So much almost. (Photo credit: Phelan M. Ebenhack)

Whew, what a relief that the All-Star Weekend is over! We’re all so sick of watching haphazard, sloppy, firewagon hockey that turns over pucks and gives up chances every few seconds, it’s such a relief to get back to the responsible, disciplined team we all missed so much.

Hahaha! Let’s all have a good laugh at that one for a minute, and then to the recap. I am pleased to inform you that the curse of my recaps was broken tonight. Actual goals were scored.

Matt Hendricks opened the scoring with the ol’ Brooks-Laich-diving-poke-check-pass, fan-on-the-initial-and-then-wildly-backhand-it move. Classic. Teddy Purcell scored two shifts later on a feed from Steve Downie, who mysteriously hadn’t had his face punched in yet at this point. All Martin St. Louis had to do was skate past Hamrlik lying face-down on the ice to make it 2-1. Nate Thompson banged one in on a good cycle from Tampa in front of the net. Mathieu Perreault was in the right place at the right time to take credit for a hilarious own goal off Thompson’s stick. Good pressure from Laich forced a puck loose for Troy Brouwer, who put it in the back of the net. The game went to overtime, and Steven Stamkos scored on a defensive breakdown from John Carlson. Caps lose, 4-3.

• Tomas Vokoun’s head was extra shiny tonight. It was a sign. Like most of the team, he built and built as the night went on and peaked with an unreal save on Vinny Lecavalier in OT, reaching back on a sure thing to snag a puck out of the air even though he was feet away the moment before. Our goalie is a human Slinky. NBC broadcast team were too busy talking about Lecavalier to notice.
• The whole game was a bit of a mess, on both sides. All of these guys have been laying around on beaches for the whole weekend and eating their wives’ cooking. No more vacations for anyone. The Bolts sent the puck down. We sent it back. Carlson stopped our hearts multiple times. None of this looked much like actual hockey until about the third period.
• Alex Ovechkin was attending the game, and there were a few shots of him in the pressbox with Olaf Kolzig. Olie and Ovi. Now there’s a sitcom we could get behind.
• Person who had a little too much vacationing: Roman Hamrlik. He gave Steve Downie ten miles of space on the first Tampa goal, and then fell down, facedown, on the ice, for St. Louis to dance past him for the second goal. I was all set and ready to institute #Hamrlikdown, but on the replay minutes later we discovered that first look at the play was a bit mendacious. Class act Vinny Lecavalier actually kicked his skate out from under him.
• The refs were Bolts in disguise tonight, so this didn’t get called. Want to get even more angry about that second goal? It was offsides.
• Things that are not attractive: The PP without 19, 8, and 52. The Caps got a 4-minute power play in the second when Lady Byng candidate Steve Downie clipped Perreault with his stick and made him bleed. Most of this four minutes looked like the team having a seizure. The medics were all ready to rush onto the ice, but it was just the Caps trying to score on a power play. Please come back, somebody.
• For all the talk of bad trades and bad additions this summer–how about that Troy Brouwer, huh? He scored his 15th of the season tonight, and as the season’s gotten tougher, he’s just gotten better. What a hero.
• I’m sure you’re all wondering what happened to all the Joel Rechlicz hype. I am too. He played 1:49, all in the first period, and mysteriously didn’t throw a single punch. This wasn’t what we expected after Coach Hunter’s assertion that he was brought in because “he’s a big guy and he’s a physical guy. He’s physical and we’re on the road so we need a physical guy.” Why sign him and not use his scary, famous fists? Then again Steve Downie was dodgy earlier in the day about whether he’d even step up to the plate if Recker asked him. Draw your own conclusions.

Person Sitting Behind the Bench Shirt of the Night

We’re famous!

This is a stretch of games specifically created to teach the Caps how to overcome adversity. It is a good thing, because this is something that they really, really needed to know. That game got messy, and there were huge mistakes, but the Caps cared tonight. With the construction of this team being what it is right now, they are on the edge of disaster at any given moment, and yet they haven’t completely fallen over. Never a dull moment.

They worked hard tonight. They got physical. On the road. On the road you need physical guys. Physical.

WARNING: After not seeing this video in 10 years, we forgot how many blatant crotch shots there are. Consider yourself warned.

