If we had entitled this “Steve Downie Involved in Three-Way”, you never would have clicked on it, but that’s exactly what happened this afternoon. According to TSN’s Bob McKenzie, Tampa Bay has traded Steve Downie to the Colorado Avalanche for defenseman Kyle Quincey, and then traded Kyle Quincey to the Detroit Red Wings for a first-round draft pick and prospect Sebastien Piche.

Steve Downie has a cap hit of $1,850,000 and will bring with him his charming personality and 121 season penalty minutes, while the Detroit has acquired Quincey and his $3,125,000 cap hit, who they originally drafted in 2003, and lost on waivers in 2008.

We’re obviously very broken up about Steve Downie leaving the division and will deeply miss seeing his face six times a year. We’ll make it through this somehow. The real question is, who’s going to tell Semyon Varlamov about his new teammate?

Orlov and Max Pacioretty fight for the puck. (Photo credit: Richard Wolowicz)

Way back on November 23rd, Dmitry Orlov registered his first NHL point in his second NHL game against the Winnipeg Jets. That night he also made his presence felt physically with two monster hits. On one, he hit Evander Kane so hard into the boards that his stick flew into the crowd. On the other, he laid out an unsuspecting Blake Wheeler with an open-ice hip check.

“I really like the physical element of the game,” Orlov told RMNB’s Igor Kleyner a few days later. “Always have, since I was a kid. One of the reasons I came to play here – there is more hitting. I like that.”

Well, here’s a hit you may not have even known happened. On January 13th against the Tampa Bay Lightning, Orlov caught Steve Downie with a hip check after the pest rifled a shot on goal. The hit flipped Downie end-over-end to the ice in hilarious spectacular fashion. Video is below the jump.

The animated GIF is even better.

When Dima was called up, it was assumed that the six-foot, 200 pound Russian defenseman would be more of a contributor on the offensive end. Yet, Orlov has found his niche as a rugged, puck-moving defender. This year he has dished out 50 hits, which ranks him eight on the Capitals despite playing in 18 fewer games.

While many NHL defenseman have taken the hip check out of their repertoire due to the high risk:reward nature of the play, we’ve seen Orlov perfect the art in his time with the Capitals. In a league that’s watching high hits closely these days, a well delivered hipcheck can be the best way to send an opposing player – legally – head over heels, and if Orlov keeps this up, it looks like teams facing the Caps in the future are going to get a taste of what Lars Eller did tonight.

Video courtesy of VazorProduction

S/T to @broflacco who initially posted the Orlov hit on Downie and inspired this post.

Photo credit: Kyle Mace

Known fighter Joel Rechlicz has played 5 minutes and 25 seconds of Capitals hockey this year. In his six shifts, he saw one shot go on his net and zero at the other. He has amassed no penalties and recorded no turnovers. He did ice the puck once though. That was fun.

Rechlicz’s one-year contract is for $525,000– which will count towards the Capitals’ already stressed salary cap. Rechlicz is a pure fighter, a dying breed in pro hockey. Adding him to the roster of the Washington Capitals (whose woes include a lacking offense, malformed defense, and poor road performances– but not fighting) seemed like an arbitrary acquisition– one that does not improve their prospects for winning and fritters away precious salary cap space just before the trade deadline.

But for all his detractors, Wrecker also has some defenders. On Wednesday’s edition of the Capitals Report podcast, Mike Vogel of WashingtonCaps.com and radio play-by-play guy John Walton discussed and defended the value of Rechlicz.

Mike Vogel: Rechlicz got two shifts [Tuesday] night. I think he would have got more ice if that game had been a little different score-wise, if it wouldn’t have been tight all the way. . . .

John Walton: Some of the media that were openly questioning the Rechlicz decision: “If you were gonna call someone up for two minutes, well why would you do it?” Well, there’s a very good reason. Because he’s not playing doesn’t mean his specter isn’t sitting over there.

