This t-shirt can be bought here. (Illustration by Rachel Cohen)

Wednesday night was supposed to be the Pittsburgh Penguins’ first visit to Verizon Center this season. Because of the NHL lockout, we won’t get to see Matt Cooke trolling or Sidney Crosby caterwauling plaintively at the refs. We’ll just have to settle for candy instead.

Hating Pittsburgh sports is coded into my DNA. I’m physically sick over this. Gary Bettman is depriving me of my regular Sidney Crosby hate, and now I am indescribably sad.

To cheer myself up, I have compiled these GIFs from the Alex Ovechkin “Sorry, Penguin” commercial. And now I share them with you. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll wave $15 goodbye.

GIFs created by bohvechkin.

Now please leave us some naughty but PG-rated comments about the Penguins below. With your words of hatred, we can all get through this together.

A time machine.

Doug Johnson of Puck Buddys writes for Russian Machine. Tweet at them anon.

We had too much to dream last night. Blame the cough syrup. Either that or this stuff really did happen. We’ve got dazed and confused recollections of hotwiring a hockey time machine, tripping back to the past and then ahead to the future.  We saw Gordie Howe play (when men were men), Steve Yzerman (when he was hot), and the Great One (when mullets were cool).  We took in a few Penguins games of yore (when a young Sidney Crosby taught us all how to laugh) and even dialed it back further to when Bruce Boudreau was slim …mer. Go Fort Wayne Komets!

Before dropping the contraption back off back at RMNBHQ (with a full tank), we bounced ahead to Friday morning to see how tomorrow’s game against the Pens turned out.  So this is in effect a pre-review, we promise only a few spoilers. If Thursday’s game doesn’t go as we witnessed it, that’s because Chris has been screwing with the space-time continuum-thingie again. Ugh, kids.

Friday morning, 8am. Despite the drizzle, we’re feeling happy. Another Caps win, another game with too much drama, but hey, a win’s a win. Right from the get-go, Coach Douche-hat, AKA Dan Bylsma, pushed his squad hard– getting over their tarring by the Edminton Oilers the other night and sustaining the intensity of their 4-2 win over the Panthers. They were a little full of themselves after beating down the Cats without their star players of Malkin and Crosby. Bylsma is reaching deep to get a robust squad on the ice– Sidney is still sporting his “Please Don’t Hit Me” pin (pissing off Jeremy Roenick), and Geno remained sidelined with “soreness,” whatever that is. What is it exactly with Eastern Europeans and their sensitive groins? Nevermind. We thought we shipped our groin problems to the Avs. Regardless, the Pens fire well even when without their top-shelf talent.

Kris Letang

There were a number of standouts, though.  Among them were 6-foot-nothing defenseman Kris Letang, too hot for hockey by half, and clearly hot on the ice of late. The Montreal native was young enough (25) and skilled enough to challenge our boys. “Lefang” has also spent his entire NHL career as a Penguin… which sorta explains our abject dislike for him. Also on defense were chief Pens Pests, Brooks Orpik and Matt Niskanen. Orpik continues to be irritating, and Niskanen was every bit deserving of the few attending Caps fans chanting, “F— you, Matt.” [Ed. Note: Get well soon, Geno. But F-- you still.]

Tyler Kennedy

On offense (as if everything about this team isn’t already offensive) we zeroed in on three players: Chris Kunitz (21 points in Scrabble), James Neal, and Tyler Kennedy.  None are really considered major stand-outs, but all have proven up to the task of filling in while the top-dollar skaters are recuperating.  If we have one message from the future, it would be this: watch out for Kunitz, Neal, and Kennedy.  Which sounds like the ambulance-chasing law firm that Bill Shatner pimps during “Judge Judy.”

Jordan Staal

Which brings us to some Pens we like the least: Jordan Staal and Matt Cooke. Staal is just one of the many bunnies produced at Canada’s fertile Staal Farms, but somehow the most annoying of the bunch. He proved as dangerous to the Caps as litter-mate Eric proved a few nights back. Or was it Eric last night and Jordan earlier? Who can tell – they all look the same: twitchy, blonde, and pink, beady rabbit eyes. 23 and sporting the “A”, the 220-lbs Staal showed his worth against the Flames, the Panthers, and again against the Caps. Whatever type of Bunny Chow they’re feeding them up in Thunder Bay, we want in on that trough.

