Peter said it best a few weeks ago. RMNB has zero interest in covering the actual lockout. “Financial negotiations (and their public face) are all about posturing, tedium, and equivocation,” he said. “Whereas our principal interest in hockey has always been scoar, moar, and goals.” We have gone to great lengths to cover hockey and try to make things fun as possible while patiently waiting for the NHL to end the madness.

But now that Washington Capitals players are bickering with each other through the media, we feel compelled.

On Wednesday, 38-year-old Roman Hamrlik said he was understandably pissed off about the lockout. “I am disgusted,” the bearded dinosaur said in an interview with isport.cz, later translated by Roman Jedlicka. “We have to push Fehr to the wall to get the deal. Time is against us. We lost one-fourth of the season; it is $425 million. Who will give it back to us? Mr. Fehr?”

Hamrlik went on to suggest that the NHLPA should put the NHL’s latest offer up and vote on it collectively as a group.  With over 700 players in the membership, and each one having his own opinion and agenda, Hamrlik’s idea is reasonable.  Are the players aligned with Donald Fehr and his recommendations or do they just want to get back on the ice?

The next day, the not-at-all-controversial Michal Neuvirth backed-up his homie-from-the-same-country, telling Jedlicka that,”this lockout is not about majority of players, I think. It is about several superstars with big contracts.” Neuvy, a low-salaried player who has a lot to lose with the NHL’s current offer, is talking nonsense, but he is entitled to his own opinion.

Then on Friday, Troy Brouwer, one of the Capitals representatives for the Players Association, responded to the Czechs’ comments. In an interview with Katie Carrera of The Washington Post, the guy that George McPhee has called a leader 6756 times since trading for him two summers ago, called his teammates “selfish” and doubted if he could trust them moving forward.

“Those are two guys that have never been on a conference call, never been to a meeting, never paid attention,” Brouwer told The Post in a telephone interview Thursday. “People are going to have their own opinions but when you’re fighting for something with 700 other guys, all you’re doing is just making it harder to make a deal and making it harder to accomplish the things we’re fighting for.”

Brouwer, who sported the A for a bunch of games last year, said “it’s going to be tough to want to back those guys from now on,” which is ludicrous. Hockey tactics and financial negotiations should be completely unrelated.  For example, guess which one we don’t really care about here.

And in what world are comments like these productive?  Last year, the Capitals were dysfunctional, requiring a coaching change and barely scraping their way into the playoffs. All that struggle could have built solidarity and camaraderie, instead, the players are slinging venom at each other through the press. The best move Brouwer could have made as a leader would have been to refuse the interview or at least decline to publicly humiliate his once and future teammates.

Karl Alzner, who captained the 2008 gold-medal winning WJC Canadian team, took a more diplomatic approach to his teammates’ comments. In an interview with The Calgary Herald’s Scott Cruickshank, Alzner showed actual leadership in saying he’d address their statements only behind closed doors.

“The first thought that came into my head is knowing Roman and knowing what he’s like,” Alzner says of his Caps teammate. “I just had to laugh. Roman’s the kind of guy that just takes it as it comes. He says what’s on his mind. Whether he thinks it through all the time is another story. He just says it. If he doesn’t like practice, he lets you know. If he doesn’t like what you did in the game, he lets you know. I think it’s just frustration setting in.”

Alzner has the level head. He’s stemming an ugly story that a more bombastic answer would have kept going.

I believe that good team chemistry is essential to winning a championship. Guys who love playing together can achieve great things, but the Capitals seem miles away from that right now. For example, if your hockey drama and backbiting winds up in the Latinos Post, the story may have gotten away from you.

While many of these players are going through their first lockout, Roman Hamrlik’s going through his third. He’s personally lost millions in wages.  As a 20-year veteran of the league, he’s earned his right to complain and be frustrated at a process that is clearly flawed. If the players don’t want  other players speaking out, they should impose fines like the NHL does with its owners. Why do you think we haven’t heard Uncle Ted chime in?

And honestly, has anything Ovechkin, Crosby, or Kovalchuk said actually helped the situation? Not hardly.