Screengrab via @recordsANDradio

Alex Ovechkin has been suspended for three games, but that didn’t stop him from getting in on the fun of the Capitals’ 5-3 win over offensive juggernauts, the Boston Bruins. Ovechkin congratulated Mathieu Perreault‘s on his first career hat trick by surprising him with a shaving-cream pie to the face during the post-game interview with Al Koken. Typical Ovi.

Video under the jump.

Thanks, @DaveIzzle

[UPDATE: 1/25: The team has posted official video.]

Photo credit: Mitchell Layton

The Washington Capitals were at the lowest of lows before the defending champion Boston Bruins came to town. This being the last game before the All-Star break and the first game of Alex Ovechkin’s suspension, expectations were barometrically low.

Rich Peverly tried to go around Karl Alzner, who knocked in the goal from his belly.

It was a 5-goal second period! Joel Ward set up Cody Eakin, whose shot trickled past Tukka Rask.  41 seconds later, Mathieu Perreault executed a give-and-go with Alex Semin to score. John Carlson surrendered a pathetic giveaway, and Tyler Seguin roofed it. Mathieu Perreault scored his second of the night on a blistering breakaway. That “little ball of hate”, Brad Marchand, caught a lucky bounce in the crease and tied it back up.

Mathieu Perreault recorded his hat-trick goal in the third period while fighting off a dozen men in the paint who were armed with flaming swords and guns that fire sharks. It was the game-winner. Dennis Wideman got the empty netter. Caps beat Bruins 5-3.

See: Mathieu Perreault gets pied by Alex Ovechkin during the post-game interview

• No Green. No Backstrom. No Ovechkin. NO EXCUSES.
• The CSN-DC crew chose Mathieu Perreault as the player to focus on with the isocam. NICE MOVE. The ol’ canucklehead summoned up ancient French Canadien magicks to slay Boston. Fickle are the fates that allow a player like Perry to be scratched last week and soar now. His hat trick was the first of his career.
• No less impressive was Perreault’s high stick on Zdeno “would you like a peanut?” Chara, who has 11 inches on the kid. [UPDATE: Via this @SWhyno tweet, Perry is 5'8". Make it THIRTEEN INCHES.]
• Following the Penguins game on Sunday, Matt Hendricks’ ear needed some time in the garage. Hendy took a puck to that same ear on Tuesday, but he hardly missed a shift. What a hardy dude. But the goatee has gotta go. Whattaya think?
• The 2011-2012 Capitals are supposed to be a grind-em-down kinda team– particularly since Coach Hunter came to town. But all three second period goals came on the rush, right after zippy zone entries. While Mike Knuble is executing the cycle game plan fastidiously and getting nothing from it, players like Semin and Perreault are entering the OZ like lightning, filling up the lanes, and reaping the benefits.
• Mike Knuble set a good tone for this one early. Old man Kanooble even attempted a wraparound. Seriously. A wraparound. From Knuble. Like a cat walking on two legs.
• Alex Semin‘s give-and-go with Perreault made for a pretty goal, but Semin was masterminding offense all night. He was rushing the crease after offensive-zone faceoffs, setting up drop passes to put traffic up front, and playing like the quarterback he could and should be every night.
• Joe Corvozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
• Sorry, dozed off there for a second.
• Meanwhile, John Carlson‘s tailspin continues. Choking in his own end gave Seguin a giftwrapped goal. Karl Alzner‘s own-goal was embarrassing too, but those things happen in pro hockey.
• Tomas Vokoun, made of granite, kept his net sacrosanct. 29 saves and one fantastic win.
• The Capitals slayed the giant. Boston is the best offensive team in the league, stretching out miles beyond their peers. And the Capitals felled them like any anonymous foe.

Joe B suit of the night

The Washington Capitals are supposed to be a trainwreck right now. Their offense is gone, and their stars are injured and suspended. They’re supposed to suck.

No one told them.

They Caps played like champions tonight. They didn’t play the quiet, restrained game of a shellshocked hockey team. This was the rowdy, dynamic, obstreperous, and just-freaking-fun-to-watch style of play that made Washington a great franchise.

