Check out the Hendyface! (Photo credit: Patrick McDermott)

I was expecting some kind of letdown after the Washington Capitals ensured themselves a playoff spot on Tuesday, but dude. Thursday’s game against the Ottawa Senators wasn’t bad by any stretch, but it didn’t carry the same gravitas now that the Caps are locked in third place. Erik Karlsson’s unlikely return to service was heartening for pure hockey fans, but it’s way too late in the season for us to muster up that kind of neighborliness. Besides, it’s totally possible this is the team the Caps will have to face in the playoffs, so we should probably get the enmity brewing now.

Karlsson got one, then Ovi got one. Then overtime, where ex-Cap Sergei Gonchar won it all because Mike Ribeiro is a liability.

Sens beat Caps 2-1. Ottawa makes the playoffs.

• Matt Cooke injured (and how many sentences have started that way?) Ottawa’s Erik Karlsson in February with a skate slice to his achilles tendon. Most thought he’d be out for the year, but Karlsson made his big comeback in DC on Thursday. The game’s first goal was his, although tipped in by he of the unnecessary consonants, Jakob Silfverberg. Karlsson whipped the puck in from near the blue line, which Silfverberg tipped past Michal Neuvirth. Michal and I both felt that Silfverberg interfered with Neuvy in the same manner that the Caps have been penalized so many times the past, but the refs disagreed.
• If the Caps and the Sens play in the quarterfinals, there’s maybe half a day’s worth of stories about both countries’ capital cities playing. After that it’ll be all tedium and players whose name end in “son.”
• Maybe that’s not entirely true. Ottawa has plenty of peppy players who don’t hesitate to mix it up after a whistle– plus they all race to defend Captain Daniel Alfredsson. That’s exactly what happened when John Erskine mixed things up with 40-year-old Alfie in the third period. The two went off for matching minors (the old guy a bit more reluctantly than big John).
• Ian Oland spreads wisdom on tonight’s opponent:
  (9:12:35 PM) Ian Oland: ottawa are cheaters
  (9:12:39 PM) Ian Oland: they should go on the show cheaters
• On the Caps’ first shot of the third period, Alex Ovechkin got behind the Ottawa defense and backhanded in his 32nd goal of the season. An even-strength, finesse goal in which he carried the puck and beat the defense– just to remind us all that he’s no one-trick pony. What even is a one-trick pony? Who even teaches ponies tricks, and why the hell can’t they all learn more than one? And did anyone see that Paul Simon movie? Sucked. Unlike Ovechkin, who is awesome. #analysis
• Not sure how it happened, but the Capitals surrendered the possession game somewhere near the end of the second period and ended up getting smoked. This may sound trite, but a team that tilts the ice usually goes further than a meeker team. Shoot moar pucks and don’t loaf in the third period.
• Mike Ribeiro failed to sabotage the game with a late-game, offensive-zone penalty for Ribeiroing. Then Steve Oleksy somehow got away with cold-cocking Jakob Silfverberg in the face during play, and yes, I am very happy I got to use the word “cold-cocking” this season. Oleksy didn’t get called for that punch– inconceivably. Then Ribeiro then got caught another goddamn penalty with one-minute left, because I guess if he can’t score then might as well play galactically stupid hockey. Sergei Gonchar scored the OTPPGWG.

Joe B suit of the night

Here’s a scary thought: that might have been Michal Neuvirth‘s last game as a Washington Capital. Neuvy, with all of 13 games played, will be a restricted free agent at the end of the season. I doubt the Caps will let him go, but Oates’ preference for Holtby at least makes it a question. Neuvy was a total stud with 39 saves tonight. He’s had an off year, but his rough starts came when the Caps defense was atrocious. I’d really like to see him re-up soon.

And then there’s Mike Ribeiro, for whom I have the opposite feeling. I don’t understand what came over him, but when people talk about selfish penalties, they’re talking about stuff like this. When a player chooses to mix things up with the opponent before considering how it may hurt his team, that’s selfishness. Most of the time that won’t cost you the game, but tonight it did– and it gave the Caps’ most likely playoff opponent a ticket to the dance.

I really don’t wanna see the Senators next week. I’d love a series against the Leafs, but that is now impossible. What match-up do you guys wanna see?

One more game left– Boston on Saturday night. Then the Capitals and RMNB kick things into high gear. Let’s do it.

Riding high on an eight-game win streak, the Washington Capitals had all kinds of confidence before their game at the home of the Ottawa Senators. Confidence apparently doesn’t translate into puck possession, as the Capitals got totally tyrannized by the Senators. The Capitals had only a nominal offense and seemed to be suffering from some rare disease that you see on House that disables your ability to pass the puck. Meanwhile, the Senators were smothering and aggressive and a pretty darn hockey team. Don’t wanna see them in the first round playoffs– knock on Joel Rechlicz’s stick.

Senators beat Caps 3-1.