Next time, Troy should think carefully before he speaks ill of his teammates. The NHLPA has no way to keep its constituents from speaking to the press and sharing their own views, but just because those opinions vary doesn’t excuse the wanton disrespect Brouwer showed. This isn’t politics –where inane antagonism is expected, it’s hockey, and these guys are supposed to be on the same team.

Roman Hamrlik was good for two things this season: “Hamr”-related puns, and being used as a comparison point to demonstrate how young or old other people are, such as Dmitry Orlov (three years old when Hamrlik’s career began!) or Marc Bergevin (played hockey with Hamrlik!).

There’s one more year remaining on Hamrlik’s contract with the Caps, which means there’s one more year for the Caps game entertainment crew to make him an MC Hamr montage. They are officially on the clock.

Cap Hit: $3.5 M. Hamrlik is signed until 2012-13 and will be UFA on expiration of that contract.

Milestones: This season, Roman Hamrlik passed Bobby Holik for the record in all-time games played by a Czech (1379).

Best Moment: Hamrlik did his best to keep the Caps in Game Seven of the Rangers series, tallying the Caps’ only goal of the night.

When Hamrlik is providing scoring, you know things have gotten desperate.

Worst Moment: December 27th against the Sabres, when Hamrlik took a penalty nine seconds into the game. Do you remember where you were at this moment? Do you remember the rage?

Things We Said About Roman Hamrlik: “Oh would you look at that, a delay of game penalty!”

Alignment: Lawful Neutral

First Irrelevant Google Images Result:

Media Consensus: “Put away the torches and pitchforks please! Roman Hamrlik is not as awful as you think he is!”

Spirit Animal: A moose.

Alternate Universe Superhero Identity: HamrTime

Team Role: Hamrlik was acquired in order to be a steadying veteran presence on the blueline and provide leadership to the team’s young core.

Execution of that Role: Hamrlik managed to get himself off on the wrong foot with the Caps fanbase, really struggling early but improving significantly as the season went on, peaking in the playoffs.

Postseason Performance: Hamrlik hit his stride in the postseason, playing airtight defense in close games where airtight defense was needed. He even chipped in on the scoresheet, with four points in fourteen games.

Beard Rating: 

Hamrlik’s veteran beard-growing experience really pays off here. Seven out of ten.

Likeliness to Return: Five out of ten. Any other teams looking for a relatively solid, aging defenseman? Call us.

Usefulness in a Post-Apocalyptic Setting: Worth keeping around initially, because you won’t have to outrun the zombies, you’ll only have to outrun Roman Hamrlik. Three out of ten.

Other: Art by Ian from one of those nuclear midseason Sabres games:

Overall Year-End Rating: Six Bad Sashas

For statistical analysis of Hamrlik’s season, see Japers’ Rink or Peerless Prognosticator. 

Good dog! (Photo credit: Brian Babineau)

Get your time machines. We’ve got to go tell the Caps from November to play exactly like this right here.

Alex Semin collected a rebound in front of the net and Alex Semin Sniped™ the first goal past Tim Thomas. Matt Hendricks got right into the crease and made it 2-0 within 25 seconds. Milan Lucic went five-hole on Vokoun to get the Bruins back in it. Marchand capitalized on an Orlov giveaway to tie the game. League MVP Jay Beagle finished off a sparkly pass from Semin. Brooks Laich scored on the PP–yes, you read that right, he scored on the PP. Boychuk scored with three minutes to go to make it a little uncomfortable. Caps beat Bruins, 4-3.

