Yet again. (Photo credit: USA Today)

Alex Ovechkin sat on the bench, glaring down at the ice with his head between his hands. He looked defeated, because he was. His sixth visit to the Stanley Cup Playoffs was about to end in another disappointing loss, after another year failing to meet expectations.

After the game, Ovi stood in front the white board at the far end of the Capitals locker room and went off.

I am not saying there was a phone call from [the NHL], but someone just wanted Game 7. For the ratings; you know, the lockout, escrow, the league needs to make profit.

Ovi then backtracked a little, going from blaming the refs to the entire Washington Capitals roster, including himself.

It’s very frustrating. That’s the whole point; you have to win the games and try to win the Cup.

We have a great coaching staff, good group of guys who support each other. It doesn’t matter what happen, we not yelling at each other, nobody was pointing finger like it’s your fault we lose the game. It’s everybody’s fault. All guys are at fault. My fault, Backie’s, Ribs’s — everybody. It’s not about one person or two persons, it’s about the team. We don’t get team success in game seven and game six. It’s blame on us.

My SovSport colleague Dmitry Shumin asked Ovi to describe what happened in one word. Ovi: “[We] sh*t ourselves.” #caps

— Dmitry Chesnokov (@dchesnokov) May 14, 2013

Then there was Nick Backstrom. He spoke in a soft tone, not able to bring himself to stand up. Like Ovechkin, he’s been through this many times before. NBC Washington’s Adam Vingan asked him what he’d lessoned he learned from the series. Nicky was blunt.

Learn how to play in the playoffs, same thing as previous years. We came back in the regular season and playoffs came — not good enough. I can only talk for myself and my effort — not good enough. No excuses, just a bad effort. … It’s like deja vu. It happened before. It’s a bad feeling right now.

Photo credit: Bruce Bennett

Game three of the quarterfinal series between the Washington Capitals and New York Rangers was an opportunity for a statement. The Capitals could have played just as they had last week and put NYR in a headlock. That didn’t happen. Instead, the Capitals got drawn into a quagmire on rocky ice– a penalty-punctuated, back-and-forth battle that they could not win despite dominating the even-strength game.

Rangers beat Capitals 4-3. Capitals still lead the series 2-1.

• The Caps got off to a rollicking start, killing off Alex Ovechkin’s penalty for gregarious hockey-hugging and then scoring the game’s first goal when Nicky Backstrom deflected John Carlson‘s shot past Henrik Lundqvist. MSG went silent, but it did not last.
• Joel Ward high-sticked Derick Brassard– wait, seriously? Again? Ugh this was like the worst part of last year except for the entirety of Dale Hunter’s coaching decisions. Brian Boyle scored a gorgeous goal as the man-advantage expired– beating both Mike Green and Braden Holtby near-side.
• And then came the too many men whistle, which was completely appropriate, but applied to the wrong team. (Pic by hockeyshopped)
  
  So that’s a travesty right there. Some folks said that possession is necessary for an excessive manliness whistle, but these folks are incorrect. Any of those Rangers players more than five feet from the bench (n=7) could and should have been assessed for the call.
• The penalties kept coming in the second period, as it took the Rangers just 7 seconds to convert Braden Holtby‘s trip of Nash into a lead.
• The Madison Square Garden ice is not known for its pristinity (checked: actual word) in early May. While there was some fancy finesse play in each period’s opening minutes, the back half devolved into chippy junk. That was bad for the Capitals’ game, particularly since the Rags’ wrangled up a lot of power plays in the first half of the middle frame.
• Mike Green filled in the one-goal hole late in the second with a really pretty wrister to the top shelf, where mama hides the double stuff Oreos. I’m just gonna keep on harping on the “healthy Mike Green is scary Mike Green” thing until the lamestream media (fake snark) picks up on it.
• The Caps defense rolled out the red carpet to Aaron Asham, who caught a pass from below the goal line to re-establish the Rangers lead early in the third. Yucky D too much tonight.
• Jack Hillen, whom we all love so hard, sent a flubbery wrister off the faceoff that ballooned past Lundqvist (after a Jay Beagle tip– I called it!) like so many Gummy Bears cartoons. Do you remember when cartoons were about a food product that was literally all sugar? Ahh, childhood.
• John Carlson and the top line were not able to clear the zone during a sustained Rangers possession, giving Derek Stepan the opportunity to put the Rangers up a goal with six and a half minutes left. That lead stuck.
• Alex Ovechkin drew a high stick with two minutes left in regulation. The resulting power play was a little too hesitant considering the state of the ice. Crash the net, y’all.

Joe B suit of the night

That’s okay. A Caps-Rangers series isn’t supposed to be a walk in the park. They’re supposed to be torrid, evenly matched, heart-rending affairs, and this was one of those.

