Photo credit: Patrick McDermott

I wrote on our mission statement that hockey should be as fun to read about as it is to watch. So what happens when hockey– Caps hockey at least– becomes a chore? Tuesday’s game between the Toronto Maple Leafs and Washington Capitals was another messy loss, and gnome amount of puns will cheer us up right now.

The Leafs scored first, JVR seizing upon a communication breakdown between Neuvirth and Poti behind the Caps net. JVR struck again after Washington’s defense temporarily lost motor function. Marcus Johansson got his first of the year late in the first after Tomas Kundratek gave him a nice feed at the back door. Korbinan Holzer got his first NHL goal with a tricky long bomb. Mike Ribeiro executed a nice zone entry and passing sequence by sinking a powerplay goal, but the Leafs emerged victorious.

Leafs beat Caps 3-2.

• Of course Marcus Johansson scores 24 hours after we publish a treatise on how bad he’s been. Glad to see it Marcus get on the board… [evil mustache-twirl] …as it increases his trade value! Tomas Kundratek‘s pass to Mojo was a work of art as well, a well earned first NHL point for the young D-man.
• I’m ecstatic that Mojo scored, but he still has the worst underlying numbers on the team. He should be kept away from Alex Ovechkin at all costs, not paired with him to start the third period.
• Tom Poti had an eventful first period. First, he took a dangerous hit into the boards from Leo Komarov and stood up for himself. Ten he was the trailing D on a nice two-man rush with a decent chance at scoring, but later on that shift it all fell apart. Neuvirth retrieved the puck behind the net, flinched as if he was gonna clear, and then took his time returning the net. Poti seemed unsure if he was supposed to take the puck over, which gave Toronto’s JVR the opportunity to steal the puck and wrap it around.
• Korbinian Holzer is not a hockey player name. Korbinian Holzer is the name of a war criminal from Belarus. Korbinian Holzer is a minor character in a Vonnegut novel. Korbinian Holzer is the spice smuggler who sabotaged your primary buffer panel when you were trying to make the Kessell run in 11.8 parsecs.
• Did Joe B say that Beagle is a bloodhound along the boards? If so, niiiiiiice.
• Close calls: the more desperate your team is, the more they sting. When the Verizon Center spotlight comes on or Ovi puts his arms up in a “eff you I’m an anteater” pose it is even worse.
• Mike Ribeiro is the Caps best player right now, perhaps because he’s the least Capitals-y player (which is to say he’s new). That makes 3 goals for Ribs– all on the power play, and he leads the team in points. Ian says he deserves a 10-year, $200-million contract, and I think he’s exaggerating only a little.
• Agent Steckel: You are discovered. Your cover is blown. Get out now. p.s. thanks for blowing that empty-netter. <3 RMNB
• Michal Neuvirth, yikes. You’d think by now one of the Caps goalies would accidentally get a SV% above .900, right?
• Who is this JVR person?

Joe B suit of the night

Three years ago the Caps were the best team in the league. Right now they’re the worst. 30th out of 30 in points per game. Has any team fallen from grace this fast?

I worry something is being overlooked. A season like this is toxic to enthusiasm. That sucking sound you hear is what a contracting fan base sounds like. You as a fan deserve so much more than what you’re getting out of these Capitals right now.

I don’t have anything funny to say right now.

Caps at Pens on Thursday. That’ll be fun. Like going to a dinner party at your ex-girlfriend’s new mansion and her boyfriend is a state senator and you’re wearing zubaz and crocs.

Photo credit: Graig Abel

Remember how we were whining about losing that game in Ottawa? How it wasn’t fair? How we were skeptical that lady luck would ever swing the Washington Capitals’ way?

Not tonight. The Caps’ loss to the Toronto Maple Leafs wasn’t an artifact of luck, but rather the sadly predictable result of a penalty parade.

Mike Ribeiro hit up Joel Ward on the weak side for an easy opening goal. JVR tied it up with a rebound goal during a super-sized power play for the Leafs.  Alex Ovechkin recorded a PPG with a nasty wrister to restore Washington’s lead. Then the Capitals killed off a eleventy billion penalties. The Leafs tied it up in the third when Nikolai Kulemin ate snow to knock home a loose puck behind Neuvy. The Leafs stole the lead with a Matt Frattin net-crash halfway into the third.

Leafs beat Caps 3-2.

No.

