Doug Johnson is back to amuse and torment. You know him as one-half of the PuckBuddys. The first one to get them to 3K Twitter follows probably wins a car or something.

The Morning Skate: Gentle readers, before we [CENSORED] all over our Bruins friends,  let us pause a moment, as you scramble in blind panic preparing for snow that will never, ever come again, to consider the hazards of making predictions. Especially about the Caps.

For example, if I predict no snow Wednesday, it’s gonna get all crazy 20″ up in here. Conversely, I stone cold guarantee that if I dash to the store today to buy a terror shovel, we will be mopping our brows and sipping Mint Juleps on our verandas by Friday. The point is: predictions can go so wrong. Britain’s Lord Kelvin (he of Downton Abbey, we guess?) said heavier-than-air machines could never fly. Harry Warner said no-one would pay for talkies. The Skipper predicted a three-hour tour. Boom.

Brad Marchand…stay classy, you devil-may-care lug!

Now before you get all Nate Silver-y on my behind with a lecture about the differences between prediction and guessing, let me remind all you smarty-pants that even that guy can be as wrong as a clam-juice birthday cake (who did he pick for the Superbowl? Hmmm?). Which brings us to Tuesday’s meeting of the Capitals and Bruins.

Heading into the vortex of despair we call Winnipeg last weekend, following as it did our emasculation by the Flyers, which itself followed our manhandling of Sasha and the Canes, and a bunch of other smart reasons articulated here, we did not have big expectations. Truly, given our flukey history with the Jets, we almost napped through the game. That would have been a shame, as it became a great display of what this team can do when they pull it together.

The real question here, the one I’ve been dithering around, wasting precious precious minutes of your life that you will never get back, is which Capitals team will show Tuesday? The bumblers that allow three points in the 1st period and just sorta of sleep-skate thereafter, or the gladiators that snap together like a Spartan phalanx and crush the will of their opponents? Flinging fate to the winds, I predict the latter, because that’s our roll.

OK, back to [NOPE, STILL CENSORED] on Boston.

The Puck Drop: Research suggests that the B’s are, in fact, chemically, the single worst concentration of terrible humankindism going back to, oh what, the cast of The Love Boat we reckon’. The bean team has been tearing it up against just about everyone in the Southeast recently, turning away teams that have done so to us, while holding their own in the Northeast. Even Sunday’s just-loss to the Habs demonstrated a squad willing, and mostly able, to take it to their foes on the ice.

And so for this, our first meeting this shortened season with the big bad Back Bay baboons, let’s conjure the spirits of our last meet-ups – specifically such sweet, juicy memories as:

• Mama June-clone Tim Thomas stumbling around apparently on horse tranqs and totally getting faked out of his cup by Matt “The Paralyzer” Hendricks, Braden Holtby, also known in our house as Braveman Holtbeast, staring down twerp Rich Peverley, and our favorite, Joel Ward‘s hero clutch shot and OT playoff game winner from game 7 last April. There now, isn’t that like better?

Who’s Hot And What’s Not:

• Lines of Death: Say what you may about the Bruins…for example, “I’d rather stick forks in my eyes than cheer them,” that’s a good one. Still, barf, they have several lines that act like a coherent…well, line. Lucic and Krejci up top, followed by a killer of Marchand, Seguin and Bergeron (“Patrice”? Rly?) And they’re working, while we can’t even get our first line settled. #sadface
• Who’s On First: In 19 out of 19 games this season, when the Bruins draw first blood, they win. In our 20 games, we can say that only 50% of the time; exactly 1/2 as good. Similarly, they trail at the end of the 1st, they win 50% of the time; for us, it’s 25%. This is NOT a team you want to chase down in the 3rd, as we have made a habit of doing. First shot, and especially a lead at the end of the first should suggest what the next 40 minutes will look like. So there.
• Man The Barricades: Overall, with last week’s Hurricane’s alpha-male performance, our Philly floppy fish imitation, and a don’t-give-up tightening in Satan’s playground Winnipeg, we had a good week. Capping a crapital month. Animal-man Troy Brouwer may have wondered which Sasha would show up last year, but we’re questioning which team shows up game to game. As I read wizard and competitor (so don’t click on the clicky) Peerless Prognosticator, perhaps our weakest two areas – continually this season – are defense and turnovers. Oh, and stoopid freaking penalties. Both of which speak to one basic idea: D-FND your Holtby, and keep your puck. Dépêchez-vous sur les barricades! Allez!
• Road Warriors: This is taking on a decided Hollywood-tinged theme. Still, we haven’t exactly been the model road team this year, eh? Ho ho, I’ll say! It’s like we’re flying non-stop to Kinshasa, playing on empty stomachs and typhoid water, and swimming back home – exhausting. We don’t really have a lot of time to figure this out. Easy for me to say: fat old man sitting in his jammies tapping out ill-informed hockey analysis. So we’ve got a home stand now until making the runs to Long Island… but it gets much worse after that. Two solid victories at home are what’s on the menu, boys.
  

  Red Rally Balloon > Kernkraft

• Red Rally Balloon: I’m totally ready for this plucky little latex friend to reappear. Although I’d do it with a Macklemore remix. Yuh-huh.
• O Captain! O Hai My Captain! OK, given one more poor performance, of which we’ve admittedly seen too much of this year (ahem), the media wombats will be all over Alex Ovechkin, bleating about this or that or the other. (Didja see wha I did there?) For three years your PuckBuddys have been hearing wha-wha-wha from who cares about our Captain’s inability to share and play nice. Pish. How many different Caps have gotten a piece of a winning puck in the last two weeks? And how many of them (other than, you know, that one game) have been Ovi? Yes, less curl-and-drag. They’re already doing that on RuPaul’s hot mess of a TV show, so please stop.
• Speaking of… I know he’s been prepping in a bunker in Idaho or doing shortwave radio shows from East Egg, Long Island or somewhere, but when was the last time I had a Chick-fil-A, and thought tender, juicy crispy thoughts about Mr. Thomas? Oh that’s right, in Hell.

Post Game: Spring is in the air, and we’re feeling a bit frisky. But so well-behaved! C’mon, an entire Bruins post and not one shirtless pic of Tyler. Or Dougie Hamilton? (You seen that guy?) So we’re casting our bread upon the water in this Easter season and putting together a PuckBuddys party in several weeks, likely hosted at Nellie’s, duh. We haven’t even run this past our RMNB overlords yet, but we tote want a huge turnout, so we’ll see what we see. [Ed. note: we're there. - Peter]

Prediction: I’m writing it down and sealing it in a dated envelope that I leave with my neighbor (serious.) I’ll let you know the results Wednesday. #predictionwin.

According to Nicklas Backstrom, Tim Thomas apologized in the series-ending handshake line for punching him with his blocker, and other headshots Backstrom took from Boston players during the series against the Bruins, who the Caps sent home last night with a Game Seven overtime game-winning series-clinching beatiful ugly goal (G7OTGWSCBUG) by Joel Ward.

Swedish newspaper Aftonbladet quotes Backstrom (as translated into Russian by Sports.ru):

During the handshake, Thomas apologized for punching me with his blocker in Game 2. He also apologized for all the punches to the face I’ve gotten from his teammates. You know, I was really glad to hear it. It was pleasant. You’ve got to respect moves like that. Tim is great.

It’s not easy to lose a series in the NHL, let alone lose it gracefully, but the reigning Stanley Cup champs bowed out with dignity last night after a hard-fought, tightly contested series. Several longer conversations took place in the handshake line, and after the game had ended, Thomas took a moment to skate over to a disappointed young fan and remind him to smile.

Now that’s class.

Photo credit: Elsa

Game Seven. You know the deal.

Jason Chimera dropped the puck to John Carlson, who fired a shot that Matt Hendricks tipped in. Tyler Seguin dove to knock in a loose puck behind Braden Holtby to tie the game heading into the third period. The game went into overtime.

And then it happened. You knew it would. Mike Knuble crashed the net and Joel Ward swept in the rebound. Caps beat Bruins 2-1 (OT).

• This was the first series in NHL history in which every game was decided by a single goal. Yeah. You just watched the tightest series ever. Really. That’s not hyperbole. I know since it came from us it feels like an exaggeration, but it’s a real true fact.
• Tim Thomas was sporting a two-game shutout streak in game sevens before tonight. He was a great foe and a world-class hockey player. Salute the glorious dead.
• Here’s the thing about Matt Hendricks: he’s the orphaned puppy of the NHL. Released by the Avalanche two years ago, Matt Hendricks wandered the streets of DC until George McPhee found him, rain-soaked and mangy, and brought him to training camp. McPhee fed him, gave him a bath, called him a good dog, and the rest is history. Hendy recorded his first playoff goal tonight.
• We all know that today’s hockey sticks have an auto-destruct button. Slashing penalties are as plentiful as drunk dudebros nowadays, so kudos to the refs for discerning Jay Beagle‘s behavior from true naughtiness. You don’t see on-ice calls reversed often, so this was a special moment in a special game.
• The second period belonged to the Bruins, who asserted a plus-14 Fenwick score after forty minutes. The Caps played back, and it burned them. No one is surprised by this, and the Caps have found a way to win without the puck.
• Through two periods Alex Ovechkin played under 10 minutes. At the end of regulation he played just 15:23. That’s less than… pretty much everyone except Knuble. What gives?
• With 2:26 left in this elimination game, the refs whistle Jason Chimera for holding. It was certainly a penalty, but when whistles are subjective (“let the boys play”) this stuff deserves scrutiny. If every game were called by the book, this would be a no-brainer. But hockey penalties are fluid– with refs forgiving some penalties so long as the other team gets similar clemency soon after. When the refs turn off Interpretation Mode and turn By The Book Mode, they’re forcing their own narrative on a game that is supposed to be decided by the players.
• But whatever. Caps killed that penalty just like they had more than dozen others in this series. The PK is owed a lot of credit for this win.
• But don’t forget Braden Holtby, whose numbers are… well unbelievable. Hero Holtby will quarterback this team into the conference semifinals, and we’re gonna love watching.

Series record: Capitals 4, Bruins 3 

The final Joe B suit of the night

That’s it. That’s how the series ends. In the glorious mess that is a crashed net. Tears and frustration for the defeated, and tears of another sort for the victors.

This could have been Mike Knuble‘s final game as a Cap. This could have been his final game as a pro hockey player.

But he’s not gonna go out like that.

In crashing into  Tim Thomas’s net, Knuble was doing what he’s always done: create the plays that would otherwise be denied.

Joel Ward got famous from being an excellent postseason performer. He’d been mostly quiet before tonight, but no one cares about that now.

Joel Ward is your OT hero. He plays a simple game, fearless and strong on the puck, two qualities that just earned him a spot in Caps hockey lore forever.

The Capitals have slayed the defending Cup champions. They proved the pundits wrong.

Who exactly? These guys:

• Scott Cullen
• Luke Fox
• Alex Kay
• John Buccigross
• Scott Burnside
• Linda Cohn
• Craig Custance
• Paul Grant
• Pierre LeBrun
• Steve Levy
• Joe McDonald
• Barry Melrose
• James Murphy
• Jesse Rogers
• Katie Strang
• Dylan Nardone
• Brendan Ross
• Chris Stevenson
• Kevin Amerman
• Matt Damante
• Nicholas Cotsonika
• Adam Rickert
• Wes Sims
• Rob Vanstone
• James Mirtle
• Brad Fay
• Dave Mishkin
• Ryan Dadoun
• James O’Brien
• Joe Yerdon
• Jason Brough
• Mike Halford
• Adam Eckersley
• Steve Palumbo
• Alan Bass
• Sean Hartnett
• Neil Keefe
• Patrick Caisse
• Dan Rosen
• Steve Silverman
• Nathan Stacken
• Mark Bruso
• Ken Schott
• Jeff Klein
• Gary Blockus
• Cait Platt
• Adam Jahns
• Aaron Muprhy
• Josh Canu
• Austin Waldron
• Andrew Monrreal
• Bruce Ciskie
• Eric Tulsky
• Dirk Hoag
• Kevin McCauley
• Jon Bois
• Colin Horgan
• Sean Leahy
• Harrison Mooney
• Greg Wyshynski
• Dmitry Chesnokov

All those guys said Boston would beat our Caps. They didn’t believe. They didn’t know about how thick and proud this team runs.

Goals from role players.

Superstar moments.

The best Washington defense we’ve seen in nearly a decade.

And a rookie goalie who has become the biggest story in the National Hockey League.

Now it’s time to do it again. We don’t know the Caps’ foe for the next round yet. But we do know that this team can beat anyone.

If they crash the net.

Photo from @recordsANDradio

Photo credit: Luc Leclerc

Way back in March when I was interviewing several people for my feature on Joe Beninati’s rookie card, Alex Carbajal, Panini’s License Acquisitions Manager and contributor to their trading card blog, forwarded me to a glorious blog post they had done earlier in the season.

The story goes like this: Tim Thomas was the cover boy of Panini’s 2011-12 Certified Hockey cards. When Thomas and the Bruins came to Dallas to take on the Stars in late December – close to Panini’s American Headquarters, Terry Hackler met Thomas at the hotel and they opened an entire box of cards. As Thomas went through a few packs, he shared stories about certain players that he pulled.

Well, lucky for us, he pulled a card of Alex Ovechkin and shared a story that might be of interest to you.

The pertinent section begins at 4:16, which I have transcribed below.

Tracy Hackler: Now I pulled an Alex Ovechkin [card]… What’s the thought process in your mind when he’s coming at you with the puck? How do you defend him?

Tim Thomas: I just try to read and react to him. I’ve faced him — other than in [regular season] games — at the All-Star Game in Montreal. A couple years ago in the shootout, I accidentally tripped him and he went head-first into the boards. I skated right over to him and went, “Oh sorry, sorry, sorry. You okay? You okay?” His words to me were [Ed note: Thomas in his Russian accent] “Russian machine never breaks.”

[Both laugh.]

Tim Thomas: And that’s a true story.

So apparently “Russian machine never breaks” is one of Ovechkin’s automatic responses when he seems injured. Awesome.

You can watch the moment that Thomas is talking about below.

Photo credit: Bruce Bennett

Coming into Game Five, Troy Brouwer – one of three players on the team to have a championship ring (Knuble, Aucoin) — had five career playoff goals in his career, including one in the Stanley Cup Finals.

He picked a great time for number six.

After the Capitals first power play unit struggled mightily to do anything productive in their shift on a late third period power play, off the bench jumped John Carlson, Mike Green, Marcus Johansson, Brooks Laich, and Brouwer. Unlike their cohorts, they kept it simple.

After Carlson retrieved a puck from behind the Caps net, he cooly meandered out of his defensive zone and hit a streaking Brouwer racing down the right wing. The quick breakout caught the Bruins by surprise and out of position. Brouwer went with his instincts. The 26-year-old skated to the far circle and unleashed a wrist shot high and hard past Tim Thomas. Clutch!

The Capitals can prove the pundits wrong and end their first round series at home tomorrow.

What. A. Win.

Photo credit: Bruce Bennett

Crash the net! (Photo credit: Brian Babineau)

The Washington Capitals and Boston Bruins had split wins in each other’s cities. Saturday afternoon’s bout in Boston was the first of two games within 30 hours, and another example of how tight this series has been.

After a scoreless first, Alex Semin wristed the puck past Tim Thomas while Joe Corvo writhed in pain in the periphery. Jay Beagle sent a loose puck dribbling past Thomas to make it 2-0– the first time either team has had a two-goal lead all series. Dennis Seidenberg got some space from Ovechkin and beat Holtby near-side to get the Bruins on the scoreboard. Just a few seconds later, Marchand (with help from Peverley) pushed the puck through Holtby’s five-hole and tied the game.

And then…. in the third period…

KANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBLE!

Yes. Mike Knuble crashed the net to make it 3-2 for the Capitals. Johnny Boychuk tied it up while Dennis Wideman was in the penalty box. On the Brouwer Play, Troy Brouwer scored a brouwer play goal, his first brouwer play goal and the game-winner. Caps beat Bruins 4-3.

• Braden Holtby is mortal. We all knew this, right? Those two goals he surrendered within half a minute were the product of bad defense (Ovechkin getting smoked in neutral, Erskine and Wideman not clearing the crease), but Holtby still should’ve stopped either or both. It’s the playoffs, and we expect the world. We expect him always to do stuff like that full-split toe stop on Tyler Seguin in the third period that had gentlemen across the continent going “Eeeesh!”
  
• John Carlson was penalized for running Tim Thomas in the first period, despite his being flanked by three Bruins guiding his way in. Here’s a quick lesson in physics: Inertia says things in motion stay in motion; ice has a very low frictional coefficient; and momentum is shared among connected bodies. The Bruins didn’t have to extend their arms to push Carlson into Thomas, they just had to be there, moving steady.
• Blocker punch from Thomas on Carlson in case you’re keeping track.
• Jay Beagle! Scoring goals, blocking shots, killing penalties, writing in diaries, doing outdoorsy things on off-days!
• Alex Ovechkin had no patience for Zdeno Chara‘s post-whistle nonsense, which is to say he had all the patience in the world. When Chara got dirty with his stick, Ovechkin did not retaliate. Boom: power play. Meanwhile, Chara tried to cream Jason Chimera into the glass at the end of the first period, but only got the wind knocked out of him instead.
• We don’t root for players to get hurt. Ever. But losing Joe Corvo is like losing weight. Get well soon, Joe!
• We’ve called Alex Semin some variation of “vanished” for the past few postseasons. He’s got goals in three straight games. We’re shutting up now. His tally on Saturday was the result of being tough in the crease. Just for clarity: we’re talking about Alex Semin, number 28, being tough in the crease.
• The two-goal lead: the Capitals have seen them disappear all season. It happened again in a blink today as the Bruins converted on consecutive shifts. Dennis Wideman, playoff goat, was on-ice for both of those goals and gave the Bruins a big power play in the third. He’s been on for 7 of the 9 Bruins’ goals this series, and all of their goals at even strength. If he plays Game Six, it’s on the coaches.
• Johnny Boychuk‘s power play goal was the first such the Caps have given up this series.
• Patrice Bergeron missed a good portion of the game after absorbing a big hit from Alex Ovechkin. He stayed on the bench, but missed shifts. Add Corvo’s injury to that, and Claude Julien was working with a depleted lineup. Bergeron returned late in the third.
• Give Mike Knuble ice time in the offensive zone and he will crash the net. Crash the net enough and he will score. These are Dependable Things that everyone should know.
• So many bullets today.

Series record: Capitals 3, Bruins 2

One small note: without getting to say goodbye, we’ve already see our last CSN broadcast of the year. There were whispers of Sunday’s broadcast getting on the station, but that didn’t happen. Thank you to Joe Beninati and his phalanx of suits. Thank you to Craig Laughlin and his hockey smarts and weird accent. If you go right now, you can check out their post-game on CSN.

The difference maker, again, is special teams. The Capitals’ penalty kill is nigh-perfect, and they’re the only team in this series getting plural goals with a man-up.

Tim Thomas, rebound factory, didn’t have the wherewithal to shut down an egalitarian Capitals offense. When goals come from guys like Beagle and Brouwer and Knuble, the opponent really has to dig deep. The Bruins couldn’t do that, and now they stand on the verge of elimination.

Sunday’s game is early. 3PM back in DC. Fans, the challenge has been issued: bring it like it’s never been broughten before.

We’re gonna prove the hockey pundits wrong.

Photo credit: Patrick McDermott

With 1:17 to go in the second period of Thursday’s win, Alex Semin gathered the puck at his customary spot along the side boards and looked to create some offense on the Capitals’ third power play of the night. As the Bruins defense sagged, Sasha skated in to the left dot and unleashed a 71 MPH wrist shot past Tim Thomas. Scoar!

Video of the game-winning tally is below, as well as a goal celebration that doesn’t involve any belly patting whatsoever.

What happened next is up to interpretation.

Verizon Center went wild, and the guys on ice seemed pretty happy too. Alex Ovechkin didn’t settle for the customary hug or a celebratory tackle. Instead, he (allegedly) gave Sasha a little peck on the cheek. Tovarisch!

Credit: nathan-horton.tumblr.com. Also, check out Dimagus’ GIF.

We’re not exactly 100% sure about this, so we sent video to the war room in Toronto. We’ll let you know when we get confirmation.

Additional reporting by Ana Hansen.

Hey! That picture looks familiar!

Have you been off the grid for the last two days? Yeah? Okay, catching you up real quick: Caps fans taunted Tim Thomas with Obama signs, and then everyone and their moms wrote about it. Even The Huffington Post wrote about it, and they’re like the Ocean’s Eleven of the Internet: only stealing the good stuff!

And then on Tuesday, the Pardon The Interruption crew featuring former Washington Post columnists Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon addressed the taunting during their toss-up segment, WORD!

Video is below the jump.

Here’s the transcript:

Tony Reali: It was blank that Caps fans taunted Tim Thomas with President Obama heads.

Tony Kornheiser: It was apt. I know that’s a small word. Size doesn’t matter all the time. It happens to be the apt word. Tim Thomas would not accompany the Bruins when they won the Stanley Cup to visit the White House because he doesn’t like President Obama. So the Caps tried to get at him because of that, to some degree they did. The Caps got three goals which is more than they hard gotten in the first two games of the series so it was apt.

Michael Wilbon: It was totally Duke-ish. I mean you can picture the Dukies, the Cameron Crazies, doing something like this. You don’t want to come to our town, Washington, the White House to visit President Obama we go after you and we go after you hard. It was straight out of the Duke Blue Devils student playbook. Duke-ish.

Once again, a huge thanks to everyone out there who printed out the signs that we made, and Top Gun high-five to all who made your own. Your enthusiasm and humor make the Caps fan community what it is, and what it is is way better than Boston. That’s for sure.

Huge thanks to reader @TrevorCampbell8 for first alerting us to this!

Video transcribed by Chris Gordon.

Timmy and the Obama signs on NBCSN. (Photo credit: @levnaginsky)

On Sunday we posted some highly scientific analysis about the Tim Thomas – Barack Obama connection, as well as two printable posters and an Obama mask that could be cut out and worn all over your pretty face. The response was enthusiastic and varied. It is truly an honor to appear on Bruins blogs and Glenn Beck’s site in the same day.

We were flanked in our effort to psyche out Timmy by our friends at Sick Unbelievable, Brooks Laichyear, and Homer McFanboy. Whatever you make of the political dimension of the campaign or its impact on the game, at least we got to see how tight this Caps fan community is. It’s large-scale silliness and public mayhem for a good cause.

We’ve got all kinds of meta-coverage below the jump, so please follow along.

ABC 7′s Britt McHenry Talks About Our Signs Pre-Game

Video credit: Michelle Geyer (@CapsFan2475)

CBC’s Hockey Night In Canada Talks About Our Campaign

Video by @brightestcolour

Chris Gordon’s Photos

After the first two games of the quarterfinal round, Bruins goalie Tim Thomas is sporting a .964 save percentage, having stopped 54 of the 56 shots he has faced. Last season’s Vezina and Conn Smythe winner, Thomas has already had a successful follow-up campaign, earning a 35-19-1 record during the regular season. He is the calm core of Boston’s defense and a reliable presence to backstop the league’s third best offense.

But Thomas’s composure came somewhat unspooled on Saturday night. After a whistle, he punched the previously concussed Nick Backstrom, who ended up scoring the game-winner in double overtime. While Thomas escaped without the match penalty recommended in rule 51.3 for goalies who use a blocker pad to punch a skater, he has not escaped the attention and ire of the Washington Capitals and their fans.

Games Three and Four of the series will be played in DC, and we just figured out precisely how we will troll.

By now you’ve heard about how Thomas’ snub of the Bruins’ visit to the White House coincided with a drop-off in his performance. It’s a tongue-in-cheek little narrative that doesn’t really adhere to the strict tenets of Responsible Statisticking, and it doesn’t actual imply any correlation.

I have decided to improve it.

The chart below plots Tim Thomas’s save percentage against President Obama’s approval rating over the course of the season. I used Rasmussen’s approval rating data and adjusted Obama’s approval to start at the same point as Thomas’s Sv% so we can track how they change relative to each other. Behold!

As you can clearly see, the hockey skills of Tim Thomas wane as President Obama becomes more beloved. The fearful symmetry of these lines proves– beyond any credible doubt– that the two are inextricably entangled. See how Obama’s ascent following The Snub mirrors the increasing sieve-ness of Thomas? And how the month of March saw Timmy dipping well below league average while Obama’s numbers were climbing like a pederastic crimefighter? Clearly, obviously, the two are related.

There you have it: irrefutable proof that Tim Thomas’s performance in net is tied to the popularity of the American President. And judging by TT’s abruptly ended interviews and Curiously Capitalized Facebook manifestos, Thomas knows this as well.

Still, we should probably remind him.

You know the drill. The big links below will download PDFs, which will fit a normal 8.5″ x 11″ page snugly. Please print out a trillion of these and camp out in front of the glass during warm-ups. Cut out the eyeholes on the mask, tie it in front of your ugly mug, and give Thomas a warm welcome to Washington, D.C., the most powerful city on Earth. This is your moment to shine.

RMNB’s Obama Posters and Mask for Tim Thomas

Download	Download	Download

Because– despite the mewling whines of “Leave Timmy alone!” coming from the Boston area– we believe this is a winning strategy. An angry Tim Thomas gives up goals. A scored-on Tim Thomas gets angrier. And then he gives up even more goals. It’s a vicious cycle, and we just need to get it started.

Distraction is the name of the game. (Actually, the name of the game is still hockey but we don’t play hockey, so we’re gonna do this instead.) And if anyone asks you where the idea came from, tell ‘em it was ProHockeyTalk’s Joe Yerdon, a connoisseur of fine trolling.

Mind games! Let’s do it, guys. Send us your pics: @russianmachine, thecrew@russianmachineneverbreaks.com.

A parting note: this ain’t about politics. Hockey is for everybody, and that includes tea-partying, Michael Cudlitz-looking fellas like Timmy. We’re just having a laugh and ribbing the other team. As long as we take a deep breath before speaking and keep our senses of humor in tact, I think we can do this with some degree of civility. Go team.

Posters and masks by Ian Oland.