It’s a shame Ovi had to sit in the press box for this one, but at least he got a good view of something remarkable.

And someone, please, for crying out loud, buy Mathieu Perreault a beer. Pat ‘em on the back and tell him that he just had his moment.

Now get out there and have another.

Can you think of a better way to head into the all-star break?

Photo credit: Richard Wolowicz

The Washington Capitals invaded Montreal like pillaging barbarians, and they only needed 16 shots to do it.

Hometown boy Mathieu Perreault ripped a wrist-shot high on Carey Price’s far side to score in the first five minutes. Marcus Johansson had to fence with Andrei Kostitsyn, but he got a shot off to make it 2-0. Alex Ovechkin’s puck slipped through a few legs during a supersized power play. Caps beat Habs 3-0.

• It took only 15 seconds for Matt Hendricks to ask Rene Bourque to dance. Hendy meant well, trying to get some paybackstrom, but Bourque walloped him good. That’s okay– this was more about team solidarity (“thick and proud!”) than about punches landed. Bourque had a breakaway later in the game, but rang the post because there is such a thing as cosmic justice.

• Marcus Johansson caught Mathieu Darche‘s stick in his mouth behind the Washington net. Reports of improvisational dentistry followed.
• Despite tantalizing but erroneous tweets dring the pregame, Mike Knuble did not serve on the top line tonight. He returned to fourth line service, where he felt unappreciated and surfed pinterest all day instead of working. 15:08 TOI.
• Michal Neuvirth hadn’t played a full game since December 26. He spent the time since complaining about Dave Prior’s absence and leveling up his wood elf thief in Skyrim. Well, Little Mikey came back with a vengeance on Wednesday. After some shaky saves in the opening minutes, Nuevy dialed it in and delivered one of the finest performances — and the second shutout– of the season.  31 saves for the stud. It won’t be 10 games before we see him again.
• John Erskine hadn’t suited up since the 9th, so he wanted to get all his nasty hits in during this one. His headshot on Max Pacioretty earned him the rarest of rare PokeMon: the triple minor penalty! The Capitals have avoided the attention of Brendan Shanahan so far this season. Not sure if that streak continues now.
• There was a lady apparently just casually holding a bottle of gin at Bell Centre. Typical Montreal.
• Alex Ovechkin (1 goal, 1 shot) got whistled for delay of game, despite the puck hitting the glass. Also Typical Montreal.
• Marcus Johansson left the ice late in the game with an apparent leg injury. We’ll keep you posted, but this team can’t lose another center. Somehow, incredibly: Typical Montreal. [UPDATE 10:39 PM: Johansson reports to WT's Stephen Whyno that he is fine, which we assume refers to health and not just being hawt.]
• And finally: penalty kill. The Caps kept Montreal scoreless through 7 PP opportunities and 9 5v4 shots. There’s no better way to practice your penalty killing than against one of the very worst teams in the league. How bad are they? Bad enough that a few Caps PKers snapped their own sticks just give the Habs a sporting chance.

Joe B suit of the night

The story is shots, shots, shots. The Caps fired only 10 through two periods and finished with a grand total of 16. That’s pathetic. The Canadiens are garbage at possession, but the Caps still had to block 25 of their pucks. That’s just embarrassing.

Winning in the worst way.

We’re happy– nay, elated– over the win. The Caps climb the Eastern Conference slowly and steadily, but we’re looking for a team that can do more than get lucky (and scoring on 18.75% of shots is luck) against the league’s bargain-bin teams.

We want a contender. We want a team with an infinite thirst for offense– even when they’re up 3-0. We want a team that SCOARS MOAR GOALS.

P.S.  -  Ian did this and isn’t even ashamed:

[Seriously?]

Lady Gaga and NYC Mayor Alex “the gr8″ Bloomberg orchestrate the dropping of the ball.

Caps’ players certainly seemed happy this past weekend. How can you tell? With a Twitter account and a pair of binoculars. The guys were ragging on each other, answering fan questions, posting pictures, the whole shabangabang. I guess that’s what happens when you win four of six games and get Sunday off. Now that our hangovers have finally subsided, here’s a sobering recollection of those tweets.

Join me if you will, RMNB readers, and let’s take a journey into the complex social (network) lives of our favorite players.

