansson90@backstrom19 boys goes to boston and mike almost breaks his neck bc he wants to be in pic twitter.com/ovi8/status/31…

— Alex Ovechkin (@ovi8) March 15, 2013

Also a huge congrats 2 @ovi8 hitting the 700 point mark but making it 701 a few minutes just 2make sure the milestone was reached. #Respect

— Steven Oleksy (@StevenOleksy) March 15, 2013

Ovechkin with his 700th career point tonight. Amongst all the criticism, no doubt still one of the best players in the league #respect

— Tom Wilson (@tom_wilso) March 15, 2013

We need to get @jrandalward42 horizontal. He is fading on the bus…fast. twitter.com/tbrouwer20/sta…

— Troy Brouwer (@tbrouwer20) March 15, 2013

Photo credit: Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

[Ed note: PuckBuddy, and hockey's own Hemingway, Jason Rogers, is back to praise where it's earned and taunt where it's needed. Tweeter him now.]

Morning Skate: Don’t look now, but the Caps have won five of their last six, and eight of eleven over the last month. The good guys from DC sit within spitting distance of – dare I say it? – the playoffs. The Capitals, like a port-a-potty with a wayward push, have begun rolling downhill.

This Saturday afternoon, like a matinee at the movies, the Caps’ opponent will be a poorly directed, over-budget flop starring nobody. Yes, the Gortons Fishermen roll back into their harbor fresh from Long Island (Excuse me: Stron-Gisland) to welcome the Caps, and if Uncle Ted has any sense he’ll scotch-guard the locker room.

The Puck Drop: So really, why should you get up for a Caps-Islanders game? Besides getting to know your soon-to-be division rival, you ought to check out the conference standings, duh. Scroll all the way to the bottom. Now scroll back up a little. BOOM! No longer at the bottom of the food chain, the Caps are now at least a secondary consumer! Kelp no more, we have progressed to krill. But in more terrestrial terms, the Caps are currently five points behind the Rangers for the eighth playoff spot, and six points behind Carolina in the division, with a game-in-hand on the latter. That’s iron-sight range, people. That’s swinging distance, like a short gap under a long vine. We’re two games south of the season halfway point, and the fact of the matter is that there’s time to make this thing a race. Every game, Oates’ system is fitting them snugger and snugger, like an opportune Isotoner. The Caps have more track in front of them than behind them, and they’re trending in the right direction. So there’s that.

My second reason to watch is really less of a point and more of a stud. And that stud’s name is Eric Fehr. Our fehrweather friend is becoming before our eyes the guy we drafted him to be with our first pick in 2003, over Ryan Getlzlaf, Ryan Kessler and Corey Perry. Now, he’s not up there yet…but he’s a-climbin’. I was at the SIM Card on Tuesday when Fehrris Bueller played the hero in overtime, and my text conversation with PuckBuddys’ wunderkind Craig went a little like this:

Craig: Eric Fehr!
Me: F***. Yes. Eric. Fehr.
Craig: Ho-Lee F***!

Our Morgan Fehrchild is a real big man with some dirt nasty hands, and I’m loving watching him play hockey right now. OK, fehr enough. That’s the State of the Red as it currently rocks. Now, let’s move on to everyone’s favorite segment:

Liable to Libel: A Baker’s Dozen Lies About Today’s Opponent

Cry, Mike Milbury. Cry.

• Mike Milbury’s last words will be a whispered “DiPietro,” the name of his boyhood sled.
• Tim Thomas agreed to join the Islanders because Long Island was better zoned for his Unabomber-style shack.
• As per Long Island statute, Islanders players are paid in bulk-sized tubs of Ed Hardy t-shirts.
• Mike Milbury’s password on Instagram is “MikeyOvechkin8.”
• Like much of its trash, the city of New York is hoping to relocate the Islanders to a floating barge in the East River.
• Lubomir Visnovsky only decided to report to the Islanders after mistakenly believing Nassau Coliseum was in the Bahamas. He was sorely disappointed.
• The Islanders, much like the noble flounder, lurk around the bottom of the league standings each year to feed on the points missed by other more successful franchises. This is important to the NHL ecosystem.
• After every Islanders home victory, the Nassau Coliseum sprinkler system sprays a fine mist of bronzer down upon the home crowd.
• Much as the Montreal Canadiens require their coaches to speak French, the Islanders require their coaches to be named either Vinny, Mickey, or Legs.
  

