Kris Versteeg wipes out. (Photo credit: Thearon W. Henderson)

How was your weekend? The Caps won. That was cool. I bet Coach Hunter is psyched. I lost my cell phone. That sucked.

On Monday night, the Capitals hit the road again, leaving a tumultuous three-game home stand behind them. They’ll be suiting up in Sunrise, Florida, which is a ludicrous name for a city. The hosting team? The Florida Capitals.

Marjory the Trash Heap was also assembled from other people's refuse.

Ahh, shoot! Florida Panthers. Sorry. But the Florida roster does sport four ex-Caps: Tomas Fleischmann, Matt Bradley, Jose Theodore, and Marco Sturm (who shouldn’t really count). How did so many Caps players end up in Florida? Over the summer, Panthers GM Dale Tallon got his checkbook out and started signing free agents all willy nilly just to reach the salary floor.

And now– somehow– the Panthers are at the top of the Southeast Division. No one saw that coming. This team was assembled from spare parts. We had joked that it was a retirement home. These guys shouldn’t have a cohesive personality, let alone a winning record. Instead, they’re 14-8-4 and they’ve commited the fewest minor penalties in the league. It’s disciplined and effective hockey they’re playing in Sunrise, which is still is a stupid name for a city.

The Capitals are in the awkward position of looking up in the standings to see another Southeast team. Florida is five points ahead of Washington, even if Washington has played one fewer game. So yeah, this one matters.

The Panthers are making a big deal out of the game. It’s Tomas Vokoun’s homecoming. Vokes played four seasons for Florida before leaving as a free agent last year. Even though the team has changed drastically, his return is a marketing ploy. This is from their site:

Let’s take a look at some Panthers players.

Tomas Fleischmann (12G, 15A, plus-14 ). Flash’s blood clot thing is ancient history. If he were still playing on the Caps, he’d be their best player. Remember who GM got in exchange for him? Scott Hannon, whom the team didn’t re-sign over the summer.

Matt Bradley (1G, 1A, even). Nothing to say here. I included him out of nostalgia. If he fights Matt Hendricks, there will be tears.

Kris Versteeg (12G, 12A, plus-13). The right winger is playing great hockey in what should become his career year.

Jose Theodore (2.28 GAA, .924 Sv%) is Florida’s number-one goalie. If the hockey gods are good, we’ll see Theo between the pipes.

On the Caps side, Mike Green is still out with a shattered babymaker. Jay Beagle is still doing the concussion thing, but he’s improving. Alex Semin is traveling with the team, but the shoulder injury he suffered after Jordan Staal’s charge may keep him out. We’ll know after the morning skate.

Can Coach Hunter string two wins together? Will the Caps’ offense come back to life? Will RMNB make a crack about Jose Theodore’s hair? Only one of these things is certain.

Puck drops at 7:30 PM on CSN. See you there.

Photo credit: Scott Audette

The Florida Panthers spent their Monday night trouncing the Tampa Bay Lightning 7-4. The Cats used five powerplay goals to fend off a third period rally from their rivals in America’s groin. By now the Panthers are probably already on their way up to Washington.

Here we go. This is the game you’ve been looking forward to. Not the rematch with Tampa, the date with Pittsburgh, or Thursday’s face-off with Jagr. You have been amped for this game: Matt Bradley, Jose Theodore, Tomas Fleischmann– all your exes are coming over for a dinner party and it’s going to be AWKWARD.

Sean Bergenheim

Before we do some creepy Facebook stalking on our former lovers, let’s size up the rest of Florida. Most of these guys you’ll remember from other teams because Florida is the Frankenstein’s Monster* of the NHL.

They’ve got Sean Bergenheim(1G, 0A, even), late of the Lightning and acquired seemingly because Florida had some money to burn. There he is at right. Good photo of him methinks.

Kris Versteeg (3G, 4A, even) is the real threat. Small for a forward, Versteeg is a growing threat at only 25 years old, and he’s probably the best forward they’ll dress on Tuesday night. No insults or jokes– he’s pretty good. But smells like cabbage.

