Photo credit: Joe Sargent

Everyone writing about the Washington Capitals and Pittsburgh Penguins talks about how the rivalry isn’t what it used to be. I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to harp on the diminished luminosity of Alex Ovechkin’s star or the Penguins’ 9-game streak going into Tuesday. Not gonna do it. I’m not going to ruminate on the struggles in Washington while Pittsburgh sits atop the Eastern Conference. You won’t hear about that from me. That’s just not how I roll.

Instead, I’ll stick to the game– a high-tension affair in Western PA that saw neither team establish momentum for long. Both goalies played terrifically, and then one bad goof at the end of a long power play cost the Caps the game.

Penguins beat Caps 2-1.

• Alex Ovechkin cracked the scoreboard about halfway into the game, cleaning up a tasty Troy Brouwer rebound with a one-timer. Before that, the game was a grandfather clock: tightly wound, but somehow also hypnotically boring. 
• Brooks Laich and his baby blues made their long-awaited return to active service– and he did a lot more than I thought he would. It was great to hear tweeple of various gender identities and sexual preferences voice their satisfaction at the comeback.
• Dmitry Orlov was used somewhat less. In his first big-league game this season, Orlov played just 12 minutes. He was one of the few Caps players struggling on the night (minus-9 Fenwick), but he’ll get his step back. I really wanna see him taking more shots though– like fellow blueliner Steve Oleksy, who never shrinks from the chance to swing at the puck (2 shots, 6 attempts).
• This game was super tight. Neither team was able to sustain a shot-attempt lead, and both goalies played excellently.  Through 40 minutes, the Capitals eked out a tiny lead in possession thanks to a few spirited shifts by guys like Eric Fehr, Mike Ribeiro, and Alex Ovechkin.
• The Penguins’ power play is punishingly productive. Pushing nine pucks at the net in a pair of PPs nearly put Pittsburgh in good position to pull two points, but a pluperfect Washington penalty kill negated one power play, and Paul Martin‘s nearly perdu point blast penetrated the net on the other.
• Alex Ovechkin got the best of awful human Matt Cooke. Ovechkin gave Cooke a clean hit, but the irascible scumbag retaliated, hitting Ovi in the numbers and earning another two minutes for unsportsmanlike conduct. The best part was Ovechkin’s attitude: not appealing to the refs for a penalty, just playing to the whistle.
• The worst part was the garbage four-minute power play, which was startlingly unproductive and ended in time for Cooke to set up Matt Niskanen for the go-ahead goal.
• The Caps had 4 shots on 5 power play opportunities. Granted, one of those shots was a goal, but still: that stat is the obvious perpetrator of this loss.

Joe B suit of the night

(I try not to foreground it too much, but look at that Joe B pic over there. Best ever? Top 5 at least, right?)

Here’s the deal: the Caps were the better team at five-on-five. In the long term, that goes a long way towards a winning record, but without competence on special teams the Caps let this one get away from them. On the brightside, Captain Alex Ovechkin was terrific — drawing penalties, attempting 14 shots, and scoring his team’s only goal.

But squandering that four-minute man advantage was the death knell for this game (and season?). And now the Caps have a tough road stretch ahead of them– first a pair in the Southeast of the North, Winnipeg, then capping it off in New York.

I’m not calling them must-wins, because I’m not sure it matters at this point. And if nothing our team does matters, then the only thing that matters is what our team does. (Boom. Angel reference.)

Photo credit: Greg Fiume

The Washington Capitals and the Pittsburgh Penguins have a storied history– especially on Superb Owl Sunday. Snowmageddon, anyone? This Sunday’s game belongs in history as well. But, like, next to the bombing of Guernica or childbirth before Ignaz Semmelweis.

Right after a faceoff, Chris Kunitz (may have) deflected a shot by Paul Martin into the Washington net. Mike Green responded by finishing off a great sequence and scoring a pretty one-timer goal– more on that one later. Deryk Engelland re-established the Penguins’ lead with a thoroughly screened blueline slapper, redirected by Matt Cooke. John Carlson tied it up with the Weirdest Goal of the Year: a center-ice dump-in off the boards that tricked Vokoun into leaving the net before the puck bounced in.

