The National Hockey League just released a two minute video they produced commemorating the official end of the lockout. It features cameos by Alex Ovechkin, Jason Chimera, and Sidney Crosby… crying. Liev Schreiber, the voice behind 24/7, also narrates. “Hockey is back,” the video claims. No, that never really left. Just you, NHL. Just you.

For whatever reason, this video feels hollow to me, but I encourage you all to watch it for yourself and come to your own conclusions.

The Caps released their very own celebratory video and it features Slapshot.

Okay, that Chief Eagle Officer gag was great.

What do you guys think of the videos?

Have you heard of Dogshaming? It’s the popular new tumblelog all about shaming naughty dogs for their transgressions. Georgia the fridge-raiding bulldog will be up there eventually, but for now I want to direct your attention to Willie, who nommed down on a certain feathered hockey mascot you may recognize.

Tanya, better known on the tweeters as @slapbetcomish, shared this mugshot on Thursday night after Willie violated the laws of the land. Since March, Slapshot sat innocently on the back of Tonya’s sofa, but when her boyfriend (a Pens fan… more on that later) came home on Thursday night, Slapshot lay disemboweled on the floor, the victim– as Tonya puts it — “of a savage attack at the paws of one puppy.”

Shaming took the form of the sign above, which reads: “I ate Slapshot. Mommy accused me of being a Flyers fan (sad face).”

Here’s the thing. We have no one to corroborate the story of this boyfriend, who I remind you is a fan of the Pittsburgh Penguins. For all we know, Willie might have been set up. Willie might be the fallpup, a stooge in a much larger and far more nefarious plot to undermine Washington hockey.

We hope the judge keeps this in mind during sentencing.

If you’ve got more dog pics, naughty or nice, send ‘em our way. Our comments support images again, and we have some time to kill before hockey.

Thanks to Tanya for the photo and her story.

Capitals mascot Slapshot delivered the goods again this year, skating the flag onto the ice every home game without ever once tripping (which is more than Dennis Wideman or Alex Semin can say). He defied Capitals tradition by not folding under the pressure, and he did it all while wearing a 20-pound mascot head. What a pro.

Best Moment: Rappeling off the Crystal City Hilton for the Virginia Special Olympics.

Photo credit: Slapshot’s Facebook page.

Or driving an ATV on the ice at games. Now that’s skill.

Things We Said About Slapshot: “Seriously, how does he skate in that costume?”

Alignment: Chaotic Good

First Irrelevant Google Images Result:

Unexpected Concern of a Large Bald Eagle: Slapshot spent a lot of time tweeting about traffic. He really is a DMV mascot.

Alternate Universe Superhero Identity: N/A, already a costumed hero.

Alternate Career Possibilities: Possible future as a DJ.

Photo That We Can’t Explain But Like Anyway: 

Team Role: Skate around the ice waving a large flag, elaborately prank other mascots, communicate via exaggerated mime, distribute Chipotle burritos (priority responsibility).

Execution of that Role: Once again managed to never hand out those Chipotle burritos in the section that I was in. Very disappointed. Five out of ten.

Best Fan Letter: 

More insanely cute Caps Kids Club Slapshot Fan Appreciation Contest entries here.

Likeliness to Return: We’re hearing rumblings of a trade for the Blues’ Louie the Bear and a second-round pick, but we don’t think GMGM will pull the trigger. Nine out of ten.

Usefulness in a Post-Apocalyptic Setting: Well, he’s a flightless, mute bird with an oversized head–but we would protect him to the death without complaint.

Overall Year-End Rating: Nine Good Sashas.

On Sunday morning, the Washington Capitals and the Reston Town Center skating pavilion hosted the Mites on Ice Outdoor Classic. Some of Northern Virginia’s cutest youth hockey players from ages 4 to 7 donned Caps jerseys and played puck with some pros. There was a tournament of half-ice games, a full-ice championship game, and– from what we hear– some adorable goal celebrations.

As a bonus, the Caps also sent out alumni Alan May and Peter Bondra to give a skills demonstration, skate with fans, and sign autographs after the tournament.

I was sick with the flu and unwilling to spend the morning in the cold rain, so RMNB buds Nour H. and Lindsey N. pinched in to capture the event for me via photos. Thanks, ladies.

Alan May spaces out for a second, worrying about how much better Joe B’s ties are than his.

Bonzai signs a jersey while we desperately try not to caption the guy at right.

Bondra got along well with all of the kids except the one with an Adam Oates-style stick.

Immediately following this play, Chris Simon ended the season of that player in white.

Lindsey and Nour with the very classy Bondra butt shot.

Wow, that’s a really pretty place to play hockey.

Slashing clinic, apparently.

May and Bondra ponder orders at Panera. May got the Frontega, Bondra the chicken noodle soup in a sourdough bread bowl.

Goalie kid is way out the crease. Bondra and May are going to make him pay for that one.

NO COMMENT.

Alan May chats with Guerin Austin about his Frontega chicken sandwich and what the eighties were like.

Prepare to have your heart-strings tugged at. The Washington Capitals participated in a public skate at the D.C. Sculpture Garden this morning. Our hero Suzanne K. was on the scene and snapped some superb pictures. If you’ve been waiting for photos of Nicky Backstrom skating hand-in-hand with adorable little girls, your wait is now over.

Photos (Click on them to enlarge)

Videos

Meg, a staff member of the National Gallery of Art and a hockey player, races with Peter Bondra around the rink. Bonzai had a rough start.

Craig Laughlin asks the crowd what they want to see Peter do. They asked for him to skate on one leg, backwards. He gives us a little extra at the end.

Capitals Official Video of the Event

John Carlson Gets Behind the Camera