• I missed most of the last two Caps games. Everyone tells me they’re a good hockey team, but what I saw tonight is what the francophones would call le garbage.
• The first period was muy soñoliento. Wait, we’re in French Canadia: Très somnolent. The Caps held the Sens shotless on two soft-call power plays, but the Caps offered precious little offense. My precious timeonice.com is down, but it was pretty apparent that Ottawa was tilting the ice big-time.  Some great work in the crease by Braden Holtby kept the game scoreless through twenty.
• But the Caps’ insouciance towards offense continued in the second period. Playing almost exclusively in their own end, the Caps probably weren’t surprised when Kyle Turris eventually beat Holtby blocker side to make it 1-0.
• Holtby got an P90X workout all night, particularly when Chris Neil beat him on the backhand but rang the post. Holtby covered that one and had to do Travolta-esque splits right after. Holtby was active all night, and got run on more than one occasion.
• Martin Erat, who is apparently an actual hockey player for the Washington Capitals, batted down a high puck and sent it laterally to Mike Ribeiro, who put the Caps on the board with a layup. Erat, who drives play, might be a good complement for Ribeiro, who is riding dirty as a passenger on that line but has finishing skills.
• So get this. Holtby got the puck behind his net and then made a blind pass up the boards to a guy in a red uniform, which would’ve been fine in a home game. Instead, Cory Conacher scored an unassisted empty-net goal to re-establish the Senators lead. No one has named a child Cory since 1990, by the way. He was the last one. Anyway, Holtby pulled the same move half a minute later, although he seemed to be looking that time. I’m not saying Holtby was bad– far from it, but the onslaught of this game’s first half and that one goof coulda been reason enough to give him a break for the night. He deserved a better team in front of him.
• Nick Backstrom took no shifts after the 12-minute mark of the third period. So… yeah… not good. We’ll keep an eye on that one, as we know pretty well what a Caps team without Nick Backstrom looks like. Update: Stephen Whyno says Backstrom was hit a by a shot by Mike Green.
• Who is this Craig Anderson person?

Joe B suit of the night

Here’s one thing I can’t allow: “Braden Holtby lost this game for the Caps.” Nu-uh. Ottawa put overwhelming shot volume on Holtby, while Washington could hardly be bothered to fire a shot even when behind in the third period. This was one of those puck-possession blowouts that can’t be overcome unless your team is scoring on every other shot. The skaters lost this one.

Don’t look at the out-of-town scoreboard, guys. It looks like the Jets are within striking distance of the division lead– even after an 8-game win streak. Next week’s game against the Dirty Peg is gonna be intense.

This sucks. I miss two games, Gordon writes about all kinds of crazy Ovi goals and stuff, and now I’m stuck with the bummer loss. Not as if my personal suck comes close to the universal suck in the world this week, but yeah this sucks. I blame congress. Crash the net next time.

Programming note: I’ll be attending the PuckBuddys party at Nellie’s on Saturday. Come buy me a beer and watch me spaz out trying to cover the game and be social at the same time.

Photo credit: Sean Kilpatrick

The Washington Capitals started something with their first win on Sunday and sought to keep that going against the Ottawa Senators. The Caps brought a sense of coherence and confidence to their game that we haven’t seen in a long time, but the game’s back half started sagging and one bad penalty cost them everything.

The Capitals gave Troy Brouwer his second goal of the year, a net-crashing backhand set up by some hardworking hockey from Wojtek Wolksi and the Caps D-corps. Matt Hendricks deflected Jay Beagle’s wide-angle shot into the net to give the Caps a 2-0 lead. The Senators got on the board with a Condra shot deflected off of Jim O’Brien. Milan Michalek tied it up with a tricky backhand off the faceoff that eluded Neuvirth. Former Cap Sergei Gonchar got the game-winning goal on an undeserved power play in the games final minutes.

Sens beat Caps 3-2.

• The Caps were on a roll in the first period. They played strong possession hockey (even-strength shots were 13-6) and savvy defense. It was their strongest period in months– perhaps their best since the Boudreau era. It didn’t last. The third period saw scarcely any even-strength shots.
• Joel Ward had a bad time with late-game penalties last spring, but he didn’t deserve the repeat of it tonight. The high-sticking penalty is not supposed to be applied when the stick is following through on a shot or pass, but that’s exactly what happened– called by a distant zebra.
• Alex Ovechkin‘s first shot on goal came in the third period, a long bomb from center ice. The captain’s other cotnribution to the game was a slashing penalty with the score tied in the third. I don’t think you can chalk that up to his grinding linemates  in Jay Beagle and Joey Crabb.
• Actually, Ovi did attempt The Move, then fell, and then bowled into Senators goalie Craig Anderson. Ovi wasn’t penalized, and I’m not sure he’s even physically capable of embarrassment.
• To be fair, Ovechkin nearly had a perfect repeat of his PPGWG from Sunday late in the game, the shot nudged away by Anderson. That was typically B.A. A.O., but I’d like to see alot moar of it.
• I love Sergei Gonchar. We’re happy to see him contributing to his team, but not like this. Not like this, Sergei.
• Hey, here’s a rule I’m still learning: concealing the puck. Nick Backstrom got called for it early in the first, turning a piping hot power play into a tepid four-on-four. Two power plays were neutralized in the first period– the second was when Kyle Turris was called out for pratfalling on a mild infraction from Mathieu Perreault.
• Can we talk about Big John Erskine? I’ve been dying to talk about John Erskine. Guy got oodles of ice on Tuesday. He hauled his grizzled behind around with some alacrity, laughed off a dance invitation from Chris Neil (whom he could have eaten, digested, and returned to the game once he used the facilities), and even helping out with one monster (blocked) shot.
• Not hockey: did you read our story on Wes Johnson? Really moving stuff.

