From Brooks Laich’s Facebook fan page.

On October 9th, 2012, we all learned a valuable lesson: Everybody has a bad day once in awhile, even a perfect human being like Brooks Laich.

In the Kloten Flyers’ 4-3 loss to Tyler Seguin‘s EHC Biel, Laich had one of his worse games as a pro. He garnered 16 penalty minutes — including a misconduct for checking Eric Beaudoin in the head — and oh yeah, he scored on his own team.

Video below.

Laich’s (wearing 42 in blue) own goal is at the 35-second mark. Laich also participates in a scrum at 1:25.

Ten minutes into the first period, Laich realized things weren’t going his way when his attempt to redirect a cross-crease pass went into his own net. In the second period, Laich took one roughing penalty, then immediately exited the box and got in a scrum involving former Hershey Bear Jacob Micflikier. 5:39 later, Laich got too aggressive and checked Beaudoin from behind headfirst into the boards, which resulted in a two-minute minor and a misconduct.

Meanwhile, EHC Biel’s first line, which consists of Seguin, Micflikier, and Emanuel Peter, dominated Kloten. Micflikier scored two goals, including the game-winner to give Biel its first win in Kloten since 1994.

This is the darkest timeline.

If you’ve got video of Brooks’ check from behind, please email us!

Photo: Chris Gordon. Guy on TweetDeck: Adam Vingan

The Washington Capitals had only a 38% win percentage on the road this season, so getting the W Thursday night is crucial; they just can’t depend on victory away from Verizon Center. But Monday’s home loss to the Bruins was an ugly affair, and the once well composed team fell to shambles. To win Game Four, the Caps are gonna have to dig deep.

I have compiled a series of modest steps the Capitals should take to make it happen. And then we threw in the secret weapon. (Okay, we’ll tell you: more posters.)

For Alex Ovechkin: Shots > Hits

On November 13th, Alex Ovechkin said his job is “to score goals, not make the hits.” But through three games this postseason, Ovechkin has leveled 17 hits and scored just one goal. Your boy Neil Greenberg crunched the numbers and confirmed what Boudreau said: the more Ovechkin hits, the less he scores.

Being physical is great, but the Ovi’s purpose should be obvious: SCOAR MOAR GOALS. This is a big stage for Ovi, so we’re looking for a another moment that gets people making this face:

Extracurriculars Gotta Go

The Boston Bruin know their game. Sure, they play physical between the whistles, but it’s the interim where they truly shine. Whether it’s Milan Lucic Game of Death-ing Brooks Laich before a faceoff, Milan Lucic ragdolling Nick Backstrom after the first period buzzer, or Milan Lucic biting Jeff Schultz’s brittany spaniel at the botanical gardens on Wednesday, its clear that they’ve got the edge when it comes non-hockey dickishness. The Capitals would be wise not to engage the Bs in their creeping.

They’ll win instead by being what Alan May called “thick and proud”–a tough and united team that finishes their checks and knows how to get gritty — but only during the course of the normal hockey game. But when Julien’s guys want to play the pest after every play, the Caps should be ascetic. Silent, focused, tough as nails. Just walk it off.

Roll the Roster Over

Finally found an excuse to post Erskine's dog

The Caps will be without star center and cross-checking phenom Nick Backstrom in Game Four, but that’s no reason to fret. NB19 played exactly none of the Caps’ three regular-season wins over the Bruins, so we know the guys can do it without him. But while Hunter is filling Nicky’s slot, maybe it’s time to shake the whole roster up.

I love Jeff Schultz and Dennis Wideman, but the dudes have been on ice for four of the six Bruins goals. Perhaps it’s time to give the rookie Dmitry Orlov his first taste of the playoffs. Or better yet, let’s get Big John Erskine in the lineup so he can give Looch what-for one more time.

In Backstrom’s place? You already know the answer. #FreeKnuble. Mike Knuble‘s experience, leadership, and cool head can only help a Caps team that may be frazzled after getting beaten up so ferociously last time. But putting him on the fourth line to grind it out does no one any good. Kanoobs is best deployed as a net-crashing compliment to a playmaker like Alex Ovechkin or Alex Semin.