• Tomas Vokoun was brilliant early to get the Caps a good start on the game, and John Carlson was so inspired by this that he also decided to play goalie on a Bruins PP. No question he saved a goal to keep the Caps two up in the first. Ovi-goalie? You’ve got some competition.
• It was Dmitry Orlov’s very first multi-point NHL game tonight with two assists! Please take this moment to properly appreciate him, if you haven’t been doing so already. What a happy surprise that kid has been. We love him, and we don’t know what wonderful thing we did to deserve him.
• Roman Hamrtrip spent most of his glorious return to the lineup taking weird penalties and covering imaginary people. To be fair, the Bruins also spent a curious amount of time flopping for how tough they seem to think they are, but Hamrlik was certainly less than impressive. Free….Erskine…?
• What’s wrong with Ovechkin?? Nothing today, apparently. He had four shots on goal, an assist and a few fantastic hits. There were mistakes, but he was skating well for most of the game and seemed to be able to find a lot of open ice.
• Marcus Johansson took a thunderous hit from Zdeno Chara in the first period that broke the glass, but he apparently survived in one piece. He should get some kind of commemorative t-shirt for this.
• New Bruin Greg Zanon hit Mathieu Perreault in the second period the way you would hit someone if there were absolutely no rules in hockey. There was definitely some elbow action — Zanon got a penalty on the play, but two minutes is not good enough for me. Five minutes. A hundred minutes. Off with his head. I tentatively suggest a Shanaban, but really, who am I kidding? Rule 1385b. is that elbows on Capitals are A-OK.
• Coherent power play setups spotted in their natural habitat! Shhh, nobody move too sharply, you’ll startle them away.
• To be fair, the Bruins were uh, a bit shorthanded today. They don’t have anyone who looks nearly as sharp as Mike Knuble in a press box, or eats popcorn with quite as much panache, but they’re doing their best. You know what’s an even better look for Knuble, though? In a Caps jersey, on the ice. #Freed

Joe B suit of the night.

I hate golf. It’s not interesting, it’s not hockey, and I have no interest in watching the Caps play it in April. The Caps are still in eighth place, they cannot actually fall out of eighth place until Monday, even if they tried. The better news? With one more point, they can overtake the Florida Panthers, too — and we’ll do it without a zillion loser points too, thank you very much.

Hold the fort. Crash the net. If only they’d had fans like us at the Alamo, things would have turned out differently.

Photo credit: Rod Lamkey Jr.

George McPhee has not seen a season this tumultuous since the events that led up to the acquisition of Alex Ovechkin back in 2004. He’s dismissed a coach and watched his team fall from the top of the standings to a precarious spot on the proverbial bubble.

Now, as the Washington Capitals prepare for one last playoffs push, McPhee has the challenge of managing assets at all stages of their careers. That includes 37-year-old Roman Hamrlik, who was signed over the offseason to a two-year, $7 million deal, and 39-year old Mike Knuble, who will be an unrestricted free agent at season’s end — both of whom have been scratched from recent games.

McPhee’s attitude towards his veteran players, however, is anything but cynical. In his 14 years as general manager of the Capitals, McPhee, whose nickname is The Undertaker, has revealed something of a softer side.

On Tuesday in a wide-ranging interview with DC101′s Elliot Segal, McPhee admitted that he never had any intention of trading Hamrlik or Knuble, despite their building frustration with being scratched. “We were never in that place, as I mentioned ten days ago. We weren’t interested in moving anybody out. The only thing we were going to do, unless someone knocked our socks off, was try to add something if something made sense.”

McPhee, however, did entertain the hypothetical.

“If I was ever going to trade one of those guys, if I knew I was going to trade them and we had something going, then I would go talk to the player before we did it. I would talk to a Roman, I would talk to a Mike Knuble and say,’Listen. This is what’s happening. How do you feel about it?’ That sort of thing.”

“With respect to Mike Knuble,” McPhee continued, “He’s got his family here and everything else, and I’m not going to send him out to the West Coast or anything like that without asking him how he feels about it. Certainly, I have to do what’s best for the team and the organization — the individual comes a close second. But there are times when you can talk to people and see if it’s right for them and right for you.”

One such example came in March of 1999, the season after the Capitals made it to their first ever Stanley Cup Final. Washington had just suffered a crippling 3-2 loss to the Boston Bruins, and the playoffs were in serious doubt. McPhee then approached his team’s captain and future Hall of Famer Dale Hunter about being traded. But it had nothing to do with benefitting the team. The Washington Post’s Thomas Boswell explains:

McPhee offered to let Hunter stay and play every game or be traded wherever he thought he had the best chance to win the Cup. Instead, Hunter asked McPhee where he should be traded.

