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I will not make fun of Ovi’s shoes. I will not make fun of Ovi’s shoes. I will not make fun of Ovi’s shoes.

After returning home to see some family in Russia earlier in the week, Alex Ovechkin is back where he belongs. And that place is the warm embrace of Maria Kirilenko. Maria has spent the past few days getting ready for Wimbledon in London. It’ll be her first grand slam tourney as a top-ten rated player.

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Laaaaadies. (Screenshot via reader Paddy P.)

Last week, Alex Ovechkin and companion walking boot made the trek to Paris to cheer for his fiancee Maria Kirilenko (and BAY) at the French Open. Maria had a successful tournament, advancing to the quarterfinals of the Open for the first time beforing losing to Viktoria Azarenka of Belarus, a part-time lion tamer and also the third ranked women’s player in the world.

Not winning the shiny Roland Garros trophy isn’t the end of the world. As of next week, Maria will break into the WTA’s top-10 rankings for the first time in her career. The highest she’s ever been ranked previously was 12th. Do we credit Ovechkin’s cheering? We credit Ovechkin’s cheering.

Now let’s summarize what you missed.

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Ovechkin showing NHL oficials how it’s done. Maria McEnroe-ing. (Photo credit: @ovi8)

Now that Alex Ovechkin‘s season is over, it’s time for the world’s greatest hockey player to morph back into the world’s greatest cheerleader. The French Open begins on Monday, so Ovi and fiancée Maria Kirilenko arrived in Paris this weekend, and romance was in the air.

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Alex Ovechkin and rap music go together like cheese whiz and nachos. His cameo in Sasha Belyi’s Champion was such a hit with our readers, we had to buy four extra mice to run on those little wheels to power our web servers. And on Wednesday, using Maria Kirilenko’s iPhone, Ovi and his crew put their hoods up and gyrated to Drake’s Started From The Bottom. And here I was thinking we’d have nothing to post during the four-day break.

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A few days ago, when the Caps clinched the Southeast division, Alex Ovechkin was asked how the team celebrated. “Yeah, like, we went to the bar. I got home at 7 in the morning. I get hammered,” Ovechkin deadpanned to The Washington Post’s Katie Carrera. “That’s kind of Russian celebration.” Well on his day off after winning the Rocket Richard trophy, Ovi had another early morning Russian celebration, this time putting on sneakers, grey shorts, a zip-up hoodie, and a Caps floppy hat given away on Fan Appreciation night and played tennis with his fiancée Maria Kirilenko. Adorbs. This is pretty much the same attire I wear on Sundays too.

Photo credit: @Ovi8

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Photo credit: Washington Capitals Instagram

Tonight, the Washington Capitals are holding their annual season ticket holder party at Six Flags America in Upper Marlboro, Maryland. Over the years, the event has produced classic moments such as Alex Semin speaking English on video for the first time ever and the entire team riding a roller coaster. So far this evening, we have already been treated to a photo of Alex Ovechkin and Maria Kirilenko posing just before they rode on the Superman roller coaster.

For those of you at the event tonight, tweet or email us your favorite photos from the event and we’ll publish our favorites as the night goes along. RMNB readers, put on your fedoras and get out your fancy mobile phones. You haves some investigative reporting to do for us!

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This thumbs up from Kirilenko is more lucky than a swimming pool full of horseshoes and four-leaf clovers. (Photo credit: @mkirilenko)

A thumbs up from Kirilenko is more lucky than a swimming pool full of horseshoes and four-leaf clovers. (Photo credit: @mkirilenko)

Photo credit: Patrick McDermott

That washed-up Russian, Alex Ovechkin, has scored 17 goals in his last 15 games. During that span, the Washington Capitals are an astounding 12-2-1, which has taken them from the cellar of the Eastern Conference to the top of the Southeast Division. I guess we really did forget to flush. The goals have made Ovechkin a MVP candidate again for the first time in years and literally the happiest guy on the planet.

Saturday night against the Lightning, Ovechkin punctuated a huge first period for the Caps with a beautiful semi-breakaway goal. As the Lightning prepared for Ovi to shoot from the circles, the Great Eight surprised everybody on the ice and went to his backhand, beating Ben Bishop to the right post. It would be Washington’s third goal of the period and the team’s 20th shot.

Let’s just forget about the two periods after that.

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Photo credit: @mkirilenko

A night before the Capitals take on the New York Islanders at home, Alex Ovechkin and fellow countryman Dmitry Orlov took their ladies, Maria and Varvara, out to dinner. Maybe they were celebrating the Caps’ three-game winning-streak or maybe they were celebrating Ovi’s NHL Live interview where he said uh exactly 382 times. Maybe they were just hungry. Either way, hooray for Russian Caps hanging out. Helps the RMNB brand.

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The happy couple. (Photo credit: @mkirilenko)

Every blogger has that day in his life when he must link to Huffington Post. For me, that day is today.

HuffPo has reprinted an AP story in which the Ovi and Maria finally divulge some details on their upcoming wedding. Emphasis on some. Here is all the information I gleaned from the piece:

  • No wedding date set yet (insert snide joke about no playoffs opening up Ovi’s summer schedule).
  • “I think all the young girls, they want to have the best dress, the best wedding, and everything the best.” – Maria on planning the wedding. So this is gonna be a thing then, is it?
  • Maria is BFFs with Stella McCartney, so there’s your dress right there, folks. Also, possibly wedding band if she plays her cards right and Ringo isn’t busy.
  • Maria on Ovi and the Caps: “I want him and the team to win so much.” She is markedly anti-stop-winnin’-for-McKinnon
  • Ovi’s advice to Maria: “Just go there and beat them.” Also, optimize scoring lines with offensive-zone deployments and carry the puck less during zone entries. Maybe he didn’t say that last part. You’ll have to read the AP article to find out.

That’s pretty much it. You can read the whole article– from which I’ve already extracted all the stuff you might care about– by following this link right here. Boom!

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Alex Ovechkin and Maria Kirilenko as kids

Photo credit: @mkirilenko

Thanks to Maria Kirilenko, we have moar child photos of Alex Ovechkin. To the left, Baby Sasha, wearing suspenders, enthusiastically high-fives a person just out of frame, probably Baby Alex Semin. To the right, baby Masha smiles pensively. This is because her pants have been pulled up chest-high and she is having circulatory problems.

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