And Steve Downie had a terrific assist on their first goal when Purcell scored. He was a choir boy last night. You didn’t see anything except the high stick that he had, which I don’t think there was any intent behind. Boy, there sure wasn’t much going on there. I think that changed the game from Washington’s perspective for the better. I think there absolutely was a reason [Rechlicz was there] and it was to negate Steve Downie…

Mike Vogel: Downie defintiely wasn’t running around trying to fight Karl Alzner last night. And he had one hit in 18:43 seconds of work.

John Walton: What does that yell you?

Mike Vogel: That was far below his numbers from a hit-to-minutes ratio.

John Walton: Number 54 [Rechlicz] might have had something to do with it

Steve Downie vs. Karl Alzner

Steve Downie is a noted pest in the Southeast Division and one of the least liked guys in the league. He has has 5 fights this season and more than 100 penalty minutes. On January 13, Downie hassled Karl Alzner until he submitted to a fight.

Vogel and Walton’s apparent assertion is that the threat of violence from Rechlicz was enough to discourage Downie from bad behavior, and that his 1 hit in 18:43 of ice time was evidence of this.

I’m not sure a guy with 34 career fights can be dissuaded by ominous threat of one more, but I’m not a fighter, so what do I know? Instead, I’ll dispute the part about Downie’s hit total being proof of good behavior.

Steve Downie averages 15:23 on ice during home games this season– during which he averages about 1.4 hits. On Tuesday, Downie recorded 1 hit in 18:43 of ice time. It was the 12th home game (out of 21) in which he delivered one hit or none.

I’ve got three thoughts, or one-tenth of a Friedman:

• Downie’s performance was not markedly different from the past.
• The assumption that Rechlicz’s presence had any effect is specious.
• $525,000 is a lot of money.

There is obvious value in keeping a team linchpin like Karl Alzner out of a fight, but I don’t see any reason why having Joel Rechlicz in a sweater helps avoid that fight. I also don’t see how a hit– which the NHL defines as a body check that removes the opposing player from the puck– correlates with the naughty behavior that Wrecker’s mere presence supposedly discourages.

We’ve discussed this before, but the peace-through-strength argument is ludicrous. Fighters fight to protect their teammates. When there are no teammates to protect, they fight to protect their jobs. The result of hiring a fighter is escalation and self-fulfillment.

It’s only been two games, but there’s no reason for us to think that Joel Rechlicz a) has something positive to contribute to this team, and b) will even have the opportunity to prove us wrong. And his presence diminished the ice time of Cody Eakin and Joel Ward and shortened an already short bench. The signing of a single-function goon while the Caps are already dysfunctional is absurd.

Perhaps his tenure with the big club will be temporary, but that would mean his presence was just another distraction for a team that has not yet mastered its new man-to-man defense and cannot sustain enough offense to outshoot opponents.

It’s unfair to make conclusions about the intent of decision-makers within the Capitals organization. So instead of casting aspersions and making guesses, we’re just bewildered.

Brouwer celebrates the hatty! (Photo credit: Nick Wass)

Coming into tonight’s game, the Capitals had scored on five of their last 12 powerplays. Meanwhile, Tampa was playing their second game in two nights on the road.

Right off the hop, Alex Ovechkin took advantage of Tampa’s tired legs, scoring on the powerplay via a blast from the point. The goal, courtesy of a screen orchestrated by Troy Brouwer’s rear, was Ovi’s 18th on the year. The Hockey Gods then rewarded Troy’s hard work with a goal of his very own 1:53 later on the brouwerplay.

In the second period, Brouwer went to the second power, pushing a rebound past 42-year-old Dwayne Roloson. With 2:54 left in the second, the Lightning got their first of the night when Mike Knuble had his pocket picked by Martin St. Louis. That freakin’ gnat then dished to Tom Pyatt who one-timed home his fourth goal of the season.