Then it got weird. Kris Letang took the lead back with a golden opportunity up close on Holtby. Chris Kunitz made it 4-2 shortly after that. A phantom trip call on Wojtek Wolski and Karl Alzner’s broken stick afforded Chris Kunitz either his second or third goal.

Mike Ribeiro gave life to the Caps with a powerplay goal made possible by some great hustle by Ovechkin, but despite some late-game heroics, that’s all they could muster. Chris Kunitz got either his hat-trick goal or his FOURTH of the day on a last minute power play goal. Yikes.

Penguins beat Caps 6-3.

• That first Caps goal was remarkable. Mike Green took a big shoulder hit and fell into the boards behind the net. The puck continued around the back, where Alex Ovechkin fought with two or three Pens before freeing the puck up for Mike Ribeiro. Ribs hit up Wolski near the circles, who had the awareness to find Mike Green, still smarting from that hit, in the sweet spot. It was stunning teamwork, and a great use of Ovechkin’s physicality. Pittsburgh was so busy double- or triple-teaming him, they left Green wide open. Next time someone says Green is soft, show ‘em this.
• Ian and I think Mike Ribeiro is the Caps’ best player right now. Tell me you disagree. He seems connected to his teammates in all the ways the rest of the team is not. He’s all about position– putting his skinny frame in the fray and creating space out of nothing at all.
• Which is greater: NBC’s infatuation with Sidney Crosby or their disgust for Alex Ovechkin? I’m gonna say the former, but the latter is pungent as well. The first intermission was basically the two-minutes hate, emceed by a guy who beat a fan up with his own shoe. Besides: they’re wrong. NBC Sports folks say Ovi should become Crosby. We say Let Ovi Be Ovi.
• John Carlson’s has my vote for Goal of the Year. But as soon as it happened, the Penguins went on a roll. Even when we’re lucky, we’re unlucky. No use in complaining, particularly when the Caps managed just 3 shots at even strength that period.
• Lots of folks blame Braden Holtby for the Kris Letang goal. I’m not. A talented shooter shouldn’t be allowed to set up that close to the Caps net. It’s a high-percentage shot, and the Caps defense should have spoiled it. That’s not to absolve Holtby of guilt: he had a miserable day– and he’s played only one game this season up to his level.
• It seems as if the NHL is interested in having more power plays this year. They’re calling everything (except Erskine’s hit last game and Malkin’s delay of game today), including some bad ones. Wojtek Wolski‘s trip, for example, isn’t the sort that has been called before this year. It’s great that the NHL wants more offense, but it sucks that it all seems to come on the backs of the Caps.
• Who is this Chris Kunitz person?

I don’t like how John Carlson is playing. I don’t like how Marcus Johansson is playing. I don’t have an abundance of faith in this roster. I’m still not panicking (whatever that means), but I’m definitely worrying.

I still believe the Caps have suffered from bad luck and they’re due to bounce back, but the same fundamentals I was so enthused by have eroded this week. Puck possession is in the toilet. And not even a nice toilet.

A few years ago, the Capitals were the best team in the league. Because of offense. When the Caps’ shooting luck went belly-up in Montreal, the press turned on them. Their coach was kicked out of town, and their identity was warped into something meeker. Now, they’re neither an offensive juggernaut or a gritty, grind-em-out team. That amorphousness is laid at the feet of George McPhee, but we’ve gotta admit our own complicity as well.

We demanded that the Caps change (actually, we didn’t), and now we don’t like what they’ve become.

So what now? Blow it up? Make a drastic systems change? Wait for luck to turn and work on the basics in the meantime?

I got no idea. You tell me.

Go Beyonce.

Ovechkin needs to crosby the crosby into the crosby

— Neil Greenberg (@ngreenberg) February 3, 2013

This t-shirt can be bought here. (Illustration by Rachel Cohen)

Wednesday night was supposed to be the Pittsburgh Penguins’ first visit to Verizon Center this season. Because of the NHL lockout, we won’t get to see Matt Cooke trolling or Sidney Crosby caterwauling plaintively at the refs. We’ll just have to settle for candy instead.

