The Puck Buddys have the night off to pamper their new greyhound puppy. So instead, here’s me!

The Washington Capitals are running out of time to earn a playoff berth. Berth is a weird word. It just means anchor, but it sounds a lot more… obstetrical. Like once you clench a berth, you are supposed to take a hot shower and replace electrolytes.

Stuff is looking dire for the Caps, but here’s a spot of good news: they get to play the Carolina Hurricanes on Monday! With a 22-26-11 record, the ‘Canes are the worst team in the eastern conference and the closest thing our team will have to a sure thing from here until April.

• The Canes have earned 11 pity points for overtime losses this season. They will have to share their participation trophy with the Kings and the Panthers, also at 11.
• They won’t be in Raleigh, but those Florida Panthers will be the team to look out for during this game. Thanks to Boose Boudreau and his Ducks giving Florida a 2-0 beatdown on Sunday, the Caps can claim first in the division with a win on Monday. The Panthers won’t play again til Thursday.
• The Canes lead the league in an obscure statistic that only we track: number of players with names that could be minor characters in the Star Wars Extended Universe. Jussi Jokinen (diplomat from Dantooine, 8G 23A) + Tuomo Ruutu (Mandalorian vibroblade expert, 17G 13A) + Drayson Bowman (spice smuggler with heart of gold, garbage stats).
• At their last meeting, the Capitals were shut out 3-0 due to the hot hand of Mister Cam Ward.
• Also on a hot streak is Nick Backstrom, who secured a 48-save shutout and dammit I just realized that’s the other Backstrom.

But the Hurricanes really are awful:

Our Caps reaaaally need this win. It’s like the rest of the league is deliberately tanking it to give our guys a chance, and you know the schedule only gets harder from here on out. We’ve got one more date with the Canes (March 6), but pretty much every other game is against scary good teams.

Puck drops at 7:30 on NBC Sports.

Crash the net.

Chad LaRose (Photo credit: Gregg Forwerck)

Editor’s note: Doug Johnson of Puck Buddys writes for RMNB. Tweet at his face.

The Post-Mortem: So, everyone happy?  At least those with Ward and Backstrom shirseys?  Luv U Caps, but we’re tired of writing the “Tale of Two Caps” (See: Hassett, Peter) - you know, the bedraggled guttersnipes everyone wrote off after the 1st period who then come back to show their true mettlel? Memo to Bruce Boudreau and team: We don’t need drama. We don’t want drama.  Please, enough of the plucky comebacks by the adorable yet overlooked (*cough Nicky cough Greenie*) boy heros. Dickens did it before, and better. (Although, Coach, you’d make a memorable Fezziwig). Memo to Ovi:  “In addition to Russian, we’re learning how to lip read. And then we’ll learn how to lip read Russian. быть осторожным!

The Caps had a couple of busy days off after the Ducks game. While Ovi was managing ’Bench-gate,’ Brooksie, Sasha, and Coach Woods visited the Kent Gardens Elementary for a hockey clinic in the school gym. They had Air Slapshot in tow – if ‘tow’ is the right word to describe dragging along an inflatable mascot (which looked like it had become untethered from a Pink Floyd show). The video and the pics from the day were adorable. However, reports from our McLean bureau (and the school nurse’s office) tell a different story – three school kids ended up on the wrong end of some O zone penalties. Neither the players or coach addressed ‘Stick-gate,’ but Sasha was heard muttering something in Russian (“Чувствительная кожа”), as he was hurried away from school grounds.

Floyd the Barber

The Puck Drop: I think it was William Faulkner who penned the immortal line: “The South is a foreign country you always return home to.” Or was that Yakov Smirnoff? Whatever. The Caps are back on the road for back-to-back games, starting first with a trip down to the land of boll weevils and cornpone to play the Hurricanes.

Eric Staal

It’s our second dance with the Canes this season, but the first in their barn. Skinner, Staal, Kaberle, and Ward figured to figure then, and are slated to rate this time around as well. Bieber Skinner was outstanding against the Bolts, (except for the fact that perma-puberty he’s dealing with), but there are other Canes we need to watch closely.

The Set Up: Last time around we caught some flak for suggesting this place called North Carolina was little more than myth. So we did a little research. Turns out, there is a North Carolina, and it’s just north of South Carolina. Think Branson, with a sour attitude and less culture (and less Yakov Smirnoff).

The natives speak something called Carolingian, which is like how English would sound if your mouth was stuffed with hominy and fatback (as it turns out is the case). They worship an odd Hoop-God, pretend to have “colleges” and “cities”, and make money by renting out flea-infested disease shacks (called “ocean-fronts”) to pale-skinned dopes from the North, while they sleep in trees. To this fetid mix we add the Hurricanes.

The Canes 5-4-3 start suggests both weakness and toughness (a neat rhetorical trick that we think would make Orwell spit up). Weakness by evidence of losing nearly ½ their outings; strength in knowing how to hang in tough at the end. To what do they owe this paradox?