Steven Stamkos gave Tampa’s comeback some steam with a powerplay goal in the third period to make it 3-2. But Troy Brouwer then responded by collecting a hat trick with an empty-netter. Still the Lightning wouldn’t die as Vincent LeCavalier deflected home a St. Louis shot with 11 seconds left. After another wild deflection in front of the net almost got past Vokoun, the buzzer finally hit zero. Caps beat the Lightning, 4-3. WHEW.

• The Capitals came out hard tonight and put Tampa on the ropes early, earning 3 powerplays in the game’s first five minutes. After failing to get a shot on net on their first powerplay, the Capitals scored immediately on their next two. The game never really seemed in doubt until…

• Mike Green tweeted and set in motion the most bizarre set of hockey plays the world has ever seen. Let’s recap.
• Jason Chimera took a puck to the face and bled in front of the cameras.
• Alex Semin hit the post twice on the same shift.
• Karl Alzner, I repeat, Karl Alzner dropped the gloves with Steve Downie and landed the only punch.
• Troy Brouwer got called for boarding on a counter hit because Martin St. Louis weights 30 pounds.
• In defense of his fallen midget, Steven Stamkos dropped the gloves and tried to fight Brouwer.
• This happened.

• For those of you who still don’t believe in the wicked power behind Friday the 13th, I sure hope you do now. And if you still don’t, I guarantee a piano will fall on your head the next time you go outside.
• Anyways, other fun stuff happened tonight as well. Troy Brouwer had the game of his life, notching his first career hat trick. In two games against the Lightning this season, Brouwer has four goals. This was his fifth career multi-goal game.
• Dennis Wideman had two assists a day after being named an All Star for the first time. During CSN’s first intermission interview, he was still humbled by the selection telling Al Koken, “it’s something I wasn’t sure was ever going to happen [in my career].” Wideman tallied his fifth multiple-point game the season and skated a team-high 27:29.
• Beyond his first period goal, Alex Ovechkin‘s most noteable moment of the night was the peace sign he flashed to the crowd when the Capitals honored him for being named to his fifth All-Star game on the jumbotron.
• And personally, I’m just a huge fan of this Alex Semin hug.

Joe B suit of the night

With the win and Florida’s loss tonight, the Capitals are now two points behind the Panthers for the Southeast division lead with a game in hand. After everything that happened in the first half of the season, this seems incredible to me.

After a 11am practice Saturday at Kettler, the Caps will face the Carolina Hurricanes at home Sunday night. And just as a heads up, it’s a funky 5pm start because of the Ravens game that day. We’ll see you then!

Ladies and gentlemen, Karl Alzner‘s first NHL fight occurred tonight against everyone’s favorite antagonist, Steve Downie. Alzner landed one solid right, took a few punches to the visor, and then wrestled Downie to the ice when things started looking a little dicey. How awesome is that though?

Even more incredible is the fact that Alzner chirped at Downie after he reported to the penalty box. This comes from one of the most mild-mannered players in the NHL. I seriously would love to know what Downie said to start this.

Per hockeyfights.com, this was Alzner’s fourth career bout. He actually dropped the gloves three times when he played junior hockey in the WHL.

You can check out a photo of the dust-up below the jump.

Photo credit: Nick Wass

Sorry, Puck Buddys fans. The dudes skipped town last night and didn’t even leave a phone number. They could be in Marrakesh raising an army horde of bonsai kittens or playing Stratego with Sherpas in Tibet. We. Just. Do. Not. Know.

So yeah, the Capitals won that bout with the Penguins, but was that not one of the weirdest meetings between the two you’ve ever seen? Neither team seemed too interested in the whole “shooting” mechanic of hockey, and Matt Cooke didn’t even curl his evil mustache or malevolently pet his shaved cat once. With that humble 1-0 win, the first half of the Capitals’ season ended. It was a mess of a type we have not seen since Glen Hanlon’s reign.