Beyond Staal is Irritant #1: Matt Cooke. If Iran wanted to hire a hitman to ice that Saudi diplo dude, why not contract with Matt Cooke? The Pens felon has so far evaded Shanahan’s wrath this season, so giving him a kill team gig makes complete sense. On any given night, Cooke makes Slasha Sasha look like a demure choirboy. On Thursday, Matt dished out low blows and high hits like Don Cherry serves up incoherent ramblings. Unfortunately, Cookie the Anger Penguin also dishes out the puck to the twine, leading to drama.

In the end, our boys rose to the Penguin challenge and Thursday night looked like playoff hockey (not typical Caps playoff, you know; the good kind. The kind that makes us happy, not catatonic). The bigger problem is what happens when Crosby and Malkin return, quite possibly in time for the next match up at the Booth on December 1. But the future is the future, the past is slightly messed up, and we’ve got other fish thugs to fry before then– like the Flyers, just one week away.

Is it October yet? Holy crap, yes it is. And like Dippin’ Dots, we swearing off cough syrup forever.

Photos by Chris Gordon

The Capitals’ trade of right wing Eric Fehr — who had a cap hit of $2.2 million — to Winnipeg may have been nothing more than a salary dump, but the team still got something in exchange for the Manitoba native, picking up prospect Danick Paquette along with a fourth-round pick in 2012.

Paquette, 20, won’t suit up for the Caps in the near future, but just days after joining the organization he is already pointing out his similarities to a former member of the team — and not a well liked one either.

“I’m a pretty dirty player so I did my job — like Matt Cooke,” Paquette told reporters when asked about a questionable hit he dished out in the first period of Thursday’s scrimmage.

In addition to the play — which Paquette himself admitted was a blindside hit — the Montreal native also registered a goal in a winning effort for Group A while getting into a fight with free agent invitee Scott Wietecha.

“If Colie Campbell was watching it might’ve been a little bit of a dirty hit in the first period, but that’s what he’s got to be is one of those guys that everybody loves to hate,” Washington’s head coach Bruce Boudreau said. “And he scores a goal, hits a guy with what was a clean hit in the third period and ends up getting into a fight. He did everything what you expect him to do.”

Photos and video of Thursday’s fight (Paquette in white)

Update: Nick Kypreos of Rogers Sportsnet reports that Matt Cooke has been suspended by the NHL for the rest of regular season and the first round of the Stanley Cup playoffs.

During Sunday’s Penguins vs. Rangers game, Matt Cooke was up to his old tricks. The 32 year-old former Capital delivered an elbow to the head of a defenseless Ryan McDonagh. The Ranger player went down like a sack of potatoes but fortunately was uninjured. Cooke received a five minute major for elbowing on the play and a game misconduct. As Daniel Tolensky points out, Cooke has played in 881 NHL games yet has only been suspended a total of ten matches in his career. The League obviously deserves some of the blame for allowing Cooke’s dirty play to continue without significant consequences for his actions.

A month ago, Pens owner Mario Lemieux criticized the NHL for being too soft on the Islanders’ players that participated in the mega-brawl between New York and Pittsburgh. Just a week ago, Sidney Crosby said the NHL needed to fight deliberate head-shots. But now their own player, Matt Cooke, is once again under Colin Campbell’s review. Below, we’ve chronicled Cookie’s dirty deeds throughout the years.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: Four-game suspension
Penalties called on the ice: Five minute major for charging, five minute major for fighting

Two days after getting national attention for his dirty knee-on-knee collision with Alex Ovechkin, Cooke boarded Fedor Tyutin head-first. Cooke received a five minute major for charging and a five minute major for fighting after being engaged by Derick Brassard.

From the Columbus Dispatch after the game:

“It was the worst hit I’ve ever had from behind,” said Tyutin, who had an ice pack on his shoulder. “I wasn’t surprised, not when you see (Cooke) in the highlights all the time for dirty hits.”

Penguins coach Dan Bylsma said that Tyutin looked Cooke “right in the eyes” and knew the hit was coming.

Sure, Dan.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: Two-minute minor for tripping

With 3:45 left in the third period of a 2-0 game, Matt Cooke hit Alex Ovechkin hard knee-on-knee. Cooke was accessed a minor penalty on the play and angrily confronted by Ovi. Luckily for the Capitals, the Russian Machine never breaks and he didn’t miss a game due to injury.

The Washington Post had reaction from both locker-rooms after the game:

Ovechkin played another shift before the contest expired and appeared fine afterward, but Coach Bruce Boudreau didn’t mince words when asked about the hit in his post-game press conference.