• Penalties penalties penalties. With 10 PIMS in the first period alone, the Caps were lucky to escape with just one goal against. We said the other day that the Caps need to limit penalties while they improve their special teams, but they must feel otherwise; this game was a penalty-killing rehearsal for the crew. The PK did swell, but the Caps missed a lot of time in the offensive zone.
• Big John Erskine, Peter Robbio’s favorite Cap, has been bunches of fun this year. In the first minute of the game, Ersk walloped Phil Kessel in a hit that should have set the tone for the night. Yeah, Big John was a bit out of position on Van Riemsdyk’s goal and he blew one big chance to keep the puck in the O-zone, but Erskine has been fun to watch this season.
• Speaking of Kessel, huge props to Michal Neuvirth for keeping Toronto’s star out of the goal column. Hello Neuvy was stellar while the Caps were on the PK, and any night where a guy stops 35+ pucks is a good night– regardless of what the bums in front of him do.
• Great to see Joel Ward making big plays in his hometown. He’s been so hot, we’re not even gonna mention how ludicrous his shooting percentage is.
• Jason Chimera‘s night was an NRA press conference held on a train that has crashed into the Hindenberg. Two bad penalties hurt, but jawing at the ref made it so much worse, and those extra two minutes were what gave JVR time for his goal.
• For the second consecutive game, the Capitals did not deign to offer any offense in the third period. We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: SCOAR MOAR GOALS. The teams that win consistently are the ones who can win big. Plus, it’s infinitely more fun to watch and write about them.
• Both of Alex Ovechkin‘s goals have come on the power play, and both from the same spot– right above the circle. That’s a spot Ovechkin would never occupy if he were still playing point as he demanded last season. Good on Oates for putting this 1-3-1 power play together and assigning Ovi to the half wall.
• Marcus Johansson was all alone with Reimer with a chance to tie the game. Instead of shooting, he did a drop-pass. After a few games in the press box, I’m dumbfounded as to why he didn’t try to score. Sorry, scoar.

Joe B suit of the night: twins!

Like I said: after committing so many penalties, the Caps shouldn’t have had a chance. Epic penalty killing made it interesting (or is the word heartbreaking?), but the Caps didn’t deserve to win this one. That lead was just a mirage.

Elsewhere in the league, Thomas Vanek had his second 5-point game of the season. This is germane because if he had played against the Caps, we would be looking at a winless season so far.

I know that’s a huge downer, but take heart, y’all. The Caps are gonna turn it around, and you’ll be able to say you were there when they did.

See you tomorrow, when we all whoop for Mike Knuble.

@russianmachine they are so cute, one is $2000 suit, the other $200, guess who?

— Alan May (@MayHockeyCSN) February 1, 2013

Photo credit: Bill Wippert

The Caps wasted a chance to climb the standings with Monday night’s loss to the Lightning, but we held out hope that our rivals– Buffalo (9th place), Ottawa (7th), and Florida (3rd)– would have crummy nights on Tuesday.

That did not happen.

The Buffalo Sabres climbed out a two-goal hole twice before beating Toronto in overtime. Jordan Leopold’s game-tying goal came with less than two minutes left in regulation. Check out this nine-man pile-up in front of the Toronto net:

If you can see the puck through that replay, you could be an NHL ref, too.

Meanwhile, the Florida Panthers needed two points to sew up the Southeast division title. Leading 3-0 in the second period, it looked like they would do it, but the Winnipeg Jets fought back despite having nothing to play for save pride. The Jets earned a lead, but Tomas Kopecky tied the game up with four minutes left. Of course, the Panthers ended up losing in OT, making that their 18th overtime loss of the season. That ties them with the 2008-2009 Tampa Bay Lightning for the most OTLs since the lockout.

Call that stat sour grapes if you want, because that’s exactly what it is. The Panthers are beating the Capitals because they waited longer to lose more games.

Also, Ottawa lost to the Canes. No one cares.

So here’s where we stand now [UPDATE: Posted an out-of-date version before. Fixed now.]:

• The New York Rangers have locked up the first seed in the East.
• Buffalo and Washington are in a virtual tie for 8th place, but the Caps have the tiebreaker (regulation/overtime wins).
• The Caps can catch Ottawa for 7th– if Ottawa loses to Boston and New Jersey and the Caps win their last 2 games.
• The Caps can catch Florida for 3rd– if Florida loses in regulation and the Caps win both games. FLA’s last game is against Carolina.
• Buffalo’s final two games are against Philly and Boston.

3rd, 7th, 8th, and – gulp— 9th place are still possible for the Capitals.