But there are 41 pristine games ahead of us, starting with… [checks schedule] aw dammit! Tampa Bay Lightning woeugfbwieugwe

Tampa Bay Lightning Fun Facts

• We expected the Bolts to give the Caps a little chase for the SE lead. Instead, the Bolts are in 4th place– 8 points behind the also-struggling-but-not-nearly-so-bad Capitals. They’re atrocious on the road with a 6-15-3 record.
• Victor Hedman is the Dave Steckel of the Tampa Bay Lightning. His boarding hit on Sidney Crosby on January somethingth of 2011 ended Crosby’s season and beyond. Hedman is now nursing a concussion that he caused by boarding himself. It’s like raaaaaain on your wedding day.
• Tampa’s best player by a mile is still Steven Stamkos, who is rocking a league-best 29 goals. He’s head and shoulders above the rest of his team.
• Martin St. Louis is my giant of Lannister. 10 goals and 23 assists for a guy we make fun of a lot, but who is actually a terrific hockey player that we wish were wearing Caps red.
• But he’s not, so he’s short and weird.
• We don’t even have grudging respect for Steve Downie, whose continued employment in the NHL is embarrassing.
• Friday night will be just the Capitals’ second meeting with this Southeast Division rival. The first match was in early October, a shootout win. Alan May called the Caps “thick and proud” that night. What an odd fellow he is.
• Starting on Friday, the Caps and Bolts will meet 4 more times this season, 3 times in Tampa Bay. Have you ever been to Tampa? It’s like taking a shower in reverse. You come in clean, and then within 5 minutes you smell like you’ve been playing handball in a sauna.

Here’s the best part: You remember Dwayne “The Stain” Roloson? He was the old guy in the cage who stopped 123 of 133 shots (a modest .925 save percentage) to end the Caps’ post-season campaign. At the age of 42, Rolo appears to have hit the wall. In 21 games, he’s rocking an .880 Sv% and a GAA of 3.76. He is killing this team. Please please please let him be in net on Friday.

Evil coach Guy Boucher is not happy with his team’s work ethic of late. Check out what he told the Tampa Bay Times:

It’s like Alcoholics Anonymous. Until you say that you’re an alcoholic you can’t make the steps. Players maybe felt a sense of entitlement, so it’s good it’s internalized. Before they were being told but it wasn’t internalized. Now they realize where they are.

Weird. Contrast/compare with this infamous Bruce Boudreau’s quote, spoken about a similarly sucky squad:

If I have to teach them how to be tough … well then I don’t know how to do that.

Man, now I’m all sad again.

Okay, all better.

There are a couple good Lightning peeps on the Twitters that we got to know during the playoffs. If you’re looking for their side of the story, follow these guys:

• Raw Charge, an SB Nation blog
• Damian Cristodero, long-time coverage for the Tampa Bay Times newspaper
• Erik Elrendsson, beat reporter for the Tampa Tribune newspaper

The puck drops at 7 PM on CSN+. Yeah: Plus. Apparently the four remaining Wizards fans who miraculously survived the mass suicide called dibs on CSN proper.

The work week is over. Kick off your shoes, crack open a tallboy, and then rove through the city like a pack of wild dogs scavenging for a TV that actually gets CSN+.

Crash the net.

Guy Boucher plots to kill 007 (Photo credit: Scott Cunningham/Getty Image)

Craig Brownstein of PuckBuddys writes for Russian Machine. You shall follow them on Twitter.

Banging out preview for Monday night’s game against the Bolts required us to go through some repressed playoff memories. Bear with us for some much needed catharsis; we’re still fragile.

Late last April, we embarked on a grand tour of European capitals just as Game 5 with the filthy Rangers was wrapping up. We were glued to the Blackberry as our readied for take off. Just before wheels up, word came through that the Caps bested the Rags, 3-1. We began our adventure by causing quite the raucous in the first class cabin with fanboy squeals, high-fives, and RED streaks of Russian curses– guaranteeing a date with aviation authorities upon landing across the Atlantic.

