Updates from the NHL Awards in Vegas

Alex Ovechkin poses with the Ted Lindsay Award, the only hardware he took home this year.

Jay Mohr, star of something, hosted the NHL Awards in Las Vegas tonight.  We watched with bated breath as three beloved players vied for recognition from the league’s notables.  Alex Ovechkin was up for the Lindsay (née Pearson) and the Hart, Mike Green for the Norris, and Jose Theodore for the Masterton.  Beyond the winners and loser, there’s some mighty important breaking news announced tonight, and we’ll tackle it all past the jump.

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Pens Will Host Caps in 2011 Winter Classic. Time For Payback!

When his queue frees up and motivation strikes, award-winning Carroll County Times’ Features Writer Brandon Oland does columns for RMNB. After today’s announcement of the 2011 Winter Classic, Brandon just had something he had to get off his chest.

Gary got his wish: Sidney Crosby and his Pittsburgh's idiotic fanbase will host the 2011 Winter Classic.

Gary got his wish: Sidney Crosby and his weeny terrible towel will be hosting the 2011 Winter Classic.

The Washington Capitals will face the Pittsburgh Penguins in the latest edition of the hockey classic at an outdoor arena.

The two teams will play on New Year’s Day 2011 at Heinz Field, home to the Pittsburgh Steelers.

This is an annoying development, of course, for the possibility that the Penguins fans will want to wave Terrible Towels at the hockey game. Terrible Towels are puny hand towels that Steelers fans wave with fury at home games.

So I have a suggestion for any Capital fans planning to make the trip to Pittsburgh. Capitals fans should come up with their own version of Terrible Towels that will mock and irk intellectually inferior Penguins fans to no end.

I propose every Capitals fan who travels to Pittsburgh should bring the biggest red beach towels they can find and wave them at tailgate parties. It would be a symbol of Washington’s financial superiority to rundown Pittsburgh. After all, beach towels are bigger and more expensive than hand towels.

If Penguins fans ask what you are doing, simply point out that you thought everyone was supposed to wave towels inside Heinz Field. Then wad up your towel and beat the Penguins fan over the head with it. What are they going to do? Strike back with a Terrible Towel?

pens-fans-bummin

Tonight if you were like us, you sat in front of your TV, ate smoked salmon with a fork and laughed at Pittsburgh’s unlikely demise to the Habs. Sure, it totally sucked when the Capitals lost in the first round to this rag-tag group of “team players” from North of the Border. But after seeing Sid the Kid fail the ultimate test tonight (boarding penalty 10 seconds in which led to Habs first goal of the game, 0 points, -2), maybe – just maybe – this talk that Sidney Crosby is by far and away the best player in the game can die down a bit.

Really, SI?

Moving forward, please consider Alex Ovechkin’s Game 7 performance against the Canadiens in comparison: 10 shots, 1 assist and a clutch GTG that was uhhh questionably disallowed.

Sometimes another man’s pain is another man’s pleasure. And tonight that pain felt by Pens fans was the perfect tonic for this man’s broken heart.

Great Moments in Signage History

Tonight during Montreal’s huuuge 3-2 victory over the Penguins, Versus blessed us with this shot of the crowd after Montreal netted the go ahead goal.

Sidney Crosby is a Douche.
Ouch. En Francais, I think this means Crosby needs a shower.

With the Habs tying up the series 2-2 tonight, could a second upset be in the works? I don’t know. But one thing’s for sure: Though I hate the Canadiens, they are clearly the better of two evils here. Let’s go Nads!

If you need a close-up of the sign, click below! Also, special thanks to James W. for the photos.

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Now the Real Show Begins. Bruins Beat Caps 4-3 (SO)

Jason Chimera Gets Chippy With Tim Thomas

Alex Ovechkin is held pointless against the Bruins. Bummer. (Photos by Nick Wass)

Alex Ovechkin is held pointless against the Bruins. Bummer. (Photos by Nick Wass)

The last game of the season is a curious thing. The playoffs are a sure thing, and the only matters left to question are individual achievements and not getting injured. So then, was today a bust?

The Boston Bruins, filled out by AHL call-ups, bested the Washington Capitals in 65 minutes of hockey and three rounds of a shootout.  Whatever. We’re over it.  Upward and onward.