Joe B suit of the night

I’m not really sure what to make of this one. You’re gonna have to help me out.

The Capitals played one or two fantastic periods. The hockey they played in those first two periods could beat most teams in this league, but the third was lacking in offense and made it all too easy for Ottawa to even it up.

The game-winner from Gonch? That’s just what happens when games are officiated by humans. I guess we’re supposed to keep our chins up and hope that bad calls will one day swing our way as well, but bitterness outstrips benevolence right now.

C’est la vie seems like the wrong notion, particularly after a loss in French Canadia. This is a short season, and every point is a bit more precious as a result. The Capitals played winning hockey (or at least OTL-ing hockey) and still came out losers.

So what do we make of that?

There’s not much to say, really. The Washington Capitals got their asses kicked thoroughly by the Ottawa Senators.

Erik Karlsson went five-hole on Tomas Vokou to make it 1-0, and Milan Michalek beat Dennis Wideman to make it 2-0.  Number three was Michalek again, who tipped a power play shot to make it 3-0. On another power play, Chris Phillips made it 4-0.

The Caps got serious in the third. John Carlson broke the shutout, and Matty Perreault deflected in a goal off his pretty French Canadian face. But Nick Foligno secured the empty netter. Sens beat Caps 5-2.

Perfunctory game notes.

• Team captain Alex Ovechkin missed the game due to a lower-body injury sustained on Monday.
• Elderly defender Roman Hamrlik was scratched. Rumors of a possible trade proliferated, and I’m sure Dale Hunter’s saying he had been giving up “too many scoring chances” only stoked those flames.
• Tomas Vokoun was dramatically off his game, giving up 4 goals on 10 shots.
• When he relieved Vokoun for the second consecutive game, Michal Neuvirth had to stop two shorthanded breakaways in a row. He was perfect until the final buzzer.
• Mike Green recorded 8 shots on goal. He deserved better than his team tonight. Jason Chimera had 6 and looked very sharp after the first period, especially when setting up a trick shot off Perreault’s face.
• Troy Brouwer, who as alternate captain is allowed to talk back to refs, got whistled for unsportsmanlike conduct.
• Brooks Laich got in a fight. No seriously, Brooks Laich got in a fight. He went PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH FALL DOWN BEFORE YOU CAN FIGHT BACK OKAY FIGHT OVER. BL21 was superb tonight, allowing only one even-strength shot against his net while on the ice. He always cares.
• The Caps went scoreless for more than 130 minutes before John Carlson struck on the power play.

Joe B suit of the night

You know stuff is dire when your team has to score by banking shots off each other’s faces.

This is what happens when a team depends on its goalies completely. All goalies falter eventually, but only bad teams are crippled by it. The Capitals are a bad team. Maybe the worst. Ugh, that sucks to type.

It didn’t have to be like this. This team won 7 games in a row to start the season. They definitively defeated the Detroit Red Wings, who are now the best team in the league.

But after a few too many slip-ups, the front office, who might have been wound a bit too tight by expectation, jettisoned the coach. Since then, any sign of progress has been a mirage– a temporary but seductive vision that served only to delay this inevitable realization:

This team is broken.

We knew that on Monday, but the team made no changes. Despite the score, this one was almost worse, perhaps because of the accumulation of misery. This team keeps piling it on, but stubbornly refuses to acknowledge and address obvious problems.

• The Capitals defense can’t play Johnson’s man-to-man defense. The Capitals cannot (and never could) afford to wait for them to learn.
• The Capitals forwards thrive on creativity, but are stifled by Hunter’s conservative approach, which is designed to limit odd-man rushes against but has failed utterly to do so.
• The Capitals overleveraged Nick Backstrom and Tomas Vokoun, and they could not withstand an injury to the former and a less-than-perfect performance by the latter.

But look at these guys. These players are fantastic. You’ve seen them play like heroes before. Individually, they’re great. They’re all just suffering under the same endemic problem, some pervasive gloom in the organization.

Believe it or not: that’s a good thing. As bad as it looks, this team is never far from greatness. It’ll happen.

Someone asked me yesterday if it’s time to give up on the Caps. My answer?

Now here are some animal videos.

Brooks Laich fight joke stolen from Ian Oland.

Here’s Doug Johnson of Puck Buddys with your pregame report. Follow @PuckBuddys.

The Pregame: Well, hello you! Pollyanna Sunshine, reporting for duty! And here’s my colleague, Peppy Miller! Rah Team!

