You thought you’ve been through the hard times already, right? Wrong.

The Washington Capitals’ pathetic bumbling against the Carolina Hurricanes was their worst performance that I’ve had the dubious honor of documenting. This was the kind of game that costs people their jobs. Or at least it should.

No goal summary for you. Hurricanes beat Caps.

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  via http://cohnjarlson.tumblr.com

  Read my pregame. I went on at length about the myriad ways in which the Carolina Hurricanes are a very bad hockey team. I didn’t even mention how they were missing Ruutu and Ward. That very bad awful team dominated the Capitals for a full hour. They dwarfed the Capitals.

• Alex Ovechkin did not play in the final 6 minutes of the second period. There was no apparent injury on his final shifts, and he returned to the ice in the third. So was it an equipment malfunction or just a hissy fit? 1 shot for the guy who is supposed to be the team’s captain, but is rather just its sulking, stubborn, utterly flaccid mascot. 1 shot.
• Mike Knuble was excellent in the game’s opening minutes, firing the Caps’ first two shots– both from right up front– and leveling hits. But even he fell in line with his team’s putrid pace, recording no more offense for the duration.
• I was excited for the reunion of Mike Green and Jeff Schultz, who were the Caps premiere pairing a few years back. They were on ice for the first two goals against. Once split up, Green was on ice for the two after that. Mikey, apparently, is still on the mend.
• There were no good players tonight. Maybe Jeff Halpern. And as much as you may hold affection for Mathieu Perreault, he is not cut out for first-line center in the National Hockey League. Any team that utilizes him as such is fundamentally broken.
• Michal Neuvirth relieved Tomas Vokoun after the latter surrendered two goals on seven shots, neither of which was really his fault. And if you really think the problem here is goaltending, just go ahead and bite down on the cyanide pill inside that false tooth.
• Caps @ Canes was the only game tonight. It was broadcast all across North America. That means tons of people had a good view of Washington’s self-immolation. That means everyone in America should be writing about exactly how awful they were on this miserable Monday night. That means– hopefully– some dramatic changes will be made. Now. It’s time. There aren’t any Dale Hunter die-hards left, right? Can anyone honestly say that this has been a successful transition?
• Who is this Justin Peters person?
• There were some fights. Here’s your sideshow:

Games like this usually result in someone getting fired. The Caps already fired their coach, who is leading a certain California team on a steep ascent of the Western Conference. So I guess there are no real consequences for this dismal sputtering. The Capitals exist in a fantasy world of zero accountability and even less efficacy, and that will apparently continue.

Joe B suit of the night

There is no savior coming for this team. There is no Adam Banks with his magically healed wrist, no Rohirrim riding down the crest with Gandalf, no up up down down left right left right b a start. This is the Capitals’ lost season and so much more.

You could say it started in game 8, when they lost Mike Green. You could say it happened in Buffalo, when Boudreau’s exasperation broke through. But it really happened in April of 2010, when the shellshocked Capitals began an 18-month retreat from their offense-first posture. This team has been shriveling like a spent something-or-other since that halak-ing, and it hasn’t ceased yet.

The playoffs are a pipe dream, and I’m not keen on hitting that particular pipe.

There has to be a bright future, because how much worse can it get?

That’s not a rhetorical question; I really want to know.