[Ed note: After a year of doggedly researching and documenting the panoply of awfulness that are the Washington Capitals' rival cities and teams, the PuckBuddys'  physicians grew concerned, recommending they take a nice, quiet rest somewhere so they could forget temporarily about hockey and focus instead on finger paints and macaroni art. Helpfully, Gary Bettman and Donald Fehr gave them just the right opportunity to lay down their burden.

Now, no longer able to keep them involuntarily committed, the Buddy's have returned to crash our net and empty the NHL's septic tanks that you, wisely, would rather not. Because that's just the sort of stand-up guys they are.

However, we caution they are still a bit on edge. So please, everyone...no sudden movements.]

The Scene: The pioneering urban anthropologist Ulf Hannerz once remarked “That which most repels us in other cultures is very often what lies buried and secret at the heart of our own.”  Well, no he didn’t; I just made that up. But then again, I doubt that Ulf ever visited New Jersey.

New Jersey is for Lovers

Oh ho, you say, can an entire state truly be so bad? If scabies wanted to go on a holiday, it would visit Jersey. If the EPA listed lip gloss and Drakar Noir as hazardous wastes, the effluvia of glitter and reek oozing out of Jersey’s pores would require us to wall it off for one hundred years. If New Jersey didn’t exist, Alabama would have to rise up and invent the place from whole cloth, just so the rest of us would stop pointing and laughing at them. It’s exactly that bad. (John Carlson: love you, but we’re watching your hair closely.)

Thus our recommendation for full haz-mat suits for everyone on hand to welcome the New Jersey Devils this Saturday to Verizon. Which is not to say don’t go: despite their continuing habit of screwing things up for us, we like the way this game is shaping up for the Caps. Screamingly brilliant analysis follows.

The Morning Skate: Ugh, that last Devs game, amirite? Sure, that’s when we were still in our “1st Period OK/2nd Period SUCK/3rd Period PANIC” phase. Although not completely broken, the Caps have more often than not been snake-bit in the second; our last meeting with the Devs saw us 0-2 and charting up four penalties, giving smelly Patrik Elias (he not of the Big Boy Elias’) all the room he needed.

Neuvy was good (.914 Sv%) but breathing fossil Martin Brodeur was better (.929) as was the Dev’s defense as a whole. Thank heavens for Greenie’s long-distance blast in the third that tied us up. Oh wait, did I say thank heavens to Mike Groin Green? Because I meant that it was his OT interference penalty that likely cost us the game. What Greenie giveth, Greenie taketh away, I supposeth.

Moving on…

Puck Drop: Like most teams, the Devils are out-shooting us, in regular play and earlier against us specifically. Despite that, we’re nearly even on goals for and those allowed, which suggests Coach Oates’ “system” is working better against the Devs than, say, the Pens. (And let us never speak of that again.) Here’s our take: tired offense and unusually sloppy defense will put the Devs behind early, a deficit they’ll struggle to erase without ultimate success. More Caps players other than Ward, Brower and Fehr will step into game. Fans will once again hail this as a sure sign the Capitals “are back.” We’re not sure what “back” means, but don’t expect this to be anything other than just one more game.

But srlsy, only a White House reporter would take one source as gospel for a story. So we tapped PuckBuddys’ Devils correspondent, and all around cute guy, Brian Marshall for his take on how this game will shape up. Brian:

Which Devils team will show up for Thursday’s game?  The elite team that went 3-0 against the state of Pennsylvania in the last two weeks?  Or the lackluster team that lost to the Canes, Islanders, and Senators?  My guess is Coach Peter DeBoer is spending the two day layoff getting the Devils focused on Thursday’s game (especially since they face the Caps in back-to-back games – no chance of looking past them to the next game).

The rest was no doubt welcomed after playing 3 games in 3 and a half days over President’s Day Weekend. The Devils special teams have been less than special of late, the power play is an acceptable 15.3% (2 for 13) the last four games, but the penalty killers have been atrocious, giving up 6 goals in 14 chances (57.1% PK) in the same span.  If the Devils take a couple of stupid penalties it could be curtains for the good guys wearing white.As for players to watch out for, Patrik Elias continues to play amazing hockey.

As of this writing, he’s 8th in the league in scoring (4G 15A) playing his more natural LW (he played C most of last year).  On the other side of Elias’ line is David Clarkson, who’s tied for 4th in the league with 10 goals.  And don’t forget about our Russian-Left-Wing-Who-Shoots-Right-Has-A-Contact-That-Runs-Until-Forever-And-Never-Seems-To-Leave-The-Ice-On-The-Power-Play, Ilya Kovalchuk.