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Caps Beat Thrashers 5-2! Everyone Gets Laid!

alex-ovechkin-poses-with-presidents-trophy

Where's the saw? Ovechkin nets his 50th, Backstrom gets his 100th point on same goal. (Photo Nate Ewell, Above: Mitchell Layton)

Where's the saw? Ovechkin nets his 50th, Backstrom gets his 100th point on same goal. (Photo Nate Ewell, Top: Mitchell Layton)

It felt like a special night. The Caps’ final match with the Atlanta Thrashers had special gravity: Alex Ovechkin trailed Sidney Crosby in goals scored and Henrik Sedin in total points, Nick Backstrom was hovering right under the 100-point line, and 18,772 Capitals fans were hungry for wings.

Everyone got what they wanted from tonight’s 5-2 walloping. Alex Ovechkin’s and Nick Backstrom’s individual achievements delivered a definitive win for the whole team. With the playoffs imminent, isn’t this exactly what we want to see from our team?

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The Sweep! Caps Beat Pens 6-3!

Caps Sweep The Pens (Image by Jack Reickel)

Thanks, Jack Reickel, for the amazing picture!

It seems the Caps of old are back. The last few weeks, really ever since the Olympic break, the team has lacked its luster. But in this fourth and final game against the Pittsburgh Penguins, the Washington Capitals brought a ton of heart and their signature roll-call scoring with them.

Thanks to goals from Alex Semin, Mike Knuble, Tomas Fleischmann, Matt Bradley, and then two more from some other guy, the Caps emerged victorious. Maybe it’s the Penguins are flagging late in the season, or maybe the Caps really are the better team. Watching the despondent faces of Pens fans trickling out of Mellon Arena, it doesn’t matter much to me; I’m just happy.

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Will Ovechkin Reach the “Rocket” Richard Trophy?

alex-ovechkin-hot-stick

Before his suspension, injury, and second suspension, Alex Ovechkin was easily on the way to getting the Maurice “Rocket” Richard Trophy for the third time in his career. Since the Olympic break, the Russian Machine’s goal production has slowed, allowing the much-loved Sidney Crosby and the fresh-faced Steven Stamkos to catch him. On Sunday evening, Crosby scored two goals to take the lead with 47 goals. He now leads Ovie by 1 and Stamkos by 2.

With only a handful of games left in the regular season, can the Great Eight summon up the same magic he wielded from early in the season? RMNB contributor Fedor Fedin braved scary numbers to project how the remaining games will shake out.

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Spelunking in the Echo Chamber with Michael Wilbon

Who's got two thumbs and an incoming rant directed at him?  THIS GUY

Who's got two thumbs and an incoming rant directed at him? THIS GUY

Sportswriter and TV personality Michael Wilbon shared this opinion about Alex Ovechkin:

[He] is bordering on out of control. He’d do well to get himself under enough control to concentrate soley on leading his team to victory because that’s all Crosby seems fixed on.

This is hokum.  Duh.  But let’s pretend for a moment that Wilbon is right (he’s not), and figure out how he reached this decision.

Alexander Ovechkin’s recent crimes

  1. Flattening Jaromir Jagr in a vicious, but legal hit.
  2. Palming a camera shooting him and his friends.
  3. Hitting Tim Gleason knee-on-knee in November.
  4. Hogging three shoot-out attempts against the Slovaks.
  5. Avoiding the media, particularly the Americans in Vancouver.
    (Feel free to provide more in the comments below.)

If you’re able to discern a pattern here, you are wiser than I. Rather, I’d submit that the following: Michael Wilbon and other sports writers demonize Ovechkin and lionize Crosby because it is in their explicit interest to do so.

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Russian Machine Not Want Silver: Predictions For Olympic Hockey

Colossus sez, "Organic steel is not silver, tovarisch!"

Colossus sez, "Organic steel is not silver, tovarisch!"

We’ve decided there’s not enough saturation of opinion on the Internet.  Nay– the tubes are too filled with cold, hard fact; intelligent analysis; and sober discussion.  To fix this dire problem, the staff at Russian Machine Never Breaks gathered in its subterranean bunker (27 floors beneath The Greene Turtle in Frederick, Maryland) and put together their predictions for the 2010 Olympic Hockey tournament.  And if you were expecting us to be in the tank for Mother Russia… well, take a look for yourself.

Our predictions are behind the jump!