The Baltimore Orioles have been swept out of the ALCS by the Kansas City Royals. That was an unceremonious end to the team’s best season since 1997. I’m still stunned.

The Orioles had a truly magical season. They lost Matt Wieters to injury after just 26 games and Manny Machado after 82. Newly mortal but still spectacular slugger Chris Davis missed the playoffs to suspension for taking adderall without permission. And yet they found new talent in improbable places: Steve Pearce’s out-of-nowhere slugging, Nelson Cruz’s redemption tour, Zach Britton’s heavy-gravity closing, and whatever the hell you would call Ryan Flaherty and whatever the hell it is that Ryan Flaherty does.

The Orioles dominated the AL East and swept the ferocious Detroit Tigers in the ALDS. And though they were felled by the Kansas City Royals in four straight, blooper-filled, small-ball disasters, I still love the Orioles. If you love them– or Maryland at all– I’ve made some shirts that might interest you.

(If you’re not from Maryland and/or hate us for this stuff, just skip over this one! We still love you.)

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Russian Machine Never Breaks We Want Wings Tshirt

Caps Nation has chicken wings fever, and we’re happy to report that that isn’t a new infectious disease. No, we’re ensorcelled by the high-scoring Washington Capitals who, for the 10th time this season, have scored 5+ goals at a home game. The lovable fools at Glory Days Grill will trade game tickets in for a plate of scrumptious buffalo wings (see RMNB redeem ours). To commemorate the hunger for copious goals and wings alike, we have added this stunning shirt to our repertoire:

The We! Want! Wings! tee is cut from only the finest cottons to keep you at the peak of comfort whilst chanting from the upper bowl of the Verizon Center. When the score is 4-2, and you don’t have dinner plans for tomorrow night, this shirt will bestow magical powers unto players like Mike Green or Alex Ovechkin. BAM! 5 goals and free wings.


The “We! Want! Wings!” T-Shirt is available in Red for Men, Children, and all of our Lady Fans out there. HOLLA. Visit our Store and Buy now.

inSEMINation T-Shirt

Our last t-shirt of this crazy four t-shirt day (see our 3 new Bruce Boudreau T-Shirts below) is a doozy. And by doozy we mean terribly inappropriate and probably should never be worn by anyone ever. Seriously. Leave our website, we’re awful people. Like we didn’t even make this one in kid’s sizes for fear someone in a Maryland Private School might be expelled. But sadly, there is an audience for this type of trash, and the Russian Machine must abide.

So with that positive introduction out of the way, we bring you our newest t-shirt, appropriately titled the “inSEMINation.” Available in Men’s and Women’s sizes. Where did we get this idea? Why did we even make this? Well, obviously the Russian Machine is partial to his fellow Russian Superstars on the Capitals. So when anyone says something glowingly or creative about one of our players, we must act. Immediately.

During the Capitals 5-3 beatdown of the Flyers, Heather Blumburg blurted out this beauty of a tweet to celebrate a goal by Alex Semin, which immediately got our attention. We were so impressed, we created this t-shirt in less than one hour after we saw it.

As a side note, yes, the Capitol building shown here is meant to be a phallic representation of where most of Semin’s most ardent supporters reside: Siberia Washington DC. And yes, we considered putting a white 28 above the dome, but it was just too distasteful distracting from our typography on the bottom.

So for those girls in College who want to party and impress their current hockey-loving boyfriend with your knowledge of hockey and the human anatomy, this shirt’s for you. And no, I’m not eagerly awaiting the “Stay Classy, @russianmachine” tweets when I sign back online onto Twitter. Sigh.

Bruce Boudreau WTF T-Shirt

If you’re Bruce Boudreau, you’re livin’ large. You’ve got a Book Deal, a budding acting career, a Bobblehead, a Jack Adams Trophy, and the two-time NHL MVP on your team. How could life be any better? It’s hard to say.

But realistically, even with all of those luxuries, you’ve still got some problems. BIG problems. Like your GM just signed a guy barely playing NOW to a two year contract, you watch your team get beat up every fight it accepts, and your number one goalie has been out half the year with a multitude of weird, crotch-related injuries.