Pretty much anything can happen. But the biggest determining factor for the Washington Capitals remains the Washington Capitals themselves. Thursday’s home closer versus Florida needs a fever pitch.

And Saturday’s bout with the Rangers will be…

Come to our party at Front Page on Saturday, April 7. It’s a viewing party for Caps @ Rangers. It’ll be epic.

Photo credit: Carolyn Kaster

Sitting just one point behind the division-leading Florida Panthers, Sunday afternoon’s duel between the Washington Capitals and Toronto was a tremendous opportunity to climb the east.

Brooks Laich scored a shorthanded goal (just the team’s third and first by any player not named Chimera) to get on the board first. Mathieu Perreault caught a rebound off Alex Semin’s drive to make it 2-0. Caps beat Leafs.

• 

  I think the same thing about the lead singer of Paramore. Is anybody gonna call me a rude name? (Photo credit: Mitchell Layton)

  Michal Neuvirth‘s 100th start was 100 kinds of awesome. He was a barbarian in the cage, especially with that exemplary pad save on Matt Frattin in the third. Great shutout for the kid, his third of the season.  23 saves.

• Brooks Laich‘s theft from Jake Gardiner to score that shorty was a thing of beauty, but don’t let the aesthetics distract you from the diabolical mastermind behind it. Speaking to Al Koken during intermission,  Brooks said he  ”watched the [Leafs] game last night. Gardiner came up the ice and did the same thing.” This was a goal made possible by watching tape and using your brain.
• The Capitals looked strong in the first, but saw their possession advantage disappear in a second period plagued by bad breakouts and a neutral zone choked by Leafs. The way the Capitals play with a lead is not just boring, it’s dangerous.
• Late in the second period, Mike Knuble found himself paired with Alex Ovechkin on the top line. Kanoobs set up behind the net, in Gretzky’s office, and picked a moment to sneak around front. Sneak around he did, attempting a stuff, but was met once more with a goalie’s pads. That was a golden scoring chance nullified by sheer, crummy luck.
• Alex Semin‘s 10-game streak without a penalty ended tonight with a total soft whistle. No matter, as his strong puck control and quick shot made Matty Perreault’s goal possible. While the Ottawa Sun is saying– nay guessing– that Sasha will be headed to the KHL next year, we think seeing 28 in Caps red next season is pretty likely. The big question is: $$$?
• Although it did not convert, the Caps first period power play was pretty like a painting. Usually Ovechkin on point means stifling passes and few shots, but this was something else. Alex Semin worked below the goal line, Keith Aucoin camped out up front, and the Capitals fired 3 shots on net (with a few more missed and blocked). Given another chance, this PP unit will scoar.
• What happens when you don’t play Jeff Halpern against a roster with Dirty Dave Steckel, the Career-crushing Machine, on it? You get dominated on the faceoff. The Caps won just 35%, and Stecks himself won 8 of 9.
• Marcus Johansson had the goldenest of golden scoaring chances late in the third, but the puck rolled on him. That’s the kind of shot that haunts you when you’re kissing a pretty lady or baking bread or walking the dog. It’s flop sweat, increased heart rate, and instant panic on the order of a homecoming-dance erection.
• Nary a peep from Kessel or Phaneuf. Just how we like it.

Joe B suit of the night

Looks like the Florida Panthers are treating the Hurricanes to a beatdown, so the Caps gain no ground in the division race, but this is still a valuable win. Our boys are one point behind with one more game played.

Alright, that’s it. The Caps are done in D.C. for a while. Now, at this crucial juncture, they embark on the biggest road trip of the season– and their toughest. We’ve been eyeing this stretch— which includes Chicago, Detroit, and Philadelphia– since the schedule was announced back in the late 80s. It’s gonna be a gauntlet– and it will dictate this team’s future.

No more Verizon Center for a while. The boys are gonna have to do it without us.

We believe.

Photo credit: Graig Abel

Saturday night, during the Capitals’ 4-2 win over the Toronto Maple Leafs, future AHL hall-of-famer Keith Aucoin scored his first NHL goal of the season, and his first since October 24, 2009. For those who are counting, that’s 854 days.

“It’s been about two years now, I think, since I last scored a goal,” Aucoin said with a smile to The Washington Times’ Stephen Whyno. “It’s only been 10, 11 games, but it feels like forever, and it was nice to finally get one and help the team win.”

General Manager George McPhee, clearly unimpressed by his feat (or more likely saving cap space ahead of tomorrow’s trade deadline), sent Aucoin back down to Hershey early this morning.

