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Photo: Mike Stobe

One of my favorite movies of all-time is Hugo, so let it be know that I’ve always been a huge Chloe Grace Moretz fan. She’s a brilliant actor, but I’m having a hard time appreciating that right now. The reason? She loves the New York Islanders.

Now that’s fine. I can handle her liking another team, even the club that is trying to knock the Capitals out of the playoffs. I appreciate anyone who’s a passionate hockey fan (and respectful).

But her troll-level is so, so very high. Here’s a sampling.

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How Are You Preparing for Game Seven?

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Tonight, the Capitals will play game seven against the New York Islanders. It will be the tenth time the club has played in a game seven in the playoffs. Of the nine that have come before, the Caps have won three.

Year Oh God What Happened
 2013 Lost 5-0 to the Rangers
 2012  Lost 2-1 to the Rangers
 2012 Beat the Bruins 2-1 in OT
 2010 Lost 2-1 to the Canadiens
 2009 Lost 6-2 to the Penguins
 2009 Beat the Rangers 2-1
 2008 Lost 3-2 to the Flyers
 1995 Lost 5-0 to the Penguins
 1992 Lost 3-1 to the Penguins
 1988 Lost 3-2 to the Devils
 1992 Beat the Flyers 5-4 in OT
 1987 Lost 3-2 to the Islanders in 4OT

Game seven (gay sev to those in the know) is a familiar, painful Capitals tradition– one that began in ’87 with the heartbreak that was the Easter Epic. No matter what happens tonight, the game will take years off your life. The anxiety is imminent, and it will certainly make you a worse employee and a lazier lover.

How are you preparing for the game? Are you wearing rad Caps gear? Is it radder than my my signed Bradley jersey? Are you making signs and taking them to the game? Got any chants in mind? What is your dog doing and is he/she cute?

Use this space to share your outfit, your plans, and your feels. We’ll get through this together.

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Coffee’s for Closers: Islanders beat Caps 3-1

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The Caps did not close out the series on the road, but you knew that already.

For the millionth time, the Islanders got onto the scoreboard first. Brooks Orpik lost the play after going for a hit, so John Carlson was overwhelmed in covering John Tavares and company: 1-0 Isles. Late in the period, that same Carlson gave the Caps power play a shot in the arm with a big goal. The second period was wild but scoreless.

Wild Butt Scoreless is the name of my Poison cover band.

Midway through the third period, everything happened in a single play. A rumble along the bench went unwhistled, so Ovechkin creamed Tavares into the glass, and then somehow Kulemin was all alone to beat Braden Holtby. Beagle hit the crossbar, and then Clutterbuck got the empty netter.

Islanders beat Caps 3-1. The series is tied 3-3. Gay sev on Monday.

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Caps at Islanders Pregame: Shut Down the Barn

Thursday’s 5-1 win over the New York Islanders was the best Capitals’ playoff victory win since 2009. Now, if the Caps can get just one goal over the Isles, they can advance to the next round and shut down Nassau Coliseum for good.

Crash the net. Finish the fight. Shut down the barn.

Caps lead the series 3-2. 3 PM on NBC.

Team Record Possession PDO Power Play Penalty Kill
Washington Capitals 45-26-11 51.9% 100.3 25.3% 81.2%
New York Islanders 47-28-7 53.5% 99.1 18.7% 78.0%

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Bailamos! Caps beat Isles 5-1!

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Tonight we dance.

Also tonight, we witnessed the emergence of Evgeny Kuznetsov as a Caps playoff legend. Scoring two in a thrilling home-ice win over the Islanders, Kuznetsov is all you’ll talk about on Friday. If someone tries to talk about something else, then you’re done talking to that person.

The Caps surrendered the game’s first goal to Josh Bailey, but don’t worry– the rest of this recap is gonna be a blast.

Evgeny Kuznetsov, the goddamn hero, batted a puck out of mid-air to tie the game, and then Karl Alzner (no seriously) stormed the net to give the Caps the lead after forty. The Caps blew a power play early in the third, but Brooks Laich grabbed a loose puck soon after to make it 3-1.

The flood gates.

In the third, Evgeny Kuznetsov scored his second of the night on a breakaway, and then Jason Chimera got a dribbler into the Isles net. And with that, at long last, the Capitals had chased Jaroslav Halak from the net in a playoff game.

Caps beat Islanders 5-1. Caps lead the series 3-2.

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Caps vs Islanders Pregame: Paging Enrique

We’re entering the silly portion of the first round, when accrued animosity and perceived mutually added tire pressure become Major Storylines. It’s so dumb, and I love it.

This tweet put it best:

Tonight the Washington Capitals return to the quiet, docile confines of Chinatown to play a hit-free and drama-less hour of hockey against the New York Islanders. No way we Bailamos tonight. No way.

The series is tied 2-2. Tonight’s game is on CSN at 7 PM.

Team Record Possession PDO Power Play Penalty Kill
Washington Capitals 45-26-11 51.9% 100.3 25.3% 81.2%
New York Islanders 47-28-7 53.5% 99.1 18.7% 78.0%

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Red, Proud, and Loud!

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It’s possible that tonight will be the final Capitals game at Verizon Center this season. If the Caps lose tonight and on Saturday, that’s it for the year. That’s a bit of a downer note to start on, but I want the stakes to be clear: the family name is on the line.

So, Caps fans, do your thing. Judging by history, it’s going to be a big night.

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Caps Universe Celebrates the Overtime Winner (Video)

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Photo: Bruce Bennett

Where were you when the Washington Capitals defeated the New York Islanders 11 minutes into overtime?

Some of us were at home. Some were at Verizon Center. Some of us were being pelted in the side of the head by beer at Nasseau Coliseum. Some were preparing for postgame coverage.

The Caps and their fans were scattered but united in celebration. Follow me around the world.

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You.

You and I were not prepared for this game. We weren’t girded for the emotional tumult and unrelenting attack. We just weren’t ready. The Caps, though– they were ready. The Isles kept pressing– a ceaseless assault just like we saw in games one and three, but the Capitals had battened down the hatches and set the mainsail and whatever else.

Capitals captain and current Greatest Human Alex struck first, oviflecting a shot by Carlson after Backstrom’s o-zone faceoff win. Casey Cizikas knotted the score after a bad change a big rebound. The second period was packed with penalties, but the Capitals killed them all. The third period was a little more even, but neither team could hit the back of the net. And so, once again, we went to overtime on Long Island.

And then, Nicky Backstrom’s muffin gave the Capitals instant victory.

Caps beat Isles 2-1 in overtime. The series is new at two to two!

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towels

Photo: The Gormster

We knew the first round was going to be tough as soon as the Caps drew the New York Islanders. They’re a good possession team who kept the Caps hemmed in during the regular season, even if the Caps managed to win most of those games. But I don’t know if we expected the utter 5v5 domination we’ve seen in games one and three. The Isles have just owned the darn puck during evens. There are only three paths to victory tonight:

  1. PDO is magic: Holbest and Halak leaves the gate ooooopen
  2. The spirit of game two: the Caps must have drank their kale smoothies before that one
  3. Special teams are special: It’s time for the best power-play team in the league to show it.

I wanna see all three and bring a certain Enrique video into the postseason.

Islanders lead the series 2-1. The game is on CSN at 7:30 PM.

Team Record Possession PDO Power Play Penalty Kill
Washington Capitals 45-26-11 51.9% 100.3 25.3% 81.2%
New York Islanders 47-28-7 53.5% 99.1 18.7% 78.0%

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