If any lesson can be taken from this, it’s that Madison Square Garden ice sucks, and the Caps must simplify to succeed there. That means less passing and more shooting– hoping against hope to get the puck elevated and towards Lundqvist, who frankly enjoys an unfair advantage on home ice.

I’m not filled with negativity or disappointment after this one. It’s hard to be bitter when Eric Fehr played like such a stud. I don’t think bad whistles were the sole culprit, and I do think the Caps deserved most of those calls. If they play the same game over again with a bit more discipline, they’ll get the win.

The Caps will be coming back to Verizon Center this weekend. The only question is whether they’ll be bringing a win home with them. I think so.

Let the boys play. Hahaha RT @mfiller90: @russianmachine twitter.com/MFiller90/stat…

— RMNB (@russianmachine) May 7, 2013

[Ed. note: Jason Rogers, Sperm Whale captain and hockey Hemingway, is back for your amuse bouche. But be warned: do not take his insights as mere foam on the web: so far, he's been more spot on than Vinnie "Legs" Baggodonnouts. You are warned. Follow him now here. Thus endeth the editor's finger-wagging.]

Sasha needs an image consultant.

This will be the fourth of five meetings this season between our Caps and the Tropical Depressions, and it is time for this Washington team to decide whether it wants to spend May playing hockey or golf. Watch and learn.

The Mourning Skate: What is the length of one point? Is it the width of one puck crossing or not crossing the goal line? Is it the size of one of John “Towelie” Carlson’s skate edges slipping and giving the other team a breakaway? Is it the distance between wherever the first round of the playoffs is held and Jeff “Sgt.” Schultz’s favorite local golf course?

Rhetorical queries aside, three points now separate the Capitals from the final playoff spot. Now, if we know the Caps, there’s plenty of room for them to implode in on themselves with the unfathomable mass of a thousand suns and persist only as a hockey singularity, a black hole of puck the likes of which are rarely seen outside of Scottsdale, AZ. (Really dorks? We looked it up and it happens. Or, at least, so says Stephen Hawking. And you gonna argue with Stephen Flipping Hawking? Thought not!)

But that is also enough for the Washington Capitals to make the postseason and win, to follow the model of the Habs and Kings of seasons’ past and make an unlikely eighth-seeded run…and to tell Mike Milbury to trade it where the sun don’t shine. (heh)

In its final season of existence, the Southeast Division is going out less with a bang and more with a “meh.” But right in the thick of this maze of malaise are the Carolina Hurricanes, one-time Stanley Cup champions and current financiers of Alex Semin.

Is it surprising the Canes are in the playoff hunt? Sure. Is it mind-boggling why there is a professional hockey team in North Carolina? A louder, stronger “yes, y’all!” But with the Caps and Canes tied in points and Carolina having played two fewer games, the Capitals not only need to win, but they need teams like Carolina to lose.

They can do both on Tuesday night and kill two mocking birds with one stone, two surfers with one shark, or two Staals with one team, whichever is easiest for Carolina to understand. (We imagine it’s something to do with “bacon.”)

With that, it’s time to turn to the segment that launched a thousand Facebook statuses:

LIABLE TO LIBEL – A Baker’s Dozen Lies About Today’s Opponent

• When asked how he felt about receiving a huge new contract, Alex Semin took a slow drag from a cigarette and wistfully replied, “Complex.”
• Tuomo Ruutu’s name has the most U’s per capita of any developed nation.
• The Hurricanes’ mascot is a humanoid pig. This makes marginally more sense than their previous mascot, a still-life oil painting of Cam Ward eating a basket of Toblerones. 
• Eric and Jordan Staal now have a secret handshake that Marc isn’t allowed to do. It is called the “HurriShake.”
• Forward Chad LaRose was named after the protagonist of his mother’s favorite romance novel, narrowly beating out “Skylar LeSex” and “Rodrigo Musclegaze.” [ed: we loved those books!]
• In its proposal to purchase the Hurricanes, the State of North Carolina spelled the sport “hawkkey,” being utterly unfamiliar with it and assuming it involved birds and locks.
• In an ill-fated PR attempt, the Hurricanes tried to replace their ice with frozen sea water. The water would not freeze, and this actually made it easier for Alex Semin to dive. GET IT?!
• Eric Staal’s brow is premiering this weekend in Dreamworks’ film “Meet the Croods.”
• Sasha’s new contract with the Hurricanes is for five years– or 1,314,000 two-minute hooking minors.
• Hurricanes owner Peter Karmanos is lobbying the National Weather Service to name the first storm of the next season “Corvo.” It will affect very little and quietly move up the coast to Boston before all but disappearing.
• Fans have nicknamed Carolina’s roster the “Storm Troopers,” for their tendency to be anonymous, and miss a lot of shots.
  