Hating Pittsburgh sports is coded into my DNA. I’m physically sick over this. Gary Bettman is depriving me of my regular Sidney Crosby hate, and now I am indescribably sad.

To cheer myself up, I have compiled these GIFs from the Alex Ovechkin “Sorry, Penguin” commercial. And now I share them with you. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll wave $15 goodbye.

GIFs created by bohvechkin.

Now please leave us some naughty but PG-rated comments about the Penguins below. With your words of hatred, we can all get through this together.

Our Russian spies have infiltrated NHLHQ and recovered this alternate cut of Brendan Shanahan‘s suspension video for Alex Ovechkin. This video, archived by RMNB contributor Max Duchaine, contains several revelations about Shanahan’s mental state.

What we find is a broken man at the edge of madness, hated by all, who retreats to a lonely room to watch teen dramas and weep quietly. Do not loathe this man. Pity him.

Thanks again, Max.

Photo credit: Ryan Remiorz

11:46 PM Update: NHL.com reports that both Ovechkin and Michalek will meet with the Department of Player Safety on Monday.

Bob McKenzie of The Sports Network is hockey’s version of a public intellectual; his thoughts matter concretely to the game. On Sunday night he took to Twitter to address Alex Ovechkin’s hit on Zbynek Michalek and possible discipline that may follow from it. We won’t call it “supplemental” discipline, because there was no primary discipline– although there certainly should have been.

Here’s what Bob says:

By the CBA’s definition (18.3.c), Alex Ovechkin is not a repeat offender. His last discipline was in March of 2010, more than 18 months ago. That 2010 suspension was for 2 games after Ovechkin boarded Chicago’s Brian Campbell (no relation to the then discipline czar Colin Campbell).

Ovechkin’s status as a repeat offender expired several months ago, but any history of discipline may still be considered by Brendan Shanahan– including knee-on-knee hits against Tim Gleason and Sergei Gonchar, the Brian Campbell boarding, and any alleged Chris Neil yambagging.

I won’t argue that Alex Ovechkin hit the head, but I submit that the principal point of contact was Michalek’s shoulder:

Alex Ovechkin’s hit absolutely deserves the attention of the player safety people. He left his feet to hit a player who did not have the puck– and he did hit the head. But I do not agree with McKenzie’s characterization or the selective focus when compared to Michalek’s hit on Matt Hendricks just a few minutes later, which also was not mentioned in an article by Puck Daddy.

And besides, Bob McKenzie is Canadian and therefore incapable of coherent thought.

To prove this, we enter into evidence the career of one Bryan Adams:

The defense rests.

Ed. note: Just noticed this article is eerily similar to one Adam Vingan posted on SB Nation. In an attempt to quell our longstanding and bloody feud, here is a link to his post and a blurb for the dust jacket of his first book, free of charge: “Adam Vingan’s puns are to writing what Prince is to music, but without the creepy sex vibe.” – Peter Hassett

Photo credit: Justin K. Aller

Yawn. These Washington Capitals / Pittsburgh Penguins games are always such tedious affairs. Nothing interesting ever happens.

Okay, but for real. This game was a monster. The Capitals looked wounded in the first period, surrendering easy goals early and firing just four shots on net. They came back in the second transformed and reinvigorated. After Mike Knuble crashed the net and just barely missed a goal, the offense turned on. The Capitals regained the shot lead and kept their foot on the gas until the very end.

No one challenged Kris Letang on the power play, so he had a great lane and great screen on the game’s first goal. James Neal flicked one past Neuvirth right after a face off to make it 2-0. The game was six minutes old.

In the second, Dennis Wideman set up Brooks Laich for a crucial goal during 4-on-4. Alex Semin cleaned up Mathieu Perreault’s rebound to tie the game and blow our freaking minds.

In the third, Alex Ovechkin caught a wide pass from Alex Semin and beat Marc-Andre Fleury to open up a lead. James Neal finished off a brilliant zone entry by Evgeni Malkin to knot the score again. That tie took us all the way into overtime, where Malkin casually tipped in the game-winner. Pens beat Caps 4-3 (OT).