We did a blazingly fast tour of Amsterdam and then four days in Paris. We entrusted the care of PuckBuddys with two close friends, Big Dave and Michele, who managed the zoo and posted on the first game of the Tampa series. That loss didn’t much dampen our enthusiasm since we were riding high in Paris, taking in the sights: The Arc, Le Tour Eiffel, Pere Lachaise, and a metric ton of cassoulet. April in Paris, indeed (Hi Ella!).

We got back to DC and back to business– playoff business. The next three games went no better for our Caps. We were so traumatized by the Bolts’ dominating play that even the Bin Laden take-down didn’t cheer us up. The Caps best hope to beat Tampa Bay would’ve required Seal Team 6 on the two top lines. The season ended and like many Caps fans, we were numb.

(Photo credit: no one takes credit for this photo)

But eventually we shook it off. Like the off-season, Saturday’s game with the Canes found us at Nellie’s full of hope.  We may have gotten carried away with the hope-y thing when one of our revelers hoisted a bucket of beer over his head as if it were Lord Stanley’s chalice. “We want the Cup!” he roared.  We left the bar with a bounce in our step and the taste of blood in our mouths: First, we want Tampa.

Steven Stamkos

The Bolts arrive at the Booth after a dominating win over the Canes in their season opener, but they followed that up by getting thrashed by the champion Boston Bruins 4-1. When we look at the Lightning roster we can’t help but feel repulsed by two familiar faces: noted miscreant Steve Downie and repeat offender Victor “The Headhunter” Hedman. Perhaps the only Bolt we like is 21 year-old blond beauty, forward Steven Stamkos. Why do we like Stamkos, you ask? We like him because he likes to pose shirtless a lot. [Note: Pretty soon you’ll stop asking]. We’ll hold our fire on Tampa’s Tom Pyatt, because when we talk Pyatt brothers, we’re all about Taylor Pyatt of the Coyotes. We’ll gush plenty about that doll baby ahead of the Phoenix game on November 21 (if we still have a job here by then).

Twin peaks villain

But it’s a duo of Bolts players we’ve have the most fun with: the diminutive Assistant Captain, Martin St. Louis, and his towering Quebecois teammate, Captain Vincent Lecavalier. We do our best over-the-top, French-Canadian accents (which sound neither French nor Canadian), and shout, “San-lou-EEE” and Le-Cavalee-YAY.”  And we follow that up with a round of throaty and all-too-stereotypical braying, “HAW, HAW, HAW!!!”

It’s all in good fun; we really like the Canadians. Their names sound like Twin Peaks villains. We also have fun with the Bolts bench boss, the very handsome and very scary, Guy “Scarface” Boucher. When we introduced the Bolts coach to our hocke- noob PuckBuddys audience, we issued this reminder on pronunciation: “Bou-CHE rhymes with Dou-CHE.”

Dwayne Roloson

We can’t preview the Bolts without a look at their number-one goalie. And when we say look, we mean a look at the historical record, the Pleistocene record. We aren’t sure exactly how old Dwayne “Actuarial-tables-say-I-won’t-survive-the-season” Roloson actually is. His true age will be determined when the carbon-dating analysis results get back from the lab, hopefully in time for our second match-up on January 13.

Until then, it’s work-work-work and a busy week ahead. We’ve got a Pens preview to draft, a trip with Slapshot to the manicurist for his annual talon sharpening, and a quick run to the jeweler for some emergency repair work. Don’t ask about that chore — suffice it to say that someone got their chain yanked Saturday night and we’ll leave it at that.

Alex Semin rings iron. (Awesome photo credit: Greg Fiume)

Welp. That just happened.

The Washington Capitals invited the Tampa Bay Lightning for a night of pucks and fun in Chinatown. Starting off the conference semi-finals, the well rested Caps were expected to bulldoze Tampa Bay’s exhausted trap defense and open up some cracks in the Roloson wall. Did not happen.

