Sean Avery on his bike in Manhattan.

Sean Avery is one of the biggest assholes in NHL history, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a heart off the ice. As Hurricane Sandy rolled through New York City earlier this week, Avery jumped on his bicycle with filmmaker Casey Neistat to explore the devastation of downtown Manhattan. The team spent four hours in the storm, capturing film of the flooding and even helping a man trapped in his car. Shame we didn’t see this side of Avery before he retired this summer, because this version of the guy– dutiful and selfless– is damn likable.

To all of our readers who were affected by the storm: our hearts go out to you. We encourage everyone to donate some spare change to the Red Cross to help out the victims and expedite recovery.

And finally, any excuse to link to this. It never gets old. LONG LIVE HURRICANE HORSE.

Photo credit: paparazzi.ru

This week, the Caps went 3-1-0 against the Lightning, Hurricanes, Islanders, and Habs, and if you asked someone who they thought was the only team to beat us, they would probably be surprised by the answer. Despite being outshot 77-136, the Caps still managed to outscore opponents 9-7 and take 6 of 8 points. Especially if you blindly ignore that Tuesday ever happened, it was a pretty good week.

Elsewhere in the NHL, a compelling case was made for wearing helmets in warmups, Mrs. Pronger made us sad about Chris Pronger again, Brian Elliott was re-signed in St. Louis, Chara and Alfredsson were named captains of the All-Star Game, Rangers owner James Dolan apparently has no idea the Stanley Cup is not awarded in January, and Ryan Kesler and Alain Vigneault had a lovers’ quarrel.

In case you were wondering the most important question–how does everything in the world apply to the Washington Capitals?–here’s a helpful guide to what’s terrible this week.

Best of the week

• Dmitry Orlov has a pretty hard shot.
• This graphic will be helpful for tonight!
• Terrifying enforcer Karl Alzner fought Steve Downie.
• Alex Ovechkin, rap star.
• Dmitry Orlov’s face after scoring his first NHL goal.
• If you haven’t watched the Rene Bourque Punch-Out Video, watch the Rene Bourque Punch-Out video.

Follow Ana on twitter, or on her blog, you know, if you feel like it, or get really bored.

Photo edit: Ian Oland

Doug Johnson is one of the Puck Buddys. You already follow them on Twitter, right?

The Pre Game:  We’re thankful for Puck Buddy Bunny and Dave E filling in for us on the pregamer for the Winnipeg Jets game a few days back. So, too, were RMNB readers, if the comments are to be believed (and really, has the Internet ever lied?) “I retract any critical statements I’ve made of Doug Johnson in the past,” commented one ‘CDizz.’ To which we say: ha ha! We’re betting you will soon be retracting that retraction, Mr. Dizz. We now return you to your regular, disappointing pregames.

It must be said, however that these last few games have been anything but disappointing for Caps fans. Sure, Wednesday’s result was closer than we like (in part due to a genuinely crummy officiating call against Mike Knuble’s third-period goal that made us throw things at the television) and we’re still only talking a ‘streak’ of two games. We always considered, and still do, any talk of streaks in either direction premature. A streak implies consistent success or failure of the team to execute; this past week or so proves that Coach Boudreau’s squad is not consistent, playing like jellyfish one game and superheros the next. Still, Sasha, Nicky, and Chimera were a gravy-boat of goodness against the Jets, as was the team overall, and we have reason to believe that may continue. Or hope. Reason to hope, maybe. To believe. Moving on…

The Puck Drop

We’re combining our two back-to-back game previews into one post, partly because our fingertips are still sore after a run-in with a cheese grater on Thursday, and partly because we’re just lazy, probably. So let’s go with what we know. We know that if we have to be playing two teams from the Empire State, at least we don’t have to travel up to Long Island, which, as previously established, is just ghastly. We know few were expecting much from the Rangers (10-5-3) this year, but they seem to be getting into a groove of late, leading to better performance than we would wish for the Blueshirts. We know the Sabres (12-8-1) are having less good fortune, but seem to have the winds in the sails following Wednesday’s punch-’em-up against the B’s. And we know that Sean Avery is still an awful excuse of a human being. That said, what else do we know?

What Makes Either of Them Hot

Jhonas Enroth

1: Jhonas Brothers. Together these teams have two Swede goaltenders we’re watching closely, but for different reasons. In the crease for the Rangers, again, is herring choker Henrik Lundqvist. What can you say about a guy who’s earned a .935 save percentage, other than that puts him in the top five in the NHL? It seems like this square-head has been playing for decades, and we’re not sure why, other than the irritating fact that he’s just consistently good and so far not nearly as susceptible to the sort of glass-groin injuries we also seem to be seeing more frequently. (Since when did goaltenders become thoroughbreds?) And for the Sabres is smiling meatball Jhonas Enroth (.930 Sv%). He’s a much fresher face (joining the Sabres in 2009-2010) on a much smaller frame: at 5’10″ and 166 pounds, he’s practically Martin St. Louis-sized. We’ve seen champagne splits bigger than this guy. He’s not quite in Lutefisk’s class yet, and did lose the shoot-out on Wednesday. But he’s fast and quick and we think worth keeping an eye on. In fact, they both are.