Kovy is continuing his remarkable transformation from “one-dimaneional goal scorer” to “workhorse all-situations player with explosive puck skills, and Marty Brodeur is still between the pipes for the Devils.  He’s still pretty good.  And don’t let him play the puck – he’ll kill you with his outlet passing just as easily as with his catching glove.

Like we said: Caps 4, Devs 2.

Who’s Hot, Who’s Not: Oh gosh, this is probably the reason we got into this whole farkakte blogging thing to start with. (Did you know that off all the dazzling writing and insights we’ve offered over the years, still the biggest search term to our site is “naked Ryan Kesler”? We’re hoping that just by writing that here RMNB’s SEO will sky-rocket.)

All that

Our RMNB overlords likely hate this section, but every time they delete it we just go in and paste it back. So if you’re squeamish or hate Downton Abbey or are just questioning your ability to look at pretty people, skip to the end. Wait, not skip. Leap with masculinity.

• Capitals: The Ribeiro trade has never looked better (forget all that crap I said earlier, heh heh,) but Mike, bubeleh, a little more care with the hair will only increase your trade value.  Troy “Wolf Eyes” Brower has been firing on all cylinders and Eric the Fehr and Jay Beagle have obviously run a can of Gumout through their systems in response. O Captain, you’re still our Captain, but please a little less fluffer-nuttering out there, K? Nicky, you’re more over-due than alimony. But our Caps hottie of the week crown goes to Joel Ward: shine on you crazy diamond. Runner up: Joey Crabb ain’t too bad, either.
  

  Nice, if you go for that sort of thing

• Devils: Oh, this is so much easier. As in - have you seen dese guise? We’ve seen more appealing faces on The Smoking Gun”s mug-shot hall of fame, and that includes the guys who sniff paint and end up with silver smears across their cheek. Which is not to say they’re not performing: Elias, Kovalchuk, Gionta and Ryan Carter will no doubt (ahem) be-devil us this game. On a numbers-only basis, David Clarkson would win this week’s tiara, but woof.  Instead, the prize goes to Steve Bernier, a 6’3″ rasher of Canadian bacon who should probably be playing better, but still looks good out there.

New Jersey’s finest

The Take Away:

Every game lately has felt like an ordeal. “Arrgh, we do we stink so much?!” “Darn you, GMGM!”  ”OMG, the Caps actually won; we’re BACK!!!”  Everyone needs a few fewer exclamation marks and a little more Xanax if we’re going to make it through these next two months. We’re overall an OK team with some great individual talents that seems to be struggling to make its round square peg fit into a pre-ordained round hole.

The Devils have had a history of tripping us up when we’re feeling our head in the clouds. So Caps: keep the skates on the ice and the eyes on the puck, and we should be good.

Hate mail may be addressed to PuckBuddys, c/o:

The Permanent Representative of the Democratic
People’s Republic of Korea to the United Nations
820 Second Avenue
New York, NY 10017

Photo illustration by Ian Oland.

Guess what tomorrow is? That’s right! Canada Day!

It also happens to be NHL Free Agency, the wildest and kookiest hockey day of the year. The Capitals aren’t expected to make any world-shaking moves this year, but you never know. The spirit of capitalism can possess even the most level-headed of GMs and make them act like crazy people, so stay tuned here tomorrow while we update you on what’s going down. The Caps have a few holes to fill, a few free agents who will find new homes — and who knows, maybe McPhee will trade Backstrom for Jeff Skinner or something, and we’ll all have to drink ourselves into oblivion.

Anything is possible! But luckily, not everything is likely, so follow us below the jump for your Guide to Free Agency 2012.

How much cap space do the Caps have?

from capgeek.com

The Caps have $20,805,428 to spend this offseason, but they also have a good part of their own roster to re-sign. Expect most of the unrestricted free agents to walk; expect most of the restricted free agents to sign. The Caps have made qualifying offers to Jay Beagle, Mathieu Perreault, Mike Green, and John Carlson, and though Perreault and Green may warrant some thought, they will likely be signed.

Once the Capitals have taken care of their own free agents, expect them to have anywhere from $10-15 M to spend. With that, they could buy this beautiful home in McLean, Virginia! Alternately, they could sign some hockey players.

Who is likely leaving?