Karl Alzner — a dude who thinks getting a +1 is cooler than scoring goals, has Justin Bieber on his iPod, and owns the box set of Xena Warrior Princess — calls our taste into question. (I got your back, Peter.)

Alex Ovechkin, violating proper punctuation and first-grade capitalization rules, wishes Caps fans a gr8 2012. best!!))))))

Four minutes later, Ovechkin’s butler Alfred gets ahold of Ovi’s Blackberry and tweets something of his own.

Caps prospect Stan Galiev puts on his serious face.

Cody Eakin and John Carlson explain what Mathieu Perreault and a jellyfish have in common.

Karl Alzner has a new dog named Duncan and it’s almost as hairy as he is.

Mike Knuble, who is nearly the perfect person in every way, unsurprisingly has good taste in baseball teams too. Go O’s!

John Carlson reveals what Karl Alzner got him for Christmas and what he got for him in return

And then there were the tweets I failed to embed. Like one certain player’s love for a country song that would be NSFW. Or John Carlson’s explanation of how he got the #74.

Anyways, you should follow all of these guys if you’ve got a Twitter account — us too — and say hello. And if you don’t have a twitter account, you should get one today. Let’s hope the winning continues!

John Carlson takes a shot on Cale Chimera. (Photo credit: @slw357)

Lots of  stories unfolded today at Kettler Capitals Iceplex (MG52 may return on Tuesday, Alex Semin’s has a Schrodinger-y arm laceration), but there were none more awesome than Cale Chimera taking the ice.

Who’s Cale Chimera, you ask? A Hershey Bear call-up? The Caps traded Alex Semin, and he’s the new guy? No, he’s the four-year old son of the Caps’ second-leading goal scorer, Jason Chimera. You may remember him from last year, starring in almost every shot of our “Caps go bowling” charity post.

After Capitals practice ended today, Papa Chimera helped his son suit up in the locker room — mini gloves, breezers, skates, and all — and then took him onto the ice. Joined by John Carlson and Mathieu Perreault, the group playfully took shots on net. Cale, who skates better than DJ King, played goaltender for a bit and then the guys gave him his chance to take shots on them.

CSN’s Jill Sorenson, who we’ve teased all year, was actually the only beat writer to get the humangous big scoop.

I asked what position Cale wanted to play and Jason said, “What position do you want to play? Forward or Defense? Not goalie.” To which Cale responded, “I want to shoot the puck. I’ve been practicing a lot.”

Dawwww.

RMNB readers @slw357 and Madison T., who both were at practice today, were nice enough to share with us their photos and video. Check ‘em out below.

Photos and Video of Cale Chimera Practicing

Cale shoots… and falls! (Video via @slw357)

Hopefully Dale Hunter doesn’t see this or Perry will never play again. (Video via @slw357)

Cale takes a shot Perreault. (Photo credit: @slw357)

And scores! (Photo credit: @slw357)

Carlson takes a shot and Cale makes the save! (Photo credit: @slw357)

The guys horse around on the ice. (Photo credit: Madison T.)

So cute. (Photo credit: Madison T.)

Alex Ovechkin appeals to the ref. (Photo credit: Bill Wippert)

The Washington Capitals might have had too much figgy pudding, as their post-Christmas match-up with the Buffalo Sabres was one of their ugliest of the season. Maybe the worst.

Exactly how bad was it? So bad that we’re exercising The Option. The option is an obscure RMNB bylaw that allows us to not really write about a game because it was so wretched our primitive language cannot adequately describe it.

Roman Hamrlik wasted 9 seconds before sending the puck over the glass. Michal Neuvirth got pulled in the first because he was being a sieve. Unless being a sieve is a good thing, in which case he was NOT being a sieve. Mathieu Perreault impaled himself on his own stick, but he came back in time to leave his skates on a hit. Karl Alzner had a good view of three Buffalo goals. Brooks Laich won 7 of 19 faceoffs. Alex Ovechkin fired 5 shots. Dmitry Orlov won Palm player of the game for some reason.

The situation with the Capitals is dire. This team will not make the playoffs unless they make a significant course correction. Installing Dale Hunter hasn’t been enough. What do you think?