“It was Matt Cooke. Need we say more? It’s not like it’s his first rodeo,” Boudreau said. “He’s done it to everybody and then he goes to the ref and says: ‘What did I do?’ He knows damn well what he did. There’s no doubt in my mind that he’s good at it and he knows how to do it. He knows how to pick this stuff. We as a league, we still buy into this [idea] that, ‘Oh it was an accidental thing.’”

…

Both Cooke and Coach Dan Bylsma downplayed the contact.

“I just tracked the puck and he tried to cut back on me,” Cooke said. “We clipped skates.”

Said Bylsma: “I didn’t think much contact was made. Maybe their skates get wound up together. But, you know, Ovechkin was out on the ensuing power play.”

Someone seems like an enabler here.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: Two minutes for roughing, 10 minute misconduct

In this incident, Cooke does a few gutless things. First, he cross-checks Jordan Leopold from behind after Leopold takes down one of his teammates. Next, after Steve Montador engages him, Cooke lands an overhand right punch to an unsuspecting Montador after the linesmen separate the two.

Classy.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: None

As both players go for a puck along the boards, Cooke raises his elbow and strikes an unaware Kane in the jaw. No penalty would be called on the play, however later in the period, Cooke would be whistled for kneeing. Go figure.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: Two-minute minor for roughing

As both Phoenix defenseman Keith Yandle and Cooke go for a puck in the corner, Cooke delivers an elbow to the back of Yandle’s head. It certainly appears that the Phoenix defenseman was woozy afterwards. The announcer describes Cooke as “[getting] the arms up a little bit.” A little bit?

NESN had reaction in Phoenix’s locker-room after the game:

“It’s just a dirty hit,” Yandle said after the 6-1 Penguins win, according to the McKeesport Daily News. “Dirty player. He’s got no respect. … His only intent was to hurt me with his hands high like that, and I hope [league officials] review it.”

What had the Coyotes fired up — aside from getting demolished on the scoreboard — was that Cooke wouldn’t answer the bell after laying the questionable hit.

“The fact that Matt Cooke comes at Keith Yandle in a 5-0 game and elbows him in the head, obviously we took it as a personal challenge,” captain Shane Doan told the newspaper.

“They’re up 5-0, and he cowers away from all our guys,” Yandle said. “I mean, every guy on our team tried to fight him.”

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette quoted Bylsma as saying:

“We encourage our players not to finish checks on the penalty-kill, so from that standpoint we didn’t like putting ourselves in that situation,” Bylsma said Tuesday after the Penguins practiced at Consol Energy Center.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: Two-minute minor for boarding

After Max Talbot cleanly checks Erik Karlsson into the boards, Cooke follows-up a half second later with a hit of his own. Cooke drives Karlsson’s head into the boards and knocks him out. Cooke would recieve a two-minute minor penalty for boarding.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: Cooke was given three separate minor penalties for goalie interference.

I won’t offer a description on the series of events above because there are no words satisfactory enough for how idiotic Cooke is being.

These hits however, would spark bad blood between the two teams and ignite two separate brawls a year later. The first brawl was on February 2, 2011 and it started after DePietro clotheslined Cooke. Brent Johnson would come to his teammate’s aid and knock DePietro out, injuring him for six weeks. The Islanders then sought immediate retribution during the teams’ rematch nine days later. In the end, 346 penalty minutes were doled out, and several players were later suspended by the league including Eric Godard (ten games), Trevor Gillies (nine games), and Matt Martin (four games). In addition to the suspensions, NHL disciplinarians fined the Islanders $100,000 for “their failure to control their players.”

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: None

This is the play that would change the NHL rulebooks forever. As Marc Savard entered the offensive zone, he took a shot on net and then was greeted by a blindside elbow from Cooke. Savard was left motionless and unconscious on the ice. The Bruins best offensive weapon then missed the rest of the season with a concussion, and has not been the same player since.

Bruins blog captured Claude Julien’s reaction after the game:

“A guy like that has to be suspended,” the Bruins coach said. “That’s the way I see it, because it’s an elbow to the head from the blind side. That’s exactly the examples they show of what we’ve got to get out of this game. We have a guy who’s got a concussion. Our best player. He’s going to be out for a while. He was [unconscious] on the ice for a bit. That’s unacceptable.”