So if you’re feeling like Bruce is feeling after your “other” star winger gets whistled for another offensive zone penalty in the third period, then protest along with Gabby, and buy our WTF T-Shirt, available in Men’s and Women’s Sizes. Also available in Blue and White in Men’s and White in Women’s.

Protesting bad ice, a flat beer, or a nasty breakup with your girlfriend after you find out she’s cheating on you with the Capstronaut, has never been easier – or more stylish with this tee!

Want to see the rest of our Gabby T-Shirts in this series? Take a look below the jump.

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The first dog to ever sport a RMNB T-Shirt

Yes Fido, you are suffocating in Awesome!

Another T-Shirt Tuesday is among us my friends. And this week I learned something that I never thought I’d know: How a dog looks in one of my T-Shirt Designs. Wow. The look in his eyes says it all: Please kill me now! I’m suffocating in Awesome!

We wanted to extend a huge thanks to Reader Courtney for modeling our entire line of T-Shirts and to our good friend DookFn who became the first person to invade Verizon Center with one of our Tees! I mean hell, they’re no Chad Dukes (meaning they know something about hockey), but we’ll take what we can!

To see everyone who has modeled in our t-shirts thus far, please join our Facebook Fan Page and take a look!

Check out all of the new photos below the jump and yes, this is your cue to buy yourself a RMNB Tee and support your fellow starving artists.

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Elyssa Klopfenstein and Stacey Watkins in Our Mike Green Snubbed T-Shirts

Last Saturday the Caps awesomely dominated the Thrashers in Atlanta 8-1. Not only was there a lot of highlight reel goals, Comcast SportsNet also managed to find a lot of local Caps fans invading the Lower Bowl of Phillips Arena. Who said the Caps don’t travel well?

While on Twitter we even randomly mentioned a few of them:

russianmachine: Backie score because of crazy bouncing puck on crazy terrible ice. #Caps fan in 5th row happy!
russianmachine: Knuble gets goal #2. Russian Machine gets another assist. Crazy lady in knit hat happy.

Elyssa Klopfenstein and Stacey Watkins at the Thrashers/Caps Game

Well, ironically enough, a few days later I got an email from The Crazy Lady in the Knit Hat: Elyssa Klopfenstein. Not only did she shoot me a picture of herself and Stacey Watkins on TV, she told me that she bought a few of our Mike Green – Canada’s Best Defenseman: Snubbed T-Shirts. The even better news:

As soon as our Snubbed T-shirts come my friend and I definitely want to wear ours to a practice at Kettler and see if we can’t snag a picture w/Green in them. He seems like a cool enough guy, and I can’t imagine he wouldn’t also totally love them.

Or as one prominent media member intelligently pointed out to me, he may not want to be seen around them because it could potentially anger the people who control his Olympic chances in 4 years. I guess we’re going to see!! Hooray for social experiments!

Regardless Elyssa, be gentle with @Greenlife52 when you put the shirt over his head. Say please and thank you. Snap the picture quickly. We’ll have the car running out back.

Anyways next Tuesday, we’ll have a brand new shirt in our store, and it’ll be worth the wait – I promise. And yes, our contest is still going on. Get Green to sign your Snubbed T-Shirt with photographic evidence, and you get entered into a drawing for a free t-shirt. Get Green literally in our shirt (or maybe even holding it up with a big smile and thumbs up – my discretion), you get 2 free upper level tickets to an upcoming Caps game.

As for now, please peruse our current offerings and let us know what you think in the comments below: http://russianmachineneverbreaks.spreadshirt.com

Mike Green T-shirt Canada's Best Defenseman Snubbed

We’re going to keep this one short and sweet. The Russian Machine thinks Mike Green is Canada’s Best Defenseman. Team Canada and Steve Yzerman thinks Mike Green isn’t even worth being in their the Top 7. Japers Rink thinks Mike Green was snubbed.

Simply put: Mike Green Doesn’t Get Any Respect. No Norris, No Olympics. What???!??! We here at RMNB are fed up. So with all these hopeless emotions filling our respective souls, we had to take these negatives and turn it into a positive. Thus after 20 hours of non-stop illustrating, sketching, and photoshopping, here is our latest shirt entitled “Canada’s Best Defenseman: Snubbed.” See the Full Size Graphic Below.