There’s youngster D-man Dmitry Kulikov (0G, 1A, minus-two) who may become a force as he matures, but for now we’re just including him ’cause he’s Russian. And Erik Gudbranson (nil, nil, even), who did this to Steve Downie the other night and has our gratitude, but otherwise seems like a minor character in a Stieg Larsson book. Mountain of a man though.

Matt Bradley

Okay, let’s have fun now. Last season, Matt Bradley (0G, 0A, minus-1, bloodied) stood up to get some punch and when he got back to his chair, Jay Beagle was in it. Into free agency he went only to find a home in lovely Miami (is it Miami, right?). Matt Bradley probably wouldn’t have DiPietro’d out with Arron Asham, but Jay Beagle probably wouldn’t have spoken out of turn about Alex Semin. Matty reportedly feels bad about the violation of the locker room code, but let’s be real; this wouldn’t have been a big story had not so many people thought it true. Press Secretary C.J Cregg once said something relevant about this on The West Wing: “It’s the classic Washington scandal. We screwed up by telling the truth.”

After missing a huge chunk of last season due to another blood clot fiasco, Tomas Fleischmann (1G, 2A, plus-2) relocated from Colorado to Florida and is expected to have the bounceback season he deserves. We should be all just be glad that he is healthy and will be all up in our faces Tuesday night. No one tell him that we’ve replaced him with another Tomas because that would be weird.

Jose Theodore

And then there’s Jose Theodore, sporting a 920 SV% and one mean head of hair. Jose took bullets for his team on Monday night, so it’s unlikely we’ll see him dress for Verizon Center. That said, hopefully he’ll skip the baseball cap and let those bangs swing at concordant angles on the bench. Some people thought Theo was of middling talent, and some people obsess over his “I just work here” moment from a few years past. I prefer to think of him as the goalie who stewarded the team through their longest winning streak in history. He probably ain’t playing though, so screw him.

Instead, we’re likely to see rookie Jacob Markstrom. He’s 21 years-old and this could be his first NHL game, so break out the popcorn.

So what are we gonna do when the guys hit the ice? Manners dictate polite applause for their first shifts and then monstrous WOOP‘s every time they touch the puck thereafter. Let ‘em know you remember them, you love them, and you’re here to watch them get torn apart by your Washington Capitals. Give ‘em a standing O on their way back to the locker rooms, and then pity them quietly for being the Caps’ refuse.

After all, The Florida Panthers are a hair doll– a loosely bound amalgamation of scraps and leavings. With no personality of their own, they’ll mimic the habits of those around them. Like the creepy college roommate who downloads the MP3s you were playing just a day before, the Panthers pull crap like this:

You’ve gotta be kidding me. Powered by xfinity.

Who’s our starting goalie? Dunno, but it won’t be Michal Neuvirth, who is nursing a bruised foot. Will the Caps send in Tomas Vokoun with games against the Flyers and Wings later this week? Or will we see some HOLTBYISMS back at Verizon Center?

UPDATE: Naw, Capitals have recalled Dany Sabourin from Hershey.

Puck drop is a little after 7, so find out then. CSN will have the game, so we’ll probably have a Joe B suit for you.

Go Caps. The real ones.

* Note: Yeah, Frankenstein’s Monster. We’re sticklers for accuracy.

Japers’ has a great primer on who in the Caps system is up for grabs: Arnott, Sturm, Hannan, Gordon, Brouwer, Bradley, Alzner, Varlamov.

We’ll update this post with each development relevant to the Caps, and you can share your panic-struck ravings in the comments.

