Photo via @raedanda

If you’re looking for a symbol that articulates the Washington Capitals 2012-13 season, look no further than Mike Green‘s hair on breakdown day. Green, looking as if he just rolled out of bed, sported a massive mohawk, every hair follicle seemingly unsure which direction it wanted to point towards. The mohawk then flowed tidily into a well-kempt beard.

While the Caps came up short, Green deserves all literal and figurative hair awards ever invented. From his lockout-beard to whatever this thing is, he is the unanimous Hair MVP of hockey.

Lockout beard (Photo credit: whatsupyasieve.com)

Photo was touched up to remove the NHL executive handshake-passing the ref a 100-dollar bill. (Photo credit: Greg Fiume)

With their 5-0 loss to the New York Rangers in game seven, the Washington Capitals have been ungently booted from the postseason again. A period of healing and reconciliation now begins (also probably some suntans), but first we need to take a look at the sadness. The infinite, infinite sadness.

Let’s just take it all in, mope around for the next day or two like red-rocking Eeyores, and wallow in the wah wah wah (that’s what a sad trombone sounds like). It’s not fun; no, but we need to give the grieving process time to do its thing.

A rare moment in which Ribeiro stank both literally and figuratively? (Photo credit: Greg Fiume)

Clockwise, starting from Ovi: Stunned, annoyed, yawning, guffawing, free agent-y, and totally over this crap. (Photo credit: USA Today)

Oh great, next time you wanna be super-depressed, you don’t have to watch Requiem For a Dream. You can just pop open this GIF and save yourself two hours. (GIF by SBNation.com)

“Boredom is the root of all evil, the despairing refusal to be oneself”. – Kierkegaard (Photo credit: @dcsportsbog)

Sad dad. Sad dad. Sad dad. (Photo credit: @recordsANDradio)

Oh criminy, now we are zooming in on sad dad? Have you no decency, cameraman? (Photo credit: @dcsportsbog)

“I know it was you, Henrik. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!” (Photo credit: Patrick McDermott)

“Well son, since you haven’t learned to respect your elders, it’s time you learn to respect your betters.” (Photo credit: Alex Brandon)

This handshake nearly caused a goals-versus-threshold singularity that would have swallowed Marc-Andre Fleury whole. (Photo credit: Patrick McDermott)

The Building of America’s Hockey Capital is running a bit late and over-budget. (Photo credit: Alex Brandon)

ARE YOU KIDDING. DUDE, THIS IS THE SADDEST THING EVER. CANNOT EVEN CAPTION THIS. WOW. WOW. (Photo credit: Alex Brandon)

Someone in the press corps just told Oates that Sun-In Hair Lightener is no longer in fashion. And that punk is dead. (Photo credit: Nick Wass)

How this guy got no points in seven games is a puzzle for the ages. (Screengrab via Monumental Network)

Karl Alzner forced to stand by silently while his beard conducts a lengthy interview. (Screengrab via Monumental Network)

Green looks like a tougher and only slightly sadder version of the singer from Brand New. Who sucks by the way. (Screengrab via Monumental Network)

Mama Backstrom is disappointed in her son’s play, sure. But his facial hair is an outright disgrace to the family name. (Screengrab via Monumental Network)

No snarky caption. This guy is boss. Plus: hands-down best neckbeard on the team. (Screengrab via Monumental Network)

The sadness will pass soon. Try to put a smile on your face. And keep your head up. <3 RMNB.

In game six on Sunday night, the Capitals did not receive a single power play despite a few egregious fouls by the New York Rangers. One of the worst missed calls came in the first period, when Mathieu Perreault was decked into the boards by Michael Del Zotto.

But there was also the time Rangers forward Ryan Callahan elbowed Jack Hillen, and then Hillen got whistled off for roughing.

Then, when Rangers forward Derek Dorsett might’ve slew-footed Mike Green. Green got a call for cross-checking.