And yes, we really did just refer to a Swede as a meatball. We’re exactly that smart.

2: He Who Shall Not Be Named. So there’s this prick playing for the Rangers lately. We thought we were rid of him for good this season, perhaps after laying down a couple applications of roach spray. But he’s back. Perhaps he has horcruxes littered around Bryant Park; we don’t know. His numbers (2G 0A 2P in 7 games) still stink, but they really don’t tell the story of the last four or five games. As distasteful as it is, the Caps have to take this pest seriously, and shut him down.

Marian Gaborik (Photo credit: Bridget Samuels)

3: Meh. We’re already late on deadline for this, and finding it hard to shoehorn two teams into one sausage. So let’s just say that both these teams are top-level mid-tier teams – not bottom-dwellers but not exactly league leaders – and both are capable of biting. It really depends more on which Capitals squad shows up: the fleet-footed flashers of Wednesday or the slipper-shuffling surrender monkeys against the Maple Leafs. Oh, and Marian Gaborik (9 goals, 7 assists) is slumping a little bit, but he’s still a sweet slab of Slovak hockey who can get pucks on net, as can the Sabres’ Thomas Vanek, who now has scored his team-high 12th goal and sitting pretty with 25 points.

Thomas Vanek, whose suit boldly mixes patterns.

What Makes Either of them Not

1: Home Away: The Caps aren’t exactly proving to be a team of road warriors so far, but we’re going to get a little help where these next two games are happening. Today’s post-turkey tango at the Phone Booth couldn’t be coming at a better time, with the squad feeling energized (we assume) from Wednesday. We’re also 8-1-1 at home, and we like those figures. Saturday we hit the road, but frankly if we have to play a team in their barn, we would choose the Sabres. With a home record of 5-6-1, they don’t have so much home field advantage as they do handicap.

2: Day-to-Day Grows to Weeks. This isn’t on either New York team, but on us. When Mike Green went down from a bad hit to the leg a few weeks back, we were reassured it was nothing significant and a day-to-day thing. That was weeks ago, and Green is still not back on the ice. He’s not even at practices, which tells us this is much more serious than just day-to-day. Jay Beagle last played on October 13 when he ran into a brick fist called Arron Asham, who is called different things in the PuckBuddys household. Beagle’s concussion has kept him out for six straight weeks. Neither player at this point is expected back in the nearish future. We obviously hope foremost for their recuperation, but know that the entire team is struggling to adapt to their absence.

3: RallyBalloon! Do either of their teams have a mystical red rally balloon? A sentient latex being from beyond come to inspire the Caps to smote our enemies? A Rockin’ Red airborne vessel of all things C-A-P-S? I think not.

The OT Shootout: Several of the last Ranger’s games have been relatively high-scoring affairs (and I still think we have their number) whereas Buffalo has generally been able to keep things within one or two (witness the Caps/Sabres pre-season match-up.) Predictions: Caps 4, Rangers1; Sabres 2, Caps 3. Bet based on these numbers and you deserve to lose your money.

Craig and I are heading to the game Friday. We’re the two goofballs in Caps jerseys. Oh, I crack myself up. But look for us: one with red hair, the other salt-n-pepper, both happy to meet RMNB fans. Even if you hate our previews.

Sylvia Heft poses with jockey Sheldon Russell and her husband Arnold Heft in the winner’s circle. (Photo credit: Karl Merton Ferron)

Craig Brownstein of PuckBuddys writes for Russian Machine Never Breaks.

Next to the Preakness Stakes, the middle jewel of the Triple Crown, the biggest day on the Free State’s racing calendar is a championship series for horses who claim a pedigree connected to Maryland stallion.

Eighttofasttocatch, the horse named after the Russian Machine, is shown here before the race. (Photo credit: Kim Hairston)

In its 26th renewal Saturday, the feature race, the Maryland Million Classic, was won by a runner who claims Russian ancestry. Eighttofasttocatch, a four-year-old chestnut gelding, was named after Caps Captain Alex Ovechkin. “Catcher” is a well-regarded race horse campaigned by Arnold Heft (an NBA ref back in the day), former co-owner of the Bullets who purchased the team along with Abe Pollin in 1964.