Coiner’s goal was so pretty, it deserves a closer look. Let’s set the scene. After going down 2-0 to the Caps within the first five minutes and then 3-0 by the second period, the Leafs were left scrambling to climb out of a hole. The play starts at 5:13, with the Caps in possession of the puck in their own zone.

Mike Green looks to exit their defensive zone by passing it to Marcus Johansson.

Mojo takes the pass along the boards.

And fumbles it!

Tim Connolly takes the turnover. Ugh.

And looks to wrist a shot past Neuvirth.

Green utilizes the kamikaze dive to force Connolly to deke.

Now Connolly fumbles the puck and it goes to the corner.

Matthew Lombardi retrieves the puck and sends a centering pass to…

Alex Ovechkin!

Go!

Ovi!

Go!

“Hm, looks like my boi Aucoin is guarded.”

“Let’s try pass to Mojo!”

Mojo shoots!

Just kidding!!

Reimer: “Omigosh, my defense isn’t guarding anyone.”

BAM!

“Just how Dale drew it up!”

Reimer: “Kill me now.” Leafs fan at bottom-left corner: “What in the hell was that?”

Aucoin: “So this is what it feels like to score an NHL goal again!”

And that concludes terrible hockey by both teams.

Video

Photo credit: Graig Abel

Not a bad way to go out. The Washington Capitals’ domination of the Toronto Maple Leafs was likely the last we’ll see from this version of the team. Knowing this, the Caps busted out all their greatest hits from the last few years. Let’s review!

Marcus Johansson wrapped around Reimer’s net for an unchallenged goal in the first minute. Alex Semin fought off Luke Schenn and scored five-hole. Jeff Halpern took two whacks and hit top shelf. Keith Aucoin finished a bang-bang sequence from Johansson and Ovechkin to make it 4-0.

Colby Armstrong cracked the shutout with a wristshot early in the third period. Tim Connolly got a greasy one on a power play to make it interesting, but they ran out of time. Caps beat Leafs 4-2.

• The Capitals have won back-to-back games for the first time in over a month. They have peaked over 30 shots a game for the 5th time in the last 10 games.
• Michal Neuvirth was almost perfect in Toronto, including denying the dirtiest player in the NHL, Dave Steckel, on a breakaway significant more for the bloodlines involved rather than any fancy stickwork. 28 saves for Mikey, many of them k-rad.
• 5’9″ Keith Aucoin had not scored in the NHL since October of 2009. A two-step plan to ending that drought: pair him with dynamic players like Ovechkin and Johansson, and put him against a Toronto defense that might have been high.
• Also busting slumps is Jeff Halpern, whose post-sunset goal on Saturday was his first since December 13 and his first point in over a month.
• Also on the topic of faceoff specialists, Dirty Dave went a hearty 9 for 14 on the dot. Less awesome when he’s on the other team, but it’s been 2 years, so we should probably get over it.
• What is with Marcus Johansson and wraparound goals? He’s got three this season. And here we were thinking that wraparound went extinct with passenger pigeons and thylacines.
• Dennis Wideman used his wrist to absorb a hit into the boards late in the second period. It didn’t look good, but Wides returned in the third. Heh. That rhymes.
• Toronto goalie James Reimer is embattled. He’s getting criticism from his own GM, and this game sort of tells you why. Reimer wasn’t flawless, but he is also playing behind a defensive unit that looked unengaged when it mattered. It’s fun to comment on other teams’ misery for once.
• Yes, CSN’s Jill Sorenson jinxed the shutout. That’s just superstition, so we won’t hold it against her. But her awful non-apology apology afterwards (“sorry if I jinxed that for you”) just made it worse. You don’t apologize if something; you apologize for something.

Joe B suit of the night

This game was just fantastic. Withstanding a late-game rally, the Caps won a crucial road games and stole another pair of points from the Eastern Conference.

The Leafs are struggling– that’s obvious– but let’s not allow that to detract from the Caps’ jam session. Those long offensive shifts, dangling pucks and threading passes between befuddled defenders, remind us of a team we’ve been missing as dearly as an amputated limb.

The Capitals host the Islanders on Tuesday, but we don’t know exactly who will be rocking the red in Caps uniforms by then. Elliotte Friedman says George McPhee is not interested in rentals, so a shopping spree of free agents at the end of their contracts is unlikely. GMGM is thinking long-term, which is bold.

Either way, a change is coming. Get ready.

Photo credit: Mitchell Layton

When we went to bed on Friday, Dennis Wideman was the possessor of a hat trick. His three-goal night versus Toronto was the first by a defenseman for the Caps in a decade, the first overall by the Caps this season, and the first of Dennis’ career. It was also the first 3 PPG game among defensemen in the NHL since 2006.

No more.

This morning, the NHL updated the game’s scoring (via WaPo’s Katie Carrera), giving that final power play goal to Brooks Laich for his 7th on the season. Nick Backstrom loses his secondary assist, knocking him down to 31 points.

Wideman still takes from the night four power play points (2G, 2A) and the first multi-goal game of his career, but all those hats you threw on the ice are now a fraud. And he’s still minus-1 on the night. Dennis admitted as much on Friday night, but you should still blame it all on stupid old Brooksy.

Here’s video of all three goals:

And– for now– you can look at the still-unedited game summary while your heart grows cold and hard.

The crowd reacts to Dennis Wideman’s first PPG of the night. (Photo credit: Bruce Bennett)

The Washington Capitals converted four of six power play opportunities on Friday night to best the Toronto Maple Leafs. The win pushes the Caps solidly into 8th place in the east and bounces their overall PP% up to 18.1%, good for 12th in the league. There’s a lot to be happy about, but Former-Cap/Current-Leaf David Steckel isn’t feeling warm and fuzzy about any of it.

In his post-game interview, Steckel scoured his team’s performance on the penalty kill with some salty language: “Any time you give up four power play goals, you’re not going to win a [expletive] game.”

Steckel was traded to the New Jersey Devils last season in exchange for Jason Arnott. On Friday, Steckel served on three of the four penalty kill units that surrendered a goal. Usually a faceoff specialist, Steckel won just six of 13 during the 4-2 loss. Despite saying his team “outplayed” the Capitals five-on-five, Steckel himself sported even ratings in both Corsi and Fenwick.

Additional reporting by Ian Oland.

Photo credit: Bruce Bennett

Dale Hunter recorded the first two wins of his NHL career against Canadian teams. After tonight’s date between the Washington Capitals and Toronto Maple Leafs, you can make it three.

Dennis Wideman caught Mike Knuble’s pass and converted the PP. Dennis Wideman threaded the needle and converted the PP. (Phil Kessel scored.) Dennis Wideman fed Nick Backstrom, who converted the PP. (From the blue line, Cody Franson slipped one past a screened Vokoun.) Dennis Wideman converted the PP. Caps beat Leafs 4-2.

[UPDATE: Okay, maybe not so much on that hat trick.]

• The Capitals did not record a shot on goal until 12 minutes into the game. The first shot was a perfunctory backhand from Mike Knuble. That flipped a switch, and the Caps looked their 2009 selves for the rest of the game.
• This next bullet is awesome.
• 

  Hats off in RMNBHQ

  Dennis Wideman. DEN. NIS. WIDE. MAN. After streaking at the beginning of season, he cooled off during the Movember Capstrastophe. He turned it on tonight in a big way, earning 4 power play points from the pension plan puppets and getting a hat trick purely off the man-advantage. Kinda messed up: the guy leaves the game minus-1 as he was on ice (and responsible) for Kessel’s whack-a-mole goal. Remember tonight, Wide Man.
• According to Joe B, Dennis Wideman is the first Caps D-man to get a hat trick since Sergei Gonchar.
• Same story but on a broader scale. Via Stephen Whyno, the Capitals have played their first game with 4 power play goals since December 5, 2009.
• Alex Ovechkin continued the superior hockey he started playing on Thursday. He was creating scoring chances, blocking shots, leveling hits on players (including one monster on Dion Phaneuf) and officials alike, and being typically awesome.
• Check out Ovechkin’s shot in the second period, a shot which did not obey the laws of geometry as they were taught to me: (Thanks, VazorProduction!)

• Nick Backstrom‘s PPG gives him 30 points and ties him with Jason Chimera for the team’s scoring lead.
• Alex Semin semined in the seminth period. It was Semin’s seminteenth of the semin. They killed the Semin, but the Leafs semined before Semin could even semin the ice. 15:42 ice time, 0 shots, 3 giveaways, minus-1.
• The Caps got all the right penalties, no-calls, and late whistles tonight. Maybe it was Alex Ovechkin knocking them down multiple times, or maybe the zebras were wearing their weagle underoos. Either way, the power play made all the difference.

Joe B suit of the night

Toronto performed terrific tonight considering they got sold this afternoon. That kind of thing is more than enough for the Caps to phone in a performance, but the Leafs seemed pretty dialed in. But with the refs living in fear of our Capitals, they never really stood a chance. What a perfect reversal of their last meeting, when the Caps gave up 3 power play goals.

The Capitals have strung two wins together for the first time of The Hunter era.  They’ve hulked out their power play squad. Now they’ve got a long weekend off, and Coach Hunter has his first real chance to do some big-time systemic coaching.

Finally, ex-Cap David Steckel hit Roman Hamrlik so hard his skate blade came off. And that’s all the excuse we need for another STECKELBOMB!

Photoshop by Ian Oland, who is a good designer. Honest.

Doug Johnson, Puck Buddy, files your pregame report. Tweet.

The PreGame: On Wednesday night, we saw flashes of brilliance. Perhaps our squad has turned the corner. We finally figured out the PP. And yet, for the past four weeks, we’ve seen things we haven’t wanted to see. Ugly things. Things we’ve flinched from; things we’ve shielded our juvenile eyes away from. Things a pure heart shouldn’t see: the last gasping moments of the Boudreau era. We think it’s time to banish what was… for what is now.

There comes a moment when we own our time. Tonight we declare: an end to what was.

[Call the Spirits! North, South... East and West...Harken to me now! Hear us!]

Bruce – Juggles – is passed.  And now, like a veil lifted from our eyes, we see again our gallant Capitals squad. God Save the King! We will love you always Coach, but you are now past us. Be well, and fear the Caps.

• We see our Everywhere utility player Nick Backstrom, the hardest working man in the ice-business. We see our Terrier tenacious Jeff Halpern making goals and making them for others; the true test of loyalty. We see our Captain (Mon Capitan) working the first few games more like a team leader than a leader of the team. We see Carlson stepping into unusual shoes. We see Troy Brower, trying with all his might – though we might need just a little more try. And we see ChimmeROAR, gilt in armor and triumphant on the field of battle. We see you all…
• All of you: you, Papa Knubs, Viking Laich, Czechtastic Neuvirth and Voukon, Hero Ward, Heartthrob Mojo, Flow Perreault, Alzner. Eakin…all of you, you are hereby freed!

With this spell, We free our Washington Capitals from all hexes! We banish your curse in the name of Dale Hunter! We banish your curse in the name of Rod Langway! We banish your curse in the name of Olaf Kölzig! In the holy name of Craig Laughlin, you are released to be your true selves! C-A-P-S CAPS CAPS CAPS!

The Puck Drop

So yeah, we figured we’ll start with a pagan invocation. Heck, I’ve been a participant in multiple ceremonies, and I can promise the only thing you’re likely to experience is mosquito bites. Still: we are invoking the great spirits. Don’t let your sensitive children look, or let those who have a brain in their head read on, as everything that follows is just words.

What Makes Them Hot

Matt Frattin

1: Kessel Run: At 33 Points (theirs) vs. 29 (ours), Toronto has a serious leaf/lead on us. More than that; the goal numbers say it: the Make-Beliefs have earned 86 Goals for vs. 90 Goals against; the Caps, meanwhile logged a mediocre 83 Goal for vs. 87 Goals for – a near draw with what should be a middling team. But…

2: Kessel Again:We noted earlier the talents of Ron Wilson’s squad.  Ugh. UGH. Phil Kessel is logging so far a 17G 18A plus-1, which feels unholy, if you ask us. A look at his previous five games suggests he’s not one to be contained. Other teams have tried to stop him up to no avail. The solution: don’t stop him up, run him into the boards. Run that bastard! Our advice: Someone Take That Kessel Run!

3: First up Front: Recent Leafs play suggests they come out stronger early than later. Look at Clarkson & Frattson.

What Makes Them Not

1: Road Win. So Coach Hero Hunter has had two wins – one on the road and one at home. There’s nothing that adds to a non-streak like another win. Coach Hunter: we think your team is paying attention. We think you’re working in exactly the right way. And we think Friday is going to be the third W in your NHL cloth.

Luke Schenn

2: Ovie Uber Alles: Every bone of me hates using German – sorry, we remember still what you did to us. Yet, Ovie Wednesday night somehow svengalied the refs, what with his punches to the opponent’s yambags and all, and skated clear. Sasha – our dear Sasha – has been the target of late of priapic refs, smearing him with flopping penalties. But Lo!, has our Sasha-Bear received penalties of late? Nay… or at least, less-nay. We seem to be seeing a return of Alex Ovechkin the Monster maker.  We hope he carries his close associates with him.

The OT

This is simple. Our blessing is upon you. The Capitals shall win, because they know they will.