The Caps got nicked for ticky-tac plays all night, including a cross-checking minor to Joel Ward late in the third period after he crashed the net. The Capitals been called for 31 penalties in the series; the Rangers have been sent to the box just 19 times. The penalty parade is more lopsided at Madison Square Garden, with the Capitals penalized 17 times. The Rangers have just 7.

After the game, Alan May shared his displeasure.

1st Star today for Rangers #25 referee Marc Joannette, even worse today than he was at MSG Wednesday. Should be ashamed, very bad

— Alan May (@MayHockeyCSN) May 12, 2013

Then May took the officiating to task on CSN’s Caps Postgame Central.

We’ve seen this three times at Madison Square Garden in the last week. The same referee Marc Joannette on Wednesday night — the same guy — today turned his back and looked away when Mathieu Perreault was hit five seconds after a puck, rammed from behind headfirst into the glass, not a call! The Capitals couldn’t get a call all game long, they set them back. They were very tired at the end of the first period, they had to kill of the 5-on-3 again. The only one that’s a clear cut penalty is the puck over the glass. But the Joel Ward penalty in the third period was absolutely disgusting and embarrassing that it was called. And I really can’t believe that guy was assigned this game again!

While the Capitals were apparently frustrated by the calls, they tried to downplay it in postgame interviews.

“Tonight shouldn’t have been so lopsided,” Braden Holtby said, according to Steve Whyno. “It shouldn’t have. We all know that. … We won’t use it as an excuse.”

Alex Ovechkin also expressed his displeasure, saying “it’s nothing we can control.”

The Capitals have a discipline problem, sure, but the officiating needs to improve or else game seven will be a total mess. Let the officials know what’s up on Monday.

Additional reporting by Chris Gordon.

Photo credit: Kathy Willens

The Capitals lost to the New York Rangers 4-3 on Monday, but let’s not let the sadness get the best of us. There were some good moments in the game, most notably Mike Green‘s exemplary play throughout. In 24:32 of ice time, Green had two shots, blocked two others, led his team in possession, and scored his second goal of the playoffs. And it was a beauty.

GIF by official-nhl

In the second period, Green beat Henrik Lundqvist high glove side, which, for those of you who have suffered through these two teams playoff series over the last five years, is where the Caps have scored 98.972% of their goals against The King. Beautiful shots like this remind me of 2009, when Cool Mike was hitting the top shelf on the regular using his now discontinued Bauer Stealth stick.

This is the first time in a long time Green has been healthy in the playoffs, and he’s balling. Please, oh please, let it continue.

Photo credit: @Buccigross

Photo credit: Bruce Bennett

Game three of the quarterfinal series between the Washington Capitals and New York Rangers was an opportunity for a statement. The Capitals could have played just as they had last week and put NYR in a headlock. That didn’t happen. Instead, the Capitals got drawn into a quagmire on rocky ice– a penalty-punctuated, back-and-forth battle that they could not win despite dominating the even-strength game.

Rangers beat Capitals 4-3. Capitals still lead the series 2-1.

• The Caps got off to a rollicking start, killing off Alex Ovechkin’s penalty for gregarious hockey-hugging and then scoring the game’s first goal when Nicky Backstrom deflected John Carlson‘s shot past Henrik Lundqvist. MSG went silent, but it did not last.
• Joel Ward high-sticked Derick Brassard– wait, seriously? Again? Ugh this was like the worst part of last year except for the entirety of Dale Hunter’s coaching decisions. Brian Boyle scored a gorgeous goal as the man-advantage expired– beating both Mike Green and Braden Holtby near-side.
• And then came the too many men whistle, which was completely appropriate, but applied to the wrong team. (Pic by hockeyshopped)
  