• Boyd Gordon to Phoenix: 2 years, ~$1.3M per. That’s a big raise.
• Jeff Halpern returns to the Capitals! 1 year, $825k. Clear the parade route.
• Jose Theodore to Florida: 2 years, $1.5M per. Nice deal for JT60 at a team reaching up to the salary floor.
• Jaromir Jagr to Philadelphia: 1 year, $3.3M. Haha, Pittsburgh.
• Hershey Bears sign Paul Baier of Rochester. Need pronunciation check on last name.
• Semyon Varlamov to Colorado for picks! (And not per anyone’s Russian agent.) $2.75 per year, which is $1.60M more than what Michael Neuvirth currently makes.
• Not strictly Caps-related, but Max Talbot to Philadelphia, 5 years, $9 M. Philly has gone insane.
• Caps sign RW Joel Ward (ex-Preds)! 4 years, $12M.
• Caps sign D Roman Hamerlik (ex-Habs)! 2 years, $7M
• Marco Sturm to Vancouver. 1 year, $2.25M. Can’t keep ‘em all!
• Caps sign AHLer Ryan Potulny. 2 years, 2-way deal. Go Bears.
• Panthers sign Tomas Fleischmann. 4 years, $18M. This is a joke right?
• Sheldon Souray returns to the NHL with 1 year, $1.65 deal from the Stars. That’s a lot for a guy who didn’t even dominate in Hershey.
• Columbus signs Bears captain Andrew Joudrey to a two-way, two year deal. Sounds like he’ll be in Springfield of the AHL. Great guy. We wish him all the best.
• Caps re-sign Sean Collins to a 1 year deal. Say hello to next year’s Tyler Sloan.
• Washington signs former Bear and Cap Chris Bourque to a one year contract. The 2010 Calder Cup Playoff MVP spent the past year playing in Russia and Switzerland.
• The Florida Panthers have signed Matt Bradley to a two year deal.

Developing… This post will be updated. Go freak out in the comments.

UPDATE, 4:00 PM – Tons and tons of movement from the Caps today. Salary cap room is quickly evaporating and we still have no word on Brouwer or Alzner. Are some big-time trades imminent?

UPDATE, 6:30 PM – One of Neil’s tweets just got read out loud by EJ Hradek of ESPN. Really, we’re not kidding:

Please knock Neil down a peg in the comments. He’s going to be unbearable.

UPDATE, 7:00 PM – George McPhee just spoke to the media about today’s moves: “We wanted to complete our team. Didn’t get where we wanted it last summer. I felt we needed to add a defenseman last year in the summer and we didn’t do it. We made the trade the during the year but it’s a hard process to go through. I’d rather complete it now and we’re in good shape now. We have good depth — all the holes are filled — and I think we have a good, strong team.”

A few other notes from McPhee via Sky Kerstein: The Caps were hoping to get value for Semyon Varlamov back next summer and were surprised they were able to get it now; McPhee said Washington was close to a deal with Varlamov last week, but Varly wanted to be guaranteed the number one spot and the Caps wouldn’t make that assurance; according to the GM, Braden Holtby and Michal Neuvirth will be in net next year and the Caps are pretty much done with the free agent pool; Tom Poti’s status is still unknown which is why they signed Hamrlik.

Looks like that’s it for the day. We’ll keep you posted if anything else breaks.

Shave: check. Haircut: check. GWG: double check. (Photo credit: Mitchell Layton)

Last time the Washington Capitals and Florida Panthers met, we were treated to a mortifying 3-0 shutout on home ice. Meeting for the first time in the new year, again at Verizon Center, the Caps had a chance to redeem themselves and start off the season’s second half right.

Coming off a successful penalty kill, Florida’s Mike Santorelli earned the first goal of the night, making the best of some bad defensive reads and a great pass from Dmitry Kulikov. Eric Fehr returned fire, placing the puck on the top shelf after a wraparound attempt from Mike Green.  In the third and while on the power play, Mike Green used some creativity to create a backhand goal from the slot. Then Alex Ovechkin added another piece of film to his reel, a lovely semi-breakaway wrister while getting tripped. We thought Ovi’s was the insurance goal until Evgeny Dadonov turned a Varlamov rebound into the Panther’s second of the night. The away team had a primo chance to even it up in the final minute after Nick Backstrom’s crosscheck penalty, but it never happened. Caps beat Panthers 3-2.