Photo credit: Clydeorama

Mike Knuble:  Shut up. We’re not crying, it’s raining on our faces.

Jeff Halpern:  We bear no ill feelings for the former Caps captain as he gets set to leave Washington. Quite the opposite, in fact, Halpern filled the role that he was brought in to fill admirably, and was good-natured about adversity when things weren’t going his way. Jay Beagle seems set to step into his shoes, but we have no issues recommending Halpern’s services to a good home. Four stars, would acquire again.

Dennis Wideman:  Already traded and signed with the Calgary Flames, to a 5-year, $5.25 M/year contract with a no-movement clause. Well okay. You do whatever you feel is good, Calgary.

Where will Semin go?

Photo credit: Greg Flume

Sadly, probably not here. For the first time in his NHL career, Semin will explore the possibility of signing with a team other than the Washington Capitals, maybe even in the KHL. We love him, but that’s why we’re letting him go. We heard that in a country song one time.

What are the Caps’ needs?

Photo credit: Kathy Kmonicek

The Caps have gone a long way towards replacing Semin’s production with the acquisition of Mike Ribeiro, who scores 20 goals like clockwork and will be a capable 2C. However, as far as positional depth goes, we still have big hole on wing that will need to be filled. There aren’t many top-six quality wingers on the free agency market, and the Caps probably won’t be in on any of the big names. Nonetheless, here’s who’s available.

P.A. Parenteau: The 29-year-old winger is a relative unknown, which is a side effect of playing with the New York Islanders. Caps fans should know him, however, as the pain in the neck who seemed to score against us at every opportunity.  We recognize this as the cry for help that it is, and would be happy to rescue him from Long Island Purgatory if the price is right.

Ray Whitney:  Another underrated winger playing some of the best hockey of his life at the age of 40. The Caps haven’t been too kind to their senior citizens in recent years, but maybe new coach Adam Oates can tempt a fellow playmaker into our ranks. Of course, the rumor is that he wants to go back to Carolina where he still owns a home — which leads us to wonder, why does everyone always want to go to Carolina? Do they know something we don’t? Is it the weather, what is it?

Dustin Penner:  Penner hasn’t played up to expectations for awhile now, but this last season with the L.A. Kings was a disaster, with the left winger scoring only seven goals in 65 games, not to mention his unfortunate run-in with a stack of pancakes. Still, L.A. fans weren’t complaining when he scored the OT goal to send the Kings to the Stanley Cup Finals. He can’t hear you, he’s got his two Stanley Cup Rings plugging his ears.

What about defense?

Photo credit: Jim McIsaac

Dmitry Orlov stepped up as a surprisingly NHL-ready defenseman last year, which means we have one less hole to fill, but with with Dennis Wideman’s absence the Caps are in need of one more solid D.

Jason Garrisson: Garrison is coming off a career year with the Panthers, scoring 16 goals and 33 points as a defenseman. He’s recently been credited as a player who “does everything Wideman does and more”, a power play quarterback who can actually defend as well. A defenseman who can defend? Sign us up!

Matt Carle: The Caps would do well to stay away from this one. Wideman’s signing made the market for an offensive defenseman look awfully scary, and there will be many teams who will be interested in the former Flyer’s services. That said, he’s a heck of a player, and we wouldn’t be upset about acquiring him as long as we didn’t have to sell any limbs to do it.

Bryan Allen: A much more reasonable option. Canes’ GM Jim Rutherford made Allen an offer, but Allen wasn’t interested, choosing to go to free agency instead. Allen won’t get the kind of paydays that some of his more offensive counterparts will, a defensive defenseman who logs tons of minutes and regularly kills penalties, who also led the Canes with 188 blocked shots. That sounds fine by us.

Who should the Caps avoid like the plague?

Jaromir Jagr: NOPE.

Martin Brodeur:  Brodeur is a legend, and one of the best who ever played. He can go be a legend somewhere else, we prefer hot-blooded up-and-coming goalies to elder statesmen.

Andrei Kostitsyn: Unless we plan on trading a problem for a problem, avoid like the plague. Kostitsyn is a poor man’s Alex Semin with bonus coaching issues and mob connections. Nope.

Wishful thinking

Zach Parise: Regular 30-goal scorer Parise is a prize in a shallow field, and we estimate he will sign a 20-year deal for 500 gold bricks a year. It’s unlikely that the Caps will make a play for Parise — in fact, the most likely suitors seems to be the Minnesota Wild and the Pittsburgh Penguins, so we should probably be preparing ourselves to hate his guts instead.