OK, glum-dums. Tides have a way of turning. Or so Barbara Streisand tells me. Sure, watching the Capitals this season has been exactly like watching the tides rush in and out, depositing a fresh crop of flotsam and hope on the shore at high tide before sucking it all back out to sea, leaving behind dead jellyfish and despair. But…

Bring Out The Zamboni

Let’s be clear. We are not going into excuse mode, which seems to be the default for senior Caps management (despite Ted’s “Unacceptable” post, pssh.) There’s a wide gap between losing after playing hard, and just acting like losers. Monday night was an impeachable offense. Of course, we’re pointing out the merely gape-mouthed obvious here because, well, it makes us feel a little superior. That, and there appears to be a “merely obvious gap” at Kettler these days.

Shall we go on? Oh lets. Bruce Boudreau was not the problem. Dale Hunter has not been the solution. Yanking Tomas Vokoun did not change momentum. Alex Ovechkin is not going to be replaced as Captain. The 2012 Presidential election will be dreadful. Ryan Kesler needs a boyfriend. Don’t make us continue, because we will.

And yet -because what’s an argument with a yet – we still believe this can be done. We can make it to the Holy Land in April. We just have to do one thing: start acting like the team we’re haven’t proven ourselves to be so far.

Ummm…yeah. And here’s how we start. We down the Senators Wednesday night by doing a few things, and then we keep on doing those things.

Yes, this is what it’s come to. Teh PuckBuddys are giving ice advice. Suck it up.

The Puck Drop

• 

  Jason Spezza

  Oh, Them:The Senators have been Caps-like this season, just in slower motion. We’re on one game, off the next. The Sens; it’s more like on 8 games, off the next 10. Result, and trust me this is something I never thought I would be writing, ever, the Senators (31-22-8) are ahead of the Capitals 29-25-5) in conference standings. Much of the credit goes to four jokers; three we’ve previously mentioned. Erik Karlsson (or Karl Karlsson) at 12G/45A, plus-14 has totally stepped up his game of late, Milan Michalek (25G/14, minus-2) continues being a threat, and some fossil named Alffrreddssonn (20G/24A, plus-9 and ancient.) Bottle them up.

• Don’t Spezza Out: But Jason Spezza, at an astounding 27G/38A, plus-6, is prince of the Senators of late. Late’s an appropriate word, as Spezza has long promised more than he delivered. Why is he firing of late? In part because the entire Sens squad is playing open: moving the puck fast and loose, and earning its wins on the talents of a few hot players (Spezzatini has 14 points in 5 games, the jerk.) Loose is unlike a lot of squads these days, and disciplined is how they come down. Leading to:
• Hey, We Like Playing Ottawa: Loose means at both ends. Sure, they got a shut out against the Islanders (snicker) but we, and others have a way of getting lots of pucks in their nets. That, and a free-flying offense probably leaves them weaker at the D-end, which points the way to how we win this game. Besides, we’re 3-0 so far against the Senators, so we’ve got some number of theirs figured out. (And how delicious is it that Washington is eating Senators? Oh, Howell Heflin, where are you now that we need you?)
• Smells Like Team Spirit: I am likely an idiot when it comes to sophisticated NHL strategems. But even this idiot knows not to disspirit a team. We have not been playing like a team, I think (ahem) exactly because we’re not being coached and governed like a team. It’s a bit intangible, but every game-day move, line-shift and healthy scratch I see appears more about individuals than team. Wanna win? Be a team that wins. And that means fostering that team spirit – coaches.

Prediction

Erik Karlsson

Enough yippity-yap. Capitals pull it out. Capitals move pucks to goal. Capitals keep it on Offense and go up by 2 at the end of the third.

Why so bold? Because if we can’t do this – if we can’t defeat the squad we’ve already defeated three times – then we’re not a team. Meaning: it’s time for a major gut job.

Sports don’t come down to one game, until they do. Just ask Coach Boudreau. This is a game that matters muchly.

Meme Of The Night

????? (Photo credit: Jana Chytilova)

The Washington Capitals’ only win under Coach Hunter came from the Ottawa Senators, whom they met again on Wednesday. It was their second meeting in a week, and it was freaking terrific.

Jeff Halpern recovered Dennis Wideman’s rebound to make it 1-0. With Vokoun and Erskine bobbling the puck, Erik Condra took a stab and tied it up.  Nick Foligno combined speed and patience to score just as the power play expired. Brooks Laich set up Nick Backstrom, who roofed the tying goal on the power play. Alex Ovechkin looped around the Ottawa net, suckered his defender, and loosed the go-ahead goal. Troy Brouwer piled on 15 seconds later with his Gordie Howe Hat Trick goal. Milan Michalek needed like 5 milliseconds to score on a late-game power play. John Carlson sniped the empty netter. Caps beat Sens 5-3.

