“Hello, Calgary Epicure Cigar and Pipe, may I help you?”
“Yeah, do you have Prince Alberta in a can? Bwahahahaha!!!”
The Puck Drop: So OK, we’re not proud of how we began our New Year. I mean, sure, it coulda been worse. We could’ve been busted by Johnny Law for something terrible and unimaginable like lighting off illegal fireworks. But, lol, who would do a dumb thing like that? Not us, that’s for sure!
Even though we did have cause to celebrate. Saturday night, when most sensible people were guzzling cheap booze and taking birth control, we were warming ourselves in the comforting glow of the Sony widescreen, watching as Ovi and Nicky and Wides and the rest shook off their end-of-year slumbers and handily downed the Blue Jackets in their own barn; ensuring that for at least the 18,000 gathered at Nationwide Arena it would be a crummy NYE. (Never, by the way, was there a more aptly named stadium for Columbus than Nation Wide.)
DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (All photos by Jeff McIntosh)
Halloween. This is the time of year when the eerie and unlikely are commonplace. This is the season of mists, of despair, of loss.
Nah, forget that. The Caps struggled mightily in the first period with the Calgary Flames. Going down by two goals early on, the Caps looked vanquished. A pathetic power play only hurt our wavering confidence. Maybe we should turn the game off and hit up that costume party after all? Nyet. Nicky Backstrom turned the Caps second power play into a goal reminiscent of ’09-’10’s best, and then the second period happened.
Let’s not mince words. The second period of this game was a bulldozer. The Caps scored six goals, two pairs of those goals coming within 13 seconds of each other. I’d tell you who scored the goals, but it’d take too long. Trust me: it’s everyone you’d expect. And also Dave Steckel. The Flames never came back after those early volleys. Caps beat Flames 7-2.
How unreliable are rumors from Russia? Way back on May 5th, journalists from Sportsdaily.ru were declaring that Olli Jokinen would sign with Dynamo Minsk of the KHL. The rumors seemed so concrete, in fact, that it inspired Peter to write a goodbye post to his favorite NHL Player. Well, just in case, he thought we should hold onto this until the deal is completed. Good thing he did, because Olli never signed. To our horror, Jokinen signed with the Calgary Flames on the first day of Free Agency and will hang on to his dreams of drinking Hawaiian Punch from the Stanley Cup for another two years. Well I still wanted to share this with the world, and with some aptly placed strikethroughs, I think the post is as good as gold. Don’t you?
Our intention for RMNB is to discuss all things hockey that fascinate the Washington Capitals fan. Today is auspicious, for there is nothing more fascinating that the physiological absurdity that is Olli Jokinen. While he is neither Russian nor a Capital, Jokinen’s pending move from the New York Rangers to the
KHL’s Dynamo Minsk NHL’s Calgary Flames is a wonderful excuse for us to marvel at how weird looking he is.
Olli is a high-scoring grunt who has been trapped on middling teams during his 14 seasons in the NHL. He’s made only two short trips to the postseason, racking up impressive totals in neither. Despite his impressive points output, the Finnish centerman’s career would be less noteworthy if not for this incident with former Cap Richard Zednik. Readers, if you’re not into arterial blood spray, feel free to just skip right over this video.
Russian Machine Never Breaks is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
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