Don’t do it, Zach. Make good choices.

Bobby Ryan:  Now this one is a little more likely. Once Parise finds a home, Ryan will be the next biggest prize on the market, and one that the Caps are a little more likely to take a shot at. He’s one of the best deals in the league when it comes to salary versus production, having scored at least 30 goals for the last four season at a cap hit of $5.1 million. We’ve love to see him in a Capitals uniform, but the asking price is still steep. Put in a good word for us, Bruce?

Ryan Suter: What Zach Parise is to the forward market, Suter is to the defenseman market. In the Caps’ case, that means he’s an elaborate distraction meant to draw all eyes and offers so we can quietly slip in and talk to the others. We’ve got little to no chance at landing him. We will probably survive.

Shane Doan:  Doan bleeds Coyotes red and it would be tough to pry him out of Phoenix, but July 1st has rolled around and he is still unsigned. This guy plays like a prototype for a Canadian supersoldier, tough, gritty, productive, and would be a dream in the Caps’ lineup. Has he had enough of the constant ownership issues? Is he looking to go to a contender? Do we ask the same leading questions about Shane Doan every year?

Don’t expect too much of a splash tomorrow. George McPhee has never been inclined to throw money around in free agency, because he’s not stupid because he prefers to build through the draft and through trade instead. But a serious rebuild of the core has been threatening for some time now, and perhaps this is the year that core finally splits up.

At least one of the former Young Guns seems set to leave town tomorrow. Will it be more than one? Will we be shocked and angry, or underwhelmed? Will our favorite players still be in Caps red at the end of the day? We’ll have to wait and see.

Craig is a Puck Buddy. This is his story. @PuckBuddys

Ohai Caps fans! Coinciding with Coach Hunter’s latest round of mind-boggling line changes, we’re changing up things today on the pregamer, too.  No, Doug hasn’t been sent down to Hershey with the other famous Caps redhead, Cody “Swoon” Eakin, but he’s taking a short break from cranking out his inimitable prose, obscure cultural references (he’s still working on Cy Twombly), and his proselytizing on behalf of the radical gay agenda.

Actually, he’s wrapping up the last of his community service obligations that resulted from his conviction in that 2011 World Juniors point-shaving scandal. And truth be told, he was also the one who bought all that liquor for those Russian kids. But luckily for all involved, including international aviation authorities, the team behaved responsibly on that flight home after their big win. In fact, we just heard from a few of our old pals on last year’s Russian team - and even they were appalled by Alec Baldwin’s airline antics last week.

The Puck Drop

The instructions that Doug scribbled on the back of a cocktail napkin say this is where I’m supposed to write about hockey things and stuff. We’ll keep this light since we already kicked the crap out of the Devils and their squalid landfill of a state ahead of the November 10 tilt with those hooligans.

Like every other Caps fan, we’re wondering about what team will show up Friday night at Prudential.  We’ve been on this roller coaster for almost the entire season (the weakest 7-0 team in NHL history?) – craptacular play followed by some well executed hockey, then five steps back, followed by another glimmer of hope. The litany of problems was evident as recently last Saturday against the Avs – anemic offense, catatonic PPs, defensive breakdowns and our netminders giving up squishy softy goals.  Those terrifying lows have been followed by dizzying highs: Ovi working his magic, Sasha wristing, Nicky being gorgeous, the PP off of life support, savage play in the neutral zone and a lot of hitting.  Yeah, we like hitting. Many of those elements, on full display during Tuesday’s Preds game, reminds me of why I jumped on the Caps bandwagon in the first place.

Now some hockey. Lending an assist here is our pal Brian, @trot71 on the twitter, the Devils correspondent at PuckBuddys.  Unlike the rest of us over there who never played the game and just like to flip spit, talk trash, and flirt, Brian knows the game and plays on the NYC Gay Hockey Association squads.  Forget Ken Daneyko, Brian is “Mr. Devil, ” devilishly handsome, too! Brian summarizes the first third of the Dev’s regular season:

This first third has provided something of a relief to Devils’ fans – there were fears they would come out of the gate as poorly as they did last season, which may have led to a fire sale of talent and a commitment to rebuilding.  Instead, there have been some young contributors (rookies Adam Larsson and Adam Henrique)  play vital roles on the veteran-dominated team, and increased scoring under first year coach Pete DeBoer.