“Colorado,” McPhee said.

“[Then] that’s where I want to go,” Hunter told McPhee, according to the GM.

At that moment, McPhee made one of the rarest promises you’ll ever hear in sports. The NHL trade deadline was 3 p.m. “At 2:59, if I can’t get anything for you,” McPhee said he told Hunter, “I’ll give you away for nothing.”

Instead, Hunter’s grit, experience, leadership on the ice and clubhouse energy were so highly respected that Colorado traded a valuable draft pick – lowly Vancouver’s second-round selection in this year’s entry draft – for the soon-to-be-39-year-old Hunter and the Capitals’ third-round pick in 2000.

The positive ending to that player-GM relationship allowed McPhee and Hunter to develop a different kind of relationship later, one that eventually brought the Caps alumni and Hall of Famer home to coach his old team. Even though Hunter was already years into a cushy and profitable gig coaching the London Knights, when George McPhee made that call this season, Hunter was more than willing to pick up the phone.

If the current version of the Capitals can’t rally and make the playoffs, McPhee will face heavy scrutiny during the offseason. With a law degree from Rutger’s university and seven years of pro experience however, George is that rare combination of brains and experience, and under his management the Capitals have risen to prominence. He’s shown time and time again that he’s a shrewd dealer, but it’s his respect for the players and understanding of the human element that has truly made him successful in Washington.

This game actually started out all right, but if you’ve seen the Caps play the Sharks lately, you knew that it could only get bad somehow. What is it with those guys, seriously, every time. Did the Caps all watch “Jaws” too many times as children, or what?

Joe Pavelski opened the scoring with a weirdo bounce on a harmless shot from Dan Boyle that black magicked itself over Braden Holtby’s shoulder. He put a second goal on the board when the Caps let the entire Sharks roster camp out in front of the net, because that’s a really good way to get a goal scored against you. Then the puck rolled down Holtby’s back to the goal line for Patrick Marleau to tap it in. Dmitry Orlov scored with one of those Dmitry Orlov blasts from the point with half a second left to go in the second. Brent Burns pinballed a Joe Thornton shot behind Holtby. Marleau scored the third Sharks PPG of the night to make it 5-1. Roman Hamrlik backhanded one past Greiss, which we have to admit we didn’t really see coming. Jeff Schultz upped the weirdness by scoring from the blueline to cut the deficit to two. Sharks beat Caps, 5-3.

• The hour before the game was probably one of the most insane hours of your life. Neuvirth was starting! Then Braden Holtby sprang from behind a bush! Then Mike Knuble was healthy scratched! But Joel Rechlicz was also mysteriously there and dressed! But Aucoin was scratched too! And Brooks Laich was on the fourth line! Welcome to crazytown.
• When the dust settled, though, Braden Holtby was in net for the Caps, and he didn’t get much of a chance to ease into it. The Caps had a penalty called within the first five minutes of the game, and had a longggg delayed penalty stretch to start it even before San Jose’s PP even began. The Sharks wasted no time getting some rubber on net, but Holtby made several stellar saves in a row just to remind us of exactly what he can do. It was like a drum solo. His luck took a steep drive from there on out, but blaming Holtby for this game would be a mistake. He got very little net support, as per usual.
• Joel Rechlicz was a bit more visible tonight, if only for the ten-minute game misconduct he took for going after a player on the Shark bench. Also in the Rechlicz highlight reel: getting stapled to the glass by Douglas Murray on his first shift. We just want to see this guy drop the gloves already, someone please accept his invitation to dance, his self-esteem is in jeopardy.