  Long Island – Superfun(d)!

• The Islanders are one of the seven best pro hockey teams in the New York metropolitan area.
• Long Island’s official tourism slogan is “America’s Hangnail.”
• This replaced their previous official slogan: “We’re Just Awful.”
• In a recent promotion, the first one thousand fans to arrive at Nassau Coliseum got to go to a Rangers game instead.

Now let’s take a look at Saturday’s game. Like a bomb defuse code dropped under the fridge, here’s what you’re gonna wanna look for:

1. Self-Flagellation is So Passé: The Caps are whipping themselves by taking what I call “gotcha” penalties: hooks, trips, and holds that are the result of a forward just flat beating his check. Exhibit A: butch thespian John Carlson. When Johnny’s man gets past him, Johnny likes to little-bo-peep him back into reach with the toe of his stick, either around his waist or by his ankles. And then Johnny has to go to time out. But on Thursday night, a most remarkable thing happened: the Capitals played for nearly 50 minutes before taking a single penalty. And golly, would you look what happened? The Caps are still averaging nearly five penalties a game, which is five power play opportunities for their opponents. If they want to win for days, that has to stop.
   

   Handsome like Craig, lethal like Putin

2. Steven Oleksy is Vladimir Putin and Daniel Craig’s Love Child: Seriously, look at this kid. He’s a handsome son of a gun, and plays like a vodka-soaked Kalashnikov. He blew up one of Boston’s Thorntons behind the net on Tuesday and made a hipcheck on Thursday that would have made Shakira cry fraud. Some (*ahem*, Chris) wondered why Washington would call up a guy from Hershey who was, essentially, a bruiser. But no matter how he got it done, the kid held his own against Boston and shut down Florida. He needs a little more polish before he’s ready to be a full-time NHLer, but it’s nice to know he’s ready down there next time there’s a bit of the Groin Flu going around the Washington blue lines.
3. The Perks of Leaving the Gate Open – Somebody’s Got to Do It: Until Jack Skille scored a Ralph Nader for Florida late into the third period and already down by six, the Capitals had scored ten unanswered goals dating back to Tuesday. That would be a good run in basketball, let alone hockey. Adam Oates is in the Hall of Fame for being one of the greatest offensive set-up men of all time. The transition, then, from play maker to coach seems to me to be a natural one. Oates could see plays devloping while dodging 200-pound projectiles. Put him safely behind a bench and give him a clipboard, and he should make horse meat out of the likes of Kronwall, Hedman, and Öhlund. From “muffins,” to Ribsy to Oates, this balanced offensive diet sure looks sexy on the Caps.

And so, family, I leave you to wait for the drop of the puck at 1pm in New York. Go Caps.

Kevin Dineen needed more than a timeout tonight. (GIF by welshhockeyfan)

The Florida Panthers opened tonight’s game against the Washington Capitals with four straight shots on Braden Holtby in the first 1:44 of game action. They looked sharp. They looked ready to get out of the Southeast division cellar. The wheels fell off 24 seconds later.

As John Erskine wound up from the Panthers’ blue line — in what he would later admit was just a dump-and-change — Florida’s starting goaltender Jacob Markstrom mis-judged Erskine’s blast and allowed the puck to squeak through his seven-hole. 1-0 Caps.

2:36 later, the Capitals would score on their very next shot, as Markstrom was caught off guard by Wojtek Wolski‘s strong net crash. Enter Scott Clemmensen.

Clemmensen gave up two more goals — one to John Carlson and another to Mike Ribeiro — in the next six shots. The Capitals received a standing ovation and headed into intermission with a 4-0 lead, their biggest goal explosion this season.

“I don’t know what to say,” Markstrom told reporters after the game. “It was terrible. I feel like I let the team down. I am there to stop pucks, and I didn’t do that tonight.”

The Capitals beat the Panthers 7-1.

Now enjoy fun facts from the first period –plus video of all  four goals.

First Period Facts

8 – The number of shots it took for the Capitals to get their first four goals of the game, a 50% shooting percentage.

10 – The number of different Capitals skaters who recorded a point in the first period (Erskine, Ovechkin, Ribeiro, Wolski, Backstrom, Brouwer, Hendricks, Oleksy, Carlson, Perreault).

190 – The number of seconds Jacob Markstrom would last in net for the Panthers.

