When I sat down to film my CRL segment on Jay Beagle’s flip phone, I thought he might be mildly annoyed. Maybe he was appearing at the behest of the Capitals PR department. We were, after all, making fun of him, if only in a lighthearted way. Instead, Beags played along. He talked about Flipper, guessed his teammates tweets, and sat through my flubbed intros.
When it came time to try out new phones with the Verizon guy, Beagle pretended not to know how anything worked.
“So how do I answer a call?” he asked regarding a touch screen phone, after “accidentally” turning on some music. “I can’t flip it!”
Jay Beagle is a simple guy. He drives a 2004 Chevy Silverado and likes to go muddin’ and shootin’ in the Canadian country during the offseason. Beags is unswayed by the flash and flourish of other professional athletes. He still has a flip phone.
“Flipper,” and it’s a she, has been with him for six years. Beags is protective of it, threating to break the phones of any teammates who hatch nefarious ideas to steal his beloved device. Perhaps even throw them off a balcony. That’s not all though.
Beagle has never been on Twitter. He doesn’t own a computer. He does not take pictures with his iPad. For our latest segment for Caps Red Line, we wanted to see if we could take Jay into the 21st century. I don’t think it worked.
We’ve let Ian have the fun long enough. He’s played video games with Tom Wilson and poured “wine” over his head with Olie Kolzig. For Russian Machine’s third CRL segment, I was determined to bring some respectability back to the blog. And what’s more respectable than a four figure suit.
As you guys know, we’ve been tracking Joe B.’s suit of the night for years. We have an unhealthy obsession with how the guy looks. Thankfully, Joe B. wasn’t creeped out too much.
Two weeks ago, I joined Beninati and Alan May at DePandi, his tailor’s shop in Chevy Chase. Joe B. brought along a number of his favorite suits to show us, as well as a few to try on me. Yeah, I got dressed by Joe Beninati. Be jealous.
When I started submitting rough ideas for our segments on CRL this summer, there was one subject I was determined to address: those great Washington Capitals commercials from the late 90’s. The story goes like this: in 1999, a little after Ted Leonsis first bought the team from Abe Polin, he commissioned Doug Liman, the dude who made that awesome Tiger Woods trick shot commercial for Nike and the director of The Bourne Identity, to do commercials for the Caps.
They were amaaaazing. Andrei Nikolishin and Steve Konowalchuk face-offed for salad. Chris Simon checked an old lady at a grocery store to defend Peter Bondra’s honor. And then there was Olie Kolzig.
Kolzig, who was one of my childhood heroes growing up, goes out on a romantic dinner with an actress playing his wife. Then Kolzig pours the wine, and that’s when the magic happens.
In our first segment on CRL– let’s not mince words– I got my butt kicked by Tom Wilson in a game of NHL14. The stakes went like this: if I lost, Willy Baby would be the face of RMNB for a week, and if I won, Wilson had to sign something for me to give to you guys.
Photo credit: @katie_brown47
The Caps Game Entertainment crew aired RMNB’s first CRL segment with Tom Wilson on the jumbotron during the first intermission of the Caps/Preds game. It’s a bit surreal seeing your big head up on the jumbotron. Chris Gordon, covering the game for us on location, tells me he “almost pooped [his] pants” when it happened. We are pros.
Thank you for all your excitement and congratulations. The response has been overwhelming. We wouldn’t get these opportunities without your support, so again: THANK YOU.
Ian braved rush-hour traffic last Tuesday to make an appearance at Kettler Capitals Iceplex. After nearly eight hours in the car, he now understands why we hate this city’s traffic so much. But Ian had good reason to make the trip: he played NHL 14 with Tom Wilson.
Back at the NHLPA Rookie Showcase back in August, T-Wilz took on the league’s top rookies in an NHL 14 tournament and pwned the noobs. In RMNB’s first segment for Caps Red Line, Ian decided to show Tom how real non-athletes get down. Ian’s been playing hockey– ya know, fake hockey– since Blades of Steel in 1988, six years before Wilson was born. Ian’s been playing the EA NHL franchise since 1993, which also was before Wilson was born. A lot of things happened before he was born.
An accomplished and experienced virtual athlete, Ian thought he would dominate the sassy 19-year-old. Let’s see what actually happened.
At 2pm on Tuesday, December 3rd (tomorrow!), RMNB’s first segment on the Washington Capitals’ television show Caps Red Line will air on Monumental Network (it’ll also eventually be on the NHL network). I can’t give you any spoilers, but I can tell you that Caps rookie/future GQ model Tom Wilson is our first interview. The whole thing was really fun to shoot (except the 4.5-hour drive back to Frederick), and we’re honored to join an Emmy-winning program. Hopefully, our presence will have only partially ruined CRL.
So, without spoilers, here are some things to look for in our first episode. See the photo above.
The news is out: RMNB will be contributing to Caps Red Line this season! We’ll be kicking it with new host Alan May and putting our own little spin on the hockey world.
We’ll have more details when we can. For now, we just wanna say we’re very excited and grateful to have the opportunity, and we think you’ll enjoy what we’re cooking up!
The new season premieres on Tuesday, November 19th.
Russian Machine Never Breaks is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
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