• Every Caps goal scored tonight was scored by a defenseman — in fact, the three goal scorers had only two goals total among them coming into tonight. Predictably, we were most excited by the Dmitry Orlov goal, but he’d been taking drives all night, he was due for that one.
• What have we done to anger hockey pucks? The Caps have never intentionally tried to insult them, and yet they really seem to have it out for us. There was another freak bounce in this game on that Dan Boyle shot from way, way out, and that’s coming after the 80-footer on Neuvirth against Florida and the awful Byfuglien bounce against the Jets. Those little black rubber things are starting to look downright malicious.
• There were a lot of shots on goal recorded tonight, and even double-digit scoring chances, the Caps shot when they should and even when they shouldn’t. Despite this, there was still a serious lack of traffic in front of the net, which you may have heard mentioned, oh, once or twice if you were watching the NBC broadcast. If only we had a player on the roster who was good at that.
• Play that pretty much summed up the night: Wideman and Johansson colliding on a PP entry.
• The Caps cleared the 40 SOG threshold tonight for the first time since December. Ovechkin had six of those shots.

I am officially refusing to let all of this get me down. I am not new to this hockey thing, and while I’ve never seen this exact situation before, I’ve seen others, and I’ve seen worse. I’m clearing the slate. Right now all I want is to see the players starting to really function within the system, develop good habits and erase old ones. I want to see them fight and work hard. If you change your expectations to that, you might get let down every once in awhile but it’s not going to be that crushing feeling you get from expecting to see the team that dominated and won everything.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t hope for amazing things to happen. Please do that. Hope for it. I’m just saying you shouldn’t expect to see something that’s gone, maybe permanently. Try to accept the things that are now in its place and perhaps here to stay, and not all bad, just different. Maybe when you aren’t looking for the amazing things, they will happen.

To sum up this particular night, though, here’s Mike Green falling off a segway.

(Gif via @kathrynhockey)

So much almost. (Photo credit: Phelan M. Ebenhack)

Whew, what a relief that the All-Star Weekend is over! We’re all so sick of watching haphazard, sloppy, firewagon hockey that turns over pucks and gives up chances every few seconds, it’s such a relief to get back to the responsible, disciplined team we all missed so much.

Hahaha! Let’s all have a good laugh at that one for a minute, and then to the recap. I am pleased to inform you that the curse of my recaps was broken tonight. Actual goals were scored.

Matt Hendricks opened the scoring with the ol’ Brooks-Laich-diving-poke-check-pass, fan-on-the-initial-and-then-wildly-backhand-it move. Classic. Teddy Purcell scored two shifts later on a feed from Steve Downie, who mysteriously hadn’t had his face punched in yet at this point. All Martin St. Louis had to do was skate past Hamrlik lying face-down on the ice to make it 2-1. Nate Thompson banged one in on a good cycle from Tampa in front of the net. Mathieu Perreault was in the right place at the right time to take credit for a hilarious own goal off Thompson’s stick. Good pressure from Laich forced a puck loose for Troy Brouwer, who put it in the back of the net. The game went to overtime, and Steven Stamkos scored on a defensive breakdown from John Carlson. Caps lose, 4-3.

• Tomas Vokoun’s head was extra shiny tonight. It was a sign. Like most of the team, he built and built as the night went on and peaked with an unreal save on Vinny Lecavalier in OT, reaching back on a sure thing to snag a puck out of the air even though he was feet away the moment before. Our goalie is a human Slinky. NBC broadcast team were too busy talking about Lecavalier to notice.
• The whole game was a bit of a mess, on both sides. All of these guys have been laying around on beaches for the whole weekend and eating their wives’ cooking. No more vacations for anyone. The Bolts sent the puck down. We sent it back. Carlson stopped our hearts multiple times. None of this looked much like actual hockey until about the third period.
• Alex Ovechkin was attending the game, and there were a few shots of him in the pressbox with Olaf Kolzig. Olie and Ovi. Now there’s a sitcom we could get behind.
• Person who had a little too much vacationing: Roman Hamrlik. He gave Steve Downie ten miles of space on the first Tampa goal, and then fell down, facedown, on the ice, for St. Louis to dance past him for the second goal. I was all set and ready to institute #Hamrlikdown, but on the replay minutes later we discovered that first look at the play was a bit mendacious. Class act Vinny Lecavalier actually kicked his skate out from under him.
• The refs were Bolts in disguise tonight, so this didn’t get called. Want to get even more angry about that second goal? It was offsides.
• Things that are not attractive: The PP without 19, 8, and 52. The Caps got a 4-minute power play in the second when Lady Byng candidate Steve Downie clipped Perreault with his stick and made him bleed. Most of this four minutes looked like the team having a seizure. The medics were all ready to rush onto the ice, but it was just the Caps trying to score on a power play. Please come back, somebody.
• For all the talk of bad trades and bad additions this summer–how about that Troy Brouwer, huh? He scored his 15th of the season tonight, and as the season’s gotten tougher, he’s just gotten better. What a hero.
• I’m sure you’re all wondering what happened to all the Joel Rechlicz hype. I am too. He played 1:49, all in the first period, and mysteriously didn’t throw a single punch. This wasn’t what we expected after Coach Hunter’s assertion that he was brought in because “he’s a big guy and he’s a physical guy. He’s physical and we’re on the road so we need a physical guy.” Why sign him and not use his scary, famous fists? Then again Steve Downie was dodgy earlier in the day about whether he’d even step up to the plate if Recker asked him. Draw your own conclusions.

