Happy Valentine’s Day to all you stupid lovebirds out there in Caps land. I hope you have a lovely day that’s not at all a compulsory and hollow gesture of affection for your significant other. If you don’t have a significant other, well that’s why Steve Jobs invented Netflix.
Me personally, I will use the occasion to share my wishes of good fortune to all our favorite Capitals players. Won’t you join me?
You guys, it’s Valentine’s Day and you know what that means:
Peter’s going to mope about being single we want some artwork from you. Using photoshop, pen and paper, a weird app on your mobile device, or noodles and glitter glue, please create a Valentine for your favorite Caps player. Here are some past examples from 2011 and 2013.
This year, instead of you emailing us your images, we’d like you to upload them into our comments below. Also, please upvote your favorites. A few things to keep in mind:
Rachel Cohen’s (@kat326) Valentine.
It’s the dreaded day of days once again. Celebrating either some apocryphal rebel-priest martyr or a bunch of horny werewolves, Valentine’s is when we make cards to let people know we care about them. What could be wrong with that?
“What could be wrong with that?” was what I naively asked myself before you people started sending in your V’s Day cards. While many of you were sweet and genuine (and strangely skilled at MS Paint), there are others among you that I am actually scared of now.
Let’s take a look at what you sent!
It’s February 14. It’s not just some random day that the Hallmark corporation picked out of hat so they could sell greeting cards. It’s actually the Christian co-opting of a pagan festival all about horny werewolves and blood and copulation and cool stuff like that. Now, instead of lycanthropes and sex, you spend 30 dollars on roses that will wither tomorrow.
If you’re in a relationship, prepare to disappoint your significant other. If you’re not in a relationship, revel in your solitary despair.
(I’m single, by the way.)
Behind the jump is a lovely and full-sized picture by Rachel Cohen, featuring Dmitry Orlov, who scored last night and is handsome enough to probably do the same today. Also a video.
RMNB’s own Rachel Cohen created this Valentine for Matt Bradley
In honor of Valentine’s Day and to drown your sorrows after the latest Caps loss, we asked our readers to submit their very own cards addressed to a Capitals player. And oh, boy, did you listen. We’ve included many of your submissions but have narrowed it down to five finalists. From there, you guys will vote to pick the winner, who will receive one of our lovely — no pun intended — t-shirts. Voting will last until Wednesday night at midnight. And FYI, some of these cards may be NSFW. Proceed with caution!
Russian Machine Never Breaks is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
All original content on russianmachineneverbreaks.com is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-NC-SA 3.0)– unless otherwise stated or superseded by another license. You are free to share, copy, and remix this content so long as it is attributed, done for noncommercial purposes, and done so under a license similar to this one.