• The Hurricanes’ trifecta of Joni, Jiri and Jussi has garnered an official grievance from the “J-Pronouncers Union of America”. Or should have. 
• Hurricanes practice was cancelled on Friday because the NC State men’s basketball team refused to vacate RBC Arena, holding the puck over Cam Ward’s head and telling him if he wanted it so badly he could simply “jump and get it.”

The Puck Drop: Do You Binky Swear? I’ve said before that the only thing more lethal than Steven “Binky” Oleksy’s fists is his Soviet-era good looks. I’m just Putin that out there. And like the tips of the Christmas-bulbed spires of the Kremlin, Binky looks sharp at the point. Whether pulling the string and back-skating two steps to give himself a shooting lane, or cycling the puck like a well-maintained Maytag, the Pride of Chesterfield, Michigan gives us a fresh dynamism that is consistent with an Adam Oates system.

We’ve gotten used to watching Mike Green botch the zone and quarterback the point with the stability and steadfastness of a ligament in RG3’s knee. Now we can watch Oleksy operate there, and while this kid is younger and rougher around the edges than a prepubescent porcupine, we have reason to believe the future will be bright. Or at very least, less Green.

No Kvetchin’ ‘Bout Ovechkin – Look, we need to have at talk about Alexander Ovechkin. If his contract were up today, maybe I wouldn’t give him $130 million. Maybe I wouldn’t sign him for thirteen years. But there may not be a more dynamic player lacing them up anywhere in the world. He is pure kinetic energy, raw power, and emotion set in movement with a quick hop-step.

Alex Ovechkin is a tidal wave that smiles and says, “Sorry, Penguin” before crashing on the beach on destroying a village. He is the word POW! wearing ice skates. I don’t care about his even-strength goal production. You know why? Because when he scored 65 goals in a season, people said, “Yeah, but is he a team player?” So Ovechkin started passing more, and people said, “Well what about evolving his game? He’s getting older.”

So Ovechkin stopped trying to do everything and found his sweet spot low in the circle on the power play. And guess what? He has become the exact weapon we need him to be. He is not just a big gun. He is the big gun. He is a cannon packed with dynamite, cocked and loaded and waiting for artilleriet Sergeant Nicklas Backstrom to trip the hammer. This guy is a leader, he is a captain, and his numbers are proving it.

“Why am I still playing?”

The Safe Word is “Mojo”: The Rise of Role Players – Detractors will tell you the Capitals’ roster is about as deep as Bruce Boudreau’s salad bowl, and this season the numbers have supported that. Once you move beyond the usual suspects of Ovechkin, Brouwer, Ribeiro, and Backstrom, few players have really distinguished themselves with offensive production.

But in today’s NHL, you can win by committee. If tonight it’s Marcus Johansson making great entries into the zone, tomorrow it might be Joel Ward winning possession scrums in the corner. Hockey is an experiment in the inescapability of cause and effect. Goals are built like pyramids, not ladders. Every goal is the result of a hundred little battles that were absolutely necessary to win. It is not a game of pacing yourself. It is not a game of futures. Hockey is a game a million consequent nows, won or lost by tenths of seconds and widths of skate blades.

It’s life, agony, and ecstasy unable to be parceled out or separated but a few times each game. But that, itself, is the point. If you spend all your time looking for the punctuation marks, you’ll miss the sonnet. The Capitals have players who can do the unglamorous things than win teams games. The question is whether they want it badly enough to bleed and fight for it.

The Late Line: And so I, like you, will be anxiously awaiting the drop of the puck at 7 pm in Raleigh. Good luck, God speed, and Go Caps.

Photo credit: Patrick McDermott

DFL. The Washington Capitals came into Friday’s game against the Philadelphia Flyers in dead last place. Not in the southeast, not in the east. In the whole damn league.

Here’s the part where they turn it around.

Halfway into the game, Bruno Gervais sent a loose puck deep into Holtby’s net. Nick Backstrom tied it up with his first goal of the year, a patient deke to beat Ilya Bryzgalov one-on-one late in the second. Troy Brouwer took the lead with a brilliant near-side roofer. Wojtek Wolksi robbed Baby Schenn and put a one-touch goal on Bryz to make it 3-1. The Flyers got one back with a Brayden Schenn rocket right as the power play expired.

Caps beat Flyers 3-2.