Person Sitting Behind the Bench Shirt of the Night

We’re famous!

This is a stretch of games specifically created to teach the Caps how to overcome adversity. It is a good thing, because this is something that they really, really needed to know. That game got messy, and there were huge mistakes, but the Caps cared tonight. With the construction of this team being what it is right now, they are on the edge of disaster at any given moment, and yet they haven’t completely fallen over. Never a dull moment.

They worked hard tonight. They got physical. On the road. On the road you need physical guys. Physical.

WARNING: After not seeing this video in 10 years, we forgot how many blatant crotch shots there are. Consider yourself warned.

Alex Ovechkin appeals to the ref. (Photo credit: Bill Wippert)

The Washington Capitals might have had too much figgy pudding, as their post-Christmas match-up with the Buffalo Sabres was one of their ugliest of the season. Maybe the worst.

Exactly how bad was it? So bad that we’re exercising The Option. The option is an obscure RMNB bylaw that allows us to not really write about a game because it was so wretched our primitive language cannot adequately describe it.

Roman Hamrlik wasted 9 seconds before sending the puck over the glass. Michal Neuvirth got pulled in the first because he was being a sieve. Unless being a sieve is a good thing, in which case he was NOT being a sieve. Mathieu Perreault impaled himself on his own stick, but he came back in time to leave his skates on a hit. Karl Alzner had a good view of three Buffalo goals. Brooks Laich won 7 of 19 faceoffs. Alex Ovechkin fired 5 shots. Dmitry Orlov won Palm player of the game for some reason.

The situation with the Capitals is dire. This team will not make the playoffs unless they make a significant course correction. Installing Dale Hunter hasn’t been enough. What do you think?

Our opinion: these guys are SOFT. Prove us wrong on Wednesday.

“Soft” by Ian Oland, who is a grown-up.

Michal Nuevirth gave up 3 goals on 6 shots (Photo credit: Rick Stewart)

Alex Semin got high sticked by Brayden McNabb (Screen cap: @Valtard)

Joe B suit of the night

Photo credit: Nick Wass

Dale Hunter hoped to lead the Washington Capitals to victory in his first game as head coach. He’d have to go through Jaroslav Halak to get there, but more importantly he’d have to get a flagging Capitals offense moving.

Alex Ovechkin threaded the needle, setting up Nick Backstrom to record the first goal of the game. T.J. Oshie cleaned up a Alex Steen’s slapshot to tie the score at 1-1. Matt D’Agostini caught a lucky bounce and wrapped it around to give St. Louis the lead. Despite a late-game flurry, it ended like that. Blues beat Caps 2-1.