• So, wait… you’re telling me John Carlson and Erik Karlsson are NOT related?
• Ottawa’s Chris Neil got whistled for embellishment after an iffy hit by Alex Ovechkin. So dedicated to his diving craft is Mr. Neil that he struggled to get up, held his midsection with a grimace on his face, and spent his penalty in the locker room. What a committed actor. Okay, yeah. That was definitely an A1 spear to the yambag by 8 there. Neil spent the rest of the game following Ovi around like an belligerent toddler. [See our article about Ovechkin spearing Neil]
• The Capitals let the bulk of the second period go without putting up any offense. Neil Greenberg reports that around 17 minutes elapsed between Caps scoring chances, which bookended 2 Senators goals. Bad. One of those goals was a lovely effort by Foligno, the other was a woeful mistake by John Erskine.
• FIGHT! It’s Troy Brouwer versus Jesse Winchester:

• That fight, plus his assist, plus his goal… that means… Troy Brouwer wins the Gordie! Scroll on down for Ian’s commemorative RMNB illustration.
• The Capitals tried mightily to make something happen on their lengthy 5-on-3 opportunity, but bad habits (i.e. overpassing) are hard to break. The power play came and went like so many have this season.
• But then Nick Backstrom scored the Capitals first power play of the Dale Hunter era and the first since the Rangers on November 25th, when we were all still om nom nomming on leftovers.
• Alex Ovechkin was heading for a frustrating night. He was a powerhouse in enemy territory, offering 7 shots– most from between 10 and 30 feet., drawing a penalty, making big moves and… IT WORKED! Ovechkin’s goal was a dominant play that reminded everyone that he can be the most captivating player in the NHL.
• Peter of Chirps from the Ledge shared a crucial observation: the power play gave up no shorthanded chances tonight. Sadly, this really is notable.
• Alex Semin returned to the ice after missing three games. Stick penalty. Classic Sasha! At least he didn’t have to linger in the box long; Michalek scored five seconds later.
• Alex Semin’s understudy Joel Ward also contributed two awful stick penalties. Children, this is why we can’t have blow-out wins.

Joe B suit of the night

Can we play Ottawa every night? I know they’re not Cup contenders or anything, but we need this right now! The Hunter‘s Capitals are still embryonic and their confidence is fragile. Every win means the world to the team psyche right now, not to mention the conference standings, which… well, just don’t look right now.

So another win: the second of Hunter’s NHL career, the second against Ottawa. The bleeding has stopped, and maybe– just maybe– Ovechkin has turned a corner. The boys should be smiling on their trip home.

At least until they see the tarmac covered in snow.

Congratulations to Troy Brouwer on his first Gordie Howe as a Washington Capital!

Illustration by Ian Oland, who really does have a degree in graphic design.

Craig Anderson watches one go by. (Photo credit: Andre Ringuette)

Doug Johnson of Puck Buddys offers this pregame dispatch. Follow Puck Buddys on Twitter.

The Pre-Game: We hear through the Twitters that perhaps we went just a weee bit overboard with our preview of Saturday’s Ottawa game, and shameless self-promotion of teh PuckBuddy’s Big Gay Night Out. Whoops! Curiously: among the critics was Donald Trump, who should know a thing or two about the line between gleeful self-promotion and villainous sociopathy, so we take that to heart. So that, plus Peter’s epic stat-tastic data set analysis matrix (or whatever) have convinced us today we’re going to play it down the line.Yup, right… directly, down that… unbending line. Directly… forward, in a non-curvilinear fashion. And that’s as close as we’re ever going to come to saying it, so get over it.

The Naughty and Nice List, Part 1

Oh noes, it being the season of interminably pointless culture battles over decorated trees and shopping mall greetings, we’re compiling a list of who’s being good, and who isn’t, on the Caps bench. We know: all this is old and nobody cares.

But someone cares. And his name is Santa. Our Elfalicious list begins with:

Naughty: Toss up here. Michal Neuvirth, who we genuinely like, turned in a crap performance Monday. Yo it happens brah, we get it, but (at least if the numbers are to be believed) it’s happening a tad too much with you, and you canNOT blame the Sunrise mess only on lack of D. But then there’s two other guys we really like, who seemed to go out of their way to be idiots: John Erskine and Karl Alzner. Erskine’s punch-down of Bracken Kearns (which we swear is not something you studied in high school biology) seemed pointless – he’s a shrimp, nobody needed the up, and you got tossed out of the game for a butt-load of time. Not smart. Speaking of not smart…ugh, Alzner, we really really like you. But that last-minute boarding escapes us. Did you think ‘Gorsh, nobody’s a-lookin’!‘, or were you thinking at all? Lump of coal goes to: Neuvy.

Nice: Nicky’s clearly aiming for the Junior Red Ryder BB Gun, as he is just the utility fix-it down there. He’ll get his wish soon enough. Today, our candy cane goes to Coach Hunter, who had the balls to stick by Neuvy after a crap 1st period, and keep him from getting even more rattled. Teams like s**t like that.

The Puck Drop

Oy Gevalt, what, weren’t we just here? Like so much has changed, you need something said? Like a prophet I should be?

