Doug Johnson of PuckBuddys writes for Russian Machine. Tweet tweet.

Anyone who’s had the misfortune to spend time in Ottawa has had the quintessential Canadian city experience: clean, cultured, and quietly disappointing. All the maple doughnuts and Labatt’s in the world can’t hide the fact that Ottawa is as appealing as lap dance from Marcus Bachmann. Puzzlingly, everyone seems mostly OK with this… albeit in a polite, deferential way. Ottawantarians seem to take civic pride in their shared, outstanding blahness. Just look the Senators.

First, there’s that name. Senators. Yeah, it’s a hat-tip to the first Senators to hit the ice way back when, winning a raft of Stanley Cups before moving down to St. Louis (we’d rather live in Ottawa, thank you) and disbanding after just a year. But then was then: how many teams have the word “Knickerbocker”, or “Stockings”, or “Amalgamated” in their names lately? Only in Ottawa (and tiny, deluded pockets of Washington) do people equate the word “Senator” with youthful male athleticism.

Senator

Second, when we think of the Senators, the first people who come to mind are those who aren’t with the team any more. Like the infuriatingly brilliant Jacques Martin, who arguably built up a new team from near scratch and got them Cup-ready, only to be heaved out on his ass by management. Hooray! How’d that work out for you, Sens? Or Mike Fisher, the aging center who, while decent when with Ottawa, we remember mostly for being dreamy. (We hear he’s living with some banjo player down south or something now.) We would continue *cough DanyHeatley cough*, but it’s tedious.

Which brings us back around to the Senators. Boring may be the nicest thing we can say about them. We get that they’re in a rebuilding phase, and that things can get– well– embarrassing. (Like the Detroit Lions for the last… three decades.) Whatever! Being our frosty neighbors to the north, we want to be respectful. But they’re not making it easy.

Daniel Alfredsson

The Senators are off to a slow start this year; rather like the year before, and the one before that. Their home opener had moments of good hockey, and got them a W, but it’s their only W so far. (And Thursday’s collapse to the Avalanche? Someone get me a bucket.)

38-year-old fossil Daniel Alfredsson (2G, 1A, minus-6) may be a short guy, but he’s solid, and turning in some solid performances so far this season. And what does it say about your team when the old man is the hot one – both on the ice, and off. (OK, not everyone gets the whole ‘ginger’ thing.) Newbie Craig Anderson may not be all that in the looks department, but he’s doing alright in the crease. He’s not posting Neuvy numbers, but they’re still at the low end of meh (.853 SV%, 5.07 GAA, 4 GP). And it seems his groin is holding up, unlike Neuvy’s.

Nikita Filatov

Czech winger Milan Michalek has tallied 3 goals and 2 assists so far this season, all the while maintaining his Bel Ami-inspired hair. Chris Neil‘s (1G, 1A) another player to watch during the game, as would have been Nikita Filatov (although for different reasons)until he received his bus ticket to Binghamton, to play on the Sens farm team. Former Caps D-man Sergei Gonchar is in the mix, but he’s done nothing notable since leaving Pittsburgh.

There’s more players we could go over, but why bother? The Senators have just not been able to make it happen offensively (maybe it’s a Canadian thing?) and– as the Avs debacle demonstrated– they’re hardly better on defense. But I dunno, you do just feel for these guys. Perhaps it’s all the crying we hear coming from their locker room? Sorry– make that stifled Canadian sobbing.

So let’s do something Washington has never done before, eh? Let’s just make a lazy, over-paid, over-nourished group of failures feel un-naturally welcome and self-entitled while we watch and laugh at their buffoonish antics, all while being fleeced for the privilege. Unless you get enough of that on C-SPAN. Anyhow – after our first three games (frenzies) of the new season, we’re certainly due to invoke some Senatorial privilege.

Caps "Kapitan" Alex Ovechkin (Photo by Heather Mabb)

Fedor Fedin checks in again with a translated article published in today’s Soviet Sport. The article is written by Dmitry Chesnokov and is titled, “When I speak, do not stare at the ceiling!” It refers to Alex Ovechkin and a joke he makes about his new-found Captaincy. Honestly, could there be no greater title to an article? I think not.

In the text below, Ovechkin talks about Russia’s Failures in the WJC, defends Nikita Filatov, and discusses what it will be like as Captain of one of the best teams in the NHL. Let’s go:

Alexander Ovechkin, the Captain of the Washington Capitals: “When I speak, do not stare at the ceiling!:
Questions and text by D. Chesnokov and D. Shumin for Soviet Sport, translation by F. Fedin for RMNB.

SIXTH CAPTAIN

In the history of the NHL, there have only been six Russians who have been permanent captains in the NHL. The four inactive/retired Captains are: Pavel Bure (Florida), Alexandr Mogilny (Vancouver), Alexei Yashin (Ottawa), and Alexei Zhamnov (Chicago). And there currently are two active Russians who are Captains: Ilya Kovalchuk (Atlanta) and now Alex Ovechkin.

We previously reported that the Caps traded their captain Chris Clark and defenseman Milan Jurcina to Columbus for power winger Jason Chimera on the last day of December. Washington cut $2.15 M of salary and also opened the door to nominate for captain their best player and MVP of the NHL for the last two years. It would be a powerful strategical and marketing turn.

Though we had our suspicions that Ovechkin might refuse the captaincy, days later, Alex took the Caps onto the ice in a home game against the Montreal Canadiens with the “C” on the front of his jersey. He didn’t score any points that night, but the home team won 4:2. A few days later, they crushed the Senators (5:2), and captain Ovechkin became one of the heroes of the night.

“I TALKED WITH REFEREES EARLIER, TOO”

“It’s a big moment for me and for the team to get new captain,” Ovechkin said after the game against Montreal. “But i don’t want to be consumed with my new job.”

Dmitry Chesnokov – You refused captaincy earlier in your career, correct? Why do you need to talk with the refs, and carry out team meetings? Your burden is to score goals.
Alexander Ovechkin – I talked with referees earlier, when I was an alternative captain. It’s not hard for me.

DC – Who’s your ideal captain? Chris Clark named Jarome Iginla.
AO – The Capitals captains I played with – Halpern and Clark – did a good job. But why do I need to imitate someone? You have to prove on and off the ice that you’re leader. It’s all about the respect from your teammates. Just imagine, you talk with the team, and one player is looking at the ceiling, another one is picking his nose… It would be unpleasant.

DC – If need be, can you say something tough in the locker room?
AO – Sure. No problem.

“FILATOV IS A LEADER”

“The main cause of our performance was my mistake in choosing the captain. A captain should be an example of how to behave on the ice, in the locker room and outside the arena. We trusted Filatov with the captaincy hoping that his experience would help him and his teammates be successful.

“Unfortunately, Filatov did not get it. He failed as a leader. After the game with Switzerland, I came to the locker room and apologized in front of the team for my choice of captain. Filatov was not worthy of wearing the C.” – Vladimir Pluschev, head coach of the National Russian junior team.

DC – Vladimir Pluschev, Head Coach of the National Russian junior team, blamed Nikita Filatov for the team’s failures in the World Junior Championship. Can one player really be blamed for this?
AO – I don’t think that one player can have such a big influence in a loss. Yes, if you’re the captain, you have some duties. But don’t jump all over Filatov. It was a team loss. Nikita is a leader. Everybody knows that he’s dangerous with the puck, and he can create a goal by himself. But i think the pressure got to him. When he received passes two opponents always stayed close to him. It was like this when I played in WJC, too. Our team was inexperienced and didn’t know how to play against a strategy like this. The first defender follows you, the second secures you. You try to play your game, but you can’t blame Filatov for the loss. He’s a good player. Don’t jump all over him for the failures of the team.

DC – Two years ago you had an invitation to become a captain. Why did you decline it?
AO – You invited me, you, journalists! … I have some experience now. I have seen how other captains behave in the locker room. I understand what i have to do. But even now, the main thing for me is to play good hockey.

DC – Imagine that you’d play with, for example, authoritative defenseman Scott Niedermayer, captain of Anaheim and the Canadian Olympic Team. Would it be hard for you to lead him?
AO – This guy will only help captains. He won’t say: “Why are you ordering me around?”. There is a large number of authoritative new Caps on our team, for example, Knuble. But we’re comrades.

DC – A comparison inevitably comes to mind – Sidney Crosby came to the NHL, became a captain, and won the Stanley Cup. Now Ovechkin wear “C”…
AO – Though I never admit it, my only goal is to win the Cup. But there’s no sense to compare me and Crosby.

DC – Did you try to introduce a new fashion – like sew the russian “K” [Ed. note - Russian "Kapitan"] on your jersey instead of the “C”?
AO – I guess, It will be misunderstood by some! – Ovechkin is smiling.

DC – Will you call for partners and organize events, like Clark did?
AO – We have people on the club who do it. I am free from that responsibility.