• Tomas Vokoun got his 20th career assist on the Backstrom goal. Also, 28 saves for the big guy, which should have been enough for a win.
• Matt Hendricks had a little scrap with Scott Nichol during the third period, perhaps just to give Alex Semin some company in the 30+ PIM club.
• 

  As seen on TV: Dave Prior, Olie Kolzig, Neil Greenberg

  Speaking of which, no penalties for Alex Semin. This is apparently worth a bullet now.
• The leadership of Jason Arnott has been dearly lacking among the Capitals this season. Off-season pick-up Troy Brouwer welcomed Jason back to Verizon Center with a stick in the face. Arnott bled, and the Caps had to kill a double minor.
• That 5-minute window of penalty killing in the second period doomed Washington’s offensive life. Natch.
• Alex Ovechkin‘s assist on the Backstrom goal was lovely and smart, but he otherwise continued to struggle with the puck. Ovechkin did not fire his first shot on goal until the third period. That could be expected as AO missed a big chunk of play during the 2nd period PK epoch. Total ice-time? 16:26, second lowest of the season.
• Catching a puck somewhere on his arm, Marcus Johansson left the ice at the tail end of the second period. He returned in the third period apparently unfazed.
• Jaroslav Halak had to stop hundreds of pucks to beat the Capitals in the 2010 playoffs. Tonight he needed only stop 18.
• The troubled Washington power play improved not even a little tonight. Apparently they don’t commit a lot of penalties in St. Louis.
• Here’s a link to the Corsi/Fenwick totals for this game. Even if you don’t understand the stats, just absorb all the negative numbers next to Caps players’ names and wallow in sadness.
• No goals against for Roman Hamrlik. This is apparently worth a bullet now.

With a marginally improved– or at least pleasantly masked– defensive performance, the Caps nonetheless struggled in the offensive zone. They got pushed to the margins, where they’d either cycle ineffectually or turn it over. More frequently, zone entries would be aborted by a St. Louis poke check or poor puck  control in general.

Joe B suit of the night

Those who expected Dale Hunter to be a panacea– an instant cure– deserve their disappointment. We must remain patient as this team tries to find itself. Installing a Capitals institution behind the bench might kick start the process, but we fans need to prepare ourselves for a month-long peyote-adled animal spirit journey.

We’ll need to wait a bit longer to see what kind of change Hunter can effect. Maybe all the way to Thursday, when Sidney Crosby and the Penguins bring their infuriatingly excellent brand of hockey to Chinatown.

But we can’t wait too long. This roster is packed to the salary cap, designed to win a championship soon. Scapegoating a coach might buy some time, but there is still a ticking clock for this team.

Zack Kassian beats Tomas Vokoun. (Photo credit: Dave Sandford)

The Washington Capitals hopped on up to Buffalo, intending to shake off last night’s bad beat by whipping the Sabres. The injury-wracked Buffalo team missed a big chunk of its lineup, but they did not miss many scoring chances. And the Caps were just plain awful.

Luke Adam caught an easy bounce after Dennis Wideman’s failed clearing attempt. Jason Pominville scored his ninth of the year when Tomas Vokoun couldn’t find the puck. Jason Chimera drew a penalty shot and fired it so hard it disintegrated in the net. The very next shift– just half a minute later, toddler Zack Kassian recorded his first NHL goal– making it 3-1. Luke Adam opened the third period with a mean snapshot. Jochen Hecht beat Mathieu Perreault to record a shorthanded goal and finalize it. Sabres beat Caps 5-1.

• Ever get the feeling the Caps are doing this just to #@%& with their fans’ heads?
• These are not actually the Buffalo Sabres. Nine (9) fellas on their roster missed this game due to injury, including Ryan Miller, so this was basically the Caps getting their asses kicked by the Rochester Americans.
• Jason Chimera racked up another point, this time on the penalty shot. We couldn’t be happier for Jason, who is doing everything right this year, but a team on which he is the best player is not a great team.
• Alex Ovechkin: 2 shots, minus-4. Nick Backstrom: 2 shots, minus-4. Troy Brouwer: 1 shot, minus-3. There are no adjectives.
• On the other hand, Mike Knuble played awesome: 4 shots, plus-7 in Corsi, even-rating (no goals against). No one deserves the top line and oodles of ice time more than Kanoobs. Brooks Laich is a close second.
• Let’s not dance around it: Roman Hamrlik is a serious problem. According to some guy named Neil Greenberg, Hamr and Dennis Wideman were on ice for all seven Buffalo scoring chances in the first period– including both goals against. Adam Vingan (of KOL, SBnation DC, and he also mixes paint at Lowe’s on weekends) reports that Roman has been on ice for thirty of 69 goals against — or 43%– as of the first period. Wideman and Hamrlik were split up after the first period.
• Alex Semin was whistled for diving, which was–frankly– bullshit. 32 PIMs for #AzathothSasha. Fthagn.