On the board first was Sean Bergenheim, rewarded for crowding Michal Neuvirth’s crease. Marco Sturm returned fire by forcing a turnover that Alex Semin mightily wristed past Dwayne Roloson’s defenses. Jason Chimera fought below the goal line to set up Eric Fehr for the go-ahead, but that’s when the wheels came off. After a soft turnover, Steve Downie had a little help in his tying goal thanks to Scott Hannan’s stick. On a late second period powerplay, Steven Stamkos, given way too much space in the paint by John Erskine, had enough time to force one past Neuvy. And with the net cleared out, Dominic Moore sacrificed his body to settle the matter. Bolts beat Caps 4-2. Dammit.

• The Capitals were the better team for the majority of the first 40 minutes, but the Lightning did a better job exploiting the Caps’ mistakes. What should have been a swelling third period comeback ended up being a stunning collapse of Washington’s systems. Crestfall.
• Despite the loss, Washington had more scoring chances, leading Tampa 18-16.
• But the powerplay. Sheesh. The powerplay. The Caps had 4 PP scoring chances in the first period and none after. The man advantage had trouble entering the zone and generating a single shot at the end there. Yikes.

• The oft-injured Simon Gagne accrued yet another blow to the head. Following a clean hit from Scott Hannan (who was a bundle of trouble on skates tonight), Gagne lost his balance and bounced his noggin on the Verizon Center sheet.  Gagne declined the stretcher, but with his history of concussions we have reason to be worried about him.
• If you’re tracking the press coverage, you might’ve seen this coming. The Lightning’s 1-3-1 trap defense obliterated the Caps’ momentum and zone entry. They forced turnovers, they kicked babies, they caused offsides. Boucher 1, Boudreau 0. Grab your sac, sir.
• John Carlson got hurt at the tail end of the second period. Don’t know why. Too cranky to look it up. Tell you what: you look it up and tell me. He skated one shift in the third.
• I’m sorry. I am butthurt over this game, and I’m taking it out on you. Not cool, I know. Someone get me a glass of milk.
• Steve Downie, dammit.  One goal, one assist tonight. Dude has 8 points in his last 4 games, the best stretch of his career. He did have an elbowing penalty, but that’s still below-average douchebaggery for Steve.
• 

  Dammit. Downie. (Photo credit: Greg Fiume)

  Tampa blocked 3 shots in 1st, 6 in the 2nd, and 12 in the 3rd. If we went to overtime, they probably would have blocked 24 shots. Neil would like to point out that they blocked only 2 in the scoring-chance erogenous zone, which evidences the lack of the our team’s net crashiness tonight.
• Nick Backstrom continues his ice-cold streak with three scoring chances and nothing to show for it. And man was he close on a couple tonight. When he breaks through, it’ll be a sight to behold. Alex will be pissed if someone else gets an Ovechtrick first.

Jeremy Roenick suit of the night

This was a clear tactical victory for Guy Boucher’s flummoxing system. Bruce Boudreau, nervous– rubbing his face, and getting all splotchy in the third, was clear proof of that.

But we’re not beyond hope.

The second period Capitals were breaking through the Tampa wall and pressuring Roloson with tenacity. They were creative, physical, and attuned to one another as if they’d just finished a work retreat packed with trustfalls. If the Caps can summon that vibe on Sunday and the three games after it, this will be the exciting and winnalicious series we all deserve.

Don’t lose hope. These kinds of games have to happen in the playoffs. We’ll see you Sunday.

Additional reporting by Neil Greenberg and Ian Oland.

Get ready for 4+ games of Steve Downie, Steven Stamkos, and Dwayne Roloson – the man who shut us out twice during the regular season and is approximately 4,000 years old. How are you feeling, Caps fans? Can we take them? What’s your prediction?

Just lie down, Schultzy. It’ll all be over soon. (Photo credit: Scott Audette)

In Paddy Chayesfsky’s Network, seasoned newsman Howard Beale has a nervous breakdown on live television. At the height of frustration, he compels his viewers to open up their windows and shout, “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!”