8:10 – The amount of time that elapsed until Kevin Dineen took a timeout.

3 – The number of times Calle Johansson described the team’s 4-0 lead as “tough” during an intermission interview with Al Koken.

100% – The shooting percentage of Erskine, Wolski, Carlson, and Ribeiro at the end of the period.

0% – Markstrom’s save percentage for the night.

2 – The number of points Alex Ovechkin got in the first period. He is now one short of 700 for his career.

10 – The number of shifts Caps rookie defenseman Steve Oleksy played (8:56) in the first period, a game-high.

-3 – The plus-minus of Florida defensemen Tyson Strachan and Brian Campbell after the first twenty minutes.

148 – The total number of feet the puck traveled for the Capitals to score all four goals in the first period.

8 – The number of Panthers regulars that were out tonight due to injury.

5 – The number of times Alex Ovechkin’s fiancé Maria Kirilenko tweeted during the first period. Including this photo showing how and where she was watching the game.

John Erskine’s Goal

Wojtek Wolski’s Goal

John Carlson’s Goal

Mike Ribeiro’s Goal

Photos by Chris Gordon

The past decade has seen the United States involved in two wars — one in Iraq, one in Afghanistan. We’re all aware of them, we’ve seen the headlines. But for most Americans, the country’s battles are an abstraction. It’s something on the news, not part of the stories of other human beings.

Some Americans, though, can’t remove themselves from them — the wars have taken members of their family. Husbands, wives, children, brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers: the all have loved ones who will never come home. This has unfolded thousands of times throughout the past 12 years.

“Even eight years later we still grieve,” Patty Stubenhofer, whose husband Mark was killed in Iraq in December 2004, said. “The biggest thing is to know we’re not alone, that there are people that remember.”

Losing a loved one in the military is unspeakable, but there are many organizations trying to ease the burden. One of them is TAPS, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors. Last season, TAPS partnered with the Capitals as part of the team’s annual Courage Caps program, which raises money for military charities through the sale of specific t-shirts and hats, some of them signed by Caps players. In 2011, Washington generated over $100,000 for TAPS through the program. For the second straight season Courage Caps — which was started five years ago by the team and has raised over $300,000 — will benefit TAPS, which offers various counseling and support services to families of fallen service members for free. This gear’s Courage Caps gear will be available starting next week on the Capitals’ website and in team stores.

“We’re really excited how the program has taken off, especially last year,” Elizabeth Wodatch, the head of the team’s charity work, said. “It really has an impact.”

Photo by Caps Community Relations

On Sunday, the Caps hosted some of the families helped by TAPS for a skating party at Kettler Capitals Iceplex. The four Americans on the team — John Carlson, Joey Crabb, Matt Hendricks, and Jack Hillen — took the ice with around 150 kids and adults who have lost loved ones in the military.

“I had a blast helping out all those little kids,” Crabb told me. “They looked so happy out there. That’s great with some of the stuff they’ve gone through just to get back to being kids.”

The players were on the ice with the families are about an hour, sharing stories of their loved ones and “not talking about the Capitals’ record, or the power play and penalty kill” according to Crabb. One mother even gave Carlson her fallen son’s dog tags (seen posing on the right). It was the first time on the ice for some of the children, who were often helped along by members of the Caps offering tips for beginners. (Hendricks is right; don’t make the mistake trying to walk on the ice instead of pushing off.)

“Some of them are doing a great job, some of them are struggling, but we’re making it fun for everybody and that’s what it’s all about,” said Hendricks.

“This is a great honor for us to be out here today,” he added. “These families have been through tragedy and we’re just here to say thanks, give them a little bit of joy today. Without the men and women that do what they do for our country, we wouldn’t be able to enjoy this great freedom.”

In addition to the support services TAPS provides, the families also benefit from the community it offers, and knowing that other people are going through the same thing.

“The kids have met other kids and talk to each other,” said Stubenhofer, a mother of three. “Knowing that they’re not the only one whose dad didn’t came to their baseball game helps them a lot. It doesn’t make them happier but it makes them not feel so different.”

Photos

 Darroll Powe is helped off the ice. (Photo credit: Bruce Bennett)

The Washington Capitals won three in a row coming into Sunday, but those games were against middling teams in their own division. This game was the New York Rangers, the guys who bounced the Hunter-led Caps from the playoffs last year. This game actually went a lot like those games: great goaltending but not nearly enough Caps offense.

