The play happens at the 38-second mark.

During Friday’s series-sweeping Boston win over the Pittsburgh Penguins, Brad Marchand did his thing. But I’m not here to chronicle another Louganisian dive or a infuriating cheap shot, instead I want to take a look at what happened when he tried to steal Sidney Crosby‘s stick during a line-change.

As Crosby dumps the puck into the Bruins zone, Marchand, loading up to make a big hit, instead softly shoves the Penguins captain in the left shoulder. Crosby skates away, but Marchand isn’t finished chatting. He grabs Crosby’s stick and refuses to let go.

Marchand is a toddler, sure, but the interesting part is Pierre McGuire and his reaction. Pierre, with a look of concern, raises his right hand twice and then, after flinching backwards from the players, lunges forward, and smiles. It’s creepy.

GIFs by welshhockeyfan

I’ve been thinking about this for almost 24 hours and I still have no idea what he is doing. I’ve got four possibilities:

A) Adrenaline has taken control, and Pierre tries to protect himself from getting hit in the dome with 87′s stick.
B) Pierre is waving to Czech homeboy Jaromir Jagr.
C) Pierre is trying to play referee, reach for Crosby’s stick, and break the play up. Then he thinks better of it.
D) Pierre is just so emotional over Crosby getting picked on, he has a temporary breakdown.

Best take another look. Enhance quadrant J-5!

Please note that the other guy between the glass doesn’t flinch. At all.

Let’s wrap it up with an excerpt from an AP story about the NHL and its great ratings in the playoffs.

The innovation Sam Flood (executive producer for NBC Sports) considers his best is the in-game segment called “Inside the Glass,” which features analyst Pierre McGuire in a section between the benches, updating viewers in real time with information he’s picked up from that unique vantage point.

“It changed the way the game was perceived at home, offering things we’d never get from an announcer two decks above the ice,” Flood said. “Coaches barking orders at players, players challenging each other — that kind of access is critical.

“It’s one more piece of the puzzle, like what NASCAR was doing with reporters in the pit, giving fans access to a place they weren’t previously allowed. The feedback’s been great,” Flood chuckled. “People tell us it’s like being part of a secret club.”

Having a reporter between the benches to give more insight into the game is great. Alan May kills it during the one game per season he is down there. But I have not met one person who enjoys Pierre McGuire’s coverage. I would love to hear this “great feedback” Flood speaks of. All I see is a bootlicking weirdo who injects himself into the story at every turn. Can someone hire him as a coach or GM already?

Erat lies on the ice after colliding with Ovechkin and Stepan. (Photo credit: Bruce Bennett)

The Washington Capitals power play was very good this season; they scored a lot of goals on it. In the first period of game 4 on Thursday Night, though, it was very bad — so bad that the Rangers had more shorthanded chances than the Caps had shots on goal. One of those opportunities for New York was rather disastrous for Washington.

GIF by welshhockeyfan.

With about a minute and a half left in the first period, the Caps’ second power play unit took the puck up ice. Martin Erat attempted to dump the puck in, but it rattled around the endboards before falling into the lap of Derek Stepan. Racing up the ice, Stepan found himself on a partial breakaway, with Erat pressing him from behind. Alex Ovechkin made himself known as well, flying in to break up the play. Ovi clipped Stepan, getting tangled in the Ranger’s stick as he went. With Erat glued to Stephan, the three skaters violently tumbled to ice. Erat landed on his hand before sliding into Washington’s net. He stayed there, in too much pain to move.

Then the refs decided they’d make things worse for the Caps: Erat was given a soft hooking minor and Ovechkin, inexplicably, was assessed a penalty for charging. Ovi didn’t leave his feet or even really deliver a check. He just ran into the dude carrying the puck and happened to get him caught in his stick. Running into the guy with the puck is usually encouraged in the NHL.

Pierre McGuire, who is an idiot, called Ovechkin out for a headshot. But, since you are not an idiot, you can see that the point of contact was in fact Stephan’s left forearm.

Erat did not return.

Ouch. (Photo credit: Chris Gardner)

Photo credit: Andre Ringuette

Lots of smart and informed people have been dead wrong about Alex Ovechkin this year. Also wrong: Pierre McGuire, who I guess is smart and informed, but the jury is out on if he qualifies as human. Regardless, way back in January when Ovechkin was trying his first stint on the right wing, McGuire gave an interview to an Ottawa radio station where he delivered a litany of Wrong Things He Should Be Embarrassed About Now (if his species is even capable of embarrassment).

I wonder if anyone transcribed this interview. WAIT. THAT’S DAN STEINBERG’S MUSIC.

To set the stage: The Caps have won just one of their first four games. In those games, Alex Ovechkin has just one assist and one goal– nothing at even strength. Aaaaaand go.

“He’s a left winger with Nick Backstrom. That’s the best place for him. That’s where he’s comfortable. He likes to fly in the zone, he likes to get up the ice, he likes to do that one-on-one where he cuts wide, goes to his left and then can cut back to the middle and try to beat the defenseman. But everybody in the league’s aware of that move, so he’s gonna have to come up with a different move, or he’s gonna have to trail the play and look for one-time chances…”

Ovechkin switched back to left wing for a few games before making the right wing a permanent change. Then he scored 21 goals and 31 points in 20 games.

“I don’t think Ovechkin’s ever gonna [get goals by crashing the net], so you’re gonna have to just play off of what Ovechkin’s good at. And what he’s good at is shooting the puck and leading the rush. That’s what he’s really good at, and he’s probably gonna have to go that way.”

Ovechkin is definitely not leading the rush. He now typically allows his linemates to make the zone entry while he gets in position to score. And his slapshot distances on the power play have dropped by more than 10 feet since last season.

“Do you think he’s capable of scoring 50 goals in this league again?” McGuire was then asked.

“No. I do not,” he said.

Alex Ovechkin would be on a 55-goal pace in a full-length season, and that includes his blue period at the beginning of the year.

“[Ovechkin's] lost a gear. He’s about a half-gear to a gear short of what he used to be with his speed. He used to have that one extra burst that could get him free for a lot of open opportunities. He does not have that anymore.”

And yet, Alex Ovechkin is getting more shots on goal than last year (4.62, up from 3.88).

Quick reminder: Pierre McGuire actually gets paid to talk about hockey. There are actual, non-reptile humans across the continent who consider him both insightful and uncreepy.

I despair.

P.S. Read DC Sports Bog.

During TSN’s “Free Agent Frenzy” special on July 1st, a panel including former NHL head coach Marc Crawford and sideline reporter Pierre McGuire lambasted Alex Semin in comparison to Zach Parise. The panel got their paddles out and verbally spanked Sasha thoroughly. Crawford called Semin a “complete loser,” and former player Ray Ferraro labeled any team that might want the former 40-goal scorer as “desperate.” Pierre McGuire capped the discussion by calling Semin a “bad teammate” and the “ultimate coach-killer.”

Crawford, who left for a coaching gig in Switzerland a day after the incident, offered a dubious explanation for his words last week to the German language newspaper Tages Anzeiger, saying that he was “misinterpreted.”

Now, thanks to a great find from reader @zuc0, we have more context on Pierre’s statements– right from the horse’s ass’s mouth. On July 2nd’s episode of XM home ice, McGuire explained why he thought Semin was such a bad teammate.

Host: Pierre, you usually take the high road on most players. We appreciate that. On TSN yesterday, you were honest I thought without taking a shot at Alexander Semin saying that he’s not the greatest teammate and the ultimate coach killer. Do you think anyone’s going to sign this guy? He’s certainly talented. You know that.

Pierre McGuire: I think he’s going to be signed, but I think one of the reasons why he’s been working on one-year deals in Washington the last two years is for that very reason. Outside of Alexander Ovechkin, he didn’t relate real well with his teammates. I can tell ya, there’d be moments during games when he’d be out there and guys would be on the bench and they’d be rolling their eyes, just because he wouldn’t be competing hard enough.

But at the end of the day, this isn’t about character assassination, it’s about telling the truth. The bottom line is, when he was with the Washington Capitals, he may have been one of the most talented players in the league, but it didn’t show up every single night. And that’s a big problem when you’re playing in this league and you’re a highly paid player and one of the top paid players in the entire league. You got to play and show up every single night. If you don’t, you become a major disappointment not only to your fans but your teammates as well.

The Pierre speaking here is not the same guy we heard on TSN on free agency day. He isn’t retracting his original, hyperbolic comments, but he isn’t repeating them either. Instead, McGuire says the Capitals were “rolling their eyes” at Semin on the bench— something only he had the opportunity to see and something at home we can’t substantiate.

It’d be nice to know which Caps players rolled their eyes at Semin and when they did it. It’d be nice to know which talented players actually do “show up” every night and how that could be measured. After all, it’s impossible for a player to give a peak performance every game and unfair for fans to expect it. Still, the perceived ups and downs of a player like Semin gives refuge to scoundrels like McGuire (and allegedly a few Caps) to criticize him.

“I have no idea what I’m talking about.”

The NHL Network was super awesome today. They aired TSN’s three-hour Free Agent Frenzy special, in which there was precious little frenzying. As a result, TSN’s panel of uh, experts– Pierre McGuire, Marc Crawford, Ray Ferraro, and host James Duthie–  had nothing to talk about. So they dumped on former Capital Alex Semin.

Huge thanks to @TrevorCampbell8 for the video.

James Duthie: I want to talk about two of the intriguing names still left on the board. Let’s start with the forward Alexander Semin. It is the skill that nobody on this board can question. If you actually look at his numbers compared to Zach Parise’s over the last few years, if you just go purely by goals — we’re not comparing him to Zach Parise as a player — but the numbers hold up very well between Alexander Semin and Zach Parise as far as goals scored: 31 to 38; 32 to 26; 45 to 34; and 38 to 40. Very, very similar numbers. Would you take a chance on Semin?

Marc Crawford: The difference is: one guy has a ton of character, the other guy has no character [exaggerated hand motions]. One guy scores 30 goals and doesn’t help his team and the other guy scores 25 goals, but helps [his team] in every single way. So yeah, I would sign him, but he’s going to be banished to a place like Columbus or something, and that’s what those guys do, head to the island of misfit toys [evil laugh].

Ray Ferraro: What about if he goes to a place where he respects the people around him?

Marc Crawford: I feel like a place like Detroit could bring him in and surround him with a Datsyuk. You gotta have a really, really strong group. There’s an old NHL General Manager that says,”Either take a guy that’s a complete winner or a complete loser.” And he falls in that category. Maybe they can change him. [Gets skeptical look on his face.] I don’t like… you don’t change that much. I’d be cautious.

Ray Ferraro: I guess if you’re desperate for the one shot then he can give it to you. But he doesn’t give you a whole lot else.

Pierre McGuire: This is not a great teammate. I’ll tell you that right now, not a good guy to have around your group unless you have unbelievably great leadership and rely on that. He’s the ultimate coach killer, that’s what he is.

All four guys: [Nod in agreement]

Wow. Where do we start?

This is the first time I’ve heard Alex Semin called a “coach killer.” I thought that distinction went to his other Russian (now ex-) teammate Alex Ovechkin. And how precisely does one decide that “this guy has no character” — and everyone on the board casually agrees — without knowing the guy? Instead of developing some kind of insight, it seems like Crawford just ran this equation:

Not Canadian + doesn’t talk much + Russian  = Soulless.

The whole thing stinks. No more than 10 minutes later, Pierre McGuire called Canadian defensive prospect Justin Schultz — who has never played a game in the NHL before — a superhero. Meanwhile Semin, about whom not a single kind word was said all brodcast, somehow still was ranked 7th in TSN’s free agent pool.

TSN purports itself to be the authority for hockey on television, but instead of enlightening their audience they just rehashed the same tired clichés about a player who has always been cordial to his fans and beloved by his teammates.

So who is the lazy one here?

Photo via: couchwarmers.blogspot.com

We already know how lucky we are to have such a talented broadcast team — so talented that they have their own hockey cards. Never is this more apparent, though, than when we’re briefly stranded on an NHL on NBC broadcast instead – as we will be on Saturday for Game 2. With only sixteen teams still playing hockey, Caps games will be broadcast even more frequently on NBC, because nothing soothes frayed postseason nerves like a rambling OHL story from Pierre McGuire.

We’re all familiar with the little quirks that go along with watching one of these NBC broadcasts, but now instead of feeling your blood pressure rise, you can simply play our bingo game!

Bingo card by Ian Oland.

How It Works: Uh, like bingo. Whenever you hear an NBC commentator or talk personality use one of these phrases or do one of these things, mark it off on your bingo card! When you get a full row in any direction, including diagonally, you have a bingo. Mike Milbury is a free space.

Feel free to comment here or let us know at @russianmachine when you get a bingo!

Braden Holtby celebrates after stoning Lecavalier in the shootout. (Photo credit: Scott Audette)

Alex Ovechkin celebrates with his teammates after scoring the game's decisive goal. (Photo credit: Mike Carlson)

The first sign of trouble came when a wicked shot by Tampa Bay center Nate Thompson struck Capitals goalie Michal Neuvirth in the helmet mere seconds into the game.

The helmet snaps broke. His colorful mask fell off and skidded to the boards. Neuvirth doubled over, apparently unable to make the ringing in his head stop. He allowed a soft power play goal and departed after the first period, forcing the Washington Capitals goalie carousel to turn to third-stringer Braden Holtby in a divisional showdown with a hard-hitting playoff atmosphere.

Capitals fans have been trying to figure out which one of Washington’s three baby-faced goalies is the future of the franchise all year long. Holtby tried to stake his claim with a brilliant 21-save effort in a pivotal 2-1 shootout win over the Lightning. The Capitals now lead the Lightning by two points in the Southeast Division.