Joe B suit of the night via @PRobbio

Winter is Coming. It means tough times are on their way. Well, they’re here.

This is the tribulation, a gauntlet of misery to triturate your team so they might emerge even better. Better, at this point, is a certainty– as this team cannot plausibly get any worse. There is no doubt that they will turn it around. They’re just too damn talented not to. The how of the matter should be simple; instead it’s evanescent: move your legs, win fights in the corners, clear the puck cleanly. Basically, it’s everything peewee hockey coaches have been drilling since the dawn of time.

That these superstars have such a crummy work ethic paints them as a bunch of spoiled brats. It’s insane.

The Washington roster has never been stronger. In “the lean years,” fans could shake off a month of losses like this; no big deal. But now that the team has demonstrated that it can be awesome– and awesome consistently– the November glut is a spit in the face.

Endemically, something is rotten in the District of Washington.

“Caps in a Barrel over Niagra” by Ian Oland

(Photo credit: Mitchell Layton from like 3 years ago)

Live from Verizon Center… it’s Saturday night! The Washington Capitals bested the New Jersey Devils in hostile territory on Friday, so they invited the conquered down to Chinatown for another round. Mike Green, injured in the first duel, did not dress, replaced by the Giraffe Jeff Schultz. Brooks Laich played defense, and Alex Semin returned to action, where he immediately took an offensive zone penalty.

Troy Brouwer stole the puck and beat Hedberg for the night’s first goal. Carlson did his 70-footer thing, and a screening Chimera tipped it in to make it 2-0. Petr Sykora scored on a set play off the face off to end the shutout. Ryan Carter got a deflection to tie it up. From there we entered the shoot out, where way more stuff happened than I can record here. Suffice it to say: Devils beat Caps 3-2 via shoot out.

• Alex Semin, after returning from his timeout in the corner, promptly took a call. I and the thousands in Verizon Center thought the trip was a dive, and maybe Boudreau agreed. Alex returned to the ice, but did not have the rebound game we expected of him. And now I owe Doug 20 bucks.
• The ice in Chinatown was its usual, scratchy self. A Foo Fighters concert the night before and a Georgetown b-ball game this afternoon can do that.
• The Capitals suited up for the second period, but they did not really play. Two shots on net is never okay, but that’s all the team could muster in the frame. That gave NJD the time and space to make this game interesting.
• Jason Chimera deserves respect. The dude has scored in two straight and remains the Caps’ most consistent and timely of scorers.
• Dennis Wideman’s trip added to Alex Semin’s trip makes this one poorly called hockey game. While the Caps are working on tightening up their discipline, bad calls make it all the much more harder.
• The Washington Capitals went two million years without a shot during this game. It’s astonishing to learn that you can skip offense for over a period and still win a hockey game in the NHL. Oh wait, they didn’t.
• Roman Hamrlik either suffered an injury or was discovered to suck, as his ice time was profoundly limited in the second half of tonight’s game. My vote is suck, but I’m willing to change my mind.
• Absorbing up that ice time? Once again, it’s Dennis Wideman, who has a date with the ice bath on Sunday after his 33+ minutes of play,
• All of a sudden, the Washington Capitals penalty kill is a force to be reckoned with. 11 kills in a row as of this game. Now if we can get the PP in the same shape.

Joe B suit of the night via @CapFans1426

Sorry for the poorly formatted, image-light recap, everyone. This is coming straight from the ledge, where I sat with Peter Robbio of Chirps from the Ledge. Thanks, Peter, for a great game! Thanks for bearing with us, everyone else. Please share your own analysis of the game since we are so light tonight.

See you Tuesday!