John Carlson’s slapshot went top shelf in the game’s opening minutes. Carl Hagelin notched a goal halfway into a second period that felt more like an extended New York power play. Derek Stepan finished off a six-second power play to give the Rangers a lead– which held on for the win.

Rangers beat Caps 2-1.

• The Capitals got absolutely dominated in puck possession. At even strength, the Rangers bombarded Braden Holtby with 29 shots, dwarfing Washington’s paltry 19 count even after backing off in the third period. The Caps had played against poor possession teams before, but the Rangers are in the top 10. The Caps simply must limit shots against and spend more time on attack — or else they’re washed up.
• The Caps took three dumb penalties in the first period. The first was dumb in the traditional sense: poor bench management leading to too many men on the ice. But the second and third penalties were soft boarding calls, both called after shoulder checks by Jason Chimera and Troy Brouwer that must have looked too good to be legal.
• The Capitals killed those penalties off thanks to the superhuman skills of Braden Holtby. Summoning the spirit of himself circa 2012, Holtby stopped all twenty shots in the first period– many of them terrific scoring chances.
• In the interest of fairness, the refs called at least one softy on the Rangers as well.
• Darroll Powe and Matt Hendricks collided at center ice in the second period. Both players had their eyes on the puck, neither on the other. Powe flipped and landed on his head, apparently knocked out. He was assisted to the locker room by his teammates. Hendricks was shaken up, but did not miss a shift. I don’t say that just to glorify Hendrick’s toughness– just illustrating how unpredictable injuries can be. I’m not aware of a rules or equipment change being discussed that would stop this from happening again.
• As reported by Peerless, John Carlson has been on ice for 13 of the 16 power play goals scored against the Caps so far. Make of that what you will, but I think Carlson is late in adopting a new Caps defensive system for the second year in a row.
• Seven shots and no goals from Alex Ovechkin. We don’t usually see him shoot that much without results. Lots of effort with nothing to show for it can lead to a grumpy Ovi, and a grumpy Ovi leads to decreased pageviews for us, so we’re doubly unhappy.

The only thing worse than not having Joe B call the game is hearing his play-calls used in promos for the network that fired him. Boo.

Despite superb goaltending, the Caps earned this loss. They were thoroughly outmatched at neutral ice, unwilling to limit shots against (a season high 40), and snakebit on offense.

The three-win streak was crucial, but it’s over now, and the Capitals still have miles to go before they sleep. That’s a surprise to no one. The good news is they have three days off to work on it.

See you Thursday!

Ovechkin palmed a plasma globe during intermission. (Photo credit: @HockeyBroph)

The Capitals have been undefeated, 3-0-0, ever since fans sacrified a rubber cow and goat at Kettler Capitals Iceplex. That doesn’t mean the games have been pretty. Or graceful.

For example, take a look at Thursday’s game against division rival Tampa. The Capitals gained a 4-1 lead, only to surrender two third period goals and barely escape with a win. There were missed poke checks, goals scored from a seated position, and lots of enthusiastic coaching. You know: Caps hockey.

Presenting… the best pics from Caps at Lightning!

Adam Oates close-talks Mathieu Perreault. Perry responds with a MattTrick of assists. (Photo credit: @JennRubenstein)

Calle Johansson makes TB20 laugh after the opening Brouwer Play goal. (Photo credit: @recordsANDradio)

The Erskine Smile, gloriously incomplete. (Photo credit: Scott Audette)

Ovi almost rips Eric Fehr head off while congratulating him on his second goal. (Photo credit: @recordsANDradio)

#Oatesface mode: scowling, thattaway-ing. (Photo credit: @recordsANDradio)

A supine goal-scoring clinic courtesy one Jay Beagle. (Photo credit: @recordsANDradio)

A look at Hendy’s broken nose during an intermission interview. Imagine having to sneeze.

A liiiittle too aggressive. Braden Hextall got a bit out of position on Nate Thompson’s breakaway.

If you photoshop some beers into their hands, it’s a Miller Lite ad. P.S. drink Flying Dog. (Photo credit: Scott Carlson)

John Carlson and Braden Holtby share post-game victory hug. The third in a week. (Photo credit: @recordsANDradio)

Photo credit: Greg Fiume

The Washington Capitals and the Pittsburgh Penguins have a storied history– especially on Superb Owl Sunday. Snowmageddon, anyone? This Sunday’s game belongs in history as well. But, like, next to the bombing of Guernica or childbirth before Ignaz Semmelweis.