All I Want for Christmas

Zach Parise (Jeff Zelevansky)

According to Brian, “Top center Travis Zajac‘s return was a little early to call a Christmas present, but it’s everything the Devils could have hoped for.  Travis has come back and looked fairly good, which will present DeBoer some lineup problems going forward, but the good kinds of problems (too many good players for the top 6 forward slots).  If there was one wish every New Jersey fan has, it’s that Zach Parise signs a long term deal with the club in January. If there’s no ink on a contract and the team continues to sit at the tail edge of the playoffs, look for GM Lou Lamoriello to deal Captain Zach to a contender for a king’s ransom of talent.  (But my money’s on Zach staying a Devil).”

The Naughty and Nice List, Festival of Lights Edition

Nice: Jeff Halpern: Haply Hanukkah, everyone! The hometown boy put in a great effort on Tuesday, the first night of the holiday. Hockey’s Hebrew Hammer also put Leonsis ahead of God on opening night against the Canes on October 8, Yom Kippur. We’ll check the schedule to see what day Purim falls on.

Nicer: Alexandr Valeryevich Semin:  ‘I’m not sleeping, I’m sniping!” Leave it to the Great 28 to confound and confuse us with his erratic play. When he’s good, he’s magnificent; when he’s bad, he’s infuriating and when he boards an opponent, he’s the best!  And while we’re at it, can everyone get a jump on their New Year’s resolutions and forever swear off “enigmatic and mercurial.” Both the Associated Press and the Washington Post used those exact words to announce the death of Kim Jong Il. We are NOT making that up. Russian influence on the world stage cannot be underestimated, but look at what lazy hockey writers have done now – they’ve dragged our dear Sasha into a nuclear tipped, geopolitical game of brinksmanship, when he’s got his hands full on just backchecking as it is.

Martin Broudeur

Naughty: Old Man Winter: Martin  Brodeur is just not elite anymore.  He looked shaky for great stretches in last Tuesday’s 4-1 loss against the Rangers.

Nicer: Swedish Meatball: Johan Hedberg is playing much better hockey than Brodeur at this time and should probably be getting the bulk of the starts.

Nicest: Awesome Possum:  The stunning Zach Parise has been leading the Devils offense this month, with 14 points (5G 9A) in the 10 December games.

Nicely Nicely Neuvy: Baby Czech Michal looks to be getting the start on Friday night and one of the smart guys we follow on twitter, but are contractually prohibited of mentioning his name, wondered about when the last time Vokoun has sat for four games. Then there’s the theory that a strong Neuvy makes Vokes better. Those same geniuses may be the ones who keep telling Rick Perry he has a shot at the nomination.

What Makes Them Hot

Ilya Kovalchuk

The Devils top line offers something for everyone, an All-American boy (Parise), the mysterious Russian (Ilya Kovalchuk) and the young buck (rookie Adam Henrique).  And they’re clicking – they’ve combined for 13 goals and 22 assists in December.

What Makes Them Not

Their power play has been beyond substandard.  They aren’t last in efficiency or power play goals scored, but they’ve given up a whopping 10 shorthanded goals, tops in the NHL (four teams are tied for second with five SHGA).  They have a remarkable ability to cough the puck up from the points (currently Kovalchuk and newly-acquired Kurtis Foster), leading the shorthanded chances for the opposition.  If their power play wasn’t so awful, more people might be talking about the Devils insanely good penalty killing, which has only given up 9 power play goals all year (while scoring 7 SHGs themselves).

As Seen On TV: If you need our help telling you where to find the game on TV, you’re a sad Christmas puppy.

Meme of the Day:

Let’s Go Caps and God Bless us, every one! С Рождеством! (Merry xmas)

Editor’s Note: Doug Johnson of PuckBuddys writes for RMNB. There’s this new thing called Twitter; look into it.

The Pre Game: Some weeks…  they exist to test our mettle. Or remind us of what’s truly important. This has been one of those weeks.

Joe Frazier

First came news of the passing of Smokin’ Joe Frazier. A brawler of the first order and a retired sports ambassador of highest rank, we were jolted first thing Monday to learn of his death at just 67. “Respect and admiration,” is how Muhammad Ali remembers him. We join our fellow Michigander in his descant.

We just wish it were with that kind of dignity and accolade that Joe Paterno could’ve retired, but this week wouldn’t have it. Sucked into the vortex of a repugnant scandal swirling around him or partly of his making (everyone else is judging so we leave it up to you), JoePa has coached his last Big Ten game, just one week after achieving what must have been a long-held goal – most wins of any Division I coach, ever. He has coached at Penn State as long as I’ve drawn breath. The alleged horrors of Coach Sandusky and the criminal process will stand on their own. The lingering acrid smell of individuals with their eye on something other than the children’s and players’ well-being hangs foul over Happy Valley.

