Update: This is a fake/parody Twitter account. We’re sorry for the confusion.
I guess this is a good time for you to follow @Grabbo84 (#grabonotgrabbo). He’s a bit of a character in 140 characters. I’m just gonna delicately sidestep around the Obama reference since we all know it was Eleanor Holmes Norton was the one who made this deal happen.
Either way, here comes another product of the former Soviet Union to our fair city. Time to update the RMNB tagline!
So Brooks Laichwent digging through his house and found a gem: a photo of himself as a kid with his brother (far left) and a friend who is a dead ringer for a young Nail Yakupov (middle). I sympathize the buffoon who doesn’t love Li’l Brooksy’s t-shirt.
“I’m not a Republican. I’m not a Democrat,” 51-year-old Tim Lepard yelled passionately into his mic. After a very necessary dramatic pause, the cowboy told us what group he really identified with: “I’m an American.” The Frederick crowd roared with approval.
That quote summed up a strange night at Harry Grove Stadium, where it was both Cowboy Monkey Rodeo night and Rubber Ducky giveaway night (and fireworks too).
Somewhere in there, a minor-league baseball game between the Frederick Keys and Winston-Salem Dash happened too. It was no less weird.
Keys’ starter Trent Howard got ejected in the third inning for yelling a very audible eff you to the home plate umpire. Miguel Chalas, his replacement, then struggled with control issues, hitting four Winston-Salem batters. In the fifth inning, I caught one of five Mattress Discounters Warehouse stuffed animals trebuchet’d into the stands by Keyote, the Keys mascot. Boomshakalaka.
The Keys lost their (game-long) lead in the ninth and then won it back at the bottom of the inning when Brandon Hardin walked Glynn Davis [shudders at the thought of the name] with the bases loaded.
That was just the opening act. When Lepard came onto the field with three leashed monkeys riding dogs and four very skittish rams, the crowd erupted.
The monkeys, dressed — naturally– in wild west baby clothes, herded the rams twice, while Lepard — crowned Mesquite Champion Bullfighter in 1988 — told us things like, “I’m living the American dream.” Lepard, who’s currently filming a reality TV show with A&E which will air later this year, appeared more winded than his livestock by the end of the show.
I documented my night at the ballpark in 40 photos. Please enjoy. And yes, this really happened.
Washington Capitals General Manager George McPhee has yet to finalize the 2013-14 on-ice roster, but at least one of the organization’s off-ice squads is now set. Following two days of tryouts and interviews held at the Verizon Center over the weekend, the Caps introduced fans to the latest iteration of the cheerleading and community relations team known as the Red Rockers. But two rather visible Caps fans were turned away from the auditions.
There are a billion jokes around this topic (e.g. what will happen when San Jose and Carolina play next season?), but this is the best. Anytime you can stick it to ESPN (the network, not the Internet dweebs), the world becomes a brighter place.
Bleacher Report is a bad website. I won’t go into detail here, but I’ve got a quick smattering of their article titles that should make the case for me:
10 Reasons Alex Ovechkin Would Be Better off Staying in Russia
3 Reasons the Washington Capitals Should Cut Ties with Alexander Ovechkin
Alex Ovechkin: 6 Reasons Why It’s Time for Washington Capitals to Trade Him
Bleacher Report offends me on a hockey-smarts level and on a journalistic level. (On a shameless evil-SEO-wizard-level, I am awed and humbled.)
Google used to have a great in-line option that I used to block Bleacher Report from my search results. It was how I kept my sanity. It’s gone now. (Not my sanity, the in-line block option.) So if you wanna banish Bleacher Report from your results, you’re gonna have to follow these instructions.
Don’t worry; it’s easy. You’ll be glad you did it.
SB Nation’s blog for the Buffaslugs takes on all comers. Photo by the great Clydeorama.
Like fantasy teams, sports blogs tend to have boldly silly names. Onomasticians fill their hours dissecting the tribalism and secret etymology of blogs with names like Russian Machine Never Breaks and the late, great, way too punny Kings of Leonsis.
Fun fact: here are some names we didn’t pick for RMNB: Red Line to Stanleytown, Laing’s Gang, various names with a bongo theme. Meanwhile, across the net at SB Nation (a blog network of which our colleagues at Japers’ Rink are members and Caps owner Ted Leonsis is an investor), there’s a blog for every team in the league. It’s a panoply of fun, imaginative names.
To pass the time on this long and languid summer, we decided to pick our favorites. Behold: the RMNB’s SB Nation Sports Blog Blog Name Ranking Index Presented by RMNB.