• The first period sported some of the Capitals’ worst hockey since and including that blighted December. Bad passes, bad bounces, pathetic power play. The Caps somehow had more power play minutes (4) than scoring chances (3). Frustrating.
• John Carlson, who will turn 21 in Florida on Monday night, was on ice for all three of those first period scoring chances. I have a feeling Carlson is going to be a frozen margarita guy. I guess if Ovi has his way it’ll be Red Bull and vodka.
• Eric Fehr‘s second period goal made him the sole author of the team’s last three (two in the Winter Classic and one tonight). He was the best forward in red this evening, with 8 scoring chances for and only 2 against. He also provided the crucial assist on Greenie’s netter. It’s hard to believe that only a few weeks ago everyone, including us, wanted to bench him. [Insert hockey cliché here.]
• Neil provided some interesting context on Mike Green‘s PPG. The power play squad converts 16.7% when Green and Carlson are out there, 12.7% with just Green, and 19.2% with just Carlson. Both were on-ice tonight.
• The power play still isn’t operating where it should, and NHL’s own Corey Masisak was astute in pointing out tonight’s PPG came from Green breaking away from the system to find a spot up front before scoring.
• On the other hand, the PP has scored on 2 of the last 7 (28.6%) after converting only 3 of the 50 before that (6%). Progress!
• Much ado was made of Bench Boss Bruce Boudreau‘s line chaos. Before tonight, the announced combos (21-90-8, 28-19-22, etc.) had only one even-strength goal between all of them. After the floundering mess that was the first period, reuniting 8-19-22 in the second was the only sane thing to do.
• Alex Semin had his thigh/knee region rocked by a Florida defender at the tail end of the 2nd period and didn’t return for the 3rd. That’s bad news, but on the bright side he didn’t have a stick penalty!
• Totally irrelevant update: former Cap/current handsome dude Jose Theodore recorded a shutout for the Minnesota Wild against those damn Penguins. Good jorb, Theo!
• You just can’t say “shinny” on television. With the audio compression, it’s like to saying “elephant shoes”.

The Capitals are now 1st in the Southeast division and third in the East. [LATE UPDATE: And then Tampa Bay won... so back to 2nd and 4th.]

Joe B's suit of the night

After that atrocious first period, the Capitals still managed to pull out a win. Finding a path to victory, despite some lazy goals against, is what made last season so captivating. Add to it Ovechkin’s stunning GWG and standout performances by guys like F16 and @GreenLife52,  it like old times again. If the Caps can forecheck, connect on passes, and crash the net earlier in every game, we’ll be eating a heluva lot of free wings in 2011.

Off to Florida on Tuesday for another rumble with the kitties. It’s 20 degrees out and windy in Frederick right now, so those tropical climes sounds pretty nice.

Have a good Saturday night, folks. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

Lots of additional reporting from Neil Greenberg. He did all the real work; I just sort of phoned this one in.

S/T to Sara Bae for another masterpiece.

Surprisingly not Maine. (Photo via @dimickj)

Chuck Kobasew starts the scoring for the Wild (Photo Credit: Jim Mone)

For those of us wondering if the Caps can string together two good games in a row… no.

All the way up in exotic Minnesota, the Caps faced the almost-unknown Wild but left their A-game in Raleigh. The travelling Caps’ ennui was strong, but the Wild’s fans’ was stronger. This sleepy twaddle of a game was a waste of even Joe Beninati and Craig Laughlin’s time, as the commentators spent a decent chunk of the night observing the finer points of referee trousers.

The Caps’ forwards were stingy on shots, mustering only four in the first period. They didn’t do too much better in the latter forty minutes either, totaling a meager 22. The Wild didn’t need a lot of shots to score (goals from Chuck Kobasew and Mikko Koiku), offering only 17. That, apparently, is enough. Despite a late goal from Alex Ovechkin and a case of too-little-way-too-late, Minnesota won the night. Wild beat Caps 2-1.

Blech bullets.