Wilson Ramos (AP)

And then Thursday we learn of Nats catcher Wilson Ramos being kidnapped from his home in Venezuela, bundled away by several men in an SUV. One man gone, another pushed aside, and a third hanging in the balance.  We’re left empty, with no target meriting lampoon. If there’s anything to be earned by this horrid week, perhaps it’s perspective on the Capitals slump.

The Puck Drop: Is it a slump? As always, it depends who you ask. If Coach Boudreau, Mike Knuble, and Brooks Laich are to be believed (and how could we not trust Brooksie?), that Caps 7-0 start got players a little soft, a little lazy. “Working harder” is something being thrown around a lot now, like manure in the Spring, and we’re sure Coach will do just that during practice. But at risk of sounding like a Dilbert strip, however, perhaps it’s not hardness but focus and purpose that the Caps are needing.

Which, frankly, isn’t something that can be said now of the Devils. Against inconsistent teams (*coughCarolinacough*) they’ve eked out a few victories, but faced with quality (don’t make me say who) or just odds, they’ve been turning up sour on the draw. Except recently. They’re 3-1 in the last four, compared to 2-4 in our last six. When is a streak a streak? When it continues. When is a slump a slump? When it doesn’t stop. Bringing us to the Devils key weapons:

What Makes Them Hot

Adam Henrique

1: Adam Henrique. What is it about French names… or at least Quebecois? The 21-year-old rookie may be no Patrick Elias, but he’s testing the limit, becoming the first rookie Devil (after Elias) to score two back-to-back game-winning goals. 7 points overall, and 4 goals in the last 3 games make this one red-hot Devil. And yes, we know that Henrique is an Ontarian, not Quebecer, but still, c’est bon! Shutting this guy down is job #1 for the Caps D.

Patrick Elias

2: Patrick Elias. Oh, him. Once upon a time, Elias was the hottest prospect cooking. Then he became a Devil, and has be a demon since. Devils Coach Dipwad or whatever has talked recently about his squad pulling it together, and cited Elias on several occasions as a unifying figure. Experience, skillz, and numbers so far this season (points in nearly every game) make Elias and wannabe Henrique lethal shooters.

3: Adam Larsson. PuckBuddys’ Devils correspondent and all-around hockey great guy Brian Marshallwrites:

Rookie Adam Larsson leads the Devils’ D in ice time. There have been some chinks in his previously ‘unflappable’ play of late, but he’s still as fine an 18-year-old defenseman as I’ve ever seen. Smooth on the body and on the puck. If only he had Seguin’s looks, I’d make you guys Devil fans!

First off, no, you won’t. Not ever. Second, he’s right about Larsson’s performance of late. Third, we’ll put up Skelleftea’s Swedish son against Seguin any day.

What Makes Them Not

1: Ow! My Groin! Words you never want to say, but hear too frequently when it comes to NHL players. Among them, Ilya Kovalchuk, a stalwart for the Thrashers before traipsing up to the Garden State. Frankly less a name than a bad hand a Scrabble, Kovalchuk is out on a “lower-body injury.” Which, wink-wink-nudge-nudge could be code for glass groin. Don’t expect to see him Friday or Saturday unless it’s all been a lark to rest him for the Caps.

2: Old Man “Mar-tahn”: Martin Brodeur was the stone in our soup last year and arguably one of the Devils’ keys. Perhaps that lock has now been picked. He had a craptacular game against Toronto, but has stepped back up in the last two. However, we think we’re staring to see “Abe Simpson” syndrome here; great guy, lotsa talent in his day, needing maybe to rethink what he can do against the young hot-shots sniping at him. Call us nuts, but while Brodeur is in the web, we’re feelin’ good. (H8rs can cut and paste that now to avoid the rush.)

3: Matchy-matchy. Brlgh. Despite being homosexicals, we confess we don’t know the first thing about fashion. We do, however, know about things that just shouldn’t be. Stripes with patterns? Even we know that’s wrong. What’s worse: the Devil’s matchy-matchy ensemble. What’s black, white, and red all over? A hideously dressed Devil. Seriously, there’s red and there’s red, and you can either pull it off or you can’t. New Jersey: please don’t make us say what everyone wants us to say; we don’t want to have a messy intervention.

