Miller Lite, Crispy M&Ms, the AARP.. and now Russian Machine Never Breaks. With tonight’s Sprint Cup Series race at Phoenix International Raceway, we entered the rarefied air of NASCAR sponsors. After a rain delay of nearly seven hours, our boy Ryan Ellis took to the track in his #33 ScienceLogic/RMNB Chevy SS for his debut race in NASCAR’s top series.
As we noted in our profile of him, Ryan is a huge Caps fan, former GMU hockey player, and RMNB reader from Ashburn. Ellis said his goal for the race was to learn and avoid accidents in the penultimate race of the year. He did just that, bringing his car home undamaged in 40th in a hectic race filled with uncertainties and the heat of NASCAR’s playoffs. The race was called due to rain after drivers completed 219 of the scheduled 312 laps. Going forward, Ryan hopes to build on this opportunity to get a full-time ride next year and continue to make Sprint Cup Series starts. Congrats to Ryan on a safe first race! This was one of the coolest things we’ve done as a blog. It was a thrill to share it with him. Let this be a lesson: RMNB readers are awesome!
We’ve been covering Evgeny Kuznetsov for the last five years with unequaled vigor. From the wacky celebrations to the KHL/NHL waffling, Kuznetsov’s been the focus of our website and my personal favorite hockey player even before he crossed the ocean last year. So relaying this next story is wild.
Before game seven on Monday, RMNB’s Chris Gordon was asked at practice through a spokesman where he got his new iPhone case. The case is white and has the RMNB logo on it. The person inquiring was Evgeny Kuznetsov.
But we wrote about a lot more than astrophysics this year, so let’s take a real quick stroll in the wayback machine to check out the stories you guys loved the most. This should be fun. See if you can guess what’s in the top five.
While we dedicate a lot of our time to RMNB, our team slaves away at full-time jobs just like you. Peter is an information architect, I’m a web designer/email marketer, and Fedor is a full-time student in Moscow and a journalist for VOA. Then there’s Igor.
Four score and seven years ago… okay, maybe not that long – but long enough that Scott Stevens was still a Capital and the Soviet Union was still a thing, Igor– fresh out of college– left St. Petersburg and the crumbling empire for America. Within a couple of months after getting off the proverbial boat, Igor landed his first job: an engineering position at the NASA Goddard Space Flight Center.
People don’t understand the true meaning of Halloween. It’s not about collecting candy or doing keg stands at Peter’s house; it’s about scaring the living bejesus out of children. Knowing this, RMNB reader Mandy expertly extched Ovi’s cretinous countrenance into a pumpkin, and we couldn’t be prouder. There’s nothing scarier than an angry, 235 lbs. Russian with fiery eyes and the will to break you.
We spent a bunch of pixels bragging about all the cool stuff we did in the last year. That’s cool, ’cause we really are proud. But we’re totally rank amateurs. False rumors, worse typing, and bad luck charms; that’s just us. We’ve surpassed our peers by a long stretch of internet miles when it comes to screwing up.
The giant gray thing at the top of the page Ian assures that one day we will put a feature widget for good posts there. I think he might just be waiting for us to write some.
Spelling names incorrectly
We’re supposed to be fans of this team, so we should probably start spelling their names right. I’ll go ahead and take the blame for this one. I’ve goofed up Matthieu Perrault, Michael Nuevirth, and both Morrrisssonnns. I did it in my very first post, and I’ll eventually get around to correcting it.
Varlamov will miss the Olympics In our defense, Lisa Hillary was trying to trick us. After re-injuring his groinular area, Lisa gave a pessimistic prognosis that we might have accidentally blown completely out of proportion. Real-live PR people and respectable writers had to bail us out.
Nick Backstrom to sign a huge contract… in February
Maybe we were just waaaaay ahead of everyone else. We found an article on a Swedish site that said Backy was this close to signing a massive deal. It was a few weeks later before someone bothered explaining fact-checking to us.
Neil Greenberg Just in general.
Peter shaves his beard, dooms the Caps Peter loved #beardpact. It was his baby, and he protected it. But he couldn’t look like a pirate at his buddy’s wedding, so he shaved. And the Caps lost three in a row. JINX!
The Joe Corvo Bandwagon
We trust Neil implicitly, and that’s a character flaw we will address soon. He said that Corvo was the missing link and a hands-down improvement on Pothier. Suckers we are.
Our logo scares children
Ian’s girlfriend reports that this t-shirt has driven her students to tears. That’s because it’s freaking terrifying. Contrast/compare with one of the most twisted films of all time:
Taunting the Hockey Gods We had a post actually titled We Got it Made, in which we document all the reasons why the Caps will beat the Canadiens in five games. Our reasons included secondary scoring and Jose Theodore. Ugg.
Justin Bieber in the Bears’ locker room
There’s a fine line between cute human-interest stories and oversharing. This post demarcates the two.
Various crimes against the English language Our relationship with the written word is abusive and codependent. The difference between resign and re-sign(post date: Yesterday) springs to mind. We’re language recidivists, well beyond any hope of rehabilitation.
After looking at all this, I can’t blame Mike Green for blocking us on Twitter. We’re a wandering band of fools and idiots, sauntering into town, breaking everything we touch and offending the locals. At this point, that you’re still reading this post speaks more to your failings than ours. You really should know better.
If you have any other screw-ups we should know about, use the comments to have your voice heard. Tomorrow, we’ll list our resolutions for next year. We promise to do better, people.