Don’t know why that popped into my head just now.

The Washington Capitals’ appointment with the Tampa Bay Lightning was supposed to be an impassioned affair: two tied Southeast teams battling for the division lead. That did not happen. The Caps, perhaps reeling from last night’s overtime loss to the Panthers, never really suited up. The ever-improving Lightning took control of the game and never relented.

Dominic Moore waited for the power play to end before scoring, exploiting some lazy defensive work by Washington. Sean Bergenheim followed up with a home-run swing at one of Semyon Varlamov’s flying rebounds. And then Simon Gagne grabbed a loose puck and beat the overwhelmed Varly on the breakaway. The Caps didn’t even try. Bolts beat Caps 3-0.

• Welcome back to active duty, Boyd Gordon. How’s your nasty foot thing? Great. So you were minus-1 with two giveaways and two shorthanded chances against. Let’s just call that “spooling up for Vancouver”.
• Recently injured Tom Poti was on ice for four Bolts chances and two Bolts goals in the first period. He played one shift in the second period before retreating. Tom is clearly not 100% yet, and including him in the lineup at the expense of ol’ reliable John Erskine was a tactical error by Caps management.
• Jeff Schultz was a lucky guy tonight. He had great, close-up views of every single Lightning goal. Last season’s plus-minus leader was minus-3 for the evening.
• The Russian Machine broke five hockey sticks. Alex Ovechkin had some bad bounces on Tampa Bay’s ice, yeah, but this was still another stinker from the team’s supposed star. Two shots on goal, five blocked, 5 sticks in shards, 0 results. When will the Great 8 come back?
• Steve Downie is a bag. I know this, you know this, the refs know this. So in that scrum with Scott Hannan, how did he manage to get a single minor penalty while Scott got a double? His peerless bag acumen. Downie studied under a grand master of baggery in Mongolia for five years. He commands a preternatural levels of bag qi.
• Two shutouts in a row from Dwayne Roloson. Six shutouts on the season for the “offensive juggernaut” Capitals. Yeah, reality has intruded on that delusion finally.
• Let’s play “Who’s a liability?”, 5v5 scoring chances edition! Jason Chimera: 0 for, 3 against. Eric Fehr: 0 for, 3 against. But your winner is the scrappy, lovable Mathieu Perreault with 0 scoring chances for and 4 against. Congrats, Perry. Your prize is waiting for you in Hershey.
• Retooled PP, eh? Fehr and Chimera got a minute, Laich got 90 seconds. Not the switch-up Bruce Boudreau hinted at in last night’s post-game interview.

• Boudreau’s judgement is now suspect in this fan’s opinion. His post-game interview attributed the loss to bad bounces and unlucky breaks. Hopefully that was his way of spinning the beat and not a sign gross incompetence.
• Your TOI leader was John Carlson (24:27), a precious bright spot in this endless inky vacuum simply because he never surrendered.

Adios, division lead. The Capitals just didn’t want it. The Lightning outchanced them 17 to 9, the worst differential all season (-10 vs. Buffalo on Nov 13). The Caps consistently coughed up pucks on their own blue line, had no solvent for Tampa’s trap, and looked grumpy on the ice for the entire hour.

I don’t get it. They’re playing professional hockey. If you were playing professional hockey, you’d jump out of bed every morning, clap your hands, and count the precious seconds until puck drop. If you were facing your division rival in a high-stakes match for first place, you’d be an unstoppable whirlwind of high fives and ninja kicks. The Caps should have played you instead of the Eeyores they had filling out the roster.

The boys fly home tonight and will take a day to prepare for the best of the west, the Vancouver Canucks, with their Sedins and their Luongo and a whole bunch of other guys we usually ignore until May. So let’s hope the boys rediscover the passion in the next 40 hours. Because I’m not saying we’re Howard Beale right now, but we’re not that far off either.

Additional pessimism by Neil Greenberg.