Pens Will Host Caps in 2011 Winter Classic. Time For Payback!

When his queue frees up and motivation strikes, award-winning Carroll County Times’ Features Writer Brandon Oland does columns for RMNB. After today’s announcement of the 2011 Winter Classic, Brandon just had something he had to get off his chest.

Gary got his wish: Sidney Crosby and his Pittsburgh's idiotic fanbase will host the 2011 Winter Classic.

Gary got his wish: Sidney Crosby and his weeny terrible towel will be hosting the 2011 Winter Classic.

The Washington Capitals will face the Pittsburgh Penguins in the latest edition of the hockey classic at an outdoor arena.

The two teams will play on New Year’s Day 2011 at Heinz Field, home to the Pittsburgh Steelers.

This is an annoying development, of course, for the possibility that the Penguins fans will want to wave Terrible Towels at the hockey game. Terrible Towels are puny hand towels that Steelers fans wave with fury at home games.

So I have a suggestion for any Capital fans planning to make the trip to Pittsburgh. Capitals fans should come up with their own version of Terrible Towels that will mock and irk intellectually inferior Penguins fans to no end.

I propose every Capitals fan who travels to Pittsburgh should bring the biggest red beach towels they can find and wave them at tailgate parties. It would be a symbol of Washington’s financial superiority to rundown Pittsburgh. After all, beach towels are bigger and more expensive than hand towels.

If Penguins fans ask what you are doing, simply point out that you thought everyone was supposed to wave towels inside Heinz Field. Then wad up your towel and beat the Penguins fan over the head with it. What are they going to do? Strike back with a Terrible Towel?

pens-fans-bummin

Tonight if you were like us, you sat in front of your TV, ate smoked salmon with a fork and laughed at Pittsburgh’s unlikely demise to the Habs. Sure, it totally sucked when the Capitals lost in the first round to this rag-tag group of “team players” from North of the Border. But after seeing Sid the Kid fail the ultimate test tonight (boarding penalty 10 seconds in which led to Habs first goal of the game, 0 points, -2), maybe – just maybe – this talk that Sidney Crosby is by far and away the best player in the game can die down a bit.

Really, SI?

Moving forward, please consider Alex Ovechkin’s Game 7 performance against the Canadiens in comparison: 10 shots, 1 assist and a clutch GTG that was uhhh questionably disallowed.

Sometimes another man’s pain is another man’s pleasure. And tonight that pain felt by Pens fans was the perfect tonic for this man’s broken heart.

Great Moments in Signage History

Tonight during Montreal’s huuuge 3-2 victory over the Penguins, Versus blessed us with this shot of the crowd after Montreal netted the go ahead goal.

Sidney Crosby is a Douche.
Ouch. En Francais, I think this means Crosby needs a shower.

With the Habs tying up the series 2-2 tonight, could a second upset be in the works? I don’t know. But one thing’s for sure: Though I hate the Canadiens, they are clearly the better of two evils here. Let’s go Nads!

If you need a close-up of the sign, click below! Also, special thanks to James W. for the photos.

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The Sweep! Caps Beat Pens 6-3!

Caps Sweep The Pens (Image by Jack Reickel)

Thanks, Jack Reickel, for the amazing picture!

It seems the Caps of old are back. The last few weeks, really ever since the Olympic break, the team has lacked its luster. But in this fourth and final game against the Pittsburgh Penguins, the Washington Capitals brought a ton of heart and their signature roll-call scoring with them.

Thanks to goals from Alex Semin, Mike Knuble, Tomas Fleischmann, Matt Bradley, and then two more from some other guy, the Caps emerged victorious. Maybe it’s the Penguins are flagging late in the season, or maybe the Caps really are the better team. Watching the despondent faces of Pens fans trickling out of Mellon Arena, it doesn’t matter much to me; I’m just happy.

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Caps vs. Pens: The Fix Is In?

gary-loves-sidney

Complaining about officiating is an unmistakable sign of a poor sport. Only a terrible sportsman blames the referees, but let’s get real: the Caps are getting screwed on penalties against the Pittsburgh Penguins. I’m not here to spread conspiracy theories or accuse officials of malpractice; I’ve just got some cold, hard facts that may blow your mind.

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Braden Holtby Portrait

Last Tuesday, RMNB profiled Braden Holtby and introduced everyone to his oh-so-eccentric “Holtbyisms.” A few thousand hits later, our post now floats in the top ten Google hits for “Braden Holtby.” Alright!

Follow-up time!

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An Albatross Around the Capitals’ Neck

The-Rime-of-The-Ancient-M-0

What have we done to earn the ire of the hockey fates?

Here’s a sobering thought: I’ve never seen the Caps win in person. Not against the Flyers in 1996. Not against the Kings at the home opener in ’00. Not when they lost in round 1 of the playoffs to the Penguins in ’01. Never.

It’s a fact: Russian Machine Never Breaks is bad luck for the Washington Capitals.   We’ve tortured ourselves over whether to disclose these sad facts to you, but in light of our attending tonight’s game with the Ottawa Senators, we feel we must let you know: We are cursed.

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I Love This Team! Caps Beat Pens 4-3 (SO).

Mike Knuble wins the game on a shootout goal. Caps Beat The Pens 4-3.

Mike Knuble all up in yo grill. Photos by Nick Wass/AP

Marc-Andre Fleury's dreams will be haunted by Mike Knuble tonight. Photos by Nick Wass.

Wow. Before we begin, I need a cup of apple juice and a good cry.

Okay.  Better now.

The debate prefacing tonight’s game between the Washington Capitals and Pittsburgh Penguins was whether or not this was “just another game”, but that’s just silly. In hindsight we know that any time these two forces meet, something remarkable will happen.

Tonight we rode an emotional rollercoaster through 60 minutes of regulation hockey, another five of overtime, and four shootout rounds before the decision was made. We saw the best and worst of Capitals hockey tonight. But thanks to Old Man Mike Knuble and the Macedonian monster Jose Theodore, the Caps were victorious. Caps beat Pens 4-3 (OT).

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In just a few hours, the Washington Capitals and Pittsburgh Penguins will face off for the second-t0-last time ever before the playoffs in a few weeks.  The stakes are not as high as they have been– both teams are sure things for the post-season, D.C.’s win streak has ended, and NBC’s Pierre McGuire won’t be leaving drool streaks on the glass barrier between him and the Pens bench.  Still, any meeting between these two rivals guarantees an exciting game.  Except that one time.  But unfortunately, both squads have modified their lines to accommodate injured players.  And when our hockey heroes cannot play, we must toast their immortal memory in a feature we like to call… Russian Machine Sometimes Breaks!

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Anatomy of a Winning Streak

The Russian Machine takes a look back at the Caps 14 Game Winning Streak

On January 12th, 2010, the Washington Capitals got smacked down by the Tampa Bay Lightning. That game was marked by a lack of focus, weak goalie performance, and an insufficient will to win. It was only Alex Ovechkin’s fourth game as Captain, so the loss might have hit him hard (see Bradley stealing his fight). Something about that 7-4 scrubbing might have woken the team up.  Maybe that loss was the impetus for the 14-game winning streak that followed.

In honor of The Streak (R.I.P.), the Russian Machine takes a fond look back at how it all came together.

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