  So that’s a travesty right there. Some folks said that possession is necessary for an excessive manliness whistle, but these folks are incorrect. Any of those Rangers players more than five feet from the bench (n=7) could and should have been assessed for the call.
• The penalties kept coming in the second period, as it took the Rangers just 7 seconds to convert Braden Holtby‘s trip of Nash into a lead.
• The Madison Square Garden ice is not known for its pristinity (checked: actual word) in early May. While there was some fancy finesse play in each period’s opening minutes, the back half devolved into chippy junk. That was bad for the Capitals’ game, particularly since the Rags’ wrangled up a lot of power plays in the first half of the middle frame.
• Mike Green filled in the one-goal hole late in the second with a really pretty wrister to the top shelf, where mama hides the double stuff Oreos. I’m just gonna keep on harping on the “healthy Mike Green is scary Mike Green” thing until the lamestream media (fake snark) picks up on it.
• The Caps defense rolled out the red carpet to Aaron Asham, who caught a pass from below the goal line to re-establish the Rangers lead early in the third. Yucky D too much tonight.
• Jack Hillen, whom we all love so hard, sent a flubbery wrister off the faceoff that ballooned past Lundqvist (after a Jay Beagle tip– I called it!) like so many Gummy Bears cartoons. Do you remember when cartoons were about a food product that was literally all sugar? Ahh, childhood.
• John Carlson and the top line were not able to clear the zone during a sustained Rangers possession, giving Derek Stepan the opportunity to put the Rangers up a goal with six and a half minutes left. That lead stuck.
• Alex Ovechkin drew a high stick with two minutes left in regulation. The resulting power play was a little too hesitant considering the state of the ice. Crash the net, y’all.

Joe B suit of the night

That’s okay. A Caps-Rangers series isn’t supposed to be a walk in the park. They’re supposed to be torrid, evenly matched, heart-rending affairs, and this was one of those.

If any lesson can be taken from this, it’s that Madison Square Garden ice sucks, and the Caps must simplify to succeed there. That means less passing and more shooting– hoping against hope to get the puck elevated and towards Lundqvist, who frankly enjoys an unfair advantage on home ice.

I’m not filled with negativity or disappointment after this one. It’s hard to be bitter when Eric Fehr played like such a stud. I don’t think bad whistles were the sole culprit, and I do think the Caps deserved most of those calls. If they play the same game over again with a bit more discipline, they’ll get the win.

The Caps will be coming back to Verizon Center this weekend. The only question is whether they’ll be bringing a win home with them. I think so.

Let the boys play. Hahaha RT @mfiller90: @russianmachine twitter.com/MFiller90/stat…

— RMNB (@russianmachine) May 7, 2013

[Editor's Note: Instead of rocking the red at Verizon Center for game two on Saturday, five-year Caps season ticket holder Ilan was at his brother Eyal's graduation at Indiana University. Enjoy.]

I am a long-time hockey fan, long-time Caps fan, and season-ticket holder. My brother and I grew up playing hockey and sweating the Caps hardcore. When I was in high school, we converted our basement into an indoor rink, and while pretending we were Olaf Kolzig, Craig Berube, and Peter Bondra, we wreaked havoc to the tune of drywall crumbling and light bulbs bursting. It was awesome.

Now for the not-so-awesome: I had to miss game two. My brother actually managed to graduate college this year, and his graduation ceremony was scheduled for that Saturday in Bloomington, Indiana. I thought about skipping his graduation but I am not a douche. Instead we tried to convince our mom to let us skip the festivities of the graduation at Indiana University and fly my brother home for game 2. No dice. Then I found out the worst part: we had to be at the ceremony at 2 pm. I wanted to die.

We found our seats in the nosebleeds of the assembly hall with the score still 0-0. They didn’t have the game playing on the jumbotron, so I had to resort to my DROID, which I made sure to charge before. I found my brother sitting about two-thirds of the way back from the stage. I checked my phone and realized the third period was just underway, still 0-0.

The anxiety of not being able to watch after having been there for every home playoff game the past five years got to me. I was sweating through my shirt. I looked down at my brother during stoppages and saw my brother was also checking his phone. I looked back to mine.

Stoppage – Goalie Freezes Puck (Breathe…. Breathe….)
WAS Shot on goal – Chimera (ARGHHHH)
NYR Shot on Goal – R. Nash (HOLTBY!!!!!!)