• We got bad news this morning: Marcus Johansson would miss this game due to injury. Without him and Nick Backstrom, the Capitals had just two viable options at center: Brooks Laich (who is a winger) and Mathieu Perreault (who is tiny). I wrote extensively about the center problem in Washington earlier, but now this long-smoldering problem is a four-alarm fire.
• That said, Mathieu Perreault was freaking awesome today.
• Going down two goals is the kiss of death. Washington is ranked 27 out of 30 at puck possession while down two goals.  This game should have been unwinnable after the first Neal goal. That’s how bad our hockey team seems right now. But the players on ice rejected that common wisdom.
• Alex Ovechkin leveled a bad hit on Zbynek Michalek in the second period, but we don’t think it’ll be suspension. Check out our post for video and analysis.
• A few minutes later, Michalek elbowed Matt Hendricks in the head from behind. There was a call on that one, and it should yield supplemental attention.

• The second period was scrappy– seeing a fight between Tyler Kennedy and Troy Brouwer as well as a bunch of tense scrums. At the end of the period, Paul Martin might have said some naughty words to Jason Chimera.
• Martin and Michalek didn’t start in the defensive zone once. For whatever reason, those players are being protected fiercely by Bylsma.
• Brooks Laich took 39 faceoffs. He didn’t win half of them, but after number 30 you stop caring about that.
• Kris Letang is a monster and a boon to the NHL. With a sterling Corsi rating (plus-11) and a gorgeous goal, the Penguins are a dramatically better team when he’s on the ice.
• Cody Eakin and Jay Beagle got under 8 minutes of ice time in a game that went to OT. They weren’t that bad when they got on, but man— that’s not a vote of confidence by the coach. It’s hard not to assume that this coach dislikes his roster.
• Evgeni Malkin, with two assists and the game-winner, is the best player in the NHL right now. It’s not up for debate.

What an exhausting game. From above, the Capitals look wounded. Their systems are broken, and their offense is inert. But each game is a universe unto itself, and we could not have predicted the heartfelt performance these players gave us. From Mike Knuble’s first net-crash and all the way into overtime, the Capitals were a team possessed. They put aside the off-ice drama, the injuries, the doubts, and the uncertainty. They played some gritty end-to-end hockey of the exact brand that Caps fans fell in love with a few years back.

The outcome isn’t what we wanted, but there were a lot of good things that the team can hang their hats on. This was the best loss of the season.

Washington’s ability to repeat performances like this is dubious, but it serves a stern reminder to the most cynical fans: anything can happen. And thank goodness for that.

At the end of the second period between the Capitals and Penguins, Paul Martin seems to say words to Jason Chimera that are supposed to verboten in the new NHL.

Around 2.5 seconds into the video above, Paul Martin appears to call Chimera a derogatory name for a gay man. (Sorry to be so stilted about it, but it’s hard to discuss these things for a wide audience. Plus, there’s no audio, so we can’t be certain.)

Martin started the third period in the penalty box for a slashing penalty that we could not locate.

So if Paul Martin is seen calling another player a [expletive] on national television and the league does nothing about it, then they’re just feckless and craven worms, right?

Reminder: our comment policy is strictly enforced. Be mindful of the difference between “what they did” and “what they are”.

Thank you to @tonytenor1 for pointing this out, and thanks to Peter Robbio for the video.

During the second period of the Capitals-Penguins game on Sunday, Alex Ovechkin leveled a bad hit on Zbynek Michalek.

Michalek was stuck in the corner, Ovi charged in, left his skates, and hit Michalek in the head.

Michalek was okay, but Ovechkin should have been whistled for charging. Shanahan might take a look, but Michalek’s falling before the hit is probably exculpatory.

[Editors note: over the next month, we'll be looking at the challenges the Capitals face, the trade deadline, and the playoff chase. It's not gonna be fun, but we gotta do this.]

When Nick Backstrom took a blow to the head from Rene Bourque on January 3rd, the Capitals lost the service of their number-one center. Backstrom was on track for a better than 80-point season, which would have been a strong recovery from the slump of ’10-’11. Instead, the team lost the anchor for its top line and its most productive forward.