We are also Holding a Contest with this t-shirt design Until The Olympic Break: If you purchase this t-shirt and send us a photo of you in it, you go up on the website. No questions asked. If you get the shirt signed by Mike Green with photographic evidence accompanying it, you will enter a drawing (with the others who do so) to win a free t-shirt. If someone does the ultimate and gets Mike Green in this t-shirt with photographic evidence, you get two upper level tickets to an upcoming Caps game and a free t-shirt. And the Grand Prize would go to whoever manages to do so first. So who’s game? Caps Fans, It’s time to protest in style.

And oh yeah, one last thing, screw you Canada. We were going to root for Russia anyways.

Mike Green T-shirt Canada's Best Defenseman Snubbed

A Photo of Savannah Morrissey's Russian Machine T-Shirt

savvymomo5http://twitpic.com/wpbtd – @russianmachine my awsome new shirt

The Russian Machine wanted to extend a heartfelt thanks to fan of the blog Savannah Morrissey, or savvymomo5 on Twitter, for being the first of our wild and crazy supporters to actually post photographic evidence of a purchased Russian Machine T-Shirt. Yes, this is nice. No, she didn’t need to spell awesome right. Who needs that extra e anyways?

Well, for those of you who’ve had some cold feet, the Russian Machine Portrait T-Shirt is available in our store for the dirt cheap price of $14.95 and hopefully this will show some of you that you’re getting quality. Remember, in a previous endeavor, the Russian Machine has outfitted hundreds of Orioles fans, an ESPN analyst and sold t-shirts at the Legends Museum by Camden Yards. So he’s been around the block a time or two.

Like always, if you purchase a shirt and provide the Russian Machine with a photo, he will put it up for all to view either on the blog or our facebook fan page.

Later tonight during the Capitals game, we’ll have part 2 of our T-Shirt Tuesday: A New Mike Green Team Canada Protest Shirt. Until then, tata!

Russian Machine Never Breaks Portrait T-Shirt

Russian Machine Never Breaks Portrait T-Shirt

Welcome all to another T-Shirt Tuesday. Exciting right?

For our second shirt, we’ve put our official portrait of the Russian Machine on a red tee. It’s available in Men, Women and Kids sizes for $13.95. Once the first week passes, we will up the prices of the shirt for it’s standard price of $14.95. So if you dig it, makes sense to buy now. So why don’t you visit our shop and take a look around.

We’ll be providing coupon codes for our shirts on our Facebook Fan Page and our Twitter Account periodically. So make sure you join, so you can be in the know.

Anyways, let us know what you think. And if you have any special requests, shoot us an email and we’ll consider. Happy shopping!

Russian Machine's First T-Shirt

Russian Machine

Okay, so this post’s actually a day late, but I wanted to officially invite you to the Grand Opening of our new Russian Machine Never Breaks Spreadshirt Store.

Yes, I totally ripped off the T-Shirt Tuesday slogan from the Orioles (who probably ripped it off of someone else) and no, we will never have an Ollie’s Bargain Night.

What is a Spreadshirt Store? Well it’s basically a place where the Russian Machine is going to outfit you with nicely designed t-shirts for a small pittance. Shirts will be available for men, women, kids and our ever growing Big and Tall crowd.

Every Tuesday from now until the end of the regular season, we’re going to be releasing a new t-shirt design. Some of our hockey-related designs may be serious, some may be weird, some may make you question humanity, and some may make make your friends think you’re racist hilarious . Who knows? But this is going to be epic.

What makes us so sure? Well, we’ve had some great success at another blog you’ve might of heard of and we’re totally cocky this time around. Being mentioned on SportsCenter and having one of the most popular national baseball writers wearing your tshirt will do that. And this too. Kids are so cute!

For our first shirt, we’re going to keep it simple. The official Russian Machine Never Breaks Logo on a white t-shirt. It’s available for Men, Women and Kids sizes for $13.95. Once the first week passes, we will up the prices of the shirt for it’s standard price. So if you dig it, makes sense to buy now.

We’ll be providing coupon codes for our shirts on our Facebook Fan Page and our Twitter Account periodically. So make sure you join, so you can be in the know.

Anyways, let us know what you think. And if you have any special requests, shoot us an email and we’ll consider. Happy shopping!