Look, we pretty much stand by everything we wrote last time. Go look it up for hot Sens pics and searingly brilliant analysis. Except we want to add a few thoughts:

Milan Michalek

• Taste of Honey: last time out we were singling out the players who counted – Alfredsson (son of Batman’s butler), Zach Smith (rly? Zach?! Nice parents) and Sergei Gonchar top among them. And these were the guys that figured…in Monday’s battle against Tampa Bay. Us? We got Erik Karlsson (or Karl Eriksson) who at 2G, 21A and -2 is helpful but not someone who should have been a top-line threat. Oh, and Milan Michalek, 16G, 6A and -2 is someone who actually did figure (and we warned about.) The point is that some of these kids were really sweet against us, while the “stars” (to the delusion that there are, actually, stars in Ottawa) weren’t so much. Perhaps we should watch for what we’re not expecting.
• Home Dull Home: Yes, we get to shamble on up to the Venice of the 50th parallel – Ottawa! Trust us, there’s not enough Molson in Canada to make Ottawa appealing. Still, we’re there, and they’re home. Which we generally don’t pay attention to, except while they’re 7-4-1 at home (compared to our whompin’ an’ a stompin’,) while we are 4-8-0 on the road. Only Anaheim (*coughJigglescough*) and the hilarious Blue Jackets stink worse. So there you go! Let’s beat the Ducks!  Hahah, oh wait, don’t.
• The “Bobby Brady” Effect: Yes, there’s actually a thing social psychologists measure called the “Bobby Brady Effect.”  Take our word for it.  Don’t get all stupid and start looking it up. Anyway, the third of a series can often be a little…well, Bobby Brady. Look, we’re sure that Mike Lookinland (we’re so confident we’re not even looking it up) is a perfectly nice fellow and not some meth-binging, butt-tatted loser living in a Reno trailer park. But “Bobby Brady”? Our point is that we’ve beaten up on the Sens twice, but both current stats and house odds say our number has to come up. Caps: do NOT count on showing up to play the third Brady (i.e., pushover) child Wednesday. Play like you’re playing Greg!

Erik Karlsson (Photo credit: Andre Ringuette)

The OT and Shoot Out: The entire NHL proposed re-alignment has us all in a muddle. It’s like moving into a new neighborhood where all the kids at school are a-holes. We can’t process.

But we can process what appears to be happening with Coach Hunter and the Caps. They’re building trust and confidence in each other. We’re no Pollyanna Princess Pony when it comes to reality: we get where we’re at exactly like everyone else does. But we’re just sayin…sorta like that tattoo you have and are embarrassed of, or that shite boyfriend (or two) you once had, or that can’t-lose Nigerian check transfer scheme, you probably feel worse about your mistakes than the rest of the world.

We’re thinking: we’re probably feeling a little worse about our season so far than the rest of the world. It’s not as bad as it seems. In fact, we think it might just be getting better. But perhaps not exactly just yet.

SCOAR! Brooks Laich celebrates his game-winner. (Photo credit Rob Carr)

As we venture into the Dale Hunter era, each game reveals new layers of the Washington Capitals’ game. In Saturday night’s meeting with the Ottawa Senators, we got all of that. And as a special bonus, we got a W, the first for Coach Hunter’s NHL career.

Before the game was two minutes old, Nick Backstrom did everything right to score, a feat made easier by Alex Ovechkin drawing two Senators away. Early in the second, Erik Karlsson sent the puck through traffic and tied it up. In the third, Ovi sent a picture-perfect pass through the seam to Troy Brouwer, who converted the short-side. Milan Michalek tied it up late while Neuvirth was sprawled out. Then Brooks Laich slayed the Sens in overtime. Caps beat Sens 3-2 (OT).

• Congrats to Dale Hunter on his first win. We’ll get back to this at the end of the post.
• Here’s an unavoidable point: the Capitals are a lot less fun to watch these days. Le sigh. Gone are the days of face-off one-timers, of blazing shots and searing breakaways, of wine and roses.
• At least the guys are leveling hits like crazy. 24 by the Caps tonight, spread out pretty evenly among the team. Some of them were monsters too, including the highlight-reel Ovechkin-Greening hit.
• But hits are sugary sweets that only good boys get to have if they first eat their vegetables. In the world of this awful analogy, eating veggies means converting power plays, which the Caps failed to do on four opportunities. Boo.
• The Hendricks-Perreault-Halpern trio was bred like Orcs for grinding in the offensive zone. The Senators looked like they had been chugging NyQuil by the end of their shifts.
• Jeff Halpern won 7 of 8 faceoffs. Yeah, he’s good.
• That Milan Michalek goal puts him in a 3-way tie with Kessel and Stamkos for goal scoring (16).
• Brooks Laich, quietly celebrating his 500th NHL game, had a good one. 6 Shots, 1 OTGWG.
• Also marking his 500th game was The Great Eight, Alex Ovechkin. Ovi’s o-zone presence made Backstrom’s goal possible, and he recorded the primary assist on Brouwer’s goal. Ovi leveled a few monster hits as well. He’s still doing that move where he enters the zone, cuts to the middle, and then fails to use the defender as a screen. You know– the same one the NHL figured out in the winter of 2009. So that’s still a thing.
• Ottawa’s Erik Karlsson doesn’t even need a seat on the bench; he does everything on ice. He scored the Sens’ only goal, committed a penalty (which is no big deal against the Caps since they can’t score), and logged 26:27 ice time.
• Nick Backstrom is 7th in the NHL in assists with 18. First place is one of the weird Sedins with 21, which begs the question: how awesome would Backstrom be if the people he passed to could actually score?