• Backstrom vs. Backstrom did not disappoint as a bout. As a Caps fan, however, it was a total bummer. Evil Nik’s save on Good Nick’s wrister in the final minute was perhaps more devastating than Neuvi’s against Eric Staal the previous night.
• The Minnesota Wild have the quietest audience I’ve heard. They make Phoenix look rowdy. That austere silence must have unsettled the Caps, who usually feed off noise. After goals and penalties, the fans could offer hardly more than spatterings of detached, Wimbledon-sized applause.
• The Caps didn’t have their first chance to score until 5:18 remained in the first period. By that time, Minnesota had five chances and one goal. Zzz.
• Maybe the Caps weren’t bored. Maybe last night’s 60-minute effort was too much to maintain. Hope not.
• Credit or blame: Chuck Kobasew scored the night’s first goal after a great goal-line pass from former Cap Andrew Brunette, but defender John Carlson had bad stick positioning and might have actually fallen asleep standing up.
• You know what wakes you up? A puck to the schnoz. Carlson caught an unlucky pop in the second period. He immediately dropped his stick and trotted off to the locker room. I don’t want to see the guy disfigured, but it’s not like he’s Jose Theodore or anything. (Carlson didn’t miss any time.)
• Dammit, Jose. I saw you pat Koivu after that goal. Judas!
• Alex Ovechkin‘s lovely wrister goal was a stroke of mercy from the hockey gods. What a beaut!
• Not exactly a revelation, but Mike Green is clearly not 100% yet. He’s a bit too sheepish (but not demon sheepish) on slapper opportunitites, and he was visably wincing after one shoulder-to-glass hit. Regardless, MG52 led the team with a solid half hour on the ice!
• Michal Neuvirth hits his two goals-against quota and then erects a wall. Classic. If the forwards can produce their signature three-plus goals a night, that’s a formula for success.
• Jason Chimera charged Bizarro Backstom. Unfortunate, unnecessary, unwise. But man, he is quick.
• Let’s hope Mathieu Perreault isn’t flaming out. He took all of his starts in the offensive zone, but had a -3 scoring differential at even strength. His was -1 on his CORSI, 20% on the faceoff, and had one giveaway. Oh, and a single shot on goal. Hey Perry, tell Andrew we said hello when you hit Hershey.
• Mike Knuble is breaking my heart. He was up in Nega-Backstrom’s face all night. He and 616-universe Backstrom accounted for six of the Caps’ 13 scoring chances, but converted none. Unleash the fury, guys.

Joe B's suit-of-the-night: washed out!

The Caps can’t win if they play only ten minutes of real hockey each night. The fifty minutes of fake hockey that preceded weren’t fun to watch, and I bet they weren’t fun to play either. Judging by the rage splotches erupting above Bruce Boudreau‘s neckline after the game, the trip to Calgary may contain more swear words than Casino (with slightly fewer exploding cars).

Here’s the part where we buck up, finding some glimmer of hope that we will tide us over until the next game. So here it is: The Capitals don’t have to play Earth-prime Backstrom and his Wild again for at least a year.

Jay Mohr, star of something, hosted the NHL Awards in Las Vegas tonight.  We watched with bated breath as three beloved players vied for recognition from the league’s notables.  Alex Ovechkin was up for the Lindsay (née Pearson) and the Hart, Mike Green for the Norris, and Jose Theodore for the Masterton.  Beyond the winners and loser, there’s some mighty important breaking news announced tonight, and we’ll tackle it all past the jump.

Alex Ovechkin won the NHLPA award for MVP, the Ted Lindsay Trophy.  Ovie’s speech fluctuated from rowdy hellos and Vegas cheers to a solemn invocation of his brother Sergei, who died in a car accident when Ovie was 10.  The music cued Ovechkin to cede the floor to the next presenter, but Ovie persevered, continuing his speech as soon as it died down.

Jose Theodore wins the Masterton in his second and final year as a Cap. (AP Photo/Isaac Brekken)

To the surprise of no one, Jose Theodore was awarded the Masterton Trophy.  Given to the player “who best exemplifies the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship, and dedication to ice hockey”, Jose was a shoo-in.  After the harrowing events of last summer, Theodore’s meteoric rise–  culminating in those wizardly performances of early ’10– was even more inspiring.  As we expected, Theo’s speech brought tears to nearly everyone in earshot.  It was only moments later that Tarik El-Bashir reported that Theodore will not be re-signed by the Capitals.  We’re saddened to lose such a great player and guy, but we’re thankful that we got to cheer for him at all.  Ever since that whole Paris Hilton thing ended, Jose has been nothing but class.

Mike Green did not win the Norris Trophy.  There’s no way to tread carefully around this point: it’s a sham.  As reported by Mike Vogel, Mike Green joins Sergei Gonchar as the only points-leading defenders to get passed over for the Norris every year.  We’re heartened that Mike Green is in Las Vegas, a bottomless font of empathy, where he can surely salve the wound with a bucket of ice-cold Red Bull and vodkas.