Not suspending Cooke was, in my opinion, a disgrace to the league and the biggest mistake of Colin Campbell’s career. Those e-mails about Savard made the whole thing even harder to swallow, too.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: None

As Andrei Markov looks to cycle the puck behind the net, Cooke delivers a cross-check to Markov’s left side, leaving him writhing in pain on the ice. There was no penalty called on the play.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: Two-game suspension
Penalties called on the ice: Two-minute minor for interference.

This hit, which seems like a carbon-copy of the one he laid Marc Savard out on, resulted in Cooke being suspended for two games.

Larry Brooks of the New York Post wrote this about the hit:

Cooke was somehow accessed only a two-minute minor for interference on the play by the officiating tandem of David Banfield and Stephen Walkom, the latter of whom served as the NHL VP of Officiating the past several seasons before returning to the ice this season.

Donald Brashear sought retribution upon Cooke’s release from the penalty box, but was prevented from doing so by an over-eager linesman. As a result, Brashear was issued a double minor for roughing while Cooke escaped unscathed. The Penguins then scored on both ends of the power play.

Of course they did.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: None

Just a hockey play, right?

Pensburgh had this to say about the incident:

One of the questions Coach Babcock was asked in yesterday’s presser was whether or not he saw Matt Cooke “kick” Chris Osgood. He admitted he wasn’t sure, but also made a face as if to say, “Oh. Matt Cooke. Right, that guy.” With Cooke you never really can tell.

Well, if that’s not blatant homerism, I don’t know what is.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: None

In Game One of the 2009 Eastern Conference Finals, the Hurricanes lost Erik Cole midway through the third period. Why? Well, Matt Cooke caught him knee-on-knee in front of the Pittsburgh net. Cole managed to play only one shift after the hit.

Canes Now had the reaction from both locker-rooms:

Asked if he thought it was a knee-on-knee hit, with the implication that it was an illegal one, a curt [Carolina coach Paul] Maurice said, “Yes, I did. I felt that was, yeah.”

Cole officially has a “lower body” injury, but he clearly hurt his left knee in the collision. Cooke said the contact was accidental.

“He was cutting across the middle,” Cooke said. “I turned sideways to hit him, and he turned the other way. I almost fell over, too.”

Totally.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: Two-minute minor for tripping

After absorbing this knee-on-knee hit from Matt Cooke, Zach Bogosian left the game in the 2nd period and did not return. A Pens fan says in the comments on YouTube that this was a clean hit. His assessment is incorrect.

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: Two-minute minor for roughing

In the above video, Cooke drives Zach Parise into the Devils bench several seconds after Parise dumps the puck into the offensive zone. Yes, he chose to still hit him even though the bench door was open. Hey, at least the Penguins announcers dubbed it the “Subway Sandwich of the Game.”

NHL Supplemental Discipline: None
Penalties called on the ice: None

Here Cooke drives a defenseless Mathieu Roy head-first into the boards after chasing the puck in the corner. The game featured 14 fighting majors, eight misconduct penalties and 193 penalty minutes. Oilers Coach Craig MacTavish had this to say afterwards:

“I didn’t see anything dirty in the game,” said Oilers coach Craig MacTavish, who only took exception to an uncalled hit from behind by Matt Cooke on defenseman Mathieu Roy. “There was no back stabbing, there were eyeball to eyeball altercations and fights, and that’s part of hockey.”

“There are times,” Cole says, “when I think he just doesn’t care if a guy is in a vulnerable position.”

“Matt Cooke has found his niche and [plays] his role very effectively,” says Mike Keane, who played 16 NHL seasons, including one as Cooke’s teammate on the Canucks in 2003-04. “He goes out and hits Ovechkin, hits guys from behind. If he hurts Ovechkin, who cares? The Washington Capitals won’t win the Stanley Cup. He did his job. For Matt Cooke, that’s perfect.”

And that’s the point of our post.

The NHL has to protect their assets on the ice. All they’ve done is constantly enable Cooke’s dangerous behavior over the years. They are the ones responsible for the monster he’s become. At some point you have to hand him a lengthy suspension, otherwise the message won’t get through. And — so far — the league is unwilling to do that.

Until then, let’s all get enraged by how few games Campbell suspends Cooke for his latest hit. And we’ll gladly eat our words if the NHL gets it right.

Additional reporting by Chris Gordon and Fedor Fedin.