Without Backstrom, the Capitals have only three strong options for centers: Marcus Johansson, Brooks Laich, Jeff Halpern. Additionally, Mathieu Perreault, Cody Eakin, and Matt Hendricks have done center duty in a pinch. Meanwhile, the Capitals offense has  been shut out twice in the last three games and have averaged only 23 shots on goal since mid-December. That’s just not good enough.

Marcus Johansson is a talented skater who has a bright future, but he cannot be expected to put up more than 20 goals or 50 points so early in his career. He’s not yet the offensive presence that the first (or even second) line demands, and he’s still a liability on the face-off dot (winning a little over 43%).

Brooks Laich is a team leader and an admirably committed defensive forward. His penalty kill service– sometimes stickless– has distinguished him on the Capitals’ end of the ice, where he starts most shifts. But Brooks’ scoring output is flat this season (8G, 15A). Besides, he is only an ersatz centerman who has spent most of his career on the wing. Laich’s move to center — either on the 2nd or 3rd lines– was a move of necessity.

The once and current Capital Jeff Halpern is the third best face-off guy in the NHL (behind Pavelski and Toews). George McPhee may not have been looking for a replacement for Dave Steckel (who is ranked 5th) last summer, but he got one anyway. Halpern’s solidarity on the dot and modest offensive lean have made him one of the best surprises of the season, but he hasn’t been a top-6 forward in years.

Compare that to the Pittsburgh Penguins, a team notoriously strong up the middle: Jordan Staal, Sidney Crosby (when healthy), Evgeni Malkin, and even Tyler Kennedy supply the core of the Pittsburgh offense. It’s common wisdom that building a good hockey team starts from the center position, but the Capitals are hollow between their wings.

And the Capitals can’t look elsewhere in the organization for help. Keith Aucoin is certainly a future AHL Hall of Famer, but his NHL window has come and gone. Ryan Potulny has NHL experience at center but– at age 27– is in a situation similar to Aucoin. Mattias Sjogren threw a hissy fit last year and left North America. RMNB phenom Evgeny Kuznetsov is prolific, but he’s weak on the face-off and will require some adjustment to his defensive game when he makes the jump. The pipeline is not strong.

Since Sergei Fedorov left North America at the end of the 2009 season, the Capitals have been without a solid second line center. Now that Nick Backstrom is injured, the Ovechkin line is anchorless as well. Guys like Jason Arnott, Eric Belanger, Michael Nylander, Victor Kozlov, and Tomas Fleischmann yielded varying results at center and could not be sustained.

The Capitals have tried training Marcus Johansson on the job as a top line center. They tried moving Brooks Laich off of the wing. They tried giving the grinding expert Jeff Halpern a chance at the big time. Nothing has worked. The lack of viable centers on the Washington roster is George McPhee’s lasting disappointment. Now that the Washington Capitals are firing fewer shots than at any point since the lockout, the lack of a strong playmaking center is more pronounced than ever.

2011-2012 shot total is a projection based on shots through game 46.

Acquiring a center before the deadline will not be easy, and it will not come cheap. But it’s desperately needed for the immediate and long-term needs of this team.

What do you think McPhee should do?

Additional reporting by Ian Oland.

It’s time for your Puck Buddys pregame! Follow @PuckBuddys and adopt a dog.

The Pregame: Cartoonist Bill Griffith, who just this week turned 68, sees the overlooked and forgotten corners of America with blinding precision. We were reminded of this recently as we took a drive through portions of Pennsyltucky – clearly where the phrase “fat of the land” has great meaning – and its meth-addled capital, Pittsburgh. Or, borrowing from Zippy’s creator, Dingburg.

Previously we anointed Pittsburgh as the Epicenter of Suck. Following our travels, we can confidently proclaim that it has become, in fact, the Pinhead Center of the Universe. The gangrenous, foul-smelling trash pile of contemporary civilization. The trucker-stop, Thunderbird-guzzling, used baby diaper of cities. Imagine if Paul Verhoeven remade “Showgirls” today with the same cast and you’ve got Pittsburgh, only with less sexy and more elastic waistbands. It’s exactly that awful.