• After two weeks of bad breaks and ugly losses, it’s absolutely refreshing to see them score two or three pretty skill goals.
• It’s a sign of how dire things are for the Caps that John Erskine is their most interesting player right now. Erskine has been his usual angry gorilla self, but now he’s quicker and oh yeah he’s scored that one time. When Erskine landed that elbow on Wayne Simmonds’s head on Friday, the fun kinda got sucked out. I think John’s best chance to avoid suspension is that he might’ve been taking a defensive posture.
• The Caps of the first two weeks saw their decent puck possession marred by bad luck. Their losses in Toronto and Friday’s game vs Philly brought a much less aggressive Caps team. The Flyers tilted the ice something mighty after the game’s first couple minutes, and though the Caps came back later in the game, they’re gonna need a more complete effort from here on out.
• Welcome to the scoresheet, Nick Backstrom! After two unlucky weeks, Backstrom was finally rewarded for his efforts. It was a great one, too: John Carlson breaks up a zone entry while the Flyers are on the line change, the puck finding Backstrom at center ice. Backstrom strides into the Philly zone, looks around and notices he’s all alone. After that, he slows down and deliberately puts a backhand deke on Bryz. No better way to start your scoring season off.
• Russian enigma Ilya Bryzgalov took an Ovechkin slapper to the ribs during a third period power play. It was Ovi’s umpteenth shot from above the right circle, and it probably hurt a bit. It’s even more probable that Bryz was taking the opportunity to buy his penalty killers a breather. Smart move.
• When people go see PSY play in concert, do they ever think, I hope he plays something off the new album?
• The Capitals improved their discipline compared to Thursday night, but it would have been hard not to do that short of some deer antler velvet spray or a on-ice Catfishing incident.
• What’s the deal with delay-of-game penalties? If it weren’t Friday night, I’d make up some numbers about how many more DOGs the Caps have had lately, but it is Friday and it’s probably a boring stat anyway. Let’s just say they’re up 5734% from last year.
• The Caps got pwned on the dot. Ribs, who is awesome, was pwned in particular, winning just 5 of his 12 faceoffs.

Joe B suit of the night

And that’s how ya do it. Even without winning the puck-possession game, the Caps won this one– due in part to increased discipline as well as some solid goaltending and fancy moves.

I know everyone is a bit jammed up over the Caps right now. Our brains tell us they’re not a bad team, but as those losses keep piling up it’s easy to get cynical. I don’t have anything profound to say about that right now except: Yeah. That’s the point.

The Game is going to test you as a fan. Sometimes you’re up, and it’s important not to be cocky then. Sometimes you’re down, and then you cannot despair. From where I stand, what matters is that we celebrate success and think hard on defeat.

Tonight was a success. Hopefully, the first of many. We came, we saw, we wolski’d. There are more bad beats coming, and definitely a few our team will deserve to lose as well. And when those happen… well, I’ll turn it over to Toby Ziegler:

We win together. We lose together. We celebrate and we mourn together. And defeats are softened and victories sweeter because we did them together.

Good win. Let’s do it again on Sunday.

Kanoooobs! With the poorly timed nose-picking. @russianmachine twitter.com/stopthehats/st…

— StopThrowingHats (@stopthehats) February 2, 2013

Photo credit: Bruce Bennett

Swedish site Sveriges Television is reporting that Nick Backstrom has signed with Alex Ovechkin‘s KHL team, Dynamo Moscow, for the remainder of the lockout. Details are sketchy, and who knows how long the lockout will last, but it seems like the band is getting back together. Kinda/sorta.

According to SVT (and via the inscrutable magic of Google Translate) Backstrom said, “I want to play hockey and this will be a fun challenge.” Backstrom also says Ovechkin convinced him to sign.

This is great news for the two BFFs, but let’s hope CBA negotiations this week result in an even bigger reunion soon.

Photo: Chris Gordon. Guy on TweetDeck: Adam Vingan

The Washington Capitals had only a 38% win percentage on the road this season, so getting the W Thursday night is crucial; they just can’t depend on victory away from Verizon Center. But Monday’s home loss to the Bruins was an ugly affair, and the once well composed team fell to shambles. To win Game Four, the Caps are gonna have to dig deep.

I have compiled a series of modest steps the Capitals should take to make it happen. And then we threw in the secret weapon. (Okay, we’ll tell you: more posters.)

For Alex Ovechkin: Shots > Hits

On November 13th, Alex Ovechkin said his job is “to score goals, not make the hits.” But through three games this postseason, Ovechkin has leveled 17 hits and scored just one goal. Your boy Neil Greenberg crunched the numbers and confirmed what Boudreau said: the more Ovechkin hits, the less he scores.

Being physical is great, but the Ovi’s purpose should be obvious: SCOAR MOAR GOALS. This is a big stage for Ovi, so we’re looking for a another moment that gets people making this face:

Extracurriculars Gotta Go

The Boston Bruin know their game. Sure, they play physical between the whistles, but it’s the interim where they truly shine. Whether it’s Milan Lucic Game of Death-ing Brooks Laich before a faceoff, Milan Lucic ragdolling Nick Backstrom after the first period buzzer, or Milan Lucic biting Jeff Schultz’s brittany spaniel at the botanical gardens on Wednesday, its clear that they’ve got the edge when it comes non-hockey dickishness. The Capitals would be wise not to engage the Bs in their creeping.

They’ll win instead by being what Alan May called “thick and proud”–a tough and united team that finishes their checks and knows how to get gritty — but only during the course of the normal hockey game. But when Julien’s guys want to play the pest after every play, the Caps should be ascetic. Silent, focused, tough as nails. Just walk it off.