Our opinion: these guys are SOFT. Prove us wrong on Wednesday.

“Soft” by Ian Oland, who is a grown-up.

Michal Nuevirth gave up 3 goals on 6 shots (Photo credit: Rick Stewart)

Alex Semin got high sticked by Brayden McNabb (Screen cap: @Valtard)

Joe B suit of the night

Check out Brooksy’s face. (Photo credit: Michael Martin)

The Washington Capitals headed to the mile-high city to meet the Colorado Avalanche with hopes of a perfect road trip. NOPE.

Cody McLeod chipped the puck from the blue line; Neuvy didn’t even see it. Alex Semin scored his first goal since November 23 with a really smart wrister. Erik Johnson snapped his own goal drought just a minute later. That was the GWG. Avs beat Caps 2-1.

• The Capitals’ performance on the faceoff was– in a word– owuebfiwebwe.  Winning only 37%, the Caps struggled with possession throughout the game. Jeff Halpern, a faceoff specialist who wins 62.4%, took just 8 of 52 faceoffs (2 in the last minute). Why?
• Mathieu Perreault fell ill during the first period and didn’t return to the game.
• Just back from injury, Matt Hendricks fought his old buddy Cody McLeod. Unfortunately, McLeod pwned.

• Alex Semin‘s goal is his first since November 23, busting a slump and relieving– temporarily at least– the accusations of sandbagging that someone people (i.e.) have been leveling lately.
• What does the Caps’ power play have in common with the honey badger?  The honey badger also had just 3 shots on three power play opportunities on Saturday night. What a coincidence.
• Michal Neuvirth gave highlander Cody McLeod a really flukey goal early in the first. Neuvy didn’t even see it. That wasn’t the performance Neuvirth wanted to follow his shutout on Thursday. Nonetheless, despite some shaky looks, Mikey kept his team in the game, 26 saves on 28 shots. File under: Not His Fault.
• The altitude is not an excuse.
• Dale Hunter’s Caps haven’t beaten an American team yet.

Joe B suit of the night

What a snoozer. The Caps did not hold a lead and were tied for only about four minutes.

When the Capitals surrendered a goal just one minute after tying the game, their offense disappeared. Usually the team behind in the score increases its offense, but the Caps did the opposite. The third period saw only ONE shot on goal until the closing minutes.

Why? Is this roster stocked with emotional basket cases who cannot cope with not having the lead? Is that the fallout from a gamut of postseason heartbreaks, last year’s losing streak, and getting their coach fired? If so, how does a team come back from that?

I don’t have the answers, but I can think of better things to do on a Saturday night than watch this team huff and puff and pout and sulk.

Mike Knuble Watch: 12:06 TOI.

Photo credit: Jonathan Kozub

After Tuesday’s crushing defeat, the Washington Capitals hoped a trip to the frozen north and the Winnipeg Jets would bring good fortune. It was a tight one. A goalie’s duel. A game of inches.

We were scoar-less forever until Alex Ovechkin fired off Marcus Johansson’s tee-up. Caps beat Jets 1-0. Shut out for Michal Neuvirth!

• The Ovechkam was about as exciting as B-reel from the London season of The Real World. (Is that show even on anymore?) But Alex Ovechkin showed up in the clutch, killing Pavelec’s shut out and winning the game. 
  
• Michal Neuvirth was a sieve in net tonight. Unless sieve means he was bad. In which case, he was NOT a sieve.
• Guys, I don’t know what sieve means. Whatever, 26 saves and a shutout for Little Mikey.
• The Capitals had to kill three penalties in the front half of the game. Two of those calls– a Mathieu Perreault trip and a too many men whistle– were dubious. But with our little Quebecois firebrand shooting his mouth off at the refs, it’s understandable. The PK unit was perfect then and even better on Brooks Laich’s late-game holding penalty.
• The Caps were behind in shots 14-5 in the first period. I’m not sure if it was the Caps who turned up the heat or the Jets who cooled off, but those numbers settled down with the Caps ahead 28-26.
• Jeff Halpern, the Rock, won 9 of 12 faceoffs.
• Alex Semin played some exciting hockey and did not commit “Slasha”, but he did demonstrate one of the laziest forechecks in recent history. Chasing a loose puck behind the Peg’s goal line, Semin knew a hit was coming and sluggishly waltzed into it, absorbed it, and left the ice. Sasha don’t care.