Karl Alzner congratulates Michal Neuvirth on his third shutout of the year and second straight blanking of the Penguins. (Photo credit: Gregory Shamus)

Alex Ovechkin celebrates his second period goal, his fifth power play marker of the year. (Photo credit: Christian Petersen)

After besting the Sabres on Sunday, the Capitals took the 178 mile journey down to Pittsburgh to take on a depleted Penguins team. Much was up for the taking Monday night. With a win versus the Pens, the Caps could go finish their pivotal 5-game road trip above .500, move within a point of the Lightning for the Southeast lead and take the season series with Pittsburgh. But despite their injuries, the Penguins remained no slouch. Added with the motivation of playing a Washington team that defeated them on Feb. 6 and in the Winter Classic, the Capitals couldn’t take the Penguins for granted. And they didn’t.

The first period, though scoreless, was certainly energetic. Both teams weren’t afraid to mix it up and play physical as the goalies shut things down. The Caps may have been outshot 18-7 for the frame but they were not without opportunities, including an Alex Ovechkin breakaway chance where the Great Eight was stoned by Marc-Andre Flurey.

The fireworks really began in the second period when Matt Bradley delivered a huge hit on Capitals fan favorite Matt Cooke, receiving a charging penalty in the process. The Pens Jordan Staal proceeded to tackle Bradley to the ice as a scrum formed. Ryan Craig would ask Bradley to answer for the hit when the two dropped the gloves at 11:26 but Craig ended up getting the worst of Bradley’s fists. Shouldn’t Cooke be fighting his own battles? I don’t think I have to answer that one.

While on the power play at 16:38 in the frame, Marcus Johansson fed the puck to a waiting Alex Ovechkin. Ovi then unleashed an unreal, laser beam of a one-timer. BOOM! Caps: 1, Pens: 0

And that would be it. Pittsburgh put 14 shots on Washington netminder Michal Neuvirth in the third period but Neuvy remained as solid as a brick wall. Shutout. World Peace. Something funny here. Caps beat Penguins, 1-0.

• When was the last time the Penguins scored a goal against the Capitals you ask? Early in the second period of the Winter Classic. That’s 157:47 of game time. Michal Neuvirth, whom Dan Bylsma referred to as “shaky” on HBO’s 24/7, has secured the last two shutouts. Disco Dan should probably keep his lips sealed in the future when it comes to masked men.
• Monday’s team win was made possible by brilliant, individual efforts such as Boyd Gordon’s first period tackle, John Carlson’s textbook lift check on Max Talbot’s breakaway and John Erskine’s first period step up on Craig Adams. All around good effort from everyone.
• Did Matt Bradley‘s name trend worldwide on Twitter because hockey fans hate Cooke just that much? Or was it just because of Caps fans love for the paper-thin skinned one? Regardless, Ian is snail-mailing him a one dollar bonus for doing what DJ King is supposed to do: enforce.
• Alex Ovechkin, who has tallies in four out of his last six games, scored the Capitals first game-winning power play goal of the year. Ovi also had eight shots, four blistering hits and two blocked shots. In a post several weeks ago when the Great Eight’s season was looking grim, Neil believed that Ovechkin was suffering from bad luck and that his goal totals would go back to normal. He forecasted that Ovi would total fifteen goals after the All-Star break. He’s now on pace for fourteen. Neil will be predicting Powerball numbers for the rest of the week.

• How tough was tonight’s game? Both teams combined to dole out 64 hits and and it seemed like every whistle lead to a whole lot of head-locks. Nicklas Backstrom even got into the fray by powerfully removing Jordan Staal from a small fracas during the last minute of the game. Mean Lars.
• The Capitals, who were heavily out-chanced by Pittsburgh 22-13, managed only two scoring chances in the third period and were out shot 39 to 24. Would a healthy Penguins team have been able to come back tonight?
• The only thing regarding Alexander Semin that most fans will remember about this game was his first period delay-of-game penalty where he airmailed a clearing attempt into the seventh row. We’re glad no children were harmed in the making of that two minute minor.

The Capitals finished their road trip in style beating two stubborn teams including their arch-rival, picking up six points overall for the journey. It could have been much worse. Washington should build on that fact for the stretch run. It’s going to be tough battle for the Southeast Division crown.

The Caps will have a few days off. I will have a few days off. Yes, the spa does sound lovely. We’ll see you here Friday night.

Additional reporting by Ian Oland and Neil Greenberg.

Photo credit: Greg Fiume

In Sunday’s matinee against their most hated rival, the Washington Capitals had their second straight dominant performance, beating Pittsburgh at home 3-0. Since they lost to the Pens in game seven of the 2008-09 playoffs, the Capitals have won six out of their last seven meetings and have outscored the Pens 29-17 during that same span.