Holy heck, the Washington Capitals won a hockey game! Congratulations to Dale Hunter on winning his first game as a Cap since March 20, 1999. To celebrate the win, here’s a song by Mastodon off their latest album, aptly titled The Hunter.

I’ll rearrange your face for you. . .  / I wanna break some [bleeping] glass / I wanna squeeze you ’til you’re inside out / I want it all

Cool lyrics. Would’ve been a bit more appropriate if Erskine and Konopka got into it. Oh well.

Have a great Saturday night everyone!

Joe B suit of the night, super-sized.

Photo credit: Rob Carr

Puck Buddys’ Doug Johnson takes full responsibility for this post. Twitter: @PuckBuddys. 

The Pre-Game: Interesting fact: did you know that the North American Otter (Enhydra lutris) has to eat roughly 25% of its body weight in food every day just to survive? True! Like, how many Dippin’ Dots would that be? AND that in the ancient Zoroastrian religion, that otters were considered holy beings?! So Wow, I mean like…

Oh. Oh, it’s the Ottawa Senators. Oh lolz! If you could see my face blushing.

Actually, we have enough blush, and not in an endearing way, left over from Thursday night. Although we cautioned, and predicted moments, we didn’t – and simply never ever will – go on the record predicting a Pens victory over the Caps, despite our well-shared worries. Sure, it wasn’t a blow-out. Yeah, Erskine earned himself a pelt off one of the birds, in just payment for Beags (IMHO.) And yes, even hobbled offensively as we are (and whyis that, exactly?) and with all the turmoil and blah blah go freaking tell your shrink because I don’t give a damn we kept them to one point. Whoot!  A loss by only one point!

Which says a lot about where we’re at. Too much. Too, too much, if you ask us, girlfriends.

So you leave us no choice. We didn’t want it to come to this. But frankly, Washington, you’ve given us little recourse.

The PuckBuddys are pulling the Tim Gunn Emergency Alarm, and setting the Caps rescue in motion. This Saturday, it’s ALL GAYS ON DECK!

The Puck Drop

Whoop! All menz on hand! Whoop whoop! And all womenz! Oh Snapz, it’s Rainin’ Menz N’ Wymnz! Yes, Washington, this is what you have forced us to. Teh gays are swooping in to bolster and lift up our sagging Caps, simply because nobody else seems able to help.

#Self-Promotion Alert! The PuckBuddys, makers of mischief, brittle observations, and vituperative comments this Saturday are throwing a party at Verizon Center and you’re all invited! All Caps fans & friends are welcome, but particularly the GLBT…or is that LGBT…or is it LTBTgG?…ugh, whatever, the rainbow of all of us and their friends are encouraged to come to Verizon and show off their Red! And Purple, and Pink, and Lord knows what else. Just show up in a splash of pink or purple, and get ready to get rowdy with the party boys up in 411.

Leaving us no better cue for…

Why They’re Hot

Mary, have you seen that team? Ottawa is where blah goes to die. Or at least live out its retirement on the Rideau canal. But if we must…

Daniel Alfredsson

1: “Slutty, slutty, slutty!” Oh LordaMighty, before we were even really playing, or before we stopped really playing, we met up with the Sens in early October. We largely stick by our earlier comments then. In sum: Sens = pheh. Frankly we’ve seen less gay teams in “300,” and by gay we mean G-A-Y, jerks. They’ve got some skillerz, among them (as we mentioned) Sergei Gonchar (a Backstrom-like 2G-15A, plus-3), Milan Michalek (15G-6A, minus-2) and Alfredo-son, or whatever (with a little white sauce at 5G-6A, minus-4.) Then there’s Jason Spezza (9G-14A, minus-5), a real mixed bag, but what a bag! Not like the other guys are all that mixed, if you get my drift.

Yeah, pretty much everything today is going to be a gay joke. So boo-hoo, strap in and get going, crybabies. And don’t act like you don’t enjoy it.

2: “I’m Concerned.” At 12-11-2 overall, and 6-7-1 on the road, the Sens are, like we said, pheh. There are a couple pockets of talent on this team, good for you, but we’re concerned by how many goals they give up on average, 3.4 per game. For anyone not conversant in hockey, that’s a lot. We actually think Paul MacLean can bring this team together, a la the Detroit Lions of late. But it ain’t happnin Saturday. Or, at least, let’s not let it start.

3: “Pretty Can Be Boring.” Going out on the limb that all the H8Trs will sawz-all off here. The Senators aren’t incompetent. The coaching squad actually gets it. But, for some reason, the Senators this season, and most of the past ones, continue to play “good square” hockey. Meaning: unimaginative. Technically accomplished, but failing. Which reminds us both of boyfriends past – pretty enough, but just not quite there. A team needs a spark to ignite (can you hear us now, Alex?) just like a relationship of any lasting value needs sparks to ignite the fire.

The Senators just don’t have it. The Caps need to rediscover it.