Joe B suit of the night

This one is all Mikey. If goalie performance has been plaguing the Capitals season so far, it was their savior tonight. We’ll see Neuvirth again on Saturday.

Meanwhile, Mike Knuble continues serving his time on the 4th line. He pulled just 12:29 TOI, committed a penalty, and failed to shoot on a huge shorthanded chance. Nonetheless, Kanoobs is a guy we want to see more of.  Let’s get him back on the top line, right? Who’s with me???

We’re gonna see our ex on Saturday night: Semyon Varlamov. Aaaaawkward. Poor baby Varlamonster has an .898 Sv% (38th in the league) and 3.05 GAA (36th). Let’s see what we can do about that.

“Vote Knuble 2012″ by Ian Oland. Feel free to steal it and re-post it.

Alex Ovechkin stands next to 12-year-old cancer survivor Anthony Holley during the national anthem. (Photo credit: Ned Dishman)

Cancer affects millions of people every year and is truly an awful disease. So on Saturday night, while the boys in red battled the Detroit Red Wings, the Caps held Hockey Fights Cancer Night, joining in a league-wide program to raise money for cancer research and treatment. During warm-ups, the team wore special jerseys with Hockey Fights Cancer patches and lavender outlining around the names and numbers, representing the official color of the initiative. The sweaters, which were signed by their respective player, were then auctioned off to fans at the community relations booth.

Alex Ovechkin and Nick Lidstrom, playing in his 1,500th NHL game, participate in the ceremonial face-off with Anthony (Photo credit: Ned Dishman)

In addition to raising some cash, 12-year-old cancer survivor Anthony Holley was honored during the ceremonial puck drop before the game. Admittedly nervous, Anthony appeared on CSN Washington before being asked to throw it back up to the booth. He did — only to “George and Craig.” Well, close enough. Speaking of the broadcast team, Joe B. and Locker both wore special Hockey Fights Cancer ties, along with radio voice John Walton and Caps bench boss Bruce Boudreau. Mike Green (through Green’s Gang) and Alex Ovechkin (though Ovi’s Crazy 8′s) also donated tickets to cancer patients and their families.

“It’s obviously for a great cause,” Boudreau said after the game. “My dad died of cancer and it’s the only thing I can do to support this cause. … It’s something that [for] the hockey family in general, it’s near and dear to everybody’s heart.”

As for the jersey auction, it a was a big hit. The booth was crowded with fans wanting to make bids — or at least gawking at what some others were able to drop (Ovechkin’s was nearing $2,000 with plenty of time to spare). The money will go to the D.C. chapter of Flashes of Hope.

One of the purchasers was Fred Candelaria — long-time Caps fan, ringer of cowbells, and RMNB reader — who now adds a signed John Carlson dud to his collection.

“I’ve always been a fan of the blue-line,” Mr. Candelaria told me. “Carlson: American born player; got to love that. Number two: it’s really for a good cause. A very good friend of mine was diagnosed and successfully was cured — at least in remission. I’m very much a supporter of Hockey Fights Cancer.”

Another jersey winner was Ann Collins. A big Matty P. fan (quite a night for him on Saturday), she just had to get his jersey. There were tense moments toward the end as she was afraid someone might swoop in and bid far more, but ultimately Ms. Collins was victorious.

“It was a wonderful donation,” Ms. Collins said. “It supports the Caps and it support cancer research so I’m happy to do it — and I love Matty Perreault!”

Since the bidding was pretty frantic at the end, the Caps weren’t really sure exactly how much they raised (well, it was “a lot”). We do know, however, that you would be hard pressed to find a better cause for the money to go to.

UPDATE, 10/25: According to the Caps, the team raised $28,225 with the jersey auction. Ovechkin’s jersey fetched the most, netting $2,025.

Photos

Alex Ovechkin sporting the special jersey…. (All photos by Chris Gordon; click to enlarge.)

Which was later signed by the Great Eight!

A man places a bid for Marcus Johansson’s sweater.

Ms. Collins reacts after winning the auction for Perreault’s jersey.