Unfortunately, there were two key incidents that overshadowed talk of the game itself. First, Tim Wallace tried to exact revenge on “Danger” Dave Steckel for his incidental contact with Sidney Crosby in the Winter Classic. And second, perrenial agitator Matt Cooke tried to take out the Great 8 with a knee-on-knee collision late in the third period.

After the game, SovSport’s Pavel Lysenkov spoke with Alex Ovechkin and asked him what he thought about Cooke’s hit, the physical nature of hockey, and Evgeni Malkin’s season-ending injury. Below the jump, RMNB’s Igor Kleyner has the translation.

Pavel Lysenkov – What do you think about the incident at the end of the game, where Matt Cooke hit you knee-on-knee?

Alex Ovechkin – It was just a collision, and part of the game. There’s nothing to worry about.

PL – Was it payback by Pittsburgh for Crosby’s injury?

AO – Oh, come on. Payback to whom? For what? ::in a dismissing tone::

PL – Did you see Malkin’s injury?

AO – I did not see the replay. It’s very disappointing that the season is lost for him. I don’t know when he can recover. It’s a very serious injury.

PL – Will he be able to return to the level where he was scoring 100 points in a season?

AO – I have no doubt about it. Zhenya knows how to recuperate after injuries, how to return to form. What? Has he become a lesser player now?

PL – But Bure’s career ended because of similar injuries.

AO – I don’t think it’s that serious.

PL – Do you want to say anything through the newspaper to your Sbornaya (national team) comrade?

AO – What can I say? “Hang on, Malych. Such is life. Get better.”

PL – Should the NHL switch to the bigger ice surface to avoid such an avalanche of injuries?

AO – I disagree. That would lead to a less spectacular game. Yes, there are a lot of injuries, but that’s because it’s a man’s game. Everybody is fighting to make the playoffs. What’s the alternative, skate around empty ice, like ballerinas?

PL – So, injuries are the price for entertainment?

AO – I do not want the NHL game to become less physical. Then we may as well go play in China. Have a normal tournament there, everybody will stay healthy. Or you can make a career playing in a beer league.

Everybody takes risks here in every game. If Cooke was more precise, he would have shattered my knee. In hockey, you are not guaranteed anything.

PL – Did you see the KHL All Star game?

AO – No, I didn’t see it.

PL – Avangard’s defenseman Denis Kulyash had a harder slapshot than Zdeno Chara. What do you think?

AO – Boston should immediately sign Kulyash to a contract. And let Chara go to Omsk.

PL – Washington’s Evgeny Kuznetsov won the breakaway competition.

AO – Awesome! Soon there will be two showmen playing for the Capitals!

Additional reporting by Ian Oland.

Matt Cooke and Alex Ovechkin in happier times. (Photo credit: Mitchell Layton)

Once again the Super Bowl Sunday rendezvous between the  Washington Capitals and Pittsburgh Penguins was a rousing success. Through three periods of hockey, the Caps laid siege to the Penguins’ net and their depleted forces.

Mathieu Perreault won a battle below the goal line to feed Brooks Laich, who was waiting eagerly in Fleury’s paint. His greasy backhander put the Caps up 1-0. On the penalty kill in the second, Marcus Johansson scored perhaps his prettiest goal yet, a no-look backhander. 2-0. Desperate in the third, the Penguins’ offense relented and allowed Mike Knuble the empty netter. Shutouts don’t feel so bad from the other side. Caps beat Pens 3-0.

• The Capitals offense was persistent and aggressive, tallying 18 scoring chances to Pittsburgh’s seven and denying them any chances in the first period. You can chalk that up to a sturdy defensive unit for the home team, anchored by…
• Mike Green, who pulled the unorthodox block-it-with-your-ear maneuver at the end of the first period.  Green did not return to the ice, but Boudreau didn’t sound too concerned at the post-game. “It’s just day-to-day,” Boudreau said. “He’s got a little bit of a headache. I mean if you get hit in the head with the puck, you’re going to have a headache. We’ll re-evaluate and see how he is tomorrow.”
• Michal Neuvirth distinguished himself after a lengthy absence from the Washington net. His shutout was assisted competently by the aforementioned D, but his biggest boon might have been the Penguins’ anemic offense, who showed precious little threat without Evgeni Malkin (knee) and Sidney Crosby (Dave Steckel) among them.
• Speaking of “Danger” Dave Steckel; his rampage through the NHL continues. After leveling an monstrous one hit(s) in regulation and screening Fleury on the short-handed goal, the ever-bellicose Steckel picked a fight with the unassuming Tim Wallace. When will Dirty Dave’s reign of terror end?