All the while, some guy with a doctorate and Nobel Prize was teaching everyone how to be awesome. And then it happened:

WAS Penalty to Troy Brouwer – 2 mins slashing (Please no! – longest 2 minutes of my life)

I couldn’t bear it, so I rabbit-punched my sleeping dad in the shoulder until the penalty was over. Then I got this text from my brother: “OVERTIME”.

When Steve Oleksy got called two minutes for delay of game, I said “#$@*”, and I could feel 100 parents glaring at me, not to mention the six-year-old sitting behind me wearing the tool bag tie-shirt-vest combo, learning some new words. The Caps killed the penalty, and I sighed “holy #$&%”. People are staring at me angrily now, and I am not caring.

My sports app told me “penalty to Ryan McDonagh – 2 minutes for Delaying Game.” I stood up and pumped my fist, immediately scolded by parents watching the ceremony. I let them know it was okay because the Caps were on a power play. They told me to shut up. (Ungrateful.)

I was hitting the refresh button on my phone like an 8-year-old with ADHD trying to get the last bit of sugar out of a pixie stick, and then it happened. Caps 1 – NYR 0. There was no player credited with the goal yet, but I didn’t care. I woke my dad up with a slap to the face and whispered “WE #$&%ING DID IT!!!” But before I could do that, I heard a student below scream.

I looked down to the sea of black robes. I located the source of the sound and saw a spot of white.  In my sister’s crappy cell phone photo, you can clearly see my one student standing up during the commencement ceremony, ripping his robe open to reveal a white CAPS road jersey. That student was my brother, and he is awesome. Don’t you forget that. You can see him holding his phone too. He is calling me to celebrate. All the while the ceremony is still going on. Other students stood to see what had happened. They were paying as much attention to the ceremony as our sleeping father was.

We did a toast after the ceremony. It was awesome.

Note: Ilan’s letter was edited for length and celebratory profanity.

Boom. (Photo credit: Greg Fiume)

Whether he’s riding a Vespa on 66, sporting hair that doesn’t make sense, or scoring an overtime goal, Mike Green is always cool. Even in some of the game’s most heated moments, he retains his composure. After Saturday’s one-time blast to put the Capitals up 2-0 in the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals, he now has eight overtime goals in his career.

Because of his late-game abilities, his “Game Over Green” nickname is well known. But now, it seems, Greenie may have another one.

“He’s calm all the time with the puck in regulation, so when it gets to overtime and guys start to get the shakes a little bit, he’s still calm Mike Green,” defenseman Karl Alzner said. “We call him Casual Mike every now and then.”

For a guy with a hand tattoo and a orange white Lamborghini, Green is remarkably level-headed. He didn’t think his goal was anything special (“It was just a lucky one. It could have been any of us. … I just happened to be open”) and he was already looking towards Monday’s Game 3 in New York (“You can’t get too high or too low. It’s just about staying consistent.”)

Still, his late-game stats say enough. Saturday’s one-time blast was the 18th game-winning tally of his career. While his play dropped off the last couple seasons, Green was plagued by injury most of the time. He’s healthy under new head coach Adam Oates, and once again playing a system that suits goal-scoring, puck moving defensemen. But scoring or not, he’s always relaxed.

“You need guys out there that are calm and that’s one of his gifts,” said Oates.

GIF by welshhockeyfan

Odd thing about low-scoring overtime wins: half the players mob the goal-scorer and the other half  (and I’m extending mucho kudos for this) mobs the other guy, the goaltender.

Way to go, Mike Green and Braden Holtby. And bravo to the guys who remembered how they got to OT in the first place. This lovely GIF is going right next to Joel Ward’s bench-clearer in Boston on our GIF mantel shelf.