Right after a faceoff, Chris Kunitz (may have) deflected a shot by Paul Martin into the Washington net. Mike Green responded by finishing off a great sequence and scoring a pretty one-timer goal– more on that one later. Deryk Engelland re-established the Penguins’ lead with a thoroughly screened blueline slapper, redirected by Matt Cooke. John Carlson tied it up with the Weirdest Goal of the Year: a center-ice dump-in off the boards that tricked Vokoun into leaving the net before the puck bounced in.

Then it got weird. Kris Letang took the lead back with a golden opportunity up close on Holtby. Chris Kunitz made it 4-2 shortly after that. A phantom trip call on Wojtek Wolski and Karl Alzner’s broken stick afforded Chris Kunitz either his second or third goal.

Mike Ribeiro gave life to the Caps with a powerplay goal made possible by some great hustle by Ovechkin, but despite some late-game heroics, that’s all they could muster. Chris Kunitz got either his hat-trick goal or his FOURTH of the day on a last minute power play goal. Yikes.

Penguins beat Caps 6-3.

• That first Caps goal was remarkable. Mike Green took a big shoulder hit and fell into the boards behind the net. The puck continued around the back, where Alex Ovechkin fought with two or three Pens before freeing the puck up for Mike Ribeiro. Ribs hit up Wolski near the circles, who had the awareness to find Mike Green, still smarting from that hit, in the sweet spot. It was stunning teamwork, and a great use of Ovechkin’s physicality. Pittsburgh was so busy double- or triple-teaming him, they left Green wide open. Next time someone says Green is soft, show ‘em this.
• Ian and I think Mike Ribeiro is the Caps’ best player right now. Tell me you disagree. He seems connected to his teammates in all the ways the rest of the team is not. He’s all about position– putting his skinny frame in the fray and creating space out of nothing at all.
• Which is greater: NBC’s infatuation with Sidney Crosby or their disgust for Alex Ovechkin? I’m gonna say the former, but the latter is pungent as well. The first intermission was basically the two-minutes hate, emceed by a guy who beat a fan up with his own shoe. Besides: they’re wrong. NBC Sports folks say Ovi should become Crosby. We say Let Ovi Be Ovi.
• John Carlson’s has my vote for Goal of the Year. But as soon as it happened, the Penguins went on a roll. Even when we’re lucky, we’re unlucky. No use in complaining, particularly when the Caps managed just 3 shots at even strength that period.
• Lots of folks blame Braden Holtby for the Kris Letang goal. I’m not. A talented shooter shouldn’t be allowed to set up that close to the Caps net. It’s a high-percentage shot, and the Caps defense should have spoiled it. That’s not to absolve Holtby of guilt: he had a miserable day– and he’s played only one game this season up to his level.
• It seems as if the NHL is interested in having more power plays this year. They’re calling everything (except Erskine’s hit last game and Malkin’s delay of game today), including some bad ones. Wojtek Wolski‘s trip, for example, isn’t the sort that has been called before this year. It’s great that the NHL wants more offense, but it sucks that it all seems to come on the backs of the Caps.
• Who is this Chris Kunitz person?

I don’t like how John Carlson is playing. I don’t like how Marcus Johansson is playing. I don’t have an abundance of faith in this roster. I’m still not panicking (whatever that means), but I’m definitely worrying.

I still believe the Caps have suffered from bad luck and they’re due to bounce back, but the same fundamentals I was so enthused by have eroded this week. Puck possession is in the toilet. And not even a nice toilet.

A few years ago, the Capitals were the best team in the league. Because of offense. When the Caps’ shooting luck went belly-up in Montreal, the press turned on them. Their coach was kicked out of town, and their identity was warped into something meeker. Now, they’re neither an offensive juggernaut or a gritty, grind-em-out team. That amorphousness is laid at the feet of George McPhee, but we’ve gotta admit our own complicity as well.

We demanded that the Caps change (actually, we didn’t), and now we don’t like what they’ve become.

So what now? Blow it up? Make a drastic systems change? Wait for luck to turn and work on the basics in the meantime?

I got no idea. You tell me.

Go Beyonce.

Ovechkin needs to crosby the crosby into the crosby

— Neil Greenberg (@ngreenberg) February 3, 2013