What Makes Them Hot

Tomas Kaberle

1: Like We Said.  Staal, Ward, Skinner and Kaberle are all standouts this season. Between the four (uh, three, ‘cause Ward can’t exactly get points) they’ve got… well, hella points for the Canes so far. Generally speaking, any of these guys on any given night can be good. On a bad night – for us, say – they’re all impressive. Staal has dreams of his team contending on the big stage. We’d like to laugh derisively in his face (assuming we had a step-stool) but can’t, as these four on one team could be lethal. What they haven’t developed so far is true cohesion. But…

2: Like We Didn’t. Erg. You would think a bunch of bumpkins like the Canes would be polite enough to pay attention to our earlier picks. The rest, settling down like Junior Samples on Hee Haw. Not really so much. Chad LaRose (that is NOT a porn name– we checked), a 29-year-old smoker from southern Michigan (swoon) already has 11 points – most of those assists, which makes him a genuine threat. There are others… but frankly they’re not nearly as hot. So…Chad LaRose. (Next appearing with Maxime LeStick, we imagine.)

3: Upswing. Short and bitter. Carolina went into Chicago ready to be pecked apart by the Blackhawks, and – like Tippy Hedrin – they came out the victor. Then Tampa, which has long bedeviled the Canes, was disposed of. There’s nothing we like less than an opponent building a streak while we have to defend ours. Jerks.

What Makes Them Not

Jussi Jokinen

1: Jussi Jokinen.  Normally we’d be calling him things like the Finnish Flash, the Kalajoki Cracker or just “Here’s My Card, Sailor.”  Not now. The 28-year-old left winger with more talent than should be legal (did we mention he’s totally got it goin’ on?) will be out for the next three or four weeks with a leg injury. Looks like he twisted it bad in the Tampa game. Poor guy, but good for us.

2: Division and Conquer: Nine games under their belt and they hadn’t won a single one in their division until Tuesday’s game against the Bolts. Staal may aspire to greatness, and may in fact find it in the future. The Canes –for the foreseeable future – we declare out-classed in the Southeast. Have at it, h8rs.

Crash the Net: We’re going on record as not liking the whole “Stink the first part/comeback the second part/nail-biter in the third” thing, yes? We’re not always on the best ice in other cities. The Canes (and Bolts) particularly have deviled us over the years. We think it’s all the pig-barbeque fumes. Whatever: Caps, strap your pork tight (Carolingian for ‘grab your sacks’), and play hard and fast from the outset. There, I guess we’re qualified to do a guest segment with Paula Deen now, eh?

The OT: Oh, that quote wasn’t Faulkner. Or Eudora Welty. Or Bear Bryant or Bocephus or any other giant of Southern “culture.” We just cold made it up. Boom! See that, South? That’s how we play up here! Oh, and please feel free to use that quote liberally in the future.

As Seen On TV:  Tune in at 7:00pm on CSN for another episode of The Bickersons, starring Joe B. and Locker, and for viewers down on Tobacco Road, point your backyard satellite dish up towards the heavens and pray you get a signal.

Wideman grimaces in pain after being laid out by Tuomo Ruutu. (Photo credit: Chris Gordon!)

Cam Ward celebrates the victory. Click to enlarge. (Photo credit: Chris Gordon)

After an extended 10 day break to rest an undisclosed injury, the Capitals welcomed their kapitan back to the lineup Tuesday night against the Carolina Hurricanes. During the three game stretch in which Ovechkin sat out, the Caps went 2-1-0, their most dominant win coming Saturday night in Montreal when Braden Holtby shutout the Canadiens.

Alex Semin’s Canadian Ice Dad, Jason Arnott, also returned from injury, forcing Jason Chimera to the press box. Pre-game, head coach Bruce Boudreau told CSN that while it was great that two of his top six forwards were returning, he also had a fear that there would be a letdown. “You know, the guys have been working so hard while [Ovechkin and Arnott] have been out. I’m scared they’ll look at them returning and go ‘they should carry the load now.’”

In the first period, however, Boudreau would have nothing to worry about. Led by a determined Russian Machine, the Capitals as a team hit everything that moved and rifled 16 shots at Cam Ward, feeding off the energy of a Verizon Center crowd they hadn’t played in front of for sixteen long days. The Caps would not see their hard work be rewarded, and the game would remain scoreless until early on in the second period. After Nick Backstrom took a tripping penalty at 1:06, Joe Corvo brilliantly found Jussi Jokinen wide-open in the slot for a one-timer. Jokinen converted and the Hurricanes would take a 1-0 lead.

The Capitals would answer back twelve minutes later. After Carolina turned it over in their defensive end, Brooks Laich fed Alex Semin the puck along the boards. Sasha Minor then curled around four Hurricanes, went in alone on goal and accurately placed a wrist-shot over Cam Ward’s right shoulder. The goal was certainly of the highlight-reel variety, even though you wouldn’t of noticed by Semin’s celebration.