Further down the lineup, Jeff Halpern may serve as another injection of experience in relief for either Keith Aucoin or Mathieu Perreault, who cannot match the Bruins in size and don’t have the elite faceoff chops of the former Caps captain. Plus: box check.

Defense First

Paille all alone with Holtby

The Capitals weak-sauce possession game has had me queasy since December, but it doesn’t matter anymore. Results are the only thing that mean anything now, and the Caps proved that a tight defensive game can win. It’s the kind of hockey Dale Hunter said he wanted to play since the day he arrived, and now he’s getting his chance.

But Monday was ugly. The Caps surrendered four goals– many of them due to poor defensive decisions. Justin Bourne at Backhand Shelf took the Caps defense (and Mathieu Perreault in particular) to task for blowing assignments, looking clueless, and generally making it easy for Boston to get at Holtby’s net.

To win on Thursday, the Caps must recommit to defense. They’ve gotta stick to JJ’s plan and execute without the slightest deviation. If they can keep the Bruins cadre of 20-goal scorers off the boards for another game, they can steal this series.

About the penalty kill? Shh. No jinxing.

Win It For Nicky

And finally, the emotional dimension. The Capitals survived without Nick Backstrom for a huge chunk of the season, and they’re gonna have to do it again on Thursday as Backstrom serves a one-game suspension for cross-checking Rich Peverley after Game Three.

The Caps should remain cognizant of their loss and use it as fuel to perform. Just as the Caps sans Alex Ovechkin summoned a hat trick out of Mathieu Perreault against Boston, so too should their role-players emerge as goal-scorers in Game Four. The team has been wronged, aggrieved by a feckless foe, deprived of their glory. Now they must be righteous and indignant. That’s their fuel.

They’ve gotta win this one for Nicky. They don’t even need us fans antagonizing Tim Thomas this time around, they just need a united front for Our Team.

Pursuant to that goal, blog maestro Ian Oland has cooked up some crucial posters.

Same deal as always. The links below will download PDFs, which will fit snug on a 8.5″ x 11″ page. Take a reasonable amount to Chinatown, hand some out to strangers, and then camp out in front of the glass during warm-ups. Let the boys know who they’re fighting for.

RMNB’s Free Nicky Signs

Download	Download

If that doesn’t work, you can always go to Kinkos and print out a giant seagull head. That’ll really creep out Seguin.

Crash the net.

Posters by Ian Oland.

You could be excused for forgetting that Tyler Seguin has come to DC — with a grand total of zero goals, zero points, and zero penalty minutes, Boston’s regular-season leading scorer has made himself all but invisible.

At least, to human eyes. As it turns out, our local seagulls — obviously Caps fans — think quite differently. They’ve been even more vigilant in watching for the Bruins junior heartthrob than the Capitals defense, and this afternoon they made sure to welcome him to the city with a very special hello.

I’m not sure that means what you think it means, Tyler.

Tyler Seguin’s going to be seeing Tomas Vokoun in his nightmares.

He certainly wasn’t the only Bruin to have a sure thing stolen by the Capitals goaltender this afternoon in their 4-3 win against the Bruins, but he was victimized by Vokoun on two quality chances today, the best of which was when the Czech netminder went to the splits and denied a perfectly-placed Seguin shot with his left pad.

Follow us past the jump to watch Vokoun’s flashy game-saver.

Mobile-friendly video here.

After freezing the puck with his gloved hand, Vokoun gave it a sassy little flip to return it to the ice, which we can only interpret in one of two ways: Nice try, kid. I’m awesome, or Wow, Caps, you really weren’t going to cover him there? Thanks for NOTHING.

The netminder had a pretty expressive night all the way across the board. After the Caps failed to cover him on a last-minute goal at the end of the second period, Vokoun flopped dramatically onto the ice and lay there for a few moments, clearly considering whether he wanted to live on this planet anymore.