According to the official chart of the race, he dragged his feet a little bit in the early going, only to thunder down the stretch to win by nearly two lengths. He “gathered momentum leaving the half mile marker, moved to collar the leader approaching the stretch, kicked clear in upper stretch, responded to solid right hand pressure (a.k.a. the whip) leaving the eighth pole, drifted out slightly near the sixteenth pole and held sway.” That sounds an awful lot like the last half of the Caps 2010-2011 regular season and playoff run, all except for the holding sway part, of course.

“Though I owned the Bullets and the Capitals with Mr. Abe Pollin, we never really had a champion,” Arnold Heft told The Baltimore Sun. “This has to be the biggest thing for my wife and me. This is my first real champion, and I’m 92 years old.”

Sylvia Heft also chimed in. “We’ve been in horseracing and sports a long time,” she said. “This has to be the best day we’ve ever had.”

As the betting public’s choice, Catcher was hammered at the windows and went off as the post time favorite at 4-5. He rewarded his backers $3.60 for the win, topped a $20.80 exacta and a downright paltry $41.20 trifecta. “Chalk,” as they say around the ovals.

And like Ovechkin, who claims Olympians in his pedigree, Catcher’s bloodlines read like a who’s who of some of the turf’s greatest champions: Count Fleet (1943 Triple Crown winner), Turn-to, Nearctic, Native Dancer, Northern Dancer, Nashua, Swaps, Bold Ruler (Secretariat’s sire), and Mr. Prospector, the most successful stallion ever led into the breeding shed.

There’s a heartwarming back story to Catcher’s success on the track. Top Thoroughbreds are often known to be mercurial and enigmatic. Sound familiar? In the preview of the race in today’s Washington Post, noted turf writer Sanda McKee tells us about what keeps Catcher’s nerves in check, a pet pygmy goat named Gigi. For centuries race horses have companion animals, often goats, which keep them calm — a four-legged horse whisperer if you will. In the old days, to gain an advantage on race day, unscrupulous trainers would kidnap a top horse’s pet or get one’s goat. We think back to last season when there was talk of a Sasha Whisperer, Jason Arnott, who kept that other Russian focused and on his game, too. Since trading Arnott, we think GMGM might want to consider if he can shrewdly pick up Gigi before the trade deadline.

This week’s Horse Hockey news involves more than just Eighttofasttocatch. Word just came down that another horse named after a notable hockey player suffered an injury. Sean Avery the horse was sidelined again with a bowed tendon.

The five-year-old gelding pulled up lame after his most recent win at Saratoga in the Vanderbilt Stakes. The horse, who we assume to be every bit as obnoxious as his namesake, will be rested over the winter and with luck, put back into training next spring.

We wish the equine Avery the best of luck and for a speedy recovery. For the hockey fans who happen to be railbirds, there may be no better contest next spring than a match race between Eighttofasttocatch and Sean Avery. Caps vs. Rangers? We know how that one will turn out.

Actor Michael Douglas takes in the game with his daughter Carys (Photo credit: Bruce Bennett)

Sigh. (Photo credit: Kathy Willens)

This could be the pivotal game in the series. Up 2-0 Washington had the chance to all but put the Rangers away. But all it took to derail those plans, however, was one bad bounce off Karl Alzner’s shoulder.

The first period was scoreless and fairly even with Caps holding a 5-4 advantage in scoring chances. Despite not having a lead after 20 minutes of play the frame had to be considered a positive for Washington after killing off New York’s one and a half minute five-on-three power play late.

The Rangers opened the scoring at 5:30 in the second period when Erik Christensen threaded the needle, firing a sharp-angle wrister from the corner over Michal Neuvirth’s shoulder on the man-advantage. The Capitals remained down by one until Bruce Boudreau juggled the lines, putting Alex Ovechkin, Jason Arnott and Mike Knuble together. It would pay dividends just minutes later when Arnott fired a shot from the corner before Ovechkin potted it home to tie the game.

Eight minutes into the third, Vinny Prospal gave New York a 2-1 advantage, putting the rebound from Eric Marc Staal’s blast from the point into the back of the net. But when in comes to scoring gritty goals in front of the net, no one can outdo Knuuuuuuuble, as he whacked home the loose puck after Nicklas Backstrom’s one-time rocket on the power play. You might want to stop reading now.

With just 1:39 remaining in the game Brandon Dubinsky fired shot on Neuvirth, hitting Alzner. Before Neuvirth could react, six ounces of vulcanized rubber were in the back of the net. The Czech netminder hung his head in dejection and Ovechkin lay face down on the ice. Rangers shock Caps, 3-2.