We depart from our usual disparagement of the opponents to focus on what can make the Capitals winners. And thus we give you:

Why We’re Hotter

1: “Don’t Get Too Judi Jetson.” How many times do we need to watch the plum fruits of the NHL, juicily playing for the Capitals, get cute, arcane, dry and dead in the opponent’s zone? Pass, pass, pass, pass CRIMINY just SHOOT THE PUCK you want to scream. Or, perhaps like us, you have. Capitals: we get you don’t want to waste opportunities. (heart) you for that. But can you stop getting too cute by two halves? Nobody would wear Judi Jetson’s couture these days (save for the late Alexander McQueen) and we really don’t need to see such elegant play set-up without results now. Stop being cute and start shooting. Srsly, you really need games to look a little less like practice. Or, perhaps, you need practices to look a little more like games.

2: “Go, Go, Go!” Get off your flippin’ feet and go. Period. Done. End. STOP. Really tired of saying it. I’m not paid to move like lightening on the ice, and if I were, I wouldn’t be for long. You are. We get it. We love you for your talent. Now please, please, just move the freakin’ skates and get going. I’m an old man, but it wasn’t but one year ago I was wasting 25 year olds in fitness competitions. Just do it. Grr. Arrgh. What else do I have to say? In the word of Tim Gunn: Go Go Go!

3: “Make It Work!” Two words. Jason Chimera. Seriously, do you actually see the goals he gets? How many of you are left scratching your heads, asking ‘Really? Did that actually work?’ We HEART Chimmer, and wish him moar and moar in the season. And we bring him up because he, and a few other Caps, actually seem to get this basic idea: just make it work. I don’t care if it’s a silk organza strapless (I should know what that is, but I’m embarrassed to say I don’t) number, or a dump-chase-crash choreography on the ice, each of you really just have to invest in it and MAKE IT WORK. Don’t make a slender gay man holler at you: please just pay attention to what you’re doing, perform, and make it work.

The OT and ShootOut: While we’ve taken to flight from the RMNB net, the PuckBuddys on our own are one year after hatching. It began as a goof, and has become something so many people value. Which means we have almost everybody to thank. We’ve made so many friends, among them our overlords at RMNB who, for some unknown reason, tolerate us. We’re thankful to the entire Caps Commisariat, the Caps organization, and Uncle Ted for making us welcome.

Just imagine how much we’re going to piss you off in our next year!

We love you all. Come Saturday. Come say hi. Come give us a punch in the arm. We’re open and ready for a new year.

Mojo scores on the wraparound! (Photo credit: Ann Heisenfelt)

The Washington Capitals hosted the Ottawa Senators in Chinatown for a game that– INEXPLICABLY — ended after sixty minutes. After three games that went to overtime and beyond, this slow Saturday night snoozefest was welcome.

On the power play, Alex Semin sucked in a few defenders before feeding Nick Backstrom, who scored from the weak side. Marcus Johansson’s wraparound goal was a thing of beauty. Peter Regin exploited the top line’s laziness to make it 2-1. Then about forty minutes passed without anything important happening. Caps beat Sens 2-1 (NOT OT).

• We’re not gonna write about Arron Asham or Jay Beagle at all tonight. Promise.
• Nick Backstrom‘s powerplay goal marks his first tally at Verizon Center since March 22, when men were still men and women knew their place.
• DJ King played his first game in a Caps sweater this season. Recording almost 7 minutes of ice time, 2 hits, and a shot on goal, King probably met expectations. Well, what exactly were you expecting? No Zenon Konopka fight, which means we couldn’t use this reference in the recap.
• The Senators are not an explosive offense, and they’ve struggled this season. That said– they put 34 shots against our net tonight compared to the Caps’ 26.
• In his first back-to-back performance with the Caps, Tomas Vokoun blocked 33 of 34 shots and looked solid throughout. You don’t get the same kind of thrills from Vokoun’s hybrid style that you did from Semyon Varlamov’s more frenetic approach, but it’s novel and welcome to have reliability between those posts. Vokoun looked good, but Joe Beninati looked great.
• 2 points for #22, Mike Knuble. 
• 

  People actually looked like this between 1988 and 1996

  Non-Caps news, but I saw this on NHL.com and wanted to share: this day in history Wayne Gretzky broke Gordie Howe’s points record. He’d get another thousand before retiring. Not sure what year this happened in, but it was probably sometime during Full House’s TV run judging by the fan fashion.
• Sergei Gonchar, who used to be a beloved Capitals player before defecting to Pittsburgh, left the game early after taking a slapper to the foot. He did not return.
• Early in the third period, Alex Ovechkin had a 1-on-1 in the offensive zone. But it’s not 2007 anymore, so nothing cool happened. That said, Alex Ovechkin was on for seven scoring chances tonight — more than his first three games combined.
• NHL.com recorded hits as 31-24 Caps. No comment, we just wanna have a sip of whatever that guy is drinking.

Joe B zoot suit of the night

Let’s face it: this game was over after eight minutes, when Johansson’s wraparound made it 2-0. The Caps more or less checked out soon after, and then we fans had to sit through two periods of clock-burning. The Caps still have not delivered a 60-minute effort this season, and we didn’t get the fireworks or the hard work that we demanded, but a W is a W is a W. And the Caps have four of them in four games, only the third time in franchise history that’s happened.

Have a great Saturday night, everyone!

Additional reporting by Neil Greenberg.