[Ed. Note. By Rachel Cohen: Sidney Crosby as sparkly vampire Edward Cullen from the Twilight movie series, which Ian has totally seen. Click to embiggen.]

Which led us to a game, mostly to keep our tenuous grip on reality while speeding away: what would you rename Pittsburgh, if you could? Crapburg. Herpesburg. Fraudburg. (We already know former Coach Gabby’s choice.) To wit, we announce a new contest: #renamePittsburgh. Best answer in the next 24 hours, as determined by someone, will get a drink on the PuckBuddys’ dime. Or, if you prefer, we’ll go bother someone else. (Haha, it doesn’t matter as we’re going to stiff RMNB with the bill!)

Fun and games aside, it’s nearly time for

The Puck Drop

Why does that phrase – the puck drop – feel like the plopping of cyanide pellets into sulfuric acid these days? Oh that’s right, two shutouts in the last three games. (Well, I guess the Habs were a shutout, too – a good one – so that’s 3 for 3.) The Caps’ play in Raleigh was sloppy at best, and downright amateur at moments (we’ll get to the good stuff in a minute.) This while the Pens, frankly not playing that much better and hobbled of late, were still able to dash out a 5-4 OT victory with a Malkin zapper. Several Malkin zappers, actually. It just needs to be said: F you, Geno. #Goonburg.

What Makes Them Hot and Not

Dan Bylsma

1: Heal! Whatever snake handler or psychic surgeon Coach Douche-hat has been bringing in lately, I say sign that puppy up! Letang, Neal, Martin, Adams, Jeffrey; holy cow, what sort of magic pellets are they feeding them up there in Fat Town? Sure, Crosby’s heading to a chiropractic neurologist (i.e., snake handler with a degree) to help him get his head back tight, and model-boy Jordan “Jordache” Staal remains benched, too; as might Arron Asham, who, frankly, could sit on his ass until the sun refuses to shine and we still wouldn’t be happy. (And as evidenced by the recall of Jason Williams from Wilkes-Barres/Scranton (23 points with WBS), they’re not coming back soon.) So: hot and not. #Ashholeburg.

2: Tang! But it doesn’t really matter, does it, the way some of these guys are playing? Evgeny Malkin (25G/30A, plus-9) is playing in demigod tier, and Dustin Jeffrey (2G/1A in just 12 games) was on fire playing the Habs Friday, with Drag-Name-Worthy Deryk Engelland, U.P. strapling Tyler Kennedy and the ever-infuriating Kris Letang (4G/18A, plus-9) not far off. In fact, collectively they remind us a bit of that powdery sugar-slush “Tang!” that astronauts used to drink before they started wearing Depends or whatever. Each year you’d think it would go out of business, and each year, there it would be again, looking and tasting all wrong but somehow working. Together the Tang boys have snapped the Pens out of their slide. #Fakeburg.

3: Who Needs Fake When You Got Fresh Squeezed? And whoopie-doo, breaking news, the Pens have some players who know how to find the twine. Did you also hear: there’s this thing called Limewire, and you can download all kinds of stuff there? Kyool, huh? Ugh, we go through this every time. In fact, #BarfBurg puts us through this every game, and the result – judging by a good statistical sampling – remains the same. This is a moment that calls out the best – and the beast – in the Capitals. Here’s who’s genuinely hot: Tomáš Vokoun, Troy Brouwer, Marcus Johansson, Mathieu Perrault (who needs an easier name to spell,) wee Dmitry Orlov…shall I keep going? Wideman, Semin, Halpy, Ward and some fella named Ovechkin. True, Brooksie and Knooooobs have been just cheated recently; but these are exactly the guys who define how deep this team can dig when called on. No Tang! here – these guys are authentic.

Prediction

We have several. First: at least one person will acquire a venereal disease while at CONSOL. Two: the NBC announcing team will dive nose-first into the #Dipsburg tank and moan and cry about how lame the Capitals are compared to the fierce braze knights and firm buttocks of the Penguins. And C: the Washington Capitals will defeat the Pittsburgh Penguins in their home barn.

Meme of the Day: