The NHL has released the order of presentation for the NHL Awards, which airs tonight at 8 PM. Hosted by sentient beef Joe Manganiello, the broadcast will include presentation of the awards as well as some extras, which RMNB has learned about exclusively.
Ted Lindsay Award (Most Outstanding Player as Voted by NHLPA)
Presenters: Ted Lindsay, Mario Lemieux and Mark Messier
Musical act
Crazytown, “Butterfly”
Frank J. Selke Trophy (Forward Who Best Excels in the Defensive Aspects of the Game)
Presenters: Bob Gainey and Jay Baruchel
Two silent, uninterrupted minutes of Nate Schmidt staring blankly into the middle distance, contemplating oblivion
Sponsored by Subway
James Norris Memorial Trophy (Top Defenseman)
Presenters: Denis Potvin and Jay Baruchel
Video tribute: George McPhee reads your diary from high school and makes fun of you for having hopes and dreams
Sponsored by Blue Apron
Calder Memorial Trophy (Rookie of the Year)
Presenter: Taran Killam
Musical act
Trapt (featuring special guest, Staind), “Some old Pink Floyd song I think but also somehow terrible?”
NHL General Manager of the Year Award (Most Outstanding General Manager)
Presenter: David Harbour
Mike Milbury and Keith Jones eat spaghetti and then kiss just like in Lady and the Tramp
Sponsored by Bridgestone Tires
Jack Adams Award (Most Outstanding Head Coach)
Presenter: David Harbour
Golden Knights head coach Gerard Gallant pummels Slapshot with a whiffle bat
Presenter: Gary Bettman wearing an Adidas tracksuit halfway zipped up, exposing his hirsute chest and thick gold chain necklace
Bill Masterton Memorial Trophy (Perseverance and Dedication to Hockey)
Presenter: Jacob Tremblay
Eric Lindros Award (Individual Achievements But Can’t Get Past Second Round)
Presented to Sidney Crosby anyway for some reason ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Lady Byng Memorial Trophy (Outstanding Sportsmanship and Gentlemanly Conduct)
Presenters: Marcel Dionne and Aly Raisman
Musical act
It just says burning? I don’t understand
Vezina Trophy (Top Goaltender)
Presenters: Bernie Parent and Kevin Weekes
Video montage
Every goal scored on Braden Holtby in the playoffs, accompanied by “Adagio for Strings”
Hart Memorial Trophy (Most Valuable Player to His Team)
Presenter: Wayne Gretzky
Vegas Golden Knights select Nate Schmidt
well god dammit