• Everyone’s favorite heel, Matt Cooke, did a great impersonation of himself, kneeing Alex Ovechkin with four minutes remaining. Despite a resemblance to the incident with Tim Gleason that led to Ovechkin’s suspension last year, Cooke received only a humble, two-minute sentence, and that likely won’t be revisited by the league. On the hit, coach Bruce Boudreau commented, “It’s Matt Cooke. Need we say more? It’s not like it’s his first rodeo. He’s done it to everybody. Then he goes to the ref and says, ‘what did I do?’ He knows damn well what he did.” Yep. Cookie is the best there is at what he does, but what he does isn’t very nice.
• Holy what: John Erskine was on ice for 8 of the Caps 11 even-strength chances. Now, THAT’s the Caps-ocalypse.
• Mike Knuble was denied a goal early in the second after Matt Hendricks interfered with (read: was pushed into) Marc-Andre Fleury. His nine-game streak of goals against Pittsburgh was in danger until Fleury left the net in the game’s closing minute. That wasn’t an empty-netter, that was justice.

Quotes of the Game:

“They don’t like us. We don’t like them. That’s the way it should be.” – Bruce Boudreau

“I don’t get it…why are they allowed to punch each other with three referees right there?” – Peter’s mom

“It’s the kind of hockey I like to play. It’s fun hockey. It’s emotional hockey. It’s physical.” – Matt freakin’ Bradley

Too many good things happened in this game to list. Brooks Laich led the offense as we knew he would, Jay Beagle (0 even-strength scoring chances against ) and Mathieu Perreault were rabid terriers in the offensive zone, and Karl Alzner countered nearly every attack foisted upon him. The entire team was at or near their best, and when playing against a Pittsburgh team without its two stars, the outcome was never in doubt.

Two Super Bowl Sunday games in two years, both rowdy wins for the good guys. The Caps have again broken that two-goal ceiling that has been looming over them lately, and now they stand poised to play their very best hockey in the toughest month of their schedule. They’re a more cohesive team right now than we’ve seen all season, and that speaks to Boudreau’s leadership and a sense of cooperation on the team. “It is buying in,” Karl Alzner said of the shift in tone. “It is every single guy on the ice doing the same thing.”

Or you could say it like Mike Green: “We are starting to get our mojo back.”

Net crashed. Go Packers.

Additional reporting by Neil Greenberg. Interview coverage by Chris Gordon.

We swear the puck went in.

We really want to talk to the person who gave their tickets to these guys. (Photo credit: Greg Fiume)

There was certainly a special buzz in the air today. With most schools shutdown and most work-places deserted for the upcoming Christmas holiday, Caps fans traveled in droves to Kettler Capitals Iceplex to cheer on their hometown team during their pre-game skate. Why? Because the Pittsburgh Penguins were in town.

The energy the Caps felt in the morning certainly translated to the game as one minute in, Alex Ovechkin laid out frenemy, Evgeny Malkin, with one of his biggest hits of the season. The crowd went wild. The Penguins lost their composure. And seconds later, as Evgeny Malkin looked for retribution, he took a two minute interference call. The Capitals get a powerplay!

Unfortunately for our heroes, there was too much standing around, and there wasn’t enough crashing of the net in their ensuing man advantage. The Penguins savvily killed off the powerplay and seized back momentum immediately on a beautiful deflection goal by Sidney Crosby at 3:21.

Thirty-one game minutes later, the Capitals tied it up at the tail end of a 5-on-3 powerplay. Mike Green, who had pinched-in to the top of the face-off circle, riffled a slapshot to the top corner of the net. The game stayed tied 1-1, until the beginning of the third, when Sidney Crosby challenged three Capitals players, flicked the puck towards the net, and found Chris Kunitz who backhanded a shot home.

Things looked dicey until team leader Mike Knuble converted on a crazy 2-on-1 goal while the Caps were shorthanded. The two teams then went to Overtime. Despite what looked to be another goal by Mike Green, the extra five minutes of 4-on-4 hockey could not decide a victor. After an exciting shootout, Pascal Dupuis scored at the bottom of the 7th round. Pens beat Caps 3-2 (SO).

One point is better than none.