• The biggest key of the game was obviously all of the penalties called against the Capitals. The Rangers were awarded seven power plays — the Capitals would only receive three — and went to a two-man advantage twice. When Bruce Boudreau was interviewed during a break of play in the second period by NBC’s Darren Pang, the frustrated coach told the former NHL goalie, “We have to stay out of the penalty box. Though those are some pretty ticky-tack calls for a playoff game.” And he was right. While New York was getting away with some rather unsportsmanlike plays, Washington was getting called for some questionable infractions. The normally reserved Nicklas Backstrom told the media after the game that, “it wasn’t me, it was the ref” regarding his third period penalty. The calls kept the Capitals best players off the ice and it kept them from finding their offensive mojo.
• The Rangers game plan Friday was to finish every check and rub out any Caps player that they could, including targeting Mike Green’s up high. That didn’t work, so today they tried to do anything and everything they could to get into Michal Neuvirth’s head. The lowlights were Brandon Prust’s bump of Neuvirth as he skated to the other side of the ice during a stoppage in play, Sean Avery’s punch in the head after a save in the second and Avery getting in the rookie’s face after a whistle in the third. There were at least five more instances of dirty play after the whistle between these two players and Neuvirth, yet the officials refused to make a call. Boudreau even revealed after the game that “[the officials] kept on warning [the Rangers] at the bench not to do it. And then they didn’t call it. So they continued to do it.” The officials did an absolute abysmal job of calling this game. But I suppose that’s hockey sometimes.
• This is a joke.
• Maybe I’m being a bit nit-picky, but when Eddie Olczyk brought out the telestrator to diagram how NHL Official Chris Rooney hurt himself, I found it to be both classless and unnecessary. All you have to do is say, “he tripped over the net” and show the replay. You don’t have to humiliate him by circling him with your pen and then using graphic arrows to show where he fell down. Rooney, who bravely tried to skate the injury off, was later diagnosed with a broken fibula and declared done for the season. Yes, even officials are gamers in the playoffs. We here at RMNB wish Chris a speedy recovery.
• Alex Ovechkin is the captain and the team’s leader for a reason. He has either scored or assisted on four of the Capitals seven goals during the playoffs. Today, he chipped in the game-tying goal (at the time) by rushing the net like a bull and he also doled out five hits. The Russian Machine even took the blame for his blown coverage in front of the net on the Rangers game-winning goal. I would be hard-pressed to blame only him on the play — ::shakes fist at hockey gods:: — but nonetheless, it shows leadership to put the loss square on his own shoulders considering everything that he contributed offensively.
• 

  The Rangers were .2 seconds away from scoring a back-breaking tally at the end of the second period.

  Overall, the Capitals held a 16 to 14 advantage in scoring chances but doubled the Rangers up, 14 to seven, at even-strength. They also limited New York to only one even strength chance in both the first and second periods. In the third, however, the Rangers looked like they wanted the game more and out-chanced the Capitals five to three. Sure Dubinsky’s goal was flukey, but crazy things happen like that when you crash the net hard.
• Mike Knuble echoed that sentiment after the game. After answering the Rangers second tally with a goal from his office, the right winger told the media that, “we can do a lot more around the net. It seems like that’s going to be the only way people are going to score.”
• An interesting factoid: the Capitals lost in regulation for the first time with Jason Arnott in the line-up (12-1-1) since acquiring him at the trade deadline.
• Speaking of Arnott, after being used primarily as a defensive cog by Bruce Boudreau during the regular season, he only took three of his twenty face-offs in the defensive zone today. Nicklas Backstrom took five. Clearly Boudreau was doing all he could to generate some more offense today.
• Alex Semin had a tremendous game. Despite the Capitals being whistled for eight penalties, Sasha Minor stayed out of the box and kept his stick to himself. Bravo! He was also on the ice for eight scoring chances for and one against. Semin also led the team with six shots on goal.
• After Brandon Dubinsky scored on what would eventually reveal itself as the game-winning goal, Michal Neuvirth dropped his head to the ice in frustration. But Neuvy has nothing to be frustrated about. The rookie netminder kept his team in the game all day long, didn’t retaliate when he was unfairly targeted by the Rangers and made 32 big stops. Sure, the sharp-angled shot Erik Christensen scored over his shoulder probably should have been stopped somehow someway, but those goals are going to happen sometimes. Neuvy needs to rebound from the defeat and continue his strong play. The Caps were slow out of the corners and at times had terrible coverage in front of the net. There was nothing he could have done more.

It may only be one game, but the Rangers are now back in this series. The Caps better come out hungry on Wednesday or risk making this just like four of five best of sevens in the Boudreau era — a 2-0 lead before a total collapse.

One down. Three to go. But feel free to avoid doing that, Caps.

Additional reporting by Chris Gordon and Neil Greenberg.