Epic celebration! (Photo credit: Greg Fiume)

In the last couple years, Mike Green has struggled mightily with injury. His goal production has slumped, and he has failed to put up more than 8 goals and 24 points in the last two seasons. But over the summer, Washington Capitals General Manager George McPhee went all in on #52, giving him a three-year contract extension and a substantial pay raise. A lot of people, including me, were critical of the signing. We were wrong.

That confidence McPhee showed in his struggling player has paid off this season, as Green has returned to form, scoring 12 goals and tallying 26 points in 35 games. Against the Rangers on Saturday, Green did what he did best– scoring the game-winning overtime goal, the only goal of the game. AND HOLY #$%& WHY I AM WRITING SO SERIOUS. WHAT A GOAL WHAT A GOAL WHAT A GOAL!

As Mike Ribeiro fakes a shot, he slickly tosses a pass to Green at the point. Green winds up with all his might and BAM. GAME OVER.

“He’s a money player like that and he did it again,” Braden Holtby told professional creeper Pierre McGuire after the game.

It’s Mike Green’s world we’re living in right now, and all the vespa-riding and shots and Green Life-living is okay by me. Woot!

GIFs

GIFs by welshhockeyfan

Gorgeous pic by Greg Fiume

Hockey hypertension. The Washington Capitals and New York Rangers played a high-tension matinee game that had everyone watching in conniption fits. Superb performances by goalies Henrik Lundqvist and Braden Holtby kept the game scoreless through regulation despite some dazzling chances at both ends. I’m trying to think of a non-cliched way to say we were on the edge of our seats, but I’m way too wrapped up in this to be clever right now.

Braden Holtby refused all offers, and the Capitals dominated overtime until Mike Green ended it on the power play.

Caps beat Rangers 1-0 (Overtime). Caps lead the series 2-0.

• John Erskine did not play his best game. While he contributed a few muffins and cannons from the blue line, he looked overwhelmed in his own zone, particularly when playing below the goal line. Braden Holtby bailed him out at every turn, but Ersk could use a bit more confidence and deliberation with and without the puck.
• The Caps have a localized epidemic of Swedish Passing Disease. Nick Backstrom and especially Marcus Johansson had some prime chances to score squandered due to reticence to shoot. I think the feeling is that Henrik Lundqvist cannot be bested without some brilliant passing sequence, but he’s just mortal and will stop somewhere around 92% of shots over time. Gimme volume over quality, though crashing the net never hurts.
• John Carlson was everywhere, driving play more than any other player and leading the team in shot on net.
• Rick Nash had a semi-breakaway in the third period that went off the goalpost. We really owe that goalpost a thank you card. Someone get on that.
• Eric Fehr is good everyday, but today he was extra special good. His penalty killing in overtime nearly led to a SHOTGWG, and he immediately followed it up with a diving block. Unreal play by the Caps’ unsung hero.
• Mike Green, my baby. We’ve never seen Green play healthy in the playoffs until now. It’s a marvelous sight.
• Braden Holtby made 24 saves in his shutout, and he needed every one.

Exclusive Joe B suit of the afternoon

Holy shit, guys. We made it through this one. That was as tense as anything I’ve ever seen. I had to take off my shirt during OT because I didn’t know how to cope. I still don’t. These may not be sentences I’m writing right now– and my hands are shaking so bad my TYPOS REL/60 is probably off the charts.

The Caps really came through in this one. They owned the puck, played physically, and got their power play converting when it matters most. It wasn’t the team effort we saw on Thursday– this was a hero thing. The oft-maligned Mike Green had a very big day, and Braden Holtby did what we’ve come to expect from him– nigh perfection.

As far as I’m concerned, I’m houseruling Braden Holtby perfect through two games. That game-one goal against was a fluke. He’s been ideal– something of a postseason habit for Holtby.

The Caps now head to Manhattan to curbstomp the Rangers. I think they can do it. Every chump who picked Rangers in 4 or 5 is looking a bit silly right now. If the Caps stick to their game, they’re going deep.

Good game guys!

The camera zooming in on Pierre is how most nightmares start

— RMNB (@russianmachine) May 4, 2013