The OT and Shoot Out: Like we said, we’re just not feeling up to taking cheap shots at our opponent this week. It’s reminded us how hard it is to be a professional athlete, how difficult it is to manage a sports operation, and how fickle fate can be. And also, what a garbage hole New Jersey is.

As Seen On TV:  Tune into CSN at 7:00pm for Joe B. and Locker with the call, and for the viewers among our rapidly diminishing New Jersey fan base, it’s on MSG.  Speaking of MSG, guess who’s a new pal of Mr. Devil himself, Ken Daneyko? Our very own Brian Marshall, that’s who! Gay hockey is the new black. Or Red.

Michal Neuvirth make a save on the bewildered $100 million dollar man (Photo credit: Bruce Bennett).

Veteran winger Mike Knuble netted two goals while registering one assist on the night. Photo credit: Andy Marlin

It’s easy to forget about John Carlson.

The rookie Washington Capitals defenseman logs 20 minutes a night, rarely makes stone-headed blunders and chips in the occasional pressure on transition.

Yet as the Caps nudge ever closer to clinching a fourth straight Southeast Division championship, Carlson’s rock-solid contributions are becoming increasingly harder to ignore.

The New Jersey native had two assists, logged almost 23 minutes of ice time and played nearly flawless hockey in a 3-0 shutout win of the New Jersey Devils. The win tied the Capitals for first place in the Eastern Conference with the Philadelphia Flyers and made an improbable New Jersey playoff bid seem even more unlikely.

Despite moving into third-place on the all-time Washington Capitals points list for rookies, Carlson was not named one of the three stars of the night. Yet his sharp work while joining the attack led to two goals, and his steadiness in the back helped the brilliant Michal Neuvirth register his fourth shutout and third since February 4.

It was a rough night for legendary Devils goaltender Martin Brodeur. The 38 year-old gave up three goals on just 12 shots, including a slap shot goal by Jeff Schultz, of all people, with 13:50 to go in the first period. It was Schultz’s first goal in more than a year, and ensured the Capitals would actually have a lead at the end of the first period. I nearly passed out, suffering from total shock that Washington would not need to rally on this night.

Later, Alex Ovechkin and Carlson would get into the act, setting up Mike Knuble about as brilliantly as can be. Somehow, Ovechkin lasered a cross-ice pass right onto Carlson’s stick. He centered the puck to Knuble, who beat Brodeur rather easily with 15:58 to go in the second period.

After the Capitals killed off a four-minute double-minor penalty on Matt Hendricks for high-sticking, Knuble sealed it with a snapshot redirection courtesy of a feed from Ovechkin. Carlson, of course, started the play off in transition by finding the Great Eight.

Capitals fans are generally enthusiastic about the idea of having Ovechkin and Nicklas Backstrom signed long-term. But Carlson, 21, sure looks like he’s well on his way to becoming one of the top American defensemen of his era. His mom, apparently, is also of significance. She fed several of the players at St. Patrick’s Day feast Thursday, complete with every type of meat imaginable and salad to help digestion. Joe B. sounded like he was considering eating his own arm while rehashing the menu options.

Onto the notes:

• A few weeks back, I was highly critical of the Versus commentators who seemed to think the Capitals wouldn’t be able to operate without one of the League’s top face-off  men in David Steckel. Well, I guess we’ll never know. Steckel and his mighty face-off ability missed the game due to an upper-body injury. So did Jason Arnott, who was traded along with to the Caps for Steckel along with a second-round pick in the 2012 NHL Draft. Hmm, who got the better end of that deal? Oh, wait. The Caps did. Why? Because Arnott can do one heck of a lot more than win face-offs.
• The Capitals needed the Hurricanes to lose to clinch a playoff bid. Carolina won, however, so it will be the next Washington victory that will lock up a playoff spot.
• The Caps were outshot 33-12. It was the lowest shot total of the season for the Capitals and Washington’s largest deficit in SOG all year. Not that it mattered.
• The Capitals were out-chanced 19-nine for the game. First period: four five-on-five chances. Second period: three chances. Third period: two chances. Yep, not a lot going on.
• Dinged-up defender Mike Green is eligible to return next week, but why rush him back? No need. Let him get healthy for the playoffs.
• The Capitals reached 20 road wins for a franchise record fourth consecutive season. That’s quite an accomplishment, one I hope carries over into the playoffs.
• Ilya Kovalchuk leads the NHL in giveaways, which is ironic because the Devils essentially gave away $100 million when they signed them to that ridiculous contract.
• Three stars of the game: Neuvirth, Knuble and Ovechkin. All three were deserving, but I thought Carlson had his best game in a while. Defensemen are like offensive linemen in football. They don’t get the publicity unless they do something stupid.
• Nicklas Backstrom returned from injury, playing 17 minutes, though not with Ovi. Marcus Johansson centered the first-line of Ovechkin and Knuble.
• Give Joe B. credit. He pointed out that Neuvirth looked great in the morning practice. I give Beninati props for making it to a morning practice after his St. Patrick’s Day festivities.