Finally, Alex Ovechkin did not win the Hart Trophy, nixing his chance for a threepeat.  The award went instead to Art Ross winner, Henrik Sedin.  It seems conclusive now that Ovechkin’s ten missed games, most due to suspension, were too many for the Professional Hockey Writers’ Association.  Our cold comfort on the snubbing is that Ovie handily beat Sidney Crosby in the race for second place.

Other observations on the NHL Awards:

• Sidney Crosby won the Messier Leadership Award and the Freddie Mercury Overbite Award.
• Host Jay Mohr spent most of the night pretending he was someone else.  The audience spent most of the night wishing Jay Mohr was someone else.
• Mark Wahlberg, allegedly several mojitos into his evening, rambled his way through the Calder Trophy presentation.  Mark Wahlberg is a terrible actor, and I bet he has hair plugs.
• The NHL awards were bedazzled by several auspicious musical performances.  Buffalo’s favorite sons, The Goo Goo Dolls, played their smash-hit “Home”, and heartland rockers Shinedown gave a rousing rendition of their chart-topping record, “Sound of Madness”.
• Sarcasm, folks.
• Unlike pretty much every other player there, Mike Green and Alex Ovechkin were mavericks sporting the suit-with-no-tie look. Also, they glowed with an aura possible only when one’s soul vibrates in perfect harmony with the city of Las Vegas.
• Ryan Miller won the Vezina Trophy and has reportedly yet to let go of it.  Good on him and his manly head of hair.
• Ian called the Masterton Trophy the “Mastodon“, and he’s livid about Ovie not winning the Hart.  Ask him for his feelings on it, but clear your schedule first.
• Silencing the doubters, Mike Green reprised his thespian skills in a face-off with that damned Geico caveman.
• Versus must have played that freaking commercial where the Penguins fans refuse to leave about a dozen times.

via ovechkin.tumblr.com

Mike Green needs help (Rick Stewart/Getty Images).

This week, the Caps free agent picture became clearer as the organization announced they will not be renewing the contracts of defenseman Joe Corvo and forwards Brendan Morrison and Scott Walker, and Tarik El-Bashir reported that José Theodore‘s tenure with the Washington Capitals may be over.

All this leads to more speculation as to what the roster will look like next year. ESPN and the writers of Puck Prospectus have addressed the offseason needs for all 30 NHL teams and surprised no one by stating that the Caps need a shutdown guy on defense.

The Bruins signed defenseman Dennis Seidenberg to a four-year contract extension, taking off a likely target unrestricted free agent acquisition during the offseason and leaving only a few top four shutdown defensemen left in the UFA pool.

The Caps need as close to a sure thing as you can get. They can’t afford to let age (Sergei Gonchar) or injuries (Paul Martin, Willie Mitchell, and Mark Eaton) detract from the production of their top four defensemen during next year’s inevitable Cup run.

With Tarik El-Bashir reporting “the team does not, in fact, plan to pursue the Ottawa blue liner [Volchenkov],” that leaves just two defensemen that can fill a Top 4 spot. And more specifically, the top pairing with Mike Green:

Zybnek Michalek

Michalek has proven to be an effective shot-blocker in the NHL. His 14.2 Blocked Shots For, On Ice, per 60 minutes is more than both Mike Green and Jeff Schultz while playing against MUCH better competition.

Michalek earned $1.5 million last year, which makes him a very affordable option.

Henrik Tallinder

GMGM said both John Carlson and Karl Alzner will be full-timers in Washington next season so it would be nice to have a veteran with experience in helping rookies, similar to what Tallinder did for Tyler Myers in Buffalo.

Described as “more Poti-lite than like Poti” by Corey Masisak, Tallinder averaged over 20 minutes per game for the fourth time in the last five years. Tallinder would bring durability, shot-blocking ability and 36 games of playoff experience.

Tallinder made $3.25 million in 2009-10, which may be a tough fit financially, but having a defensive mentor for the youngsters may be worth the extra cash.

It’s true the pool of UFA defenseman is deeper than it has been in years past, but I think with Volchenkov reportedly off the table, the Caps’ needs are specific enough that there are not too many quality options available.

Now to find a second-line center…

Commentary: Capitals critiqued [Carroll County Times]