• Mike Green was the hero tonight. He resembled a prized heavyweight fighter. Despite playing injured and absorbing big hit after big hit during the game, Greener gave absolutely everything he had and never faltered. He finished the night with a goal, six shots, eight hits, and 5 blocked shots in a staggering 34:03 of ice time. When Tom Poti took a friendly-fire high stick in the first period, the Caps were forced to go with five defenseman for the rest of the game. Green anchored the defense and his steady play was what kept the Capitals afloat.
• Mike Green Double Bullet! When Mike Green was asked if he thought his shot crossed the goal-line in Overtime, he told Katie Carrera, “100%. I’m not going to sleep tonight.” It’s pretty clear that Marc-André Fleury, took the puck over with his gloved hand. But when you don’t have a camera literally under the ice to show this, there’s nothing the referees can do. Just a bummer.
• Speaking of Marc-André Fleury, he was spectacular tonight, stopping 32 of 34 shots. His glove hand was unbeatable, and minus his unneeded flashiness with the simplest of saves, I can almost respect him as a player. He was your game’s number one star.
• Matt Cooke sure has been entertaining on 24/7. Tonight, he continued to be charming by accidentally rifling a clearing attempt during a Caps power-play 185 feet, and into the netting behind Michal Neuvirth. I have never seen this live in a game in my life, and I’ll be honest, I laughed. Hard. Cooke’s boneheaded mistake led to the Capitals first goal. Thanks, dude.
• Alex Ovechkin hit everything that moved and played with a fiery passion. He ended the game with five shots and five hits. Eventually, the goals will come with superior efforts like this.
• Michal Neuvirth was also superb tonight. He stopped Evgeny Malkin – by guessing backhand – on a penalty shot and had 25 saves.
• Look, sometimes I don’t understand Bruce Boudreau. Last year, when the team won, he wouldn’t touch his lines. This year, his lines seem to change every other period no matter how the team is playing. I was hoping tonight to see the 25-90-63 line stay together as they put up two of the Capitals five goals Tuesday night. Instead, Eric Fehr replaced Gordo on the right, and the third and fourth lines were unbearably unproductive.
• We noticed that someone tweeted that this was Scott Hannan‘s best game as a Cap. However, he was on ice for seven chances for, six against, including two more chances against during the PK. We don’t see it.
• Finally, the Penguins, whose dramatic playoff victories over the Capitals during my adolescence have scarred me for life, always seem to find a way to win – even if the Capitals outplay them. Tonight was another glaring example of this. The Capitals out-chanced the Penguins 48 to 32, outshot them 34 to 27, and generally outplayed them in every period except for a few minutes in the third. No matter if it’s a flittering Petr Nedved shot that somehow finds the back of the net in the fourth overtime, a frustrating Johan Hedberg save, or a 6-2 drubbing in a Game 7, that team and their [insert bad word here] fans annoy me. Sure, the Caps have not lost to the Penguins in regulation for nine straight games. But those kind of stats ignore the brutal history of the rivalry. I want to beat these [insert bad word here] every time we play them. And tonight, with the HBO cameras rolling, we must endure another what-could-have-been moment and then relive it epically produced next Wednesday. Dang it!

Joe B.'s suit of the night, featuring Locker clutching a bottle of wine and wearing his Winter Classic toque

BBBB summed it up best at the end of the night: “It was two really good teams going at it, and we lost at a skills competition.” Ugh. But we should consider ourselves lucky. We got to witness our sport at its best. 65 minutes of awesome, smash-mouth hockey. As Sidney Crosby said, “both teams make each other better.” And it’s hard to argue with that. Tonight, felt like a playoff game. It felt like two teams that really don’t like each other, who would do anything and everything to win. Players were getting high-sticked almost every shift. Guys were diving on the ice to block shots. Players were giving max effort at every moment. It was fun to watch.

This game should be the perfect prelude for the Winter Classic now only 8 days away. With games Sunday at Carolina and Tuesday at home against the Habs, the Capitals have two more tune-ups before one of the most exciting and hyped games in it’s franchise 46 year history. We cannot wait.

Additional reporting by Neil Greenberg

It might have taken a long 34 days, but Matt Cooke has finally paid an exacting price for his gutless hit on Marc Savard. For those who wanted real retribution, tonight you got it in the form of two right crosses from Atlanta’s Evander “Holyfield” Kane that knocked Cooke the fudge out. CLICK CLICK BOOM.

Even though lead NHL Disciplinarian Colin Campbell may not be adequately policing the sport, do know that the Hockey Gods are always willing and able to lend a hand when needed.