Joe B. Suit and Crazy Orange Tie of the Night

The Capitals dealt the playoff hopes of the resurgent New Jersey Devils a crippling blow with a 3-0 win Friday night. Sure, Knuble scored twice, Ovechkin had two crafty assists and Neuvirth stopped everything coming his way. Yet Carlson stood out on a night when the Capitals continued to play short key defensemen in the quest to lock up a fourth straight Southeast Division title.

Additional reporting by Neil Greenberg, Chris Gordon and Ian Oland.

That is how you do it! The Washington Capitals have done the unthinkable: playing two smart games back to back.

Who better to get us started that Andrew Gordon? His goal-crashing shot off a speedy Marcus Johansson pass was the night’s first goal and the first of Andrew’s NHL career. (We knew you could do it!) The Devils responded with a Patrik Elias whizzer from above the circles, expertly screened by former Cap Danius Zubrus. Hershey’s own Jay Beagle returned fire with a chip-in up close. On a breakaway. Jason Chimera brushed off a hook and converted. Alex Ovechkin pulled an honest-to-goodness statue-of-liberty play with John Carlson, who launched a neutrino puck into Marty Brodeur’s net. Finally, Mike Knuble gingerly diverted a Tom Poti shot for the free wings. Caps beat Devils 5-1.

• Andrew Gordon, did you have fun today?
• Seriously, Gordo had a blast out there, and that’s exactly what the team needed. Crashing an omega-level goalie like Martin Brodeur is a great way to get started in the NHL.  And the kid knows how to celebrate:

• Alex Ovechkin put one shot on net. Yeah. That’s not going to bust him out of the slump.  Between his malaise and Alex Semin‘s manic-depressive play, it’s a good thing that the Hershey guys are playing like they actually care.
• The Capitals powerplay was a bummer. Nick Backstrom and Mike Green stood statuesque as the Devils counted the seconds. Alex Ovechkin shifted from the point the crease, where he was welcomed by the Devils PKers with some pops to the head.  No goals and precious few chances, despite five Devils penalties and 1:18 of two-man advantage.
• 

  NHL goal #1

  Matt Bradley put Anton Volchenkov on the ice with a monster check in the first period. Not sure what happened in the second, but #10 did not return to the ice for the third. 6:44 TOI. UPDATE: Per Mike Vogel, Bradley will miss 2-4 weeks with a broken finger. I am devastated.
• John Carlson: plus-4 rating, one screaming goal, 24 minutes of great hockey.
• RockTheRed.net observed this morning: “Chimera looks about ready to break out of his slump, roofing shootout moves.” His penalty-drawing, top-shelf breakaway goal proves that practice pays off.
• Michal Neuvirth‘s numbers were sterling: 35 saves on 36 shots. Don’t let the offensive resurgence be the only story you take from this game; Neuvy was a star. Hope he’s ready for Thursday, cause he’s going to get the nod.
• The Devils actually led the Caps in shots 36 to 28. After so many 30+ shot losses, here’s more proof that it’s the quality of the shot that matters more. And if you can measure the shot distance in inches (Beagle, Knuble, Gordon), that’s even better.

Joe B's suit of the night

Here comes either the smartest or dumbest analysis ever.  Sure, the Capitals win when they play better, but they also play better when they win. The boys were surging, having fun, connecting on passes, and dominating zone time. And it all started when the Hershey Bears contingent got ‘em started. The attitude was infectious. Even when Ovechkin would flub a shot, his goofy grin stuck around. The goals that felt infuriatingly out of reach came easy tonight, even with a titan in the other net.  That’s Caps hockey: high-octane, high-scoring, fun.

If they keep that energy up, it’s gonna be a good winter.

Pittsburgh on Thursday. I’ll be at a bachelor party in D.C., so Ian will be covering the game. It was nice knowing you all. Go Caps. CRASH THE NET.