Holtby saved the Capitals with a brilliant arm save on Simon Gagne in the second period. Holtby did not allow a goal on three shots in the shootout. Sorry, Dominic Moore. Better luck next time, Adam Hall. No sale, Lecavalier. The Lightning captain may have knocked Neuvirth out, but he couldn’t do a thing with Holtby in the shootout. Holtby stood up to the towering Lecavalier, all 6 feet, 4 inches of him, and redirected the puck away with his left pad.

Holtby was the night’s Star of the Game on an evening in which he probably expected to sit around, sip some Gatorade and be a spectator.

Stakes were high, and the Capitals wanted to ride Neuvirth, who now owns the franchise record for most wins by a rookie. Before the game, Lightning star Steven Stamkos proclaimed this “our biggest game of the year.”

The Lightning, losers of four straight, played with a hint of desperation. Vincent Lecavalier threw his body around with reckless abandon. They played with urgency on power plays. Sean Bergenheim scored off a redirect of a Martin St. Louis shot to give the Lightning a 1-0 lead with 12:30 to go in the first. It seemed as if Neuvirth was simply screened and could not see the high shot, but who knows how he was feeling in the crease?

So the Capitals fell behind again in the first period. Not that it ever seems to matter. The Capitals are 9-3 in their last 12 games in which they fell behind in the opening stanza. Alexander Semin tied the game in regulation in the third period off a creative wrist shot blast.

The Capitals dominated the overtime period, with Ovechkin almost scoring, like, 57 times. Alas, Dwayne Roloson somehow managed to hang in there, including on a Brooks Laich breakaway set up by a relentless Ovechkin back check.

Ovechkin scored in the shootout, possibly murdering an innocent Gatorade bottle in the process, leading the Capitals to a fifth win in a row. This one point might be costly. Caps bottle Lightning 2-1.

• In a rare admission of an actual head injury, Capitals coach Bruce Boudreau told Pierre McGuire during an on-air interview with Versus that Michal Neuvirth was replaced due to the shot he took off the helmet. After the game, he elaborated to the Washington Post’s Katie Carrera, saying that “part of the metal from the mask went into Neuvirth’s eye after that first shot. They got it out though. He’s going to be okay.” If Neuvy is forced to miss any time, that means more Holtby. And frankly, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
• Speaking of injured players, Nicklas Backstrom was nowhere to be found on the bench after re-injuring his left hand in the second period. The Versus folks couldn’t stop talking about how much the Capitals will miss Dave Steckel’s ability to win faceoffs. But let’s be real here. Isn’t Jason Arnott slightly more important to the cause, particularly if Backstrom must miss time? Those Versus goons acted like the Caps traded Steckel for a Chipotle steak burrito and a few hockey pucks.
• Suddenly, the Capitals are looking like a potential threat for the No. 1 seed in the Eastern Conference. The Capitals are now just three points behind floundering-but-still-in-first- place Philadelphia and one behind second place Boston.
• Random thought: Perhaps you Capitals fans can explain why the Lightning chose not to use Steven Stamkos early in the shootout. He’s only one of the best pure goal scorers to come into the NHL in the last two decades. I’d prefer to have him out there to set the tone every single time.
• Speaking of Stamkos, Bruce Boudreau went after him in comments to the press Monday morning. “Stamkos dives every two seconds,” he said. “You start to get a hatred.” Too bad Versus spent the entire first and second intermissions responding by calling Alex Ovechkin a diver. More on that later.
• 

  Alex Ovechkin and Jason Arnott celebrate with Alex Semin after his game-tying goal in the third. (Photo credit: Mike Carlson)

  The Capitals had two scoring chances in the first, and another two in the second, which were thirty minutes apart. The Capitals gave up eight scoring chances while shorthanded, and had none themselves on the powerplay. Finally, the Capitals had almost as many scoring chances in 1:37 of OT (6) as they did the rest of the game (8). Suffice to say, they really wanted it in the end. Our advice to the team: #StayAngry.

Does it even matter who the Capitals put in goal anymore? They seem to be fine no matter who they play. Braden Holtby didn’t allow a goal after coming in to relieve the injured Michal Neuvirth. He was spectacular in a 2-1 Capitals win over the Tampa Bay Lightning that brings them one tantalizing step closer to the Southeast Division crown.

The Capitals will now return home and face the second-worst team in the NHL, the Edmonton Oilers, at Verizon Center Wednesday night. Is it a must win, just like tonight? You better believe it. Will it be easy? Probably not. We’ll see you then.

Additional reporting by Neil Greenberg and Ian Oland.