Marcus Johansson then capped the second period’s scoring off by notching his 13th goal of the year three minutes later.

The Capitals then came out a bit complacent for the third period. 18-year old sensation Jeff Skinner pierced Semyon Varlamov for a softy — his 27th goal of the year  – 1:48 into the period, and the Capitals lost any momentum they had built previously. Both teams traded chances for the rest of the third period and overtime, but a victor could not be decided. In the shootout, the Hurricanes were allowed to shoot first. Skinner and Tuomo Ruutu would score, while both Ovechkin and Nick Backstrom missed on their opportunities. Canes beat Caps, 3-2 (SO).

• Let’s be honest with ourselves, Carolina just wanted this game more in the end.
• The circus might have left town, but it seems as if they left one of their carnival acts behind. I’m just kidding, Tuomo Ruutu. Not really. Despite Cam Ward and Jeff Skinner being named the first and second stars of the night, in this writer’s opinion, there was no more effective and valuable player on the ice for Carolina than the young Finn. Ruutu had eight hits, including one which knocked Dennis Wideman out of the game, and he also potted the shootout game-winner. Let’s not forget too that he had a secondary assist on the game’s first goal and got under the skin of Alex Ovechkin to the point where the Great Eight was targeting him in the third.
• Yeah, about that Wideman hit. It was most certainly a dangerous play, as Ruutu unnecessarily accelerated towards Wideman in open ice, looking for the knockout. Ruutu clipped the Capitals defenseman awkwardly, injuring what looked to be his right leg, and connected on a glancing blow to his head. Regardless on if the hit was clean or not, the play was irritating because of how completely unnecessary it was. But I guess that’s the type of stuff Ruutu does.

• Bruce Boudreau told the media after the game that Dennis Wideman was “okay” and he’s listed as “day-to-day.” I’d be shocked, however, if we see Wideman Thursday. Really, D-Wide. No rush!
• 

  Ovi reacts in frustration as Cam Ward stops his shootout attempt. Click to enlarge. (Photo by Chris Gordon)

  Alex Semin scored his 28th 27th goal of the year, had the primary assist on Marcus Johansson’s tally and then was benched for all five minutes of overtime. That noise you’re hearing right now is me applauding Bruce Boudreau. With 3:19 left in the third period, Semin senselessly took a hooking penalty in the neutral zone. The Hurricanes would not score on the resulting power play, but that’s besides the point. In the playoffs, you cannot take stupid penalties like that or you will lose games. I think we’ve all been frustrated at Bruce for rarely putting his foot down over the past few years with Semin. But tonight, this discipline could not have come at a better time. Play smart or don’t play at all.
• A word for you readers as well. An Alex Semin Hat Trick is when Sasha Minor scores a goal, a goal and a goal. Not a goal, an assist and a penalty. Really, let’s not glorify his laziness. I can assure you, Gordie Howe is not impressed by his stick infractions.
• The Capitals out-chanced the Hurricanes 25 to 14 overall, and 23 to nine at even strength. A dominant offensive performance if not for Cam Ward. One troubling stat however was that Carolina had just as many chances short-handed as the Caps did on the power-play: two. Chad LaRose was even awarded a penalty shot — which Semyon Varlamov poke-checked away — in the second period.
• Karl Alzner was the Capitals best defenseman, as he was on the ice for 14 scoring chances-for and only four against! He also blocked five shots. And I bet you didn’t even notice him on the ice! (Well, minus him slicing Eric Staal’s face up with an inadvertent high-stick.)
• Mike Knuble looked like a junk yard dog tonight. He was everywhere! Knuble had six shots, blocked a shot on a Hurricane’s four on three power play and looked to have the legs of a 22-year old.
• Eric Fehr had one scoring chance for, one against and rifled one shot on goal. Fehr was also not effective at the point on the power play. Let’s just say it wasn’t exactly the statement game he needed with Jason Chimera scratched.
• Scott Hannan was on the ice for seven scoring chances for and nine against. He also had two giveaways, took a minor penalty and had a minus-one in 26:12 of ice time.
• Alex Ovechkin didn’t score, but he had five shots — one of which broke Cam Ward’s stick in overtime — and five hits. Ovi had this to say, as quoted by The Washington Times’ Stephen Whyno:
  

  Joe B. Suit of the Night

  “It was pretty hard when you’re coming back after three games sitting out. But every shift, every period I was feeling better and better.” That’s good news. Ovi’s energy burst is back!

The Columbus Blue Jackets come to town on Thursday, a team that’s just playing the rest of the season out. Will the Capitals bring the intensity and win a game that they should win? With five games left, it’s time to start putting this machine into overdrive. We’ll see you then!

Additional reporting by Neil Greenberg.