Credit: Caps Basketball

The Caps have gotten used to Vokoun conveying his feelings pretty clearly when the coverage in front of him isn’t what it should be, but if he can usually condense a scene into one pointed look, this was a three-act play.

Screengrab via @CarrottBazooka

Since Alex Ovechkin has opted out of the All-Star Weekend (and has better things to do anyway), Dennis Wideman is now Washington’s lone representative in Ottawa. While Wideman is perhaps slightly less likely to don a hat and sunglasses and do trick shots, he’s a Capital, so we love him all the same. We’ll be covering Wideman’s foray into the glamorous life of an All-Star, so check back for updates, because let’s face it, you’re already bored without hockey.

Dennis Wideman was picked in the 15th round with the second-to-last pick that could be used on a defenseman, before only Canucks defenseman Alexander Edler. This means that we can get hipster now if we want and call him underrated. We knew Dennis Wideman when he wasn’t cool. Logan Couture was picked last overall and won a brand new caaaaarrrrr! Somehow it just wasn’t the same without Ovechkin there laughing and taking pictures.

Best Moments

• Pavel Datsyuk went first overall to Team Chara. Erik Karlsson got picked first for Team Alfredsson because he babysits Alfie’s kids, apparently.
• Alfie got confused about what round it was multiple times, leading to excellent cutaways of him asking everyone around him.
• Do the Leafs suck? I feel unsure. I wish that someone would have clarified this.

• Carey Price, clearly not expecting to be picked by a Bruin and a Leaf, had a mouthful of water when he was picked by Team Chara, and spent a good thirty seconds remembering how to swallow. It wasn’t an actual spit-take, but it was close.
• James Duthie somehow talked to Tim Thomas about the White House scandal without ever once actually mentioning what happened. Because, you know, he wouldn’t want to distract from the event at hand.

Best Quotes

• Joffrey Lupul on being booed every time he took the podium: “I like it. I don’t want to be cheered in Ottawa anyway.”
• Jason Spezza: “I owe Malkin 20 bucks. I told him he’d get picked before me.”
• Carey Price: “Is Z going for offense or defense? Wait remember, there’s no defense.”
• Tonight in unintentional rhymes: “Our third pick…Jonathan Quick.”
• Jarome Iginla to Patrick Kane: “Hey, what’s up man?” Kane: “Yeah, you too.”

via penslove.tumblr.com

• Chara to Tyler Seguin after making him wait till the second-to-last round: “Hug it out?”
• Cody Hodgson on ending up on Team Chara “It wasn’t my choice.” Pained face.
• Jason Spezza and Erik Karlsson discussing Sedin mythology: “I wonder if him and his brother will have any chemistry in the game?” “Doubtful.” “Aliens.” “They know where to pass the puck without even talking. It’s insane.”
• Alfredsson on Marion Gaborik being picked by Team Chara: “We were hoping Gaborik would be left, but Hank said you can’t score on him anyway.”

Important Questions

• Do they know who each team is going to draft beforehand, or do they just have two of each sweater for everyone?
• Who is most desperately in need of a haircut: Letang, Stamkos, or Hartnell? Discuss.
• What do you call a person who lives in Ottawa? Is it Ottawan? Ottawaian? Ottauan?

Craig Brownstein of Puck Buddys provides this pregamer. All Free Citizens should follow them.

The Pregame: With Doug on IR (day-to-day, lower body – but we won’t say how low), I’ll take a stab at pregaming what could be one of the more critical games on the Caps schedule. And by take a stab, I mean a stabby-stabby and hate-fueled screed. Belittling all things Bay State is one of our favorite indoor sports, but there are so many Boston hFadlines today, we hardly know where to start.

Monday afternoon’s Bruins visit to the White House elicits only groans from us. We all know our Kenyan Marxist president would rather be honoring a Canadian team. As everyone knows, Canadians are generally far more receptive to Obama’s brand of socialism, with their noted embrace of socialized healthcare and flamboyant homosexual hockey fans .

Had the Canucks won the Cup, Michele “Let’s Move” Obama would’ve been swanning amongst the tables of a Canucks State Dinner (music by Nickelback), but instead, the Bruins were shunted off to the side, virtually ignored, and allotted only a crappy POTUS photo op that saw just about any scribe ::cough wyshynski cough :: getting credentialed for it. We’d give anything for the chance to hear those long gone, Grande Dames of the briefing room, Helen Thomas, Sarah McClendon, and Trude Feldman shriek at Claude Julien! More on the missing Bruin later.

Speaking of pucks and politics, we can only hope the Bruins will soon follow the trajectory of another Massachusetts Miracle, former Governor Mitt Romney. The South shall rise again, and rise it did over the weekend, by raining all over Mittens’ inevitability parade in South Carolina. Now limping around the Sunshine State, Mitt Romney, high-sticked plenty for his faux Bruins fandom (no record of him ever attending a game while Governor), just may end up following in the footsteps of other successful Massachusetts Commanders –in- Chiefs: Presidents Dukakis and Kerry. [Note to David Axelrod: Get Barry to the Booth if you want to sew up the hockey vote, and consider hosting a Dem Caps fundraiser and auction the rights to burn that schmata of a Bruins sweater that they gave your boss].

Yesterday’s heart-breaking OT loss to the Pens was followed by the Ravens debacle (cue more Beantown braying). Even from our hardened underground bunker, we could hear the shrill, self-satisfied bloviating of Boston fans everywhere. We’ll have to endure two more weeks of their unnerving smugness, but a Caps win on Tuesday night may be just the thing to shut their five-holes. On February 5, Stupor Bowl Sunday, we host the Bruins again at Verizon and we recall last year’s NFL Championship day, one that saw the Caps downing the Pens – ominous foreshadowing of what would happen to the Steelers later that day against the Pack.

Jeez, I’ve riffed so much on the Boston sidebar stories, there’s little room left to talk hockey. Consider yourselves lucky. We’ll deviate from the normal format a little because I’m… a deviate?

The Puck Drop

Against the backdrop of the ever-shaky Caps having to face the top team in the L’Eastern Conference (31-13-2, OK – 2^nd place, tied for points with the Rags, whatevs Mr. Fancystats), we’ve got injuries galore: (Nicky, Greenie, do we even mention Poti anymore?); illness with Po MoJo and weirdness (Sasha “uncomfortable” at the end of the bench yesterday – and by uncomfortable, we don’t mean those awkward hugs). And now we’ve had a brush with the law. Sheriff Shanahan, farming out the Ovi decision to the Casey Anthony jury, nailed our captain with a severe and draconian 3-game suspension.

Did Ovi leave his feet on that Zbyxněksickhahahah Michálek hit on Sunday? Maybe a little. Regardless of Shanahan’s Kangaroo Courtfindings, let’s put that controversial hit into much-needed perspective: 1). Despite the altitude achieved, to us (always the kneejerk Caps apologists), it looked like a hockey hit plain and simple, demonstrating Ovi’s leadership on the ice. 2.) Remember the Prague Spring? Russians are sooo loving of the Czechs that they sometimes get carried up, up and awayyyy. Ovi could’ve called in a column of tanks, but instead opted for an air strike. Michálek was so unfazed by the Ovi hit that he went head hunting for Hendy later in the game, and got off with nary a finger-wagging from Brendan “Bull Connor” Shanahan.

Even before the Pens game, we thought that Ovi should take a pass on the ASG – that the time would be better spent team building, sack grabbing and getting everyone’s heads and asses wired together. Eighth is too tenuous a spot in the standings for the Great 8 or his team. Captain Crunch could also use the time moving into his new digs. He just bought into the charming hamlet of McLean (5BR, 7.5BA, 11,000sf, $4.4M), increasing his commute but removing himself from the urban rat race that is Arlington.

What Makes Them Hot

1. The Whole Megillah: What can you say about a defending champion team that shrugged off their Cup hangover pretty quickly and has been playing excellent hockey? Let’s just leave it at that. These guys scare the crap out of us and for good reason – what they lack in individual goal and points leaders, they make up in depth, deep depth, very scary deep, dark and foreboding depth. In fact, we have the bends as we scribble this out. While the Bs have the best goal differential in the NHL, none of the top-20 point scorers call Boston home (Tyler Seguin is #25). As far as overall points, Tyler leads the Bruins as well and is in 24^th place, just ahead of our dear Angel, the ailing Nicky Backstrom. As an aside, leaving Steven Tyler out of the equation, are there any Tylers that aren’t hot?

2. Rasputin: Zdeno Chara is so big he blocks the sun and so heavy that he has his own gravitational pull. He’s so ugly, he’s got ugly he hasn’t even used yet. We can’t stand this guy and if it was up to us, we’d give the go-code to Hendy, Erskine and maybe Dale kick the crap out of him. It might take all three.

3. Net Positive – Nut Roots: We don’t know who gets the call for Tuesday, but either of Boston’s netminders would be formidable. Are we the only ones who scream “TIMMAY,” in our best South Park voices whenever he’s between the pipes? My God, we hate Tim Thomas and that was before he snubbed the President on Monday. Turning down a White House visit, no matter who resides there, is classless, and Glenn Beck fan or not, hockey should trump politics. Timmy should get his ass run mercilessly on Tuesday night for that serious breach of good manners and protocol. Timmy’s Crayola’s communique to explain his absense did little to help his cause. The brain-addled Unabomber scribbled out a far more coherent statement than the jibberish Lil Timmy posted on Monday. [Note to Timmy: The Bay State goes Deep Blue in November, despite your childish theatrics and temper tantrum, and the Dems probably pick up a Senate seat, too].

What Makes Us Hot

1. Out of Body Experience: Was that our Sasha with the Knublian-style, greasy goal from the doorstep against the Pens? Was that our Sasha getting in on a skirmish, too? Whoever that was, keep it up! Love that dirty water? Make it filthy, Sasha. You’re due and there’s no one better to humiliate than the Bruins. With Ovi out, it’s time to step up. Sasha – it’s your time, it’s your calling, it’s your destiny.

2. Czech Mates: It’s hard to fault either Vokoun or Neuvy lately, and we’d be comfortable with either getting the call on Tuesday night. They’ve been bringing it, far more consistently than earlier in the season, but still need help in front of them. Had the Hammer not been so far out of position against Geno during the OT, the Caps may have exited CONSOL with the two points. We say give the start to the Raccoon – and we say to the rest of the team, protect him at all costs. Tuesday night would also be ideal for a goalie fight (hint – hint).

3. Screw Tim Thomas. Go back to Bumtown, you bum!

Blame @thatwilcoxguy for this image.

Keys to the Game

Bruins: OK – maybeee I had some help putting this together. Besides the gentle nudges to include some stats and hockey things from a colleague (Hi Peter!), noted Bruins blogger, Sarah Connors of Stanley Cup of Chowder gave us some insight on what the Bruins need to do to win the game:

First and foremost discipline – when the Bruins keep their cool instead of retaliating like idiots, they win by a ton every time. Case in point: yesterday’s s-show (6-5 SO win over the Flyers) and the Canucks game (4-3 loss) are two good examples of them being idiots. We haven’t played the Caps since 2010; there were no Bruins/Caps games in calendar year 2011.

Sarah also laid down a challenge for Tuesday night, but we did not pledge RMNB to this, however: Whoever loses the game has to swap out their twitter avatar for a week, with the winning team’s logo. For the love of God and all that is holy and Leonsis, please Caps, SCOAR MOAR GOALS, CRASH THE NET, PLAY 60 MINUTES OF FLAWLESS HOCKEY, HIGH STICK – LOW STICK, WIN BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!!!

Caps: We can only repeat what Alan “The Oracle of CSN” May, has been saying, tweeting and screaming, “SHOOOOOOOT!”

Meme of the Day