Roll the Roster Over

Finally found an excuse to post Erskine's dog

The Caps will be without star center and cross-checking phenom Nick Backstrom in Game Four, but that’s no reason to fret. NB19 played exactly none of the Caps’ three regular-season wins over the Bruins, so we know the guys can do it without him. But while Hunter is filling Nicky’s slot, maybe it’s time to shake the whole roster up.

I love Jeff Schultz and Dennis Wideman, but the dudes have been on ice for four of the six Bruins goals. Perhaps it’s time to give the rookie Dmitry Orlov his first taste of the playoffs. Or better yet, let’s get Big John Erskine in the lineup so he can give Looch what-for one more time.

In Backstrom’s place? You already know the answer. #FreeKnuble. Mike Knuble‘s experience, leadership, and cool head can only help a Caps team that may be frazzled after getting beaten up so ferociously last time. But putting him on the fourth line to grind it out does no one any good. Kanoobs is best deployed as a net-crashing compliment to a playmaker like Alex Ovechkin or Alex Semin.

Further down the lineup, Jeff Halpern may serve as another injection of experience in relief for either Keith Aucoin or Mathieu Perreault, who cannot match the Bruins in size and don’t have the elite faceoff chops of the former Caps captain. Plus: box check.

Defense First

Paille all alone with Holtby

The Capitals weak-sauce possession game has had me queasy since December, but it doesn’t matter anymore. Results are the only thing that mean anything now, and the Caps proved that a tight defensive game can win. It’s the kind of hockey Dale Hunter said he wanted to play since the day he arrived, and now he’s getting his chance.

But Monday was ugly. The Caps surrendered four goals– many of them due to poor defensive decisions. Justin Bourne at Backhand Shelf took the Caps defense (and Mathieu Perreault in particular) to task for blowing assignments, looking clueless, and generally making it easy for Boston to get at Holtby’s net.

To win on Thursday, the Caps must recommit to defense. They’ve gotta stick to JJ’s plan and execute without the slightest deviation. If they can keep the Bruins cadre of 20-goal scorers off the boards for another game, they can steal this series.

About the penalty kill? Shh. No jinxing.

Win It For Nicky

And finally, the emotional dimension. The Capitals survived without Nick Backstrom for a huge chunk of the season, and they’re gonna have to do it again on Thursday as Backstrom serves a one-game suspension for cross-checking Rich Peverley after Game Three.

The Caps should remain cognizant of their loss and use it as fuel to perform. Just as the Caps sans Alex Ovechkin summoned a hat trick out of Mathieu Perreault against Boston, so too should their role-players emerge as goal-scorers in Game Four. The team has been wronged, aggrieved by a feckless foe, deprived of their glory. Now they must be righteous and indignant. That’s their fuel.

They’ve gotta win this one for Nicky. They don’t even need us fans antagonizing Tim Thomas this time around, they just need a united front for Our Team.

Pursuant to that goal, blog maestro Ian Oland has cooked up some crucial posters.

Same deal as always. The links below will download PDFs, which will fit snug on a 8.5″ x 11″ page. Take a reasonable amount to Chinatown, hand some out to strangers, and then camp out in front of the glass during warm-ups. Let the boys know who they’re fighting for.

RMNB’s Free Nicky Signs

Download	Download

If that doesn’t work, you can always go to Kinkos and print out a giant seagull head. That’ll really creep out Seguin.

Crash the net.

Posters by Ian Oland.

After the first two games of the quarterfinal round, Bruins goalie Tim Thomas is sporting a .964 save percentage, having stopped 54 of the 56 shots he has faced. Last season’s Vezina and Conn Smythe winner, Thomas has already had a successful follow-up campaign, earning a 35-19-1 record during the regular season. He is the calm core of Boston’s defense and a reliable presence to backstop the league’s third best offense.

But Thomas’s composure came somewhat unspooled on Saturday night. After a whistle, he punched the previously concussed Nick Backstrom, who ended up scoring the game-winner in double overtime. While Thomas escaped without the match penalty recommended in rule 51.3 for goalies who use a blocker pad to punch a skater, he has not escaped the attention and ire of the Washington Capitals and their fans.

Games Three and Four of the series will be played in DC, and we just figured out precisely how we will troll.

By now you’ve heard about how Thomas’ snub of the Bruins’ visit to the White House coincided with a drop-off in his performance. It’s a tongue-in-cheek little narrative that doesn’t really adhere to the strict tenets of Responsible Statisticking, and it doesn’t actual imply any correlation.

I have decided to improve it.

The chart below plots Tim Thomas’s save percentage against President Obama’s approval rating over the course of the season. I used Rasmussen’s approval rating data and adjusted Obama’s approval to start at the same point as Thomas’s Sv% so we can track how they change relative to each other. Behold!

As you can clearly see, the hockey skills of Tim Thomas wane as President Obama becomes more beloved. The fearful symmetry of these lines proves– beyond any credible doubt– that the two are inextricably entangled. See how Obama’s ascent following The Snub mirrors the increasing sieve-ness of Thomas? And how the month of March saw Timmy dipping well below league average while Obama’s numbers were climbing like a pederastic crimefighter? Clearly, obviously, the two are related.

There you have it: irrefutable proof that Tim Thomas’s performance in net is tied to the popularity of the American President. And judging by TT’s abruptly ended interviews and Curiously Capitalized Facebook manifestos, Thomas knows this as well.

Still, we should probably remind him.

You know the drill. The big links below will download PDFs, which will fit a normal 8.5″ x 11″ page snugly. Please print out a trillion of these and camp out in front of the glass during warm-ups. Cut out the eyeholes on the mask, tie it in front of your ugly mug, and give Thomas a warm welcome to Washington, D.C., the most powerful city on Earth. This is your moment to shine.

RMNB’s Obama Posters and Mask for Tim Thomas

Download	Download	Download

Because– despite the mewling whines of “Leave Timmy alone!” coming from the Boston area– we believe this is a winning strategy. An angry Tim Thomas gives up goals. A scored-on Tim Thomas gets angrier. And then he gives up even more goals. It’s a vicious cycle, and we just need to get it started.

Distraction is the name of the game. (Actually, the name of the game is still hockey but we don’t play hockey, so we’re gonna do this instead.) And if anyone asks you where the idea came from, tell ‘em it was ProHockeyTalk’s Joe Yerdon, a connoisseur of fine trolling.

Mind games! Let’s do it, guys. Send us your pics: @russianmachine, thecrew@russianmachineneverbreaks.com.

A parting note: this ain’t about politics. Hockey is for everybody, and that includes tea-partying, Michael Cudlitz-looking fellas like Timmy. We’re just having a laugh and ribbing the other team. As long as we take a deep breath before speaking and keep our senses of humor in tact, I think we can do this with some degree of civility. Go team.

Posters and masks by Ian Oland.

Neuvy smirks after taking a Rene Bourque slapshot off the mask. (Via @WashCapsRock)

The Washington Capitals’ season is still on shaky ground. Buffalo’s loss to Pittsburgh on Friday kept their hopes alive, but Saturday’s game versus the Montreal Canadiens held huge determinative power. Perfect time for a Comebackstrom.

After having his initial shot blocked, Alex Semin found a wide-open Mathieu Perreault in the slot, for a one-timer. 1-0 Caps. Unguarded in front of the net, Matt Hendricks hit Jay Beagle with a cross-crease pass to put the good guys up 2. Erik Cole then scored a momentum-killing goal with one minute left to go in the first.

In the second period, the Canadiens dominated. Tomas Plekanec tied it up when he went around a slow-skating Roman Hamrlik and scored on the backhand.

After multiple scoring chances for both teams in the third period, the game went to Overtime. Then the shootout. Thanks to goals by Matt Hendricks and Alex Semin, Caps win 3-2.

Do you like my new fanny pack? (Photo credit: Suzanne Kang)

• Alex Semin ended his penaltyless streak after finishing a check late in the first. Like his last penalty 8 games ago, it was a soft whistle. He’s not Matt Cooke or anything, but Sasha has certainly cleaned up his act.
• The Caps opened up hot with 12 shots in the first frame. But, like usual, they backed off big-time, allowing the Canadiens to catch up in the possession contest. This problem does not appear to be going away anytime soon.
• In fact, the Habs’ second goal was the result of the Caps being unable to sustain possession. Hemmed in their own zone for so long, Hamrlik (who looked ginger after a hit along the boards) and Wideman were unable to end their shift.
• No Nicklas Backstrom under the hood? Regardless of the circumstances, I’m disappointed.
• Michal Neuvirth took a puck to the throat late in the second, prompting Caps trainers to rush to his aid. But Mikey is made of sterner stuff and got right back up.
• The Caps didn’t play as if the season was riding on this game, but they had to have known it. A disorganized offensive effort and passive presence in their own zone convey a team that has given up. Like, ya know, the Habs.
• The guys who played best were the ones we expected least. Like Jay Beagle, whose timely goal and aggro PK service created a nucleus for an otherwise diffuse team effort.
• Matt Hendricks scored in the shootout, but that freeze move seems to be losing its mana. The word is out. Probably because of guys like us.
• Nicky is back. That’s pretty much all there is to say about that. He was a bit shy along the boards, but that’s understandable. He still managed to have 2 shots and win 12 of 18 face-offs in 19:38 TOI.

Joe B. suit of the night

Pregnant women and people with high blood pressure should not have
been watching this hockey game.

Thankfully our friends in Toronto bested the Sabres, granting our Caps sole possession of 8th place. Fruit basket to those guys– someone make it happen.

Yeah, not the statement game we needed, and not an apt reaction to the team’s circumstance. But points are points and it’s Saturday night and Nicky is back and the world is okay.

Crash the net.

Additional reporting by Ian Oland.

Photo via dumpnchase.com

With the Capitals spending their St. Patrick’s Day in Chicago (and its ludicrous dyed-green river), news from Kettler is almost non-existent. Thankfully, our boy Dave provides the skinny on Nick Backstrom, who continues to skate on his own.

Follow us past the jump for videos of Backstrom looking good, taking laps and firing shots.

Very encouraging, but there’s no timetable for a return yet. Still, barring an etbacksay, anyone wanna take a guess on NB19′s first game back?

Have a great St. Patrick’s Day. Get weird, but be safe. Everyone is an O’Vechkin today.

Video

S/T to @daveizzle for hooking us up with the video.

Ladies and gentlemen, here’s Craig Brownstein of PuckBuddys. Tweet at ‘em.

Cycling the Puck in a 24-Hour News Cycle

Malcontents, flamers, and haters: Gentle readers, Doug is taking a pass on the WPG pregamer and it’s in my mostly capable hands today. True story – He’s penning his RMNB resignation letter and is negotiating with the New York Times on placement, word count, accompanying artwork, and possible liability issues. If I’m reading his RMNB pregaming instructions correctly (which he scribbled on the back of a cocktail napkin), this is where I: A. Write opposing team’s city smells. B. Call their fans are ill-mannered, uncultured, uneducated, slovenly, and slack-jawed. C. Say opposing players are “stupid morons with ugly faces and a big butts and their butt smells and they like to kiss my butt.” D. Sit back and enjoy the smug satisfaction of being a hockey blogger.

But no. This game, the march to the playoffs and the gravity of the Caps precarious spot requires much more than just infantile name-calling. The seriousness of the situation screams out for far more elevated and sober commentary, which in this case means adolescent hectoring. And I’m the right man for the job.

But first, a look at the spate of recent Caps news:

WTF WaPo: Woodward and Bernstein Maese and El-Bashir dropped their battleship of an investigative piece, “Alex Ovechkin: What’s wrong with the Washington Capitals superstar?” in last Sunday’s edition. Not that it’s taken us this long to read it (Thomas Pynchon even found it a bit too wordy), but it required four entire days just to sift through the unattributed quotes and try and match them up against their sources. According to ‘someone familiar with the situation,’ he’s, “…seen more thorough sourcing in Gawker’s Blind Items, than with that Ovechkin drive-by shooting.”

Bringing Sexy Back(ström): The news about Nicky19 back on the ice was greeted with cheers throughout Capsland. Thursday saw him at KCI firing one-timers, drilling and “taking medium-effort laps of the rink with and without the puck.” Let’s let Pittsburgh and half of Hockeydom celebrate Sidmas on Thursday night. The return of Nicky to the ice will be reason to celebrate no matter your creed or religion. In fact, on the blessed day that our Angel returns, we plan to visit the synagogue, climb the steps of St. Matthews on our knees, sacrifice a goat (or Pens fan), and maybe bay at the moon like those wiccan people. Or just pound some Lutfisk and chase it down with Absolut.

Green Means Go: Friday’s Winnipeg game sees the return of Mike Green to the lineup after a 3-game Shanaban for his hit on Brett Connolly in last week’s Bolts game. Greenie is still pointless in ten games since his February 18 return from injury, and if this team is going to get into the playoffs, and succeed at all in those series, Green needs to get back on his game. It’s nice that we can rack up some W’s without him, but we don’t need any more of these one point, nail-biting victories.

Kuznetsov in Canada

Kuz on First or KuzNYETsov or Evgeny, We hardly Knew Ye: I’d trash talk Traktor and the KHL here if I wasn’t afraid of winding up dismembered, disemboweled, and buried in a shallow grave somewhere on the outskirts of Chelyabinsk. We’ll probably start reading about the outsized influence his mom, wife, Sochi, and Vladimir Putin have on him, from “people familiar with the situation.” If this is a start to a new Cold War, then bring it! And if it comes to Ovi having to ask for his wedding presents back, then by all means degift and regift. Maybe those two minutes that Ovi spent on the ice at Thursday’s practice wasn’t the result his collision with Knuble – was it was Ovi laying there, sobbing to himself and whispering, “Why Evgeny, Why?!?!?!” Or is the real answer that the NHL has too many Canadians playing? Kuz isn’t their fave Russian player it seems.

Puck Drop

The Caps are going for five in a row. The last time that happened this season? You don’t even have to be a fancy boy, #fancystats nerd to know that – early October, during the first two weeks of the season. Were the Caps the worst 7-0 team ever? They sure frittered away the last four months trying to prove that. For far too long, after too many fits and starts and embarrassing efforts, maybe these guys finally have their heads and asses wired together. The time is now. Better late than later. ABC: Always Be Crashing (the net).

Who’s Hot

Coiner: Keith Aucoin’s bus ride down from Hershey continues to pay off. 5 points (1G, 4A) in his last 5 games have come at just the right time for the Caps. We’d have lost to those craptacular Islanders if not for his hard work on Tuesday evening. The proud new papa has his hands full at home with his 3 week-old son, Brayden, and could be the perfect daddy that the Caps’ anemic PP needs. He’s hit the 10-game season threshold with the Caps, so putting him on waivers and sending him back to the Bears seems pretty unlikely. YAY!

Kanoobs: After being sat for much too long in the press box, Mike Knuble, Number 22 on the ice, but Number 1 in our hearts, is back on the ice and is racking up time – and a GOAL! We love Papa Knoobs and we’re not just saying that to suck up to the Knights – even though we’d love to be part of another investiture ceremony like Sir Ian Oland had.

Dima: Despite that little issue in the Islanders shootout, Scorlov is A-OK. His well-timed goal, early in the 3^rd against the Isles got the Caps back in the hunt. Keep working on the aim Baby Russian Machine and keep putting the rubber on those creeps in goal.

Alan May: I credit the latter-day Glimmer Twins, Joe B. and Locker for turning me onto this game, but it’s Alan May who teaches me about it. His intermission and post-game breakdowns of the action have helped make me the brilliant hockey analyst I am today. OK – maybe it was a little shameless asking him for a follow the other night (HE DID!!! OMG GUYS – HE REALLY DID!! SQUEEEEE!), but it allowed for an offline chat about Caps playoffs possibilities. Everyone has an opinion in this game, but the one we put the most weight behind is Alan’s. As far as ideal seed, Alan thought, “…8th may be better than 3rd. Caps can beat all the top seeds.” We like his style.

Who’s Nyet

Mike Green: [See above]

Sasha: This pains us to write… Only 3 points (1G, 2A) in his last 7 games isn’t the follow up we were hoping for after a very caring February, in which he racked up 13 points (5G, 8A) in 14 games. True, he’s been staying out of the penalty box lately (yielding that space to Beags it seems), but we need to see more production to feel a little better about the remaining games this season and any playoffs success. And Sasha – your allergy tests came back negative for tree pollen, kittehs, and back checking.

The Winnipeg Jets: This is where we talk about hockey things and stuff. Sorta. A pox on the Jets. We’ve got 4 points on them and they’re not the threat they seemed to be just a couple weeks ago. Still, a pox on their house, in this case, a pox on MTS Centre. They’re a desperate team and they must be dealt with accordingly and savagely on Friday night – no mercy, no prisoners. Get in, get out with two points and kiss their sorry asses goodbye until March 23 when we host them at Verizon. Lather, rinse, repeat. We’re so over these guys that we’ll farm out the hate-filled screed to a PuckBuddys stringer, Islanders scribe, @RoseTintedVisor:

Winnipeg: The Frozen North, rather than being giddy that they have a team, they have become the ultimate trolls. They boo every star, because they have none. Which is embarrassing enough, but then they troll Atlanta for ‘squandering’ their team. Calgary didn’t do this. Congrats. You have LESS CLASS THAN THE COW TOWN THAT IS CALGARY.

The Fourth Line

Cross Pollination or The Right Stuff: While there is no official PuckBuddys connection with the You Can Play initiative, I was honored to be a part of the effort by way of my day job as a PR guy – YCP is a pro bono client for my firm. And to demonstrate how impermeable the firewall was between PuckBuddys and YCP – one outfit did not get an interview with Patrick on the launch, ours. YCP got a lot of great ink and we especially appreciate the support and kind words from our Russian brothers about the effort. The great coverage continues and Phil Taylor of Sports Illustrated just filed a great piece on YCP, a must-read on this historic and thankfully, apolitical effort.

The next phase of the YCP campaign calls for the release of additional player PSAs, in which every NHL team is expected to be represented. And of course, that means a Washington Capitals player will participate too. I’ve been privy to conversations and have heard some amazing player names bandied about. Would you believe… Never mind – I’ve said too much as it is. And for the record, there is no truth to the rumor that I was overheard saying that working for the Burkes is like working for the Corleones. Regardless, I’d rather see my career go the way of Tom Hagen than Frank Pentangeli.

Better left unsaid: Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus has taken over Verizon this week. Let those be the last clowns we see in the joint – not counting the remaining five teams we host there (Jets, Wild, Sabres, Habs, and Panteros) and of course, the Wizards.

Meme of the Night: None, because I think that’s pretty much played (kinda like that JC74 Hadeed TV spot).

Prediction: Haters gonna hate and skaters gonna skate. Caps gonna annihilate. Buh-bye Winnipuke.