Ahh. The Velvet Hammer, Connie Moreau. You might think she was the Ducks’ token girl, but I’d argue she was so much more. Connie brought both elegance and elbow-checks to the Ducks. She was a voice of diplomacy to cut through District 5’s bitterness, reaching out to Gordon Bombay (“Coach,” she calls him in the image above, smiling). Connie brought love into sullen Guy Germaine’s life– and the lives of nine-year-old boys across the world. She was much more than just a compulsory female presence.
And Connie Moreau was transformative for a adolescents. She was like a family friendly Phoebe Cates, all smile-flash and quiet toughness. And not for nothing, but Marguerite Moreau’s performance as Connie was one of the best in that young cast. What follows is my love letter to Connie Moreau. No apologies.
Gangsta rap, this is all your fault. Criminy, it’s like headwear bingo up there.
It’s been twenty years since we learned to quack. In that span of time, our Ducks have flown far and wide. Now we have this opportunity to check in on Gordon, Charlie, Hans, Jack, Averman, Goldberg, Jesse, the other one, the short one, the guy from that other movie, and all those other unforgettable characters.
The career trajectories varied as much as their crazy hats in that picture above (Guy Germaine, what the hell is on your head?). Some actors rose to fame making out with Tom Cruise’s ex-wife, and others had to settle for making out with Paula Abdul. Follow me past the jump for a trip in the wayback machine.
A few months ago I was on Up the Pucks, a podcast that mixes up punk rock and hockey. They asked me what got me into hockey and I blurted out The Mighty Ducks! After some thought, that answer rang true for me and I imagine for lots of other fans my age as well.
This week, that seminal movie celebrates its 20th anniversary. And as much as I am petrified by time’s march, the thought that The Mighty Ducks is twenty fills me more with nougaty nostalgia than existential dread. Yeah, it’s a craven exploitation flick starring an aged brat packer and liking it instantly brands you Too Old To Hit On College Girls, but it’s still an important part of our shared culture. So let’s take a moment, nay, an entire week, to revel in this Hockey Cinema Classic.
Photo credit: Karl B DeBlaker
Over one thousand posts and we’ve never seen the Caps this bad. After watching them get wiped out by the singular wretchedness that is the Carolina Hurricanes, we realized that any unit of hockey players anywhere in the world could have beaten our boys in this one. The entire intramural team at Colgate could get brainerd diarrhea and still mollywhop Alex and company. The 1974 Caps coulda shut ’em down. Probably the ’73 team, too. So we had to wonder…